Thanks for the responses everyone! You've given me some things to think about and guide me. This thread can be closed now. [FONT="]Thanks.
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Pre relationship advice?
- Thread starter enelya_taralom
- Start date
First of all, 3 months after ending a long relationship is usually not enough time to really be ready for a new one. Give him more time. And yes, it is possible to grow to love someone over time - my boyfriend and I knew each other for 2 years before we started to be interested in each other.
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Look, this dude is damaged goods. You are playing with fire, and you will almost certainly get burned.
If that didn't scare you off, take the initiative. I've never been competently pursued by a woman, so I don't really know how it works, but you should probably hang out with him more. If you're already doing that, you can up the ante by it just being the two of you. Go get drinks together, that kind of thing. When you're ready to make a move, make him dinner and serve wine, maybe follow it with a movie. I'm sure you can figure out the rest.
If that didn't scare you off, take the initiative. I've never been competently pursued by a woman, so I don't really know how it works, but you should probably hang out with him more. If you're already doing that, you can up the ante by it just being the two of you. Go get drinks together, that kind of thing. When you're ready to make a move, make him dinner and serve wine, maybe follow it with a movie. I'm sure you can figure out the rest.
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Thanks! I think I'll take the advice I have been given so far by many and give it time... that way I can hopefully avoid being burned 
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K9_Trainer
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Don't count your chickens before they hatch.
In other words, you are preparing for this guy to suddenly, for whatever reason, gain interest in you when in reality, he may never see you as more than a friend.
Just be his friend for now and try not to get too attached to him unless he does start reciprocating the interest. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up to be hurt. He might not even WANT another relationship for a while. 5 years is a long time to be with one person, and having problems in a relationship can really wear a person down.
He may "seem" fine, but he's probably not, at all, especially considering the length of the last one. He needs time to heal, and it probably will take longer than 3 months. You definitely do not want to be a rebound.
In other words, you are preparing for this guy to suddenly, for whatever reason, gain interest in you when in reality, he may never see you as more than a friend.
Just be his friend for now and try not to get too attached to him unless he does start reciprocating the interest. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up to be hurt. He might not even WANT another relationship for a while. 5 years is a long time to be with one person, and having problems in a relationship can really wear a person down.
He may "seem" fine, but he's probably not, at all, especially considering the length of the last one. He needs time to heal, and it probably will take longer than 3 months. You definitely do not want to be a rebound.
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Luther073082
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Guys aren't usually public about their emotions. So it could very easily be tearing him up inside and you wouldn't know the difference.
So I agree on giving it time. But at the same time, he may just not be that into you as well. So you have to be prepared for that.
So I agree on giving it time. But at the same time, he may just not be that into you as well. So you have to be prepared for that.
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waxlion10
Just shut up and be delicious- Dwight
I'd feel somewhat selfish for pursuing a guy who just got out of a five-year relationship. If I were in your situation, I'd focus on the friendship first. I wouldn't indicate to him that I had feelings for him. I certainly wouldn't try to start up a romantic relationship with him; I'd feel like I were being insensitive and disrespectful if I did that.
just my opinion.
just my opinion.
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HisLittleHazelnut
Coming soon with new account... find me if you can
It is the man's role to pursue the woman. Men don't like to do the pursuing because of the weak nature they have inherited from Adam, but a man who is growing strong in the Lord will do the pursuing of a woman.
Among men who entered a relationship because of a woman pursuing them... they regret it later on.
You see, a woman that pursues shows a "bossy" side, when wives are told to submit to their husbands. If the girl cannot wait to be pursued... she usually can't wait or submit in anything.
I say let the poor guy be... and if he becomes interested in you, he will pursue you. If not, then you don't need him because if he enters a relationship because he's a) tired of you begging, or b) sorry for you, then you will find that out sooner or later and it will break your heart.
Among men who entered a relationship because of a woman pursuing them... they regret it later on.
You see, a woman that pursues shows a "bossy" side, when wives are told to submit to their husbands. If the girl cannot wait to be pursued... she usually can't wait or submit in anything.
I say let the poor guy be... and if he becomes interested in you, he will pursue you. If not, then you don't need him because if he enters a relationship because he's a) tired of you begging, or b) sorry for you, then you will find that out sooner or later and it will break your heart.
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Pfff, if a man doesn't like to pursue women, it's either because he doesn't know how or there's trouble with the plumbing. Also, I don't think your positions are supported by legitimate theology, but that's neither here nor there.
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Luther073082
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Oh wow the legalism. Any actual scripture that backs that a Christian man MUST do the pursuing?
Legitimate studies on the subject?
Well thats odd. Cause you see when I got my job I went and asked for it. Yes I asked my current boss for a job. Does that mean that I'm not submissive to my boss because I pursued the job?
Pursuing what you want is not a lack of submission. A lack of submission comes in when you aggressivly pursue it despite strong resistance to the otherwise.
I disagree with the legalism that men must always do the pursuing. For me it never mattered who did the pursuing as long as a good match was made.
And honestly I find it as an excuse by most women because they are personally too afraid to do the pursuing themselves. And thats fine, I'm ok with that in all honesty.
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waxlion10
Just shut up and be delicious- Dwight
Sorry; I just have a hard time with you presenting things as fact when there's no evidence to substantiate your claims. Or even Scripture. In a marriage relationship, I believe the wife is to submit to her husband and the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:21-33).
I'm an assertive, go-get-'em, intelligent, active woman, but it doesn't mean that I can't wait or submit in ANYTHING. That's rather misleading for you to claim, imo.
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K9_Trainer
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Agreed with the above posts ^
Its fine if thats your opinion that men should do the pursuing, but there's no Biblical backup for it that requires men do the pursuing, nor are there any actual studies (that I know of) backing up your claim that men who got into a relationship with a woman that pursued them regret it.
Biblically, men are called to be the spiritual leader of their household. That has nothing to do with who pursues who.
Its fine if thats your opinion that men should do the pursuing, but there's no Biblical backup for it that requires men do the pursuing, nor are there any actual studies (that I know of) backing up your claim that men who got into a relationship with a woman that pursued them regret it.
Biblically, men are called to be the spiritual leader of their household. That has nothing to do with who pursues who.
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