Pre-Date Interview

[faithopelove]

I just read the "good first date" thread and this came to mind.

I'm a very practical person and I am very careful about dating and relationships. I'm assuming that since we are all christians, we don't do a lot of casual dating. But that for most of us the ultimate goal in dating is marriage.

Having said that what are some of the things you would like to ask a person before you would consider dating for the purpose of future marriage?

 

[faithopelove]

I guess I should answer my own question

I usually ask questions like:

Why did you decide to ask me out?
Why are you single?
If you could ask me any question with out worry that I might be offended, what would that question be?

I usually attrack very bold, confident men so they have no problems with the interview and usually it leads to them asking me question that saves us both time and heart ache.

 

[mwb]

I think just observing the person for contradictions is extremely important. First ask the questions but then make sure the person's behavior matches their answers. Actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say things & make up stories but their actions will ultimately determine the real truth.

 

[SandyLou]

I think just observing the person for contradictions is extremely important. First ask the questions but then make sure the person's behavior matches their answers. Actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say things & make up stories but their actions will ultimately determine the real truth.

I DEFINITELY agree! It's also been my experience that someone who would answer such interragative questions is usually hiding something.

Personally, I would ask more general, personable questions. What do you normally do on a Saturday afternoon or if you inherited a large sum of money, what would you do first? Mostly, I would just like to spend time with the person and actually SEE their walk. Talk is cheap.

 

[Jenster]

I think just observing the person for contradictions is extremely important. First ask the questions but then make sure the person's behavior matches their answers. Actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say things & make up stories but their actions will ultimately determine the real truth.

I also agree! I've known a few (supposedly Christian) people who have no problem lying through their teeth. They justify it by saying they're being "kind" to the other person or "managing the situation."

My rule of thumb is to look at the fruit of their lives, their habits and what they say. Anyone who is self-involved, and there are quite a few such people out there, is an automatic No Way.

Very often I hear people say, "Well, he (or she) didn't get to know me before he (or she) rejected me." I understand how painful that can be, and it is true that some people are judged very superficially. BUT I think the truth is that very often our actions are speaking loudly and people ARE able to size up quite a bit about us before we even get to the point of going on a date.

All that being said, I see the value in asking questions too, faithopelove. Some people will not answer certain questions, and that speaks volumes. If you encounter someone who tries too hard to "control" what you know about them, that is a red flag.

But to answer your question ... ... I'd ask ...

How did you come to know Christ?
What do you do in your free time?
What's the one thing you're most looking forward to right now?
Ever gone on a mission trip?

And then there are the all-important follow up questions based on what the person has told you.

What prevents you from attending church regularly?
You seem to not want to talk about XYZ. Can I ask why?
How much time do you spend playing golf each week?
Etc.!

 

[jenptcfan]

Well, I don't think there's necessarily anything unChristian about casual dating, so long as you're not sleeping around and all parties involved are aware of the level of seriousness (or lack thereof). Some people just enjoy meeting new people, knowing that some will only work out as friends in the long run, and some might be more than that. Sometimes it's nice just to have someone to go to the movies with without feeling like you've got to marry them.

That said, I like to know about peoples' personalities. Where are they from, what do they do for fun, do they go to church, do they get along with their families, how's their sense of humor, what are they passionate about,etc. (Maybe not all of that on the first date )

ETA: Sorry, I didn't realize I was in the mature singles section. Please don't stone me.

 

[faithopelove]

I think it depends on the person. I for one am not at all into small talk, so casual conversation is like torture to me. Also I am one who loves easily (and deeply) so I can't go out on several dates with out my feelings getting involved.

The pre-date interview has worked well for me and a couple of my friends. I just thought I'd offer it as an alternative for the tenderhearted and maybe to get some good questions to add to my arsenal.

Any more?

 

[Irascible]

Not that I've used it to any great extent. But I like hearing how people define love. I figure that if they don't even know what love is; if the can't define it with any clarity; or if they think love is some emotional Shakespearean "soul mate" nonsense; then how can they love someone in a mature way?

Truly selfless love is a learned skill, not a hormonal response. To learn it you have to of pondered it and defined it.

 

[faithopelove]

Not that I've used it to any great extent. But I like hearing how people define love. I figure that if they don't even know what love is; if the can't define it with any clarity; or if they think love is some emotional Shakespearean "soul mate" nonsense; then how can they love someone in a mature way?

Truly selfless love is a learned skill, not a hormonal response. To learn it you have to of pondered it and defined it.

I like that!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

One of mine now is, "What do you think about tithing?" I too want to know quickly whether there is real potential for the relationship so I don't get hurt and don't waste my very limited social time.

 

[faithopelove]

One of mine now is, "What do you think about tithing?" I too want to know quickly whether there is real potential for the relationship so I don't get hurt and don't waste my very limited social time.

I like that one too. If a christian is stingy with God, I can't imagine what type date (or mate) they would be.

 

[mwb]

What if the guy doesn't make a lot of money? A guy who's tithing doesn't mean he's a nice guy. It means he's a wealthy guy.

 

[Irascible]

What if the guy doesn't make a lot of money? A guy who's tithing doesn't mean he's a nice guy. It means he's a wealthy guy.

I don't make a lot of money. I can't even afford to buy a home. Yet I tithe. And most certainly I'm nice.

Perhaps you meant something other than what came out. The idea that one who tithes must be wealthy is absurd.

 

[mwb]

I probably should have said just because someone is tithing it doesn't mean he's a nice guy & left it at that. But I'm still confused as to why tithing is associated with being a nice guy. If a nice guy cannot afford to tithe, is he out of contention?

 

[Irascible]

EBL said she'd ask him what he thought about tithing. I'm sure you think well about tithing even if you can't afford it. FHL mentioned no interest in someone who's stingy with God. God is not so dogmatic that He'd ask you to tithe rather than pay rent. Therefore if you quite literally can't afford it, you're not being stingy.

I don't see either one of them saying that not tithing means not nice. But I do see someone overreacting just a bit.

Personally I like their replies. I want my eventual wife to be on the same page when it comes to tithing. We won't be on the same page when it comes to the cost benefit of a makeover. But that's for another debate that I will most assuredly lose!

 

[mwb]

I doubt I overreacted. I just asked a question. If I was implying something that isn't true, the ladies can tell me so. They can defend themselves.

If they are wondering what someone thinks about tithing, if the person can tithe, then they probably want them to tithe. I'm wondering why that would be so important. Should I assume he's already passed the nice guy test? Also, they did not state how they would feel if the guy could not afford to tithe.

 

[Jenster]

I wasn't one of the ones who talked about tithing, but I'll give my 2 cents on it anyway.

I'm pro-tithing. For me the whole idea of it is that everything we have comes from God. He has asked us for the "first fruit" of our labor, to honor him, to show our gratitude and to further His kingdom. Traditionally, tithing meant about 10 percent of one's income.

Now if the choice were "tithe or pay rent," I'm sure that God isn't asking you to get yourself evicted. However, tithing is a habit that shows generosity and acknowledgement of God's blessings. Practically speaking, if one cannot give a part of one's income, there are other ways to tithe. How about tithing 10 percent of your time to the Lord? (Many of us would find that harder, in fact!)

I don't know if tithing relates to being "nice" (that rather all-purpose word!), but it does show something about a person's relationship to money. Personally, I'd hate to argue over tithing with my spouse.

BTW, I knew a guy who was struggling to get his business off of the ground. For a long time, he didn't tithe, but then he took a leap of faith and did so. He was amazed to see how God helped him to meet his bills each month.

 

[Irascible]

I'm wondering why that would be so important.

Yeah. Real head scratcher.

 

[mwb]

I'm pro-tithing too. All I asked was what would happen if someone couldn't afford to tithe but my words were taken out of context by some so forget I asked.

 

[faithopelove]

If someone could not afford to tithe temporarily, but believed in tithing I would have no problem with that. I've seen Satan really distroy a marriage because the couple had opposite views on tithing.