problem:boring boyfriend

[savedandforgiven]

I have a wonderful boyfriend that loves God. He has a great job, goes to a great school, and treats me exceptionally well. He's smart, good-looking, and overall, a great catch. We have been dating for around seven months.

Now, for the problem: he's kindof boring. No, this is not because the "fizz" is dying out or anything like that. It's been this way since day one. Don't get me wrong-he loves to have fun and we enjoy spending time together. BUT I'm very creative, and love to talk about wonderful and weird abstract things. I usually pick the conversation topics. He doesn't really. He just shakes his head and smiles at me. He's much more level-headed than me. He doesn't put on his creative shoes ever.

Is this a bad thing? Is this a reason to be worried? Has this been an issue for anyone here? Any ideas?

 

[Shabby]

If you don't enjoy talking to him, that's a reason to be worried. Maybe you could be a little more specific, I don't really completely understand what you mean when you say he won't ever put on his creative shoes. What does he like to talk about?

 

[K9_Trainer]

Agreed. If that's something that's going to be a problem for you, you may want to reconsider because that's just who he is. Relationships demand compromise.....So he's not as creative as you. You need to decide if that's going to be a deal breaker, something that's going to become an even bigger problem later on, or if that's something that you can accept as a part of him and continue on.

 

[alfrodull]

Great qualities on paper do not romance make. That's up to chemistry. If creativity isn't that important to you, then you might be alright, but if it is, you shouldn't ignore it. Could you really see spending your life with someone who couldn't understand this aspect of your personality?

That said, you're talking to a person who knew her fiance-now was the one when he accidently called her roommate posing as an exterminator who wanted to treat with napalm and trebuchets, so...

 

[Teufelhund]

What's worse is that her roomate believed me...
Honestly everybody's relationship is different, maybe creativity is something that you can have for yourself. Every relationship should have things that are just yours as well. I could not imagine not having my fiancee's creativity and skill with ideas in my life... But that might just be me.

 

[dowlers]

as Alfrodull says, you can list good qualities on paper and think you have the perfect man but its all up to chemisty.
Manys the time its the small oddities (that prevent us from being 'perfect') that make us unique. Oddities that would more often than not, help in causing two people to feel attracted to one another.

Its what keeps the relationship interesting. I think you should re-evaluate exactly what you are looking for in a guy.

 

[savedandforgiven]

Thanks for all of the replies.

If you don't enjoy talking to him, that's a reason to be worried. Maybe you could be a little more specific, I don't really completely understand what you mean when you say he won't ever put on his creative shoes. What does he like to talk about?

I think what I mean is...he's kindof dry. I know it sounds awful. He has certain topics he likes to talk about and he will talk about anything but I usually decide what we talk about because otherwise we'd be silent most of the time.

Agreed. If that's something that's going to be a problem for you, you may want to reconsider because that's just who he is. Relationships demand compromise.....So he's not as creative as you. You need to decide if that's going to be a deal breaker, something that's going to become an even bigger problem later on, or if that's something that you can accept as a part of him and continue on.

I hope I can accept it. I mean, I probably do have enough creativity for both of us. I'm just not sure. I think we get along well and all...

as Alfrodull says, you can list good qualities on paper and think you have the perfect man but its all up to chemisty.
Manys the time its the small oddities (that prevent us from being 'perfect') that make us unique. Oddities that would more often than not, help in causing two people to feel attracted to one another.

Its what keeps the relationship interesting. I think you should re-evaluate exactly what you are looking for in a guy.

Perhaps. But so many people get married and its all about the "chemistry" that fizzles out eventually anyways, We have some chemistry but more than that,we are simply a good match in every other way. We just don't have the kindof chemistry I see in movies. I've never had tht kindof chemistry with anyone though...tell me, does ANYONE feel that kind of chemistry with their partner??

PS., This is actually an old account of mine. I am an active member of the forums...but I didn't want anyone to know info about me this so I'm using my old account that no one knew of. Don't think I'm an occasional member that just stops by once in a blue moon to get help.

 

[alfrodull]

Perhaps. But so many people get married and its all about the "chemistry" that fizzles out eventually anyways, We have some chemistry but more than that,we are simply a good match in every other way. We just don't have the kindof chemistry I see in movies. I've never had tht kindof chemistry with anyone though...tell me, does ANYONE feel that kind of chemistry with their partner??

I guess it depends on how you define "chemistry." If it's simply romantic love, then yes, that will fade. I think it goes beyond that...It's the ability to relate to and communicate with a person, understand their thought processes to an extent. There doesn't have to be any love, lust, or even friendship involved. Chemistry, and a ton of commitment, are the reasons people can remain married for 50+ years even though romantic love isn't always present.

So, yes, I would say my fiance and I do have the kind of chemistry you see in movies. We have the infatuation at the moment too (or at least I do), although I know better than to think it will last forever. Most people have felt it, or those movies would never be written or viewed...An emotion isn't exactly something you can make up out of the blue.

 

[GQ Chris]

If you think he's as boring as Bob Saget, then yeah, that could be a problem...

 

[K9_Trainer]

Chemistry isn't infatuation IMO. Chemistry is just a natural ability to get along. You can have good chemistry with people of the same sex, those are the people that are usually your best friends. For whatever reasons, you get along better with them than you get along with others. That doesn't mean you can't get along with others just as well, there's just something special about your best friend that has earned her a special place in your heart and life.

Same goes for men.

So at this point, it's either infatuation, or chemistry or both. Regardless, look past it and look at the things you have in common, passions you share, activities you both love to do, hobbies. You can be infatuated with anybody, even somebody you don't have anything in common with. But when it comes to a future husband, remember that this is a person your going to live the rest of your life with. Personally, I can't imagine being with somebody that I don't have anything in common with. Some people can do that, I've known couples where each party has their own hobbies or job that they carry out happily by themselves and they're quite happy even though the only thing they really do together is eat dinner and sleep. That's not for me though, I need a mate who shares my passions and we can work together.

So that's another thing to consider while your on the topic.

 

[California Dreamin']

It's only a problem if you make it one or think it is one. As for the Bob Saget comment, I adore Bob Saget.

 

[BeanMak]

If you think he is boring now, while you are dating, in 10 years you are going to want to pull your hair out. Or his very breathing is going to irritate you. He may be a great guy, but if you even have a twinge like this, then let him find someone who adores him. You need to find someone you adore. He is out there with all of your friend's good qualities, and the ability to make you spark and sing.
He deserves not to be a "settled for"

 

[savedandforgiven]

I guess it depends on how you define "chemistry." If it's simply romantic love, then yes, that will fade. I think it goes beyond that...It's the ability to relate to and communicate with a person, understand their thought processes to an extent. There doesn't have to be any love, lust, or even friendship involved. Chemistry, and a ton of commitment, are the reasons people can remain married for 50+ years even though romantic love isn't always present.

So, yes, I would say my fiance and I do have the kind of chemistry you see in movies. We have the infatuation at the moment too (or at least I do), although I know better than to think it will last forever. Most people have felt it, or those movies would never be written or viewed...An emotion isn't exactly something you can make up out of the blue.

True, very true. I'm glad you've found that kind of love.
I wish I could make up that emotion...I WANT to like him that way. He's amazing on paper and even in real life. I'm his ideal (or so he says) and that makes me want to like him even more. but unfortunately, I'm not sure if he's mine. On paper, yes. In conversation, not so sure.

Chemistry isn't infatuation IMO. Chemistry is just a natural ability to get along. You can have good chemistry with people of the same sex, those are the people that are usually your best friends. For whatever reasons, you get along better with them than you get along with others. That doesn't mean you can't get along with others just as well, there's just something special about your best friend that has earned her a special place in your heart and life.

Same goes for men.

So at this point, it's either infatuation, or chemistry or both. Regardless, look past it and look at the things you have in common, passions you share, activities you both love to do, hobbies. You can be infatuated with anybody, even somebody you don't have anything in common with. But when it comes to a future husband, remember that this is a person your going to live the rest of your life with. Personally, I can't imagine being with somebody that I don't have anything in common with. Some people can do that, I've known couples where each party has their own hobbies or job that they carry out happily by themselves and they're quite happy even though the only thing they really do together is eat dinner and sleep. That's not for me though, I need a mate who shares my passions and we can work together.

So that's another thing to consider while your on the topic.

Ya, we don't have THAT much in common but we do have all the important stuff-love God, family, the same kind of music, values, etc. In terms of interests, not so much.

If you think he is boring now, while you are dating, in 10 years you are going to want to pull your hair out. Or his very breathing is going to irritate you. He may be a great guy, but if you even have a twinge like this, then let him find someone who adores him. You need to find someone you adore. He is out there with all of your friend's good qualities, and the ability to make you spark and sing.
He deserves not to be a "settled for"

I know. Which is why I'm trying my darndest to like him for who he is without wishing for more. But sometimes, I just can't help it. I wish I had someone that shared my passions. But on the other hand, I've never met anyone with as much amazing stuff about him as he has and I'm terrified to give him up. I don't want to. I want to fall in love with him...but it's not as easy as the movies make it seem.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Honestly, I think you should move on for his sake. He deserves someone that will love and cherish him for who he is, and I think you'd be cheating him by forcing or faking something that's not there.

Move on for his sake.

 

[K9_Trainer]

I know. Which is why I'm trying my darndest to like him for who he is without wishing for more. But sometimes, I just can't help it. I wish I had someone that shared my passions. But on the other hand, I've never met anyone with as much amazing stuff about him as he has and I'm terrified to give him up. I don't want to. I want to fall in love with him...but it's not as easy as the movies make it seem.

Liking him for what he is is a good thing. But is what he is, what you really need? It sounds to me that you feel in your heart that there's something missing, but your brain keeps telling you that he's the kind of guy you should fall in love with. It sounds like it's more than a matter of accepting his faults and loving him as a whole regardless, it's a matter of accepting him and loving him for what he is period. I've been there. I've met awesome guys that were as close to perfect as you could get, the kind of guy every girl dreams of having.....Respectful, thoughtful, considerate, sensitive, good morals and standards, good manners, never cussed, never got into fights, never did anything "bad". I found myself wondering why I couldn't bring myself to like them as more than a friend. Fact was, as awesome as those guys were (and they were awesome guys! I'm sure they'll make one special lady very happy someday), they just weren't what I needed in a relationship, regardless of how awesome and kind hearted they were.

Now I'm head over heels in love with a dark, verge of being goth/punk guy who loves to fight and beats the crap out of people who deserve it from his rather severe dark knight complex (his nickname at school is Vampyre, go figure! oh and dark knight complex in case you don't know means he's very protective of the people close to him. If some guy is hitting on one of his female friends and he won't back off when she asks, that's when he'll let him have it). He's a far cry from those other "perfect" guys I mentioned, but he's still perfect. He's perfect for ME. He has what those other guys lacked, he's exactly what I need in a man and I not only accept him for what he is, I truly do love him for what he is, love for fighting and all. He's done what no other guy has ever done, he's not only accepted my passion for animal, he shares it and encourages it. We too have that awesome chemistry that they show in movies, it was there from day one practically. There were more sparks flying between us than on the fourth of July, and it's STILL that way.

You'll have some doubts in every relationship you'll be in. But listen to your heart right now, not your head.

 

[dobieman0488]

well, honestly, i don't think you have too much to be worried about, i mean he's a great guy from the sound of it, and you don't seem to be that bored of him, you just want him to be more absract and creative, if im reading it right, maybe you balance each other out. you have no reason to be concerned in my opinion, just out of curiosity, how long have you two been together?

 

[SolidFaith247]

If you think he's boring period, then it's obviously a problem.

If you were compatible enough, he wouldnt be boring.

It's totally up to you, but if I found my gf boring, well...she wouldnt be my gf, lol.
No reason to settle for less than the best.

 

[Windmill]

I'd say you'd probably be better off with someone who you found more able to discuss abstract things with And found less "boring".

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I forgot if I replied or not, but I think it's a legitimate concern. Someone can look good on paper and have all the "right" qualities, and still be totally wrong for you, because everyone has different preferences and needs and chemistry. Two people can be completely different and still have such great chemistry that the differences become more of an asset than a liability. Don't make the mistake of staying with a guy just cuz your head says yes, when your heart says no.