problem w/ parents

[kimber1]

this may sound dumb b/c I'm 32 but I have a prob. w/ my dad and stepmom. After a couple years of browbeating me to death to get married (which I did- not b/c of them but b/c we loved each other and wanted to make things right in God's eyes) I still seem not to be able to do anything to make them happy. They didn't even come to the wedding. I had asked dad to give me away. I gave them 3 months to make plans to get here from Fl. but about a month be4 the wedding they said they couldn't find tics. cheap enough. Now my dad is pretty well off so I couldn't accept this as an excuse but anyway... My now hubby even went online and found tics. $200. cheaper than what they said they found them for. So this added to my hurt feelings. I just felt like I wasn't important enough for them to show. Actually noone from my fmaily even bothered to show which has created lots of hard feelings there. Now, I have 2 children, 11 and 3 which are my all and I am extremely protective of their feelings. I have heard only once from my dad since the wedding which has been 9 months now. His email said that he hadn't felt inclined to write to me because I didn't deserve a response to my email of letting him know how hurt I was over him not coming. Now honestly I was as nice as I could be in letting him know I was hurt but felt I had to get those bad feelings off my chest. Well, not only has he ignored me but he doesn't even acknowledge my kids either. Now they are totally innoccent in all this. It's not their fault that this bug fight is going on but my oldest son had a birthday last week and they won't even acknowledge that. Actually I think he hasn't gotten a b- day card from them in 2 years now. It upsets him b/c he doesn't understand why they are mad b/c he has even seen our emails to one another and understands why I was hurt and all. My question is how do you know when your prayers are being hindered? I know you are not supposed to harbor bad feeligns towards others and are to let these people know how they've hurt you so you can move on but when the other person is so unwilling to listen to you, what do you do? I have so many prayer requests and don't want my prayers to be hindered b/c of this situation over which I feel I have no control! Any help?! Oh, see also, about 2 1/2 yrs ago when I rededicated my life to God, this is when all the major probs began. Now dad says that he doesn't want to discuss anything pertaining to my beliefs but yet professes to be a christian himself. I don't feel I should have to defend my faith adn religion is a big part of my life so why can't I praise God if I want?

 

[GREG]

PRAY AND STAND FIRM..... YOU HAVE A NEW FAMILY AND IN TIME HE WILL MISS WHAT HE LEFT BEHIND. YOUR DAD HAS HIS OWN ISSUES SO PRAY FOR HIM. HE IS HAVING TO DEAL WITH THIS IN HIS OWN HEART. THE DAY WILL COME THAT HE WILL SAY "IM SORRY" IF NOT............ YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN HE IS.

 

[Didymus]

first God knows the situatuion and how everyone feels so I don t think He won t answer you prayers because of something you can t control--becareful not to get into a work trap here.
Get off the email and PHONE your parents. A tone of voice is much easier to understand then a letter--been there,
Just keep telling your son it is nothing he s done--his grandfather is mad at you and taking out on him. I go through the same thing sort of with my mother-in-law. My girls have just learned to ignore her now. Her loss.
you are 32 honey,you are not a chld under their contro; do what you want and don t apologize. sound like your parents have some control issues going on.

Good luck I am 48 and my parent still try to control me. Do you have siblings that could help ?

 

[kimber1]

I have an older sister but we are just now starting to repair our relationship. I have a messed up family. Mother and I don't talk and haven't for about 3 years. ( found out she tried to give me over to the state when I was 17- lots of hard feelings there). My sister just had a baby of her own adn this seems to have made her look at life differently thank the Lord. She has always been very opinionated and always acted like I was beneath her. Like I said we are trying to repair things so we're not close enough yet to help one another. She likes to play dad against me. I know sounds immature seeing that she's even older than me but... I guess I just feel that I've always wanted and/or needed my dad's approval 9We were at one time so very close) and I just have to learn that there's just no pleasing everybody adn jsut quit trying.

 

[Didymus]

good. My sister and I don t get along either but she has serious mental problems. it is hard to remember that sometimes. parental approval is very important to a lot of people. i like mine to agree with what i amdoing but if they don t it dosen t bother me. my husband could care less what his think. I guess it s personality thing.

 

[kimber1]

I guess my main gripe is how he treats the kids. I mena him and my stepmom raised me totally etiquette conscious and that you send cards adn thank you notes and such but yet they are not living up to it themselves. My 3 yr.old they have never even met, never done a thing for, never even acknowledged he's alive. That hurts.

 

[Didymus]

yes it would. have they ever given you a reason ?

 

[MY-LIFE-IS-IN-YOU-LORD]

iknow how you feel for your children. My 5 year old seen her "papa" 2 in her whole life and my almost 2 has never sen him!
I put it aside and I am very gratful that GOD has put godparents in their lifes that fill in the way the grandparents should!
My advice would be to let it go , your dad and step mom are the ones missing out on their wonderful grandchldren.

 

[kimber1]

Just that they live in Fl. and I'm in Va. and I'm younger and it's " easier for me to visit than them" . It's hard to travel 16 hours by car ( we don't have enough money for plane) with 2 kids!! See they had the opportunity to come see not only me get married but to see their grandchilldren as well and they didn't. They ahve jsut closed me out of their life. Like I said though, a lot of this happened after I rededicated . I've read that God divides families. Maybe this is a test of my faith adn will I stand up for Him?

 

[Didymus]

I don t know that God divides families . You will need to trust Him to work it all for your good and His glory in His own time. Keeping respectful to them may be what He wants you to do right now. He maay be working onn them through you.

 

[DeputyDan]

Dear Kimber1:

I think that its you that has the problems with the parents and not your children. It seems from your original post that they have let you know how they feel and you are not willing to (either see this or accept it).

Your children should never be privy to e-mails like the one described and I would imagine that most of their issues with the grandparents come from you (through comments and attitudes) and not them.

My suggestion is that you make some hard decisions about your relationship with your father and leave the kids out of the middle.

It appears you are basing thing on how you feel emotionally and how you want to feel emotionally without addressing the reality of the situation.

Im not saying you don't have valid issues with your parents. But those are yours and not your childrens.

 

[kimber1]

Ouch! Granted, yes I do have issues w/ them but the fact that they don't acknowledge my kids is what I and my oldest son have the problem with. I have always told my oldest (11) that he hasn't done anything wrong, that they are mad at me for whatever reason but ti has nothing to do with him. He's just upset that because they're mad at me , this causes them not to have anything to do with him as well which isn't fair and hard to explain to a child. Also, like I said earlier, I can't understand why they are the ones to dictate what we can and cannot talk about (my religious beliefs, etc.) I would think being professed Christians themselves they would be happy for me that I've found my way back to God but instead they seem to want to have less and less to do with me. I guess bottom line is I'm more upset that they don't seem to want anything to do with the kids. My mom and I have not spoken in awhile but yet she does send cards to the kids and such adn at least lets them know she thinks of them which I really respect her for.

 

[Didymus]

you can t make someone love you. sometimes we just have to wait. Hard I know. I have seen god change relationships that I thought were impossible.

 

[DeputyDan]

You also can't make them love their grandchildren.

Prayer and letting them know they are welcome is the place to be.

Good luck...............

 

[HesMyAll]

You will never change your parents.  The only thing you can do is to pray for them and put the whole thing into God's hands and let Him handle it.  I know exactly what you are going through and I understand how you feel about the way they are slighting your children (I think it hurts the parents worse than it does the children).  I will be praying for you and your family.

 

[Didymus]

I know I feel more hurt then my girls do when someon rejects them. I think it is the she-bear with cubs instinct kicking in.

 

[GREG]

PRAY AND LEARN FORGIVENESS............... IF YOU FORGIVE THEM AND DONT REACT TO THEM, YOU MAY SEE A DIFFERENCE IN THEM. (YOUR FAMILY)