Prayers for my brain

[Eretria90]

Wondering if the good folks of OBOB can send some prayers my way. Ash Wednesday was a crash-and-burn event for me; sister came to Mass with me today and talked throughout all of it, except the homily and readings. She is a lapsed Catholic and doesn't "get it." Like many she doesn't see the Catholic faith as a lifestyle but as something that can be lived as however she chooses. I offered to give her reading materials and even offered her to attend divine liturgy with me but all the usual excuses came up.

It is very hard for me to live with a family of lapsed or un-believers. I pray for their conversion but all the insanity and extreme anger that is sadly present in my family also makes me angry as well (I have horrible anger problems).

I also had a few things happen to me earlier last week that triggered nearly an anxiety attack and suicidal ideas (and yes, I will be discussing this with my doctor; because it's dissipated now).

I am also trying to get off a "medication" that was forcefully put on me as a teenager and it has massively screwed up my hormones. Now I am trying to completely get off of it but the health effects that will result from the 10+ years I've been taking it is a pandora's box. I have no clue how my body is going to react but I have a feeling I will be miserable/moody for quite a while. It's also highly possible that this medication has played a role in why I'm having so much anxiety and depression. But none of these doctors care.

It doesn't help that I'm exhausted mentally and physically from work. I get very few days off in a single month.

I have also been distracted in prayer. And some days, I don't feel like praying at all. I'm too dumb to pray the Jesus Prayer without ceasing.

I know, boohoo, first world problems. I will offer to pray for others though.

 

[MikeK]

You and your beautiful brain will be in my prayers. Try to view distractions as Mass as reminders to focus on what is important and not the noise. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[eastcoast_bsc]

Lord I pray for Eretria. I pray Lord that you will ease her fears, and that she will know, that she can do all things in Christ Jesus.

Eretria, don't beat up on yourself. Focus on your faith and your walk. Pray for others. Keep involved with your healthcare providers. The Lenten season is upon us, and through all our struggles and fears, Christ has risen. We will also.

 

[bill5]

Best wishes and prayers for you!

 

[Rhamiel]

I know, boohoo, first world problems. I will offer to pray for others though.

no need to devalue your problems like that
we all have problems, and thank you for being brave enough to share your problems with us

God bless you my dear sister in Christ
I will pray for you
please pray for me too

 

[Autumnleaf]

Turn it over to God as much as you can. He knows you and loves you as His own.

 

[look4hope]

Prayers your way, E. Please know that many of us are going through some mind-blowing mentally and physically exhausting trials in our lives, and so we can totally understand.
Stay strong
Hugs

 

[pdudgeon]

praying that you can find a place of sanctuary and peace for yourself during this time.

and a well-deserved gold star for you for taking your sister to mass. my guess is that her chattering was a guilt-ridden defensive mechanism that she used, lest she hear what God was saying to her.

What she doesn't know is that God can reach out to her in love in spite of her defenses, because our brain records everything and stores it up. And when the time is right, she'll remember that time with you at mass.

you did well, very well indeed.

 

[RileyG]

Praying

 

[Eretria90]

Definitely not a great day for the first week of Great Lent.

My anxiety is getting worse due to more amazing external events that took place today. When I have such horrible anxiety I barely eat, feel physically ill, etc. The worst part is no one cares or pretends that there's nothing wrong with me. If I tell my parents that I should go see a therapist or something, they'll say to me that I'm lying or that it's "just a part of growing up." So then I don't go, not to mention it costs money and there's all kinds of quacks out there who would rather medicate me to death (as it just so happens, this is me).

I honestly think this is a hormonal imbalance and I'm horrified of what my physician will tell me, since I'm trying to get off of a specific medication which I definitely believe is aiding in this. It doesn't help that my household is a disaster and that's the major contributing factor to all of this. It's easier said than done that I have to change myself when others around me are contributing to this angry environment.

 

[GoingByzantine]

Definitely not a great day for the first week of Great Lent.

My anxiety is getting worse due to more amazing external events that took place today. When I have such horrible anxiety I barely eat, feel physically ill, etc. The worst part is no one cares or pretends that there's nothing wrong with me. If I tell my parents that I should go see a therapist or something, they'll say to me that I'm lying or that it's "just a part of growing up." So then I don't go, not to mention it costs money and there's all kinds of quacks out there who would rather medicate me to death (as it just so happens, this is me).

I honestly think this is a hormonal imbalance and I'm horrified of what my physician will tell me, since I'm trying to get off of a specific medication which I definitely believe is aiding in this. It doesn't help that my household is a disaster and that's the major contributing factor to all of this. It's easier said than done that I have to change myself when others around me are contributing to this angry environment.

If I may offer a suggestion, if you have time pick up a hobby. I was very stressed, like extremely stressed, and then I picked up hiking and wildlife observation as a hobby and I feel much calmer.

If it weren't so cold I would be going on a hike everyday, but I can settle with once or twice a week on days above 30 degrees fahrenheit.

 

[Eretria90]

If I may offer a suggestion, if you have time pick up a hobby. I was very stressed, like extremely stressed, and then I picked up hiking and wildlife observation as a hobby and I feel much calmer.

If it weren't so cold I would be going on a hike everyday, but I can settle with once or twice a week on days above 30 degrees fahrenheit.

Well, I've been doing all my usual hobbies. And not only that, but I finally got off my lazy butt and started taking walks at least 6 days a week. It's only like a 15 minute walk but it's the most effort I've made to exercise in the past year. I'm also starting to slowly change my diet. Usually I try to pray the Jesus Prayer on my prayer rope or pray the Rosary while I'm walking.

Despite the insanely cold weather (-1 degrees F) today I still went for a walk. I guess this is how attuned my body has become to all weather due to the fact that I have to work outside in all weather, year round. So taking a 15 minute walk in this weather is nothing compared to the 5 hours I spent working outside in 5 F weather with a nasty wind chill and snow to boot. Do I like exercising? A big "nope." But I have to force myself to do it.

I hope when coming off this medication I will not be nearly hospitalized or miserable to the point of being immobile, because then these walks may not be possible.

 

[pdudgeon]

since you already have a physician you should make an appointment to see him/her.
If the thought of doing that is scary, then try going to a walk-in medical clinic somewhere, but definitely go and see someone.
If you have a trusted friend, take them with you to the appointment so that they can offer you the help and support that you need to see this through.

 

[seayhere]

Do you have an autoimmune disorder? I have hashimotos (autoimmune thyroid disease) last year, I had psychosis. I am better now, but at any rate, I just read a book called brain on fire and it was about autoimmune encephalitis. Many of the problems you are stating could be from that. I swear I think that's what I had last year. I was completely nuts and had halluciations, auditory. I have stopped eating wheat all together because I read that can cause mental issues and although I still have some anxiety, I'm not hearing things anymore. (i actually thought people in my family were saying things that they weren't.) It was awful. You should look for a physical cause, many things can cause those symptoms such as vitamin b12 being to low, also your thyroid can cause those symptoms. Don't let them just say you have a mental problem, something is causing it. Make sure you have a good doctor.

 

[Chrystal-J]

Praying for you!

 

[Eretria90]

Well I don't think I'll be going back to see this lady physician anymore. She of course is the typical gynecologist who thinks pregnancy is a disease (and no I am NOT pregnant), that birth control should be handed out like candy, and clearly thinks I'm an idiot. She didn't bother answering any questions about what happens after I stop taking a medication; she completely diverted any questions I had.

All in all, no help whatsoever. "Go see your family care physician and he'll give you a prescription for your anxiety" or "Go see this therapist (who turns out is a psychologist?)" etc. Just a very odd, awkward office visit.

I'm thinking I should go and investigate these Catholic, pro-life OB/GYN doctors not too far away from where I live, assuming they take my insurance.

I swear, parents ruin the lives of their children/teeangers by allowing all these completely unnecessary medications that screw up the insides of their bodies. Why do we see this as "good?"

 

[Rhamiel]

I am sorry dear

 

[Tigg]

You have my prayers for your intentions. And I will also pray that you find a physician that will take the time with you and go over your treatment and meds. Altho I am just a cyber person here, I do care very much as a lot of others do too.

 

[Laura1084]

Wondering if the good folks of OBOB can send some prayers my way. Ash Wednesday was a crash-and-burn event for me; sister came to Mass with me today and talked throughout all of it, except the homily and readings. She is a lapsed Catholic and doesn't "get it." Like many she doesn't see the Catholic faith as a lifestyle but as something that can be lived as however she chooses. I offered to give her reading materials and even offered her to attend divine liturgy with me but all the usual excuses came up.

It is very hard for me to live with a family of lapsed or un-believers. I pray for their conversion but all the insanity and extreme anger that is sadly present in my family also makes me angry as well (I have horrible anger problems).

I also had a few things happen to me earlier last week that triggered nearly an anxiety attack and suicidal ideas (and yes, I will be discussing this with my doctor; because it's dissipated now).

I am also trying to get off a "medication" that was forcefully put on me as a teenager and it has massively screwed up my hormones. Now I am trying to completely get off of it but the health effects that will result from the 10+ years I've been taking it is a pandora's box. I have no clue how my body is going to react but I have a feeling I will be miserable/moody for quite a while. It's also highly possible that this medication has played a role in why I'm having so much anxiety and depression. But none of these doctors care.

It doesn't help that I'm exhausted mentally and physically from work. I get very few days off in a single month.

I have also been distracted in prayer. And some days, I don't feel like praying at all. I'm too dumb to pray the Jesus Prayer without ceasing.

I know, boohoo, first world problems. I will offer to pray for others though.

Eretria:

I've been a Christian for over 13 years and have been dealing with anxiety for about 8 years. I was in a terrible cycle trying to deal with anxiety, worry, panic and fear within the church-- a church that wasn't equipped to deal with these things. They just prayed for me, laid hands on me… I would use Scripture like a mantra… I begged God to "set me free" and always felt He let me down. All of this leads to a DEAD END! Trust me. I've now been given amazing tools to deal with anxiety by someone who's come from being strapped down in a mental hospital and given about 10 shock treatments. She's a Christian woman and has the most amazing testimony of how she's overcome anxiety, panic and depression. I signed up for her course at Calvary Chapel in Ft. Lauderdale, FL; it was called "Unmasking Anxiety" and her name is Honor Weber. It was an 8-week course and changed my life! She's unfortunately just relocated BUT you can contact the church bookstore to purchase the course. I do NOT work for them and am only writing this to help others get help like I did-- because material like this is VERY hard to find! I went YEARS thinking God failed me, reciting Biblical verses, fasting, praying, feeling "crazy" and losing my mind… felt that no one understood me. Everyone told me to "trust God" or told me to see a Psychiatrist. I even saw a "Christian Psychiatrist" who only suggested I sit in a chair and stare at some lights moving side to side. This made me feel even more hopeless and didn't make sense to me and I never did it. Honor primarily teaches how our mental health is a direct result of the thoughts we have trained our brains to think. She goes in depth about how the brain works… about how thoughts scientifically enter into our brains and pass from one neuron to another and how they then excrete chemicals and adrenaline which then produces our anxious feelings and panic attacks. She shares Biblical verses about God's design for our minds and thought life. She makes it very clear how we "train our brains" to thinking anxiously, depressed, etc and how it forms "patterns" which need to be interrupted and broken. Anxiety is NOT a mental illness, it's not a sickness… it's a disorder that we ourselves CAUSE. Our brains have something like "muscle memory" and are trained to react to those "trigger" situations the same way each time. She teaches how to slow our minds down, to breathe correctly in order to calm all nerves and panic attacks, how to excrete chemicals like serotonin and dopamine, which are neurotransmitters that are responsible for our moods. When I heard these things, it made PERFECT sense to me! We are responsible for our thought patterns and she helps you identify them. What's easier is that she's a very Type-A person with a hilarious personality. She makes you actually laugh at yourself.. PLEASE trust me and buy her course! I took her course but then purchased the MP3 CD and uploaded it all to my iPhone so I can listen anywhere at any time. God bless!

 

[pdudgeon]

[quote:] I'm thinking I should go and investigate these Catholic, pro-life OB/GYN doctors not too far away from where I live, assuming they take my insurance.[/quote]

absolutely yes to this!