Problem: Will lying hubby ever stop?

[Mom4Christ]

I love my husband so much, but he's always had a problem with lying. While we were dating, I didn't really notice it. We didn't spend all our time together and I didn't know all about his life right away.

Now I catch him in so many lies. He lies to everyone...his parents, me, our friends, even strangers. Just the other day as we were depositing some money into our bank account, the teller mentioned her husband was from Virginia. Then my husband said he had lived there for a year. In fact, he was there only for a summer visiting relatives.

And the lies just aren't small ones like that. He had been looking at porn on our computer while I visited my mom. I counted 3 times. He lied and lied about it, even though pornographic pages were in our computer history for the times I was gone. Finally he admitted the truth.

I am so hurt by all his lies and want to make him stop. I don't get mad or yell, so he doesn't "fear my wrath" or anything like that. Any ideas or advice? He knows how much this hurts me.

 

[karla]

Just wanted to let you know that you and your hubby are in my prayers

 

[psycmajor]

It is hurtful when someone you'd think you could trust does stuff like that. In my opinion, he is in the wrong. You have reason to feel hurt. Even so, recall that he lies to EVERYONE. Therefore, consider the possibility that he is not necessarily trying to hurt you. Though there is the possibility that he knows he hurts people, but does not care because he's too busy trying to achieve a goal of his (whatever it may be at that moment). You're just one more person he plows through, even if you are his wife, sadly enough.

As far as lying about the petty things, perhaps he feels he needs appreciation. To get that appreciation, he lies. In turn, people start to dislike him.

And other lies are obviously for covering up behavior in himself that he does not want you to see. He's trying to mold an image of himself that he thinks is pleasing to you, but it's not his true self. Honestly, he sounds quite manipulative to me.

Make it known to him the consequences of lying. If there aren't any yet in your relationship, create consequences as a deterrent. I don't know if it will work, as he seems addicted to lying, but I suppose it's worth a try.

Also, when you catch him in a specific lie, ask him why he lied. For example, "Why did you lie about living in VA for a year when you only lived there a couple months with some relatives?" Ask why he lies in general, as well. What does it do for him? What are his motives?

BTW, do you have any children with him? Or are they from a previous relationship?

I'll be honest with you, chronic liars often do not change.

Praying for you.

 

[Mom4Christ]

We just had a son two months ago.

I know he doesn't lie just to hurt me. And many of the lies he tells others seem like the truth nad most of these people never know that he has lied to them.

He's a very sociable, likeable guy and has many friends. Could his lying be a way of making more friends or getting approval from current friends?

 

[IslandBreeze]

If your husband is anything like my sister (and from the sounds of it, he is), the lying isn't likely to stop anytime soon.

I'll be praying though!

 

[allieisme]

Hope this doesnt sound harsh, or hateful, not sure why it would, or if it even would.. But is it possible he is a pathological (?) liar.. So maybe in a sense he doesnt know he is even lying anymore?
My sister can stretch the truth alot now a days as well, and I honestly think that she doesnt know she does have the time, or remember situations or arguments as they really occur, she see's it from her own perspective.

 

[GREG]

i ageee with allie's post

 

[psycmajor]

He's a very sociable, likeable guy and has many friends. Could his lying be a way of making more friends or getting approval from current friends?

Possibly. Perhaps he tells people what he thinks they want to hear. His lies are convincing enough for people to believe him. He profits from lying, so he continues doing it.

I'm just amazed that people find him so entertaining, as they apparently haven't caught on or don't care. As for myself, insincerity is the biggest turnoff.

 

[Mom4Christ]

It's hard because he is such a good friend to everyone. If you needed something, he would give it to you...time, money, anything. I guess our friends like him so much that they don't care or don't realize that he lies to them.

 

[stargazer]

I'm really sorry to hear about your hubby, J.....I'll be praying for him. I know how you feel about the pornography issue and I'll be praying for that too. Email me anytime if you want to talk. God bless!

 

[Mom4Christ]

Thanks, T. You know I appreciate it.

 

[DaveKerwin]

That is tough. What does he say when you talk with him about it? Does he makes excuses? Does he say more lies? Does he say he will stop?

I know a businessman who would like like that. He had a car lot. He got away with the lies for years. I was at the lot yesterday, and all the cars are gone, and it is locked up. His lies caught up with him eventually, but he didn't think they would. He got away with it for a few years, but eventually it came to haunt him. He is now broke and has to move out his house, and the rest. I am not trying to scare you, just showing that lies will catch up with your husband, he may think he is invincible.

 

[stargazer]

Anytime!!! You know I'm there for ya!