Premartial counseling?

[Lizzi4Christ]

My boyfriend and I are considering marriage and the topic of premarital counseling came up. We both agree that we might want to look into it. Can some of you couples that have been through it tell us what it's like? What kind of topics are brought up?

 

[mamaneenie]

Hi, my husband and I got married in 2001. I would highly recommend premarital counselling. Most churches I know of in Australia run classes, or at least do some kinds of marriage prep. In fact our pastor wouldn't marry us unless he knew we had done premarital counselling.

We went through some classes with another couple with the marriage counsellors in our church. It was almost 3 years ago that we did the classes, so will try to remember.

We talked about expectations of the marriage, what do you expect of your fiancee after you are married. Family backgrounds. How many children/if any do you want, sex (like how to be gentle if it is the womans first time) about expectations of what it should be like etc. Also, money, how to plan a budget, how to cope with different spending styles (examply dh is a spender, I am a saver) and also how having kids can change a marriage and what to do about it.

We had homework sheets that we had to fill out on our own and then discuss with our fiancee through the week (we didn't have to tell anyone else if we didn't want to). It was a good foundation for our marriage and I would highly recommend marriage prep classes, or counselling sessions.

 

[katelyn]

We did premarital counseling with the pastor that married us. We went through the book Before You Say I Do by H. Norman Wright. Mostly, we went through the lessons and questions as a couple and then we would meet our pastor and talk about it in general, discuss any questions/interesting things that came up during our discussion, and any advice the pastor had for us. It was very practical, but to tell you the truth, it was mostly stuff we had already talked about. Still, it was good to make sure we were communicating about stuff and knew what to expect going into marriage.

We also went to a FamilyLife marriage conference when we were engaged. (They have a couple different sessions within the conference that are specifically for those not yet married, although mostly you attend the same stuff as the married people.) We really liked the conference and would recommend it to others.

 

[charligirl]

Agree with the others, it is invaluable. We also listened to marriage seminar tapes which included all sorts of practical and spiritual pointers.

One of the most helpful sessions was about the most important thing that men and women need. Men need to be lord of their home and women need to be loved. (obviously men do too and there are 100's of other things as well, but these 2 were key)

A couple of other things that really stuck in my mind were that you should not go into marriage thinking 'what can I get out of it?' but rather 'how can i give?' and how it should be 100% from both of you, not 50/50.

 

[User9056]

I am currently in premarital councilinng with 2 of the pastors at our church. So far it has been really good because they have helped us through a lot. They will bring up things about what a marrige should look like, roles, sex, etc... I would highly recomend that you do it

 

[RevKidd]

Alot of great advice here. Get it if you can. I would highly recommend it. If not then go to your local bookstore and get some books on marriage. I think one good book you might want to look into is saving your marriage before it starts. Another for him would "ever man's battle" and they also have a book for women called "ever woman's battle".

Bottom line is try and get good council

 

[coastie]

My wife and I missed the boat (actually quite literally on that one) since I was in and out of the country before we got married. We recently went through a sort of marraige counseling (after being married for three years).

It was actually quite fun and we even learned a little about each other.

I think it would have been great and would have helped us through the rough patches since we were both so young and inexperienced at the time when we tied th knot.

You will learn everything you need to about making a marraige work without it, eventually, whether you get it or not. But I definately suggest it. The first year is the toughest, but after you have learned to work well in a symbiotic relationship, it gets better and better.

Basically one of the things that our pastor told us that really stuck with me is that throughout your marraige you will dry spots and you will fall in and out of love, but the relationship and your vows are stronger than personality conflicts and that sticking through it will make your relationship reach new heights every step of the way.

Marraige is the world's most exciting and trying roller coaster you will ever experience, but learning throughout it all makes it all the more wonderful.

 

[JillLars]

My fiance and I are going to go through premarital counseling, at my church they give a survey, questionairre type thing, and then go through the answers with the pastor and another married couple from the church. At first I was a little hesitant since my fiance and I have lived together for a couple years, and have already established our roles, but apparently there is a survey for couples who life together. I think it will be a great oppurtunity to get to know more about each other, and also to talk with another married couple from the church!

 

[pmarquette]

My boyfriend and I are considering marriage and the topic of premarital counseling came up. We both agree that we might want to look into it. Can some of you couples that have been through it tell us what it's like? What kind of topics are brought up?

SOME THINGS LIKE THESE :
Most marriages fail in the first 5-7 years , as a result of one of these area's " f. o. r. m. "
family - problems , offense , expectations
occupation - hours , travel , separation
recreation- running with the girls , or the guys
money- one saves , one spends

when the honey moon wears off , and the reality sets in , except for God , your faith , and the witnesses of the marriage take that part seriously " speak now or forever zip your lip " ... you have an uphill journey

it is a covenant , a sacred promise you embark on , an oath before God to forsake all others ....
1. is it the right time
2. is this the right person
3. are we both children of God
4. will we both attend the same service and the same denomination
5. will our parents cut the apron strings or desire to run our home from theirs
6. can we be honest with each other about any and all things within this new relationship ?

 

[catsrfriends2003]

I think that Mamaneenie Has the right idea. My husband and I got married after knowing each other for 12 years but we are fighting most of the time over who is right. I was told by my sister-in-law that is my husband's little sister that we rushed into marriage but she does not know that we knew each other for 12 years. My suggestions for you before you and your boyfriend decide to get married is to talk to your parents and his parents before you take that big step. And Remember to look back on the years you both never fought and live by that.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

My Fiancee and I just went through a great counseling thing. Our pastor went the untraditional way with it, no surveys, no telling us what could go wrong. He took us through a biblical study. If you are right with GOd you will be right with each other. It was awesome, and it taught us both to reevaluate our walk with GOd. Through it, we are both in the Word a lot more than what we were before.

 

[suzie]

My husband and I are marriage mentors and we do premarital mentoring. Before any couple can get married in our church it is mandatory they go through this. It is a great program I think. It is surprising how many couples think they know and say they agree on certain areas and yet they both have different perspectives of how that "agreement" should play out.