I would truly appreciate everyone's prayers for my son, husband, and me. My 8 year old son has been telling me lately that bad thoughts come to his head and he can't get rid of them. My husband is kind about it, but he doesn't really understand the seriousness of it I don't think. I homeschool our son because he had a lot of "meltdowns" concerning school, and also because, even though I worked in the public school for many years, I didn't want my son to have to go to public school. He did up until this year however. I don't want him to have ocd, or to be looking for him to have it just because I was diagnosed with it. I think maybe my husband thinks I'm just overreacting due to what I struggle with. I know that the ocd tendencies my son has seen me display have been a real negative for him. I've struggled with overreacting to things and having angry outbursts, all which have effected him I know. I don't want to blame ocd for all of my problems. I don't know which is ocd often times and which is just me not dealing well with the demands of life.
I've asked my counselor friend to come and talk with my son weekly. He has agreed to do so. My husband isn't comfortable with this. My son needs help, and I need help in dealing with him. I need help in loving him unconditionally despite the behaviors. He has angry outbursts, and I don't deal with them well at all. We are together for long periods of time due to school, and some days are so very long and frustrating.
People who see my son would think he's the sweetest child. He can be. My mother-in-law and father-in-law think I've always been too hard on him. I struggle with being controlling, yet I try not to be. My mother-in-law even told me once that she felt controlled by me. I would freak out because I had certain expectations for my son and they pretty much had none. I always felt like they counteracted anything I was trying to teach him, whether it was picking up after himself, eating meals before dessert, watching so much tv, not buying everything he wanted, etc. Now I look back and see that my son probably felt like they loved him regardless, but I looked at so much of what he did and didn't do, which didn't help him to feel I loved him for the person he was. We live right beside of my in-laws, and when he was in trouble, my father-in-law used to say things to him like, "What did you do this time?". My son loves them, especially his grandfather, dearly. My father-in-law is not a Christian and isn't a godly example to my son. I have always feared my son choosing ungodly values and have never wanted him around them a lot. I used to get so angry because he just wanted to stay down there all the time, and then I'd already be mad because I knew he'd just be sitting in front of the tv and eating sweets. They didn't have rules and we had unclear ones and too many of them. I'm sure my own fear over my personal salvation has motivated my hovering attitude. I have tried so hard to raise him right, but I've failed so miserably, and just continue to do so it seems. Now, my son lashes out in anger at his dad and me. We are particular about what he watches on tv, the amount of time he spends in front of the tv and video games, etc. His grandparents didn't care about any of that really and I've never dealt with that well. Since we live nextdoor, it has been practically impossible to raise him without them so much involved. I used to feel smothered by their presence and would stay angry most of the time over feeling we had no privacy. I would respond angrily to my son because he'd always want to go down there. It was like they were invovled with everything, even when my son went outside to play, and I did a terrible job of handling it. I constantly called out to God, but I lived with an angry heart and seemed unable to release it to God, even though I told Him repeatedly that I was letting it go. I seemed to go overboard where they went underboard, and our son in suffering the consequences. I fear this has all brought a lot of the struggles my son is now going through.
I so struggle with appropriate boundaries . . . what's important and what's not. It all seems important! We need God's intervention greatly in our lives. There's so much hurt and disappointment that we feel toward one another. Only God could heal our hearts. Again, your prayers would mean so much.
Thank You,
Rebecca
I've asked my counselor friend to come and talk with my son weekly. He has agreed to do so. My husband isn't comfortable with this. My son needs help, and I need help in dealing with him. I need help in loving him unconditionally despite the behaviors. He has angry outbursts, and I don't deal with them well at all. We are together for long periods of time due to school, and some days are so very long and frustrating.
People who see my son would think he's the sweetest child. He can be. My mother-in-law and father-in-law think I've always been too hard on him. I struggle with being controlling, yet I try not to be. My mother-in-law even told me once that she felt controlled by me. I would freak out because I had certain expectations for my son and they pretty much had none. I always felt like they counteracted anything I was trying to teach him, whether it was picking up after himself, eating meals before dessert, watching so much tv, not buying everything he wanted, etc. Now I look back and see that my son probably felt like they loved him regardless, but I looked at so much of what he did and didn't do, which didn't help him to feel I loved him for the person he was. We live right beside of my in-laws, and when he was in trouble, my father-in-law used to say things to him like, "What did you do this time?". My son loves them, especially his grandfather, dearly. My father-in-law is not a Christian and isn't a godly example to my son. I have always feared my son choosing ungodly values and have never wanted him around them a lot. I used to get so angry because he just wanted to stay down there all the time, and then I'd already be mad because I knew he'd just be sitting in front of the tv and eating sweets. They didn't have rules and we had unclear ones and too many of them. I'm sure my own fear over my personal salvation has motivated my hovering attitude. I have tried so hard to raise him right, but I've failed so miserably, and just continue to do so it seems. Now, my son lashes out in anger at his dad and me. We are particular about what he watches on tv, the amount of time he spends in front of the tv and video games, etc. His grandparents didn't care about any of that really and I've never dealt with that well. Since we live nextdoor, it has been practically impossible to raise him without them so much involved. I used to feel smothered by their presence and would stay angry most of the time over feeling we had no privacy. I would respond angrily to my son because he'd always want to go down there. It was like they were invovled with everything, even when my son went outside to play, and I did a terrible job of handling it. I constantly called out to God, but I lived with an angry heart and seemed unable to release it to God, even though I told Him repeatedly that I was letting it go. I seemed to go overboard where they went underboard, and our son in suffering the consequences. I fear this has all brought a lot of the struggles my son is now going through.
I so struggle with appropriate boundaries . . . what's important and what's not. It all seems important! We need God's intervention greatly in our lives. There's so much hurt and disappointment that we feel toward one another. Only God could heal our hearts. Again, your prayers would mean so much.
Thank You,
Rebecca
