Prevention

[xoxoxo]

I am in a marriage that has not been going well. My husband has currently been making comments that lead to him wanting to seperate or divorce. We are Christian and I never thought this was an option. I am heart broken and so sad by this. I want to know what I can do to prevent our marriage from ending. I feel like he gave up and I'm trying to hang on all by myself, but it's not easy trying to get through this and fight for my marriage alone. I'm in the process of contacting a Christian counselor to talk to. I don't know if my husband is open to going with me or not. If i had to guess I would say no. But with prayer, I'm hoping he will end up coming at some point. I don't really know what I'm looking for. I am desperate and looking for any help I can get regarding what to do next! It's hard being a good wife and a kind wife to a man who is not usually very kind to me. He is usually cold, short and in his own world. He blames me for everything and feels I am the only one who needs to change and since he never see's change, he is tired in his words. I'm trying to draw close to the Lord in this time. I know He listens and I know all things are possible but the process of it all is what I struggling with. I am so alone and sad.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

 

[xoxoxo]

Thank you

 

[kanga22]

I'm so sorry that you are so alone and sad, that's a difficult place to be. I'm also sorry that you haven't had much response to this thread. You really didn't give much specific information or even ask for specific advice. So I believe that's why people don't know how to respond to you, that's my reason anyway.

God is in control. If you let Him lead you, good things will come of it. Pray for your husband, and for your marriage, and accept your reality. I don't mean to say you have to just live with your reality, but you do need to accept it for what it is and move from there.

I hope you can get some focus on what you need from us and what you need and want in your life. God bless.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

A licensed, Christian counselor is definitely a good step to take. Like kanga suggested-pray! Pray for your husband too. Do you have a church family? If you don't, then this may be a good time to find one.

 

[xoxoxo]

Thanks, I am working on getting into a counselor

 

[Lisa004]

I hope you are your husband are doing better.

I went and am going through the same thing. Husband wants out of the marriage. I pray your results will be different than mine.

My prayers are with you and your husband.

 

[Autumnleaf]

If he feels good about himself when he is around you he will want to be with you. The opposite is true too.

 

[AMOG]

While what Autumleaf says is true it leaves, I believe, the wrong impression. There is very little we, as humans, can do, to make another person happy. If anyone is looking for happiness from their spouse, then they are doomed to failure. First, you must be happy in yourself with happiness that comes from GOD. Only then can you join with another and be happy.

Being with someone because they make you happy is very short term. And if you are not happy on your own with God, you will not be any happier with a spouse or with a spouse and children. I'm talking about deep, abiding joy here.

I just see too many people getting married thinking "now I will be truly happy." the truth is that if you weren't happy before, you won't be happy now. Not long term anyway.

However, that said, there is a lot we as humans can do to make another person miserable. That we are quite adept at.

 

[meijuni]

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I too am have a simliar problem but My husband left without working on it, He just walked out no explanation at all. He says now he was unhappy but not willing to work on it. I can only say pray to GOD and let him take care of you. I have said it alot, but he has a plan for us and like you, I am not sure what it is he is doing for me, but he will do for you too. Take care Blessings and PRAY PRAY PRAY

 

[Autumnleaf]

While what Autumleaf says is true it leaves, I believe, the wrong impression. There is very little we, as humans, can do, to make another person happy. If anyone is looking for happiness from their spouse, then they are doomed to failure. First, you must be happy in yourself with happiness that comes from GOD. Only then can you join with another and be happy.

Being with someone because they make you happy is very short term. And if you are not happy on your own with God, you will not be any happier with a spouse or with a spouse and children. I'm talking about deep, abiding joy here.

I just see too many people getting married thinking "now I will be truly happy." the truth is that if you weren't happy before, you won't be happy now. Not long term anyway.

However, that said, there is a lot we as humans can do to make another person miserable. That we are quite adept at.

I disagree. I think we help other people to be happy with themselves which encourages them to marry us. When we stop doing that problems tend to come up. We can't totally control how other people feel but we can influence it greatly. This isn't a short term fix either. There are people I look forward to seeing because they make me feel good to be around them. Can you imagine what it would be like if your spouse felt that way about you?

 

[JohnDB]

Information is needed here.

You don't have to post it publically but either to me or someone else privately that you trust.

Is there something going on financially around the house lately?
such as his complaining about your spending or bills being rough at the moment?

Is his job in jeapardy?
Is there someone new where he works that is wanting him to join them in doing some kind of fun activity that he can't because he feels that it is wrong for a married man to do so? OR a new woman that he has met somewhere?

Guys take provision for the family very seriously if they are "good guys" and tend to run away from periods of time that they don't feel like a good provider. OR if they have made a major mistake financially or feel that their job is in jeapardy.

There is also the "grass is greener" syndrome as well...someone entices them that being single is better than being married.

Expect them, when questioned, to at first lie to you and not tell the whole truth. Us guys seldom do when under stress and to a wife that we are thinking about leaving. Ask pointed questions and look at them and see if they are lying...then call them on it.

IF it is financial...get ready to tighten the belt...sell some stuff (other than your wedding rings) but so much so that the children are scared that they are next. Show him that you completely respect his ability to provide and whatever he does provide is more than enough for you so long as he stays....no beauty parlor trips for a bit.

There are other reasons a guy will leave as well...but these are some of the most common...