Praying for a Date

[JVD]

The purpose of dating is to find out if the guy is marriage material, not just someone to fill your time with. If you have to continually badger a guy about taking you out...he's not marriage material. Stop wasting your time, and more important, you emotions on this guy.

Like you said, break-ups are tough. But, believe me, it's easier now than later.

Dump this guy today...and then work on your own walk with the Lord so that he becomes the most important person in your life. If you do that, everything else will take care of itself.

 

[pegatha]

It really doesn't sound like you are much of a priority to him. Is it possible he wants to break it off but is too much of a wimp to tell you outright? Or does he just like the convenience of having a girlfriend on permanent standby, for the rare occasions when he can squeeze a date into his tight schedule? In my observation, when a guy really wants to spend time with a girl, he finds a way. Sorry to be so blunt, I don't mean to be hurtful, but maybe it's time for you to start trying to make more friends (male and female) so you won't be so lonely and feel like you have to put up with being taken for granted.

 

[nfinitefx]

It really doesn't sound like you are much of a priority to him. Is it possible he wants to break it off but is too much of a wimp to tell you outright? Or does he just like the convenience of having a girlfriend on permanent standby, for the rare occasions when he can squeeze a date into his tight schedule? In my observation, when a guy really wants to spend time with a girl, he finds a way. Sorry to be so blunt, I don't mean to be hurtful, but maybe it's time for you to start trying to make more friends (male and female) so you won't be so lonely and feel like you have to put up with being taken for granted.

I agree. You should break up with him. It looks like he doesn't want to spend any time with you.

 

[Living4Him03]

Thanks for the responses everyone. You all have been helpful and encouraging

Here is an update:

After the past few days not talking to him and praying about things, God led me to realize that my b/f and I have been moving too fast and we need to slow down and just take our time with things. We've both been going through transitions in our lives with jobs and school and everything, and although we've managed to become close, I know we need to still continue to build our friendship. Which is what my b/f was saying tonight when we talked. He said that he wants us to really be ready for a serious relationship before we just jump into one and he wants it to mean something and not be something we are rushing into because of the strong feelings we have.

I think this is what has been missing in our relationship. Taking things a bit more slowly I think is a good idea. Not that I want to break up with him, but I do feel we need to focus more on building our friendship and remembering that above all we are friends. It's good to know he's on the same page. Some advice I gave here and to friends was that you don't want a relationship to be rushed because it's so much more enjoyable and you'll really be able to build a strong foundation for possible marriage if you take things slowly and don't rush things. Should have taken my own advice much earlier!

I want to be able to be the kind of woman God wants me to be as much as possible before I make such a huge commitment like marriage, so even if my b/f is the man I will marry, I want to be ready and to make sure I'm the woman he needs and vice versa with him. He has talked alot about how it's important to work on yourself and to make sure you are becoming the person God wants you to be otherwise a relationship will not work (he is a wise person and he is a Godly man, just not perfect at relationships, but neither am I). His parents divorced when he was 16 and they had a lot of issues. He doesn't want his marriage to be like that and I think that's part of the reason he wants to make sure this is done right.

 

[nfinitefx]

That's a very good thinking! Divorce isn't healthy and God hates it.

 

[LifeInYou]

It seems like he's more important to me than I am to him.

Is this the same boyfriend that:
1. Forgot about your anniversary, or wait...he just emailed you, no call or get together planned or anything
2. Doesn't attempt to romance you in any way
3. Didn't contact you for two weeks after he moved and felt that you were bugging him by asking for his new phone #?

Every post I've read of yours regarding your boyfriend conveys to me over and over again that he's not making any efforts to have an enjoyable and successful relationship with you. And, it doesn't sound like he's truly unable to make those efforts, but rather, as though he does not want to. The friendship route seems like a healthy path to take, you don't need this drama in your life.

 

[JVD]

I agree with Lifeinyou...you are still putting too many eggs in this basket.

A good test would be to not call him or initiate any contact with him at all for at least a month. Try to put your interests elsewhere. Don't even think about getting all ready for a weekend date just in case.

If he contacts you respond in kind but do not be the initiator at all. That will show you how interested he may be. If he isn't interested you are totally wasting your time. From your description, I think you are wasting your time already.

 

[Living4Him03]

It's really hard to just say "oh I'm wasting my time" and just leave it at that. I've spent nine months getting to know this guy and he's part of my life, even if he does not take me out as often as he should. A lot of Christian men talk about how guys should do this and that and should treat girls this way or that way and tell women what we should expect. However, how many of you have actually been in a long term relationship? Sorry to be blunt. But, unless you have gone out there and put your words into action and have known what all is entailed in a relationship, I don't think you know what should be expected.

I'm not a picky person. Flowers and romance and all that stuff is great and wonderful. If you do those things for your g/f good for you, but just because someone isn't a perfect romeo doesn't mean they aren't worth getting to know.

I think it's time I leave this in God's hands and quit turning to CF for advice. No offense guys, but sometimes it just seems some people here, and single Christians in general, have this idealistic picture of what a relationship is about.

 

[pegatha]

No offense taken. You know your situation best, and we are only here to offer advice, not to make the decision for you.

However, you're mistaken if you assume we're all too inexperienced or idealistic to give good advice. Having done the dating thing for a few years, before settling down to a successful long-term relationship (23 years of marriage), I know that 1. guys who are seriously interested in a girl do pursue her, it's their nature to pursue, and 2. my views are based on long years of experience & observation, not idealism.

That's not saying I know what you should do, it's just a statement of fact. I'm glad you are trusting the Lord in this, and I sincerely wish you well.

 

[mina]

Knowing what respect is has nothing to do wiether you are single or not. It does not sound like this guy respects you. It also sounds like he has some issues to deal with. You may have spent 9 months with him, but you don't sound very happy or fulfilled in this relationship, this relationship doesn't seem to be contributing to your emotional well being. Has it helped you grow more like Jesus? Do you worry about it more than you enjoy it? Is it making you get angry at people that offer advice about it? People have offered advice because 1. you asked and 2. we do care about you and don't want you to sell yourself short. Belittling those that have offered advice just because you don't like what they have to say, is childish. I don't want to offend you but it seems like you already are so I'll just say whats on my mind about this. You seem needy for a relationship. any relationship. No matter how you are treated you keep making excuses for his behavior. I hope the best for you and I hope you will realize how much you are worth and how much you deserve. Because you really do deserve to be treated like you are wanted in a relationship. There is nothing idealistic about that. It's just a basic ingredient to a good relationship. You need to be realistic about this and stop viewing him through rose colored glasses. I'll pray for you.

 

[Living4Him03]

Sorry. Thanks for the prayers. I am under A LOT of pressure and stress. And the crazy part is I don't get a break. I go from semester to semester trying to finish school on top of all the other poop happening in my life. Not that it excuses being angry with you guys.

 

[Sam the Record Man]

Hi Living4Him03,

I've just read through this whole thread, and I will be praying for you. I know how frustrating it can be to be in a relationship where it seems that the other person is more important to you than you are to them. My first relationship was like that, and it was one of the main reasons that we broke up. With my new girlfriend, we have been dating for about 11 months now, and I still desire to spend as much time with my girlfriend as i did at the beginning and so does she. I know that relationships can be tough and require a lot of work, but I lvoe my girlfriend and I want to put that time and effort in. And I think that you deserve that too. I'm not saying that you should break up, im not telling you what to do at all cause I dont know your complete situation and never will, all I know is that I think that you deserve a guy who thinks the world of you and more than anything else wants to spend time with you. I don't see how a marriage could work with a guy who seems to be indifferent about you most of the time. But that's just me. Best of luck