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prenuptials
- Thread starter Hmmmm
- Start date
I'd say I'd have to wonder how strong the relationship is if they feel they need prenups.
As for myself, I'm not doing that.
As for myself, I'm not doing that.
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Knight
Knight of the Cross
- Apr 11, 2002
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There are those who will say that a prenup is just a safety net. Comparable to insurance. These people say that you never truly know the person or if it will work out. They say it's best to be safe.
I say.....
Hogwash!!!
If you're not sure if the marriage is going to work then don't get married. Marriage is not a legal contract, it's a covenant before God. If you set up a prenup you are, in effect, saying:
"I want to marry you but I don't trust you so why don't we make sure that you can't take all my stuff if we get a divorce. After all, that stuff is more important to me anyway."
Prenups set the wrong tone in a marriage and have no place at all in a Christian marriage.
(Can you tell I feel strongly about this?
)
I say.....
Hogwash!!!
If you're not sure if the marriage is going to work then don't get married. Marriage is not a legal contract, it's a covenant before God. If you set up a prenup you are, in effect, saying:
"I want to marry you but I don't trust you so why don't we make sure that you can't take all my stuff if we get a divorce. After all, that stuff is more important to me anyway."
Prenups set the wrong tone in a marriage and have no place at all in a Christian marriage.
(Can you tell I feel strongly about this?
)
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Knight, you said it! It is the trust thing and putting money as more important than the people involved. When someone is saying, let's sign a prenup b/c I'm afraid you are going to take everything I have, then that person really isn't looking at the truth of marriage.
Thanks for the insight.
Thanks for the insight.
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Marriage is also a legal contract, as well as a covenent.
I felt very strongly that my husband and I should not have a prenuptial agreement. I trust that we would be fair if we had to split our assets, even though it would be much easier now since we don't have anything. However, I have heard a view that says that everyone should have a prenup because when you are planning on getting married and in love, then you will want to be fair about splitting things up and want the best for each other--as opposed to if a marriage ends in a messy and bitter divorce, no one wants to be fair. I think this argument has its merits as well.
For couples who do have assets and also have children from previous relationships, I think that prenups can and should be used to protect your children. This is the same thing as a will, basically--saying who gets what, and no one has much problems with those and we've all seen that sometimes after someone dies families are not fair about splitting things up.
An arrangement such as this--two people get married and both have assets (houses, investments, jewelry) that they bring in to the relationship--and they have children, probably needs a prenuptial agreement, that states what goes where and to whom when/if the relationship dies. A good prenuptial agreement could go like this: a widow with a sizeable income (from both her and her previous husband's efforts) wishes to remarry, but also provide for her children's inheritance. She may have a prenup drawn up so that her assets are available to her and her spouse during her lifetime, but that a set amount be placed in a trust after her death for her new husband to live off of and the bulk of her assets pass to her children. Under the law, if she did not have this legally drawn up either in the prenup or will, then all of her assets (and her former husband's) would pass to her husband after her death and her children may or may not ever see their inheritance according to the type of stepfather they have. It would be best to have a prenup instead of a will, because wills can often be contested after the death of a person by people involved and in a prenup the parties consented to the arrangement ahead of time.
A prenup is just a will for a relationship--or a will for people still living when the relationship ends, as opposed to a will for people one of whom is at least dead when the relationship ends.
--tibac
I felt very strongly that my husband and I should not have a prenuptial agreement. I trust that we would be fair if we had to split our assets, even though it would be much easier now since we don't have anything. However, I have heard a view that says that everyone should have a prenup because when you are planning on getting married and in love, then you will want to be fair about splitting things up and want the best for each other--as opposed to if a marriage ends in a messy and bitter divorce, no one wants to be fair. I think this argument has its merits as well.
For couples who do have assets and also have children from previous relationships, I think that prenups can and should be used to protect your children. This is the same thing as a will, basically--saying who gets what, and no one has much problems with those and we've all seen that sometimes after someone dies families are not fair about splitting things up.
An arrangement such as this--two people get married and both have assets (houses, investments, jewelry) that they bring in to the relationship--and they have children, probably needs a prenuptial agreement, that states what goes where and to whom when/if the relationship dies. A good prenuptial agreement could go like this: a widow with a sizeable income (from both her and her previous husband's efforts) wishes to remarry, but also provide for her children's inheritance. She may have a prenup drawn up so that her assets are available to her and her spouse during her lifetime, but that a set amount be placed in a trust after her death for her new husband to live off of and the bulk of her assets pass to her children. Under the law, if she did not have this legally drawn up either in the prenup or will, then all of her assets (and her former husband's) would pass to her husband after her death and her children may or may not ever see their inheritance according to the type of stepfather they have. It would be best to have a prenup instead of a will, because wills can often be contested after the death of a person by people involved and in a prenup the parties consented to the arrangement ahead of time.
A prenup is just a will for a relationship--or a will for people still living when the relationship ends, as opposed to a will for people one of whom is at least dead when the relationship ends.
--tibac
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Knight
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You're talking about two different things. A Will and a Prenup.
A Will, for the purposes you stated, is a good idea. But this can be done completely with a will rather than a prenup. If you're worried about your prospective spouse taking everything away from your kids then you probably should not get married.
A prenup comes with the assumption, or at least the possibility, of a divorce. This is going into the relationship with a negative attitude. Never a good idea.
I'll say it again. A prenuptual agreement has no place in a Christian marriage.
A Will, for the purposes you stated, is a good idea. But this can be done completely with a will rather than a prenup. If you're worried about your prospective spouse taking everything away from your kids then you probably should not get married.
A prenup comes with the assumption, or at least the possibility, of a divorce. This is going into the relationship with a negative attitude. Never a good idea.
I'll say it again. A prenuptual agreement has no place in a Christian marriage.
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A have been asked to sign a prenup and I feel very strongly about not signing one. I agreed to a "will" type thing where my future husband's family (his brothers and nephews, he has no children) would certainly recieve part of his assets should he pass away before me. That was not the problem. He was fearful of my "taking" what was not mine if the marriage failed for whatever reason. His suggestion was that he would put everything in a trust in order to protect things. It just didn't sit easy with me that this is an issue with him. I am "hearing" that he has a lack of trust and understanding of what a marriage is. I'm frankly, shocked.
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sad astronaut
Robot in Disguise
I will be getting married soon, and we both have made the decision we WILL NOT get a divorce. I personally only believe in divorce if infidelity is involved. Maybe if abuse is involved, but indications of abuse should be evident before the marriage step.
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Knight
Knight of the Cross
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There is one Biblical ground for divorce and that is adultry. There is provision for an non-Christian leaving a Christian but I'm going to assume that's not the case here.
The question is this: Does your fiance trust you?
Here's my $0.20.
The core issue is why does he feel it necessary to either set up a trust or a will? If he's simply trying to insure provision for his family that's fine. However, if it's because he thinks you'll try and run away with his stuff then there's obviously a trust issue here that you will need to work out before you get married.
I'd highly recommend some Christian counseling on this issue. Your church will likely have something available. I strongle urge you to work this out before you get married. An unresolved trust issue will only get worse and cause problems in the future.
The question is this: Does your fiance trust you?
Here's my $0.20.
The core issue is why does he feel it necessary to either set up a trust or a will? If he's simply trying to insure provision for his family that's fine. However, if it's because he thinks you'll try and run away with his stuff then there's obviously a trust issue here that you will need to work out before you get married.
I'd highly recommend some Christian counseling on this issue. Your church will likely have something available. I strongle urge you to work this out before you get married. An unresolved trust issue will only get worse and cause problems in the future.
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