Problem with my son.

[KayScarpettaFan]

One of the things that are distressing me greatly at the moment is the relationship with my son. I raised him alone, with no help. We always had a good relationship, but recently the relationship became bad. He fell in love with a girl who means trouble. She is not Christian, she claims to be bisexual, and she is very disrespectful, with him too. She is the one who decides everything in the relationship. It has created a big wedge between me and my son. I know he is an adult (20) and these are none of my business, but I have spent my life protecting him and I can't lie to him. Now he wants to come back to our country (4,000 miles away) just to be with her. He is at the Bible college. The Lord had plans for him. Now I can't even talk to him, everything I say is misunderstood and I have basically lost him. It breaks my heart, on top of so many other issues I have to face. Please pray with me and any advice is appreciated. Thank you

 

[sandman]

It sounds like you raised him as a Christian. You are going to have to trust God in this…..God will work in his heart …maybe not on your time table, but he will come around.

The tough thing you are going to have to do is not criticize or point out anything bad about the girlfriend …UNLESS he asks you…. and even then, be reserved in your answer. Tell your son you support him and you trust his judgment, which is probably contrary to what you want to say…but, he is a man and he needs to make decisions on his own …even if they are detrimental at the time, but he still needs that support from you………..just love him………….. If you don’t you will isolate him.

Many kids go through things like this …I left the church at 15 …became an atheist…. then became a priest in a satanic coven for a few years…….not a good choice. My parents just prayed for me and loved me. It took a miracle from God to get me out of what I was involved with…. but my life changed….and so will his.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Twenty is a good age to make calamitous mistakes; it sets one in good stead for later on in life when the time comes to REALLY step up. Hard work beats talent, but the wisdom gained from previous disasters beats them both.

That's why we have so many middle aged teenagers these days. Their parents shielded them from these sorts of things.

This relationship will 100% not last. So hang back and make a G&T, because by the time you've finished it, their 'romance' will be over.

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

Be patient with him and firm in your own convictions and resolutions. We all make mistakes and some of us might become prodigal. Never stop praying for him.

 

[Jeffwhosoever]

Scripture tells us to raise our children in the faith, and they will not turn away in older age. 20 year olds are notorious for resisting any parenting attempts. I should know as I was one of the worst, and I regretted my stupidity every day since that time. Seeing you raised your son in the Lord, it is now time to be more gentle with advice and trust the Lord to handle the situation, but that does not mean rolling out the red carpet for this bisexual girlfriend or hugging her as a daughter. No need to fake things just to appease your son, but don't disown him in this critical time either. More than likely, such a situation will eventually break his heart, and he will need you when that happens, so stay close and don't guard him like you likely did when he has six years old. All of us have to learn some things the hard way, and while we would do anything to save our child from the harsh ramifications of such things, we do not know the plan the Lord has and such a tough lesson in the 20s may save your son from a divorce in his 50s when he has kids of his own later and cause much more harm to more people, so in the end, my best advice is to TRUST GOD and stick to Scriptural advice.

 

[KayScarpettaFan]

Thank you all for your precious answers. I am going to print them and will read them again and again. Thank you for calming my heart.

 

[Macchiato]

Twenty is a good age to make calamitous mistakes; it sets one in good stead for later on in life when the time comes to REALLY step up. Hard work beats talent, but the wisdom gained from previous disasters beats them both.

That's why we have so many middle aged teenagers these days. Their parents shielded them from these sorts of things.

This relationship will 100% not last. So hang back and make a G&T, because by the time you've finished it, their 'romance' will be over.

I agree with this. Id say im a middle aged teen( 29) my parents shielded me from a lot but im also grateful from what I was kept from but I did make some bad decisions still. Id rather have made them at 20 instead of 30ish bc people have less mercy lol.

 

[ReesePiece23]

I agree with this. Id say im a middle aged teen( 29) my parents shielded me from a lot but im also grateful from what I was kept from but I did make some bad decisions still. Id rather have made them at 20 instead of 30ish bc people have less mercy lol.

The thing is you can recognise that. If you were 39 and completely out of touch without an ounce of discipline, then I'd say you have some serious work to do. But at 29 with a decent degree of self-awareness you're chilling.

Just throw yourself into the uncomfortable at regular intervals and develop that sense of self-trust. And all will be right in the world.

 

[EmethAlethia]

I wish I could say that God doesn't grieve about my responses to Him when He tells me what is best for me and I move on to do as I please. How does God respond to us when we really don't want His opinion? He loves us. He cares for us. Is there always condemnation? No, right. If there is sin, point it out with all doctrine (Scriptures) and longsuffering but remember Matthew 7:6? If he responds like a dog, i.e. get's angry, or like a pig and tramples every word you have to say underfoot without the barest consideration, stop sharing your pearls and what is holy with him. Just like then love him and pray for both him and his girlfriend. When we do the same with God's words, how does He respond to us? Reproof? Maybe, if we practice sin and do not repent.

"1Co 11:28 But a man must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup. 29 For he who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself if he does not judge the body rightly. 30 For this reason many among you are weak and sick, and a number sleep. 31 But if we judged ourselves rightly, we would not be judged. 32 But when we are judged, we are disciplined by the Lord so that we will not be condemned along with the world."

If you are wondering what the sleep part refers to, check out 1Co 5. And if he, or the rest of us people who believe we are Christians do not see this reproof from God, check out this passage: Heb. 12:3-14

But that reproof is God's to perform. Pray, reprove once (With all doctrine and patience) and look for the response. Sometimes the reason others shut us down or get angry is because we kept sharing when God commands us to stop ... then we wonder why things go wrong... and sometimes get angry at God for the consequences of our own disobedience.

Have you noticed that we are far more interested in fixing the sins in the lives of the others we care about and getting them obedient to all of God's commandments than we are in figuring out and doing exactly as God commands for ourselves?

I cannot have a relationship with God/truth for anyone else, nor can they have that relationship for me, any more than they can have a relationship with my wife and kids "for" me. This is time for you to figure out areas where you fall short and repent. If you have sinned, confess it to those who were present. It could be that you owe your son, and his girlfriend an apology because you disobeyed God.

 

[KayScarpettaFan]

I respectfully disagree. I have opened my home to her and all I got was disrespect. For sure I make mistakes and I sin, daily. But this is not the point. I am worried that my son is going to suffer, and to suffer a lot. I will not apologize for doing my duty as a mother.

 

[Kenny Benson]

You could have been writing about me. My parents say similar things about my wife because she is not the wife they imagined and wanted for me. Maybe you are right about your son's girlfriend. But I don't think matters in God's eyes. Did God bring them together? Simple question and probably impossible to answer. Did God set you on a mission to break them up? If so, for you or for him? I don't mean to give you a hard time about this. I don't you son, but if he's anything like me, he's torn up by your hostile feelings. He's caught in the middle. You're trying to force him to make a choice after he already made a choice. My advice to you is to pray to God for the ability to love and accept rather than the ability to tear apart.

 

[BobRyan]

One of the things that are distressing me greatly at the moment is the relationship with my son. I raised him alone, with no help. We always had a good relationship, but recently the relationship became bad. He fell in love with a girl who means trouble. She is not Christian, she claims to be bisexual, and she is very disrespectful, with him too. She is the one who decides everything in the relationship. It has created a big wedge between me and my son.

1 Cor 15:33 "Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

This is what NT writers call being unequally yoked. A Christian with a non-Christian is going to be a bucket of trouble and that x 10 when the non-Christian is at war with all Christian influence on their spouse.

It looks to me like your son has been bewitched. Pray for his deliverance and her conversion.

You could have been writing about me. My parents say similar things about my wife because she is not the wife they imagined and wanted for me. Maybe you are right about your son's girlfriend. But I don't think matters in God's eyes. Did God bring them together? .

I don't think it is right to put marriage between two Christians on the same level as marriage between a Christian and an anti-Christian. You and your wife both believe the Bible is the "Word of God", Jesus is our Savior, the Gospel is the way of salvation, but the lady who is at war with Christ is not at that level at all.

God who commands us to "not be unequally yoked" does not then lead us to do that ..
James 1:
13 No one is to say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. 15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it has run its course, brings forth death.

People often make mistakes and then suppose God lead them to do it.

 

[Waymarker]

..He fell in love with a girl who means trouble. She is not Christian, she claims to be bisexual, and she is very disrespectful, with him too. She is the one who decides everything in the relationship. It has created a big wedge between me and my son..

Infatuation with a member of the opp sex is usually just a form of temporary insanity so bear with him and he'll come to his senses eventually when he realises he's made a fool of himself..
For example I used to sit on a bench opposite a shop where I was infatuated with a shopgirl in the hope of catching a glimpse of her.

 

[KayScarpettaFan]

You could have been writing about me. My parents say similar things about my wife because she is not the wife they imagined and wanted for me. Maybe you are right about your son's girlfriend. But I don't think matters in God's eyes. Did God bring them together? Simple question and probably impossible to answer. Did God set you on a mission to break them up? If so, for you or for him? I don't mean to give you a hard time about this. I don't you son, but if he's anything like me, he's torn up by your hostile feelings. He's caught in the middle. You're trying to force him to make a choice after he already made a choice. My advice to you is to pray to God for the ability to love and accept rather than the ability to tear apart.

I think you personalized a lot. Your wife is a woman capable of love.
I wrote this thread a few months ago. Since then, my son spent all his money to go visit that girl. Well she didn't even want to meet him when he got out of the plane. She called him and told him it was over, she was fed up with him. Mind you, she didn't say this before he left, before he spent all his money. No, she left him at the airport, alone and heartbroken.

You know sir, you don't know me and I think you judged me wrong. All I want is my son happiness. I am anxious to love a woman who loves him, like a daughter of mine. But I could sense she was not right.

If she was, she wouldn't have done what she did.
But I thank God she did it, though.

 

[Kenny Benson]

I think you personalized a lot. Your wife is a woman capable of love.

You know sir, you don't know me and I think you judged me wrong. All I want is my son happiness. I am anxious to love a woman who loves him, like a daughter of mine. But I could sense she was not right.
.

Yes. I did personalize a lot. That's why I'm here, because I have my own family/self problems I'm trying to figure out. The stinger for me, personally, is when you say all you want is for your son to be happy. Of course, you do. Every parent says that, including my own. But when they say that to me, they are thinking just as much about their own happiness as mine. And that can create a conflict of interest.

Christians are supposed to remove this conflict for praying to God for his will to be done and for themselves to be able to accept and support that will. This is so hard. I can't tell where my will begins and ends and how it intersects with God's will. Regardless, it was not my intention to cause you pain.