Praying for a Date

[Living4Him03]

When the weekend comes around, I try to get all my errands done and I clean my apartment and I try to do some studying (I have Fridays off and get off early Thursdays) so that JUST IN CASE my boyfriend calls and wants to do something I will be free to go somewhere.

BUT, it often happens that he doesn't get to take care of the stuff he needs to do, so he ends up spending most of the weekend getting stuff done and he always seems to be behind in getting all his errands finished. So, I end up being disappointed and getting all excited about the upcoming weekend for nothing.

Since he lives an hour away from me, we have to make plans somewhat ahead of time and we need just about a whole day to be able to spend time with each other by the time one of us drives to one of our apartments and then we go to get dinner or a movie or something.

I know it's a hassle for us to get together most of the time. I really wish he had more time on weekends to spend with me. At least just one day I wish we could spend together. Is it selfish to pray that God will free up my boyfriend's schedule or help him decide not to do all those errands just yet so that I can spend time with him?

I don't know what else I can do. When I talk to him about him seeming to always be so busy and not getting his errands done earlier so that we can actually do something, he gets upset with me and says I'm putting too much pressure on him. What else can I do but pray about it? I really want to be able to spend time with him and I haven't seen him in awhile and I miss him!

 

[nfinitefx]

I'm assuming you both are Christians? Well if he's busy every weekends until he can't see you, then something is going on in my opinion. When was the last time you saw him? You could pray about it and there's nothing wrong with praying. You deserve to have the time and attention you need from your boyfriend. I believe if your boyfriend really loves you and wants to be with you then he should have more effort to see you and finish his work weekdays. It's just an automatic action. I mean if you love someone, why wouldn't you want to see him/her for weeks? You should ask him if there's any problem with the relationship. I hope everything is fine. Good luck! and pray!

 

[desi]

If you started seeing someone else, cancel one of your weekend dates with him, I bet he would stop being so busy on the weekend.

 

[Living4Him03]

Hmm...well, guys I talked to him earlier tonight just before he headed to the half price bookstore. He went to the movies without me again...not that I'm surprised lol. He just really seems to like going alone. And I guess the hassle of coming out here would not have been worth it by the time he got over here and all. SO, he mentioned that he might go see Garfield tomorrow and he was asking me if I've already gone to see Shrek 2, which I reminded him about how I went to see it with my bro.

Anyway, he didn't ask me to go with him. I kept asking him what his plans are for tomorrow and what he was up to today, partly because I do like to keep up with what's going on with him. Well, he just said that tomorrow he may be online in the afternoon for awhile.

He does this thing sometimes where I have to wait awhile for him to schedule me in because I am "bad" like pressuring him or being impatient and he will wait awhile to ask me to do anything. I"m thinking this is one of those times.

I think he might be upset about this thing with my yahoo screename. I have two of them and one is exclusively for chatting with him so he knows when I'm on that name he's the only person I'm chatting with. When we were talking today he mentioned that the other name I have was shown to be online. He said it's been showing up like that for awhile now and he wanted to know why it showed that. I guess he thought I was signing in to both names and talking to another guy or something.

I just don't get why he would be suspicious about me liking some other guy and not take me out in order to make sure he keeps me and no one snatches me away. *sigh* I need lots of prayer.

Maybe if it's God's will He will put it on my boyfriend's heart that he should ask me to do something tomorrow.

 

[Living4Him03]

We are both Christians, by the way. Maybe I'm just overreacting. He seemed happy to talk to me today.

 

[silentpoet]

The question you have to ask and answer is if it is truly a time thing or is it a priority thing. With me and my new girlfriend, we have some problems actually scheduling a date. Fortunately we work at the same place so we are able to spend some breaks together and talk alot. I also try to go by the area she works when she is there, if nothing else than to just see her. Now even though our situation is more advantageous than yours the point is I make it happen. It takes a little effort, but it is important to me.

 

[nfinitefx]

It looks like he doesn't trust you? Well he should trust you. It's the basis of every relationship. I think it's ridiculous if he doesn't trust you just because of a screenname. But if I were you, I'd do what he wants you to do and just sign on with one screenname (the one you talk to him). It's kinda odd if he doesn't asks you out when he's practically doing nothing if he still loves you. Well that's just my opinion. I don't know him so I can't really say. I have a friend whose boyfriend is always at home nowadays. At the first couple of months, they were real cute but now, he hardly asks her out and he prefer staying at home. Don't break up with him or anything. Give him time and still pay attention to him. Show him that you care. Can you visit him at his place? Do you think he's seeing anyone else?

 

[Living4Him03]

I don't THINK he's the type of guy to cheat. If he wanted to date someone else I think he'd tell me about it. But then again, I've had guys in the past not tell me and assume I'd put the puzzle pieces together and man am I dense lol. He knows about guys I've dated in the past and the pain they've caused and he promises he is not like that and will never treat me that way. It's just hard to trust that he's being honest about that.

I think with the screename it was just that he was wondering why it looked as if I was online when I was talking to him on the phone since I have dial up. After I explained it to him though he seemed okay. I just don't know. I need to pray about it. I have already discussed things with him before and I've told him that if we dont start going on more dates by Sept. (which would be the one year mark of the beginning of our relationship) then I will have to move on. I have also talked about how if I'm a priority and he really cares about me he will make the time. He agreed. yet, still hasn't made the time. I guess I just have to keep waiting and praying. I don't want to accuse him of dating someone else or jump to conclusions.

Oh and about visiting him at his place...we kinda have to go by his schedule since he's busier than me (he works 40-50 hours a week or more), so it's hard to just drop by. If I call him and tell him I want to come visit, well he has to clean and all that, so it has to be planned more in advance. He just always seems to be busy. Then on weekends he isn't he's talking to me on the phone or getting online, but actually spending time with me doesn't happen. I want to ask him if he's not as busy this weekend why he didn't ask me to do something, but the last time I said something like that a few weekends ago he said "see you go and act like this and it makes me start to question things".

 

[nfinitefx]

Yikes... September? And when was the last date?

Yes don't jump to conclusions. I was just stating the different possibilities. I hope all is well though. Break-ups are tough.

 

[mina]

I dunno if you are really going to like what I have to say. But, if you are boyfriend and girlfriend he should want to see you. And the whole making you wait because you were "bad" and pressured him just sounds so disrespectful and kind of wierd. I don't think love is about putting limits on people and saying oh you pressured me too much this week, I don't think i'll see you for a while till you learn your lesson. he should be wild about you. You are worth that. He should be willing to crawl through a field of torns in the rain to see you because he's so excited about being with you (not literally but the point is he should be really excited about coming to spend time with you). Good communication is always key to good relationships. Maybe you should talk about your concerns with him again and ask him how he feels about it. But do it in a gentle way. Just tell him that he is important to you and you want to spend time with him. Don't turn it into that he is not spending time with you. Emphazize that you want to spend time with him. Is he depressed about anything? or going through anything hard right now?

 

[jay_swift]

If you started seeing someone else, cancel one of your weekend dates with him, I bet he would stop being so busy on the weekend.

I love you Desi, I really do. You're so awesome.

 

[nfinitefx]

What mina said

 

[refusethemark]

I agree with everything Mina said. And really, is it really THAT important that he cleans his apartment before you come and see him or before he comes and sees you?

 

[Living4Him03]

He doesn't like my apt. lol. It's in the ghetto sort of and also my DVD player is on my computer, I have a really small TV, etc. If we go somewhere it's fine, but if he just wants to watch movies, it's most often at his place.

Has he had anything difficult going on in his life? Well, I think he's still upset about not being able to be in the Navy even though he's pretty much settled into civilian life. Maybe he's still upset about it and just isn't telling me. I know he works A LOT of hours each week...he ends up working nearly 50 hours sometimes. So I know he also needs his alone time, but I feel like if I was important to him then he would make the time at least for one day of the week to spend at least a few hours with me.

He knows I have a wedding to go to tonight, so I will have to drive home this afternoon. Yesterday he mentioned something about he could go a long time without having to see his family but how if I didnt' see mine I'd go crazy. I explained to him that most of the time it's them asking me to come home. He doesn't get it because his family is really cold and uncommunicative. His parents rarely, if ever, have told him they love him. I guess he thinks I keep going home on weekends and then don't have time to spend with him. But, I think he knows that I'm pretty flexible.

It seems like he's more important to me than I am to him. I mean if I have errands to run or just to see my friends or something I can always make time for him. And most of my friends know that I will eventually get to hanging out with them, so if I say that my b/f wants to do something with me, they are really understanding.

I want to call him and find out what's going on...I want to ask him why when he's free on a weekend like this he doesn't ask me to spend time with him. I just don't get why he wouldn't ask me out if he is free to do whatever he wants to do and doesn't have errands. Sounded like he was free yesterday and he also sounded like he's just playing today too. *sigh*

 

[Living4Him03]

looks like my prayer didn't work...he has been busy today and doesn't seem to have the time and I mentioned wanting to see Chronicles of Riddick and he said he needs to work on his financial stuff. So, looks like I will have to pray for another week and anticipate yet another weekend (this is like 4 weeks now).

 

[mina]

you never know he could be holding his disappointment and hurt about the navy inside. But it sounds like he has it made. He can just brood and do whatever he wants. He doesn't have to try and he has you at his beck and call-whenever he chooses to spend time with you. That is desresptecful. Love is a gift, not an obligation. This would be a BIG red flag for me. Also the way he talks about family. How can he ever start a family with anyone if he views families as something negative. I dunno, maybe you just need to let him think about himself and some of the things that he has problems with for a while. It sounds like there are somethings he needs to heal from in his own life before he can have a good and amazing relationship with anyone. Because really you deserve better than that. You shouldn't be put into a position where you feel bad for every litttle thing or like it's your fault that he's unresponsive because you "pressured" him or whatever. Healthy relationships are ones where one person wants the best for the other and helps/encourages them to grow as a person, instead of fearing that you are going to say something wrong or "pressure" them too much. Don't be scared to be on your own for a while if that is what it's going to take.

 

[Jill Pole]

Call up your girlfriends right now and make arrangements to see Chronicles of Riddick. Tonight! And then make more plans for them next weekend. Wait until midweek if you want to, but plan something. That way you'll have something fun to look forward to about next weekend, whether this guy wants to make plans or not. If he does, you can decide what to do about it. Personally, I'd keep the commitment with my girlfriends. For one thing, why should he make the effort to plan anything with you in advance if you're in a pattern of either holding your weekends open for him or canceling plans with your girlfriends as soon as he gets the whim to see you? (Maybe you're not doing that, but if you are, stop - it's not fair to your friends, it keeps you in a kind of social isolation, and it just enables him. But I apologize if I'm implying you're doing something you're not.)

I agree with Mina too. I think you answered your own question when you said in an earlier post "I have also talked about how if I'm a priority and he really cares about me he will make the time. He agreed. yet, still hasn't made the time." It may sound harsh, and it's probably not what you want to hear, but it doesn't seem like there's any point in waiting until September to move on. He knows you want to spend more time with him, and he knows where to find you, so I think I'd just leave him alone and let him decide once and for all what he wants to do with that information.

Sorry if this sounds harsh or blunt - I may be overreacting due to past experience. But I can now say with certainly that it's much less painful to have no relationship at all than one in which you just never feel quite secure about his feelings for you!

 

[mina]

I agree with Jill Pole that you should not ditch premade plans with your friend for this guy or any guy. Guys will come and go, but your friends are your friends for life, if your lucky.

 

[Living4Him03]

I'm so confused right now. As for my friends, I don't have that many to begin with and they are not true friends. So I'd rather spend time with him than with them. They drop plans with me all the time for guys or whatever else. Some of them have just recently gotten in touch with me after not talking to me for almost two years. My friend that is getting married today is one of those and I can bet she won't be at my wedding whenever I get married.

I wanted to ask him today why he doesn't ask me to do something when he seems to be free. It's like whenver he feels he's ready. It seems to be all about his timing. Maybe there's another reason he doesn't want to hang out. I dunnow. Maybe it's the fact that we've decided to try not mess around or do anything physically that is dishonoring to God. He could be afraid that we'll end up doing something. I guess I just need to talk to him and find out what's going on, but I'm so afraid that he's going to get upset and think I"m pressuring him and accusing him of stuff he isn't doing, etc. I'm not so good at communicating all of this stuff to him.

 

[Jill Pole]

I don't think you have to ask him any questions at this point. It doesn't really matter what's going on with him - the result is that he's neglecting you. So just point out to him that you had agreed earlier how, if he really prioritized you and cared about you, he'd make the time to see you. And since he hasn't been making the time, you've concluded that he doesn't prioritize you and doesn't care about you. Tell him what you want in a relationship, and say he's free to contact you if that's what he wants too, but if he doesn't, there's no point in either of you investing any more energy in the relationship. If you don't think you'll be able to say all that calmly (I don't think I could!) write it in a letter or email.

Then back off. Don't call, email, IM, or anything. It won't be painless or easy, but it will be better than these constant mini-rejections you're getting from him - kinda like ripping leg wax right off instead of pulling out one hair at a time. When you miss him (or what he represented) the most, just keep telling yourself that you deserve to be with someone who cherishes you. Believe me, he'll let you know if he does - and NOT just through physical affection.

As to girlfriends - obviously I don't know the situation at all, but give them a chance - maybe they're looking for new/renewed friendships too? If it was simply a matter of drifting apart and not a falling out of some kind, definitely give them a chance! And maybe try discussing the thing about cancelling plans when a guy calls - if you can all agree that it's not a good idea and not to do it any more, everyone will be better off.

Hang in there, dear. Lean on God - He cherishes you, more than any man EVER will, and He desires your company enough that He died in order to get it. He will get you through this, and the lessons you learn will make you stronger.