problem? maybe?

[musikbebe]

I have a question concerning my boyfriend of 3 and a half years. it's not a question - but I just need advice on the situation.

He is my first and only boyfriend and my best friend. Hands down he knows the most about me out of anyone (except God) and has always been there for me through thick and thin. For two years we have been "promised" to each other - that if things work out that's great but there's still a chance it won't given our ages (early years of college). In the last year I've grown up a lot and well...it seems like he hasn't. I still love him but am not as attracted to him as I used to be. Seems like things have fizzled out. I can see myself with him long term...just not now. I'm thinking about going on a break - not a break up but a break intending to try again- but things can get awkward with those. I really don't want to lose him permanently but I find myself thinking about meeting other people and even lightly dating. I've prayed to God that if we were meant to be apart to give me some reason to change the status of our relationship and so far there hasn't been one that really says either way. Would greatly appreciate some advice on this delicate subject. Stick it out a while longer? Go on a break? Break up? praying.

 

[urbanfaerie]

if ur feeling with him arent the same, u should let him go.

if u do take a break, and ur feelings for him grow stronger, and whatever happens during that break doesnt change how the both u all feel bout each, then u were meant to be.

but if u can start dating other guys, then i'm quessing.. arent in love.

u can still love sumone, but not be in love with em...

but it isnt fair to either of u, to stick it out...if u arent truely in love. date other ppl. see where it takes ya.

good luck.

 

[GodBoy809]

i agree. I believe that if you start doubting what you thought to be certain, then its God telling you somethings wrong. Maybe a break for a while, or forever is needed. But i dunno, certainly the last person you want to take this advice on, just putting my 2 cents in, in the beginning.

 

[rach]

This is a tough one. I know what you mean about being awkward around each other. Since you've been together for so long, I suggest that if you do break up that you remain close friends and tell each other about the startings of other relationships. You don't necessarily need to tell specific details, as that would/could cause hurt feelings, but just let him know when you meet someone else, and if it becomes "more than friends." If you want to stay close friends and keep your relationship, you need to keep open conversation with each other.

 

[musikbebe]

Thank you for your input. I think I'm going to talk to him about it soon. If anyone still has any advice, it's welcome!

 

[DaveKerwin]

have you talked to him about it?

I really do not know if a break would help or not. I think you dated too young. Do you want to go out with your female friends and act single again or something? Are you sure you are the one who has matured?

 

[enslow]

In the last year I've grown up a lot and well...it seems like he hasn't. I still love him but am not as attracted to him as I used to be. Seems like things have fizzled out. I can see myself with him long term...just not now. I'm thinking about going on a break - not a break up but a break intending to try again- but things can get awkward with those.

I really don't want to lose him permanently but I find myself thinking about meeting other people and even lightly dating. I've prayed to God that if we were meant to be apart to give me some reason to change the status of our relationship and so far there hasn't been one that really says either way. Would greatly appreciate some advice on this delicate subject. Stick it out a while longer? Go on a break? Break up? praying. [/QUOTE]

Musik,

I'll tell you what concerns me about your situation. We all continue to mature throughout all life, right up until death. If you're concerned he's not maturing, I don't really see how 'taking a break' will resolve anything.

What if her were your husband? Could you just 'take a break' from marriage? I'd say that if you are very close to each other, and respect each other completely, and are considering marriage in the future, this may the the very time he needs you close to him. You can try to challenge him, but don't expect him to respond as you expect. He will change, which is a form of maturity. I might venture to say that if he truely respects you and loves you, he will do what he feels best for the two of you.

If you feel he's making selfish decisions and he's not intending to change that, then it may be better to switch to friendship, or even make a clean break. I believe 'taking a break' will likely cause more hurt in the long run.

Good luck Musik

 

[musikbebe]

Thanks for bringing up the maturity thing. I did talk to him about it a month or two ago, and he did agree that I had grown up a bit and somewhat passed him (he's a year older) and said that he would work on it...and its the exact perspective that enslow brought up that i don't know which way to go. I mean I've hit bumps where maybe I didn't have the lovey dovey feelings and just kept doing things for him (decision love) and it was great. It's just that given my age I wonder if it wouldn't hurt to give a try at having a period of time away from each other. Maybe that's a selfish decision ... such a delicate matter! back and forth...I really do appreciate you all giving your advice. Thank you.

 

[JahRawks]

I agree with enslow, I've noticed a lot of marriages around me, like one for example, I have a neighbor who "took a break" from their marriage, and they ended up divorced, and at least for me, I see dating or courting as a prelude to marriage of trying to find your future mate, and when I do finally find her ""hopes he found her already"" I don't plan on taking any breaks during dating/courting or during marriage, I've seen more harm than good come from taking a break from each other, and I wouldn't want to risk it with the one that I love. Just my 2 cents worth