Prayer Warriors!!

[Tink]

Not rejecting your words but want to address a couple points:



We are all born in darkness, to be born into this world at all is to be so born. And "if the light that is in you is turned to darkness, how great that darkness is!"

Also I did not walk into it. I was dragged away kicking, screaming and fighting as hard as I could but it might as well have been a toddler beating and the chest of a mighty giant who held her by the ankles in chains for all the good it did me.

And -- nothing to do with Ves here mind you all -- to hearken to the claims of one particularly recent vexing person on this board (not here in this thread THANK GOD) -- *I* am the one who SUFFERED as a result of God "not acting like God" during this whole freaking experience back in 1983; *I* am the one who has to suffer its "inexplicableness" and "wrongness" (as in not conforming to what the Word says we are to expect from God and have confidence in). So WHY should he imagine i have to accept HIS explanation which is even worse, which says I never knew God in the first place and never was saved??? it doesn't make any sense!! and then when he cannot gainsay my arguments -- my defenses in my own behalf -- he resorts to saying "you are all being decieved by demons!" meaning anyone who listens to me.

i don't want to be a bitter vindictive spiteful person but can you see how repeated blows over and over again in the same spots make me want to reach up and tear the flesh with my teeth and bare hands from the bones on some of these smug, self-satisfied, complacent self-serving DOLTS??? (and since i can't, guess whose flesh gets torn as convenient proxy. ) sorry if that's inappropriate, mods can remove it if it is. but i have no language to share how i feel if everything i need to say is going to be deemed "inappropriate" HELL LIFE ITSELF IS PRETTY FREAKING INAPPROPRIATE if you ask me. being able to get away with constantly haranguing and harassing one person because theya re "different" is HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE.

I agree with your last paragraph and in particular your last sentence.

Love.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

thank you ... all of you ...
i appreciate the reassurances ... i really need some solid deconstructive input on the question i asked earlier but i appreciate that SOME of you recognize at least part of the agenda of the destroyer is to make you give up. i hope you also realize that when He is upon me that may be how i act too, i don't know. i hope i don't fight those who are kind, compassionate and understanding toward me but I DONT KNOW

 

[Criada]

Whatever you "choose" or don't choose, Moriah, I will not stop praying. Because that is God's will, and the way He has chosen for me - and I choose to fight this battle.
If you truly don't think that you have free will, or if you are unable to exercise it, let those of us who have chosen fight for you.
Because you are infinitely precious!
God bless you, sister. Am, as always, praying for you.

 

[vespasia]

I cannot imagine loosing light for darkness as that is outside of my experience but I do know how blinding light is to step into from pure absolute darkness.

 

[Nilla]

praying in agreement!!

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

I cannot imagine loosing light for darkness as that is outside of my experience but I do know how blinding light is to step into from pure absolute darkness.

yes.
forgive me, sometimes i feel "competition" and "inadequacy".
we each have our own experiences. in many ways they are similar and in some particular ways they are very different. i am blessed to know you overall.

 

[Tenebrae]

OK serious question now and i mean it soberly and solemnly.
What if each of you is endangering his or her faith experience by praying for a lost cause.

Speaking as a lost cause who was told that she would never make it to her 25th birthday, and has just had her 30th birthday

They will tell you that you are a lost cause, they have been telling you this for many years, that you have come to a point where you believe it as well. Its not helped by other people who instead of giving you space to be, they insist that you must conform to their picture before they will help you

Jesus met people exactly where they were at. Jesus didnt say to the demoniac of the Geserenes "Hey look, I'm sorry, but you are going to have to get a haircut, and for goodness sakes, go home and put on some clothes, then come back and I will see what I can do for you

There is none who are beyond redemption, and any Christian who tells you this is not speaking Gods, word, but they are speaking their own.

I was a mad self injurying, basket case, I wanted out of life so much, that I had at least 4 visits to the intensive care unit, because when I was found, I was almost gone. One instance when I almost managed to do it, but instead I slept for over a day. Not only did that happen, when I went to sleep, I lay down on the couch, when I woke over a day later, I was lying in bed, covered by all my blankets. With what I had taken there is no way I would have been able to get myself never mind all my blankets from the couch to my bedroom. Even when I hated God, He was still actively working behind the scenes to ensure that I would survive... After the last time, my doctor almost fell off his chair, he told me that there was no medical reason why I survived

After I came to faith, I went through deliverance, a 2 year journey dabbling in RHP practices had been more than long enough to pick up some serious spiritual baggage. A big part of that process was choosing to step into Gods freedom, which started with forgiving those who had wronged me.

Like many people that have been in an abusive relationship, they get to the point of feeling like they have no choice in the matter, that they cant leave. Shaitan has told you many times, that He will see you dead before he lets you go to Christ, I know he has also been good to you, however thats how abusive people entities function. He played on your experiences with the church and used those experiences to manipulate you. With one hand he caresses you and tells you that he loves you, with the other hand, he backhands you across the room

I realise that as much as you hate and detest the situation you are in, the thought of changing that situation terrifies you beyond belief. Oh boy do i know what thats like, a situation can suck immeasurably, however change involves embarking out into the unknown, which can be even more terrifying than the current situation

Moriah, praying for you does not, and will never damage my faith, or relationship with Christ. And while there is breath in my body, you will always be in my prayers.....

Love you loads and still praying

Kia Kaha (Kee a kaahaa, be strong) You arestronger than you know. You have been through many things that by all means should have killed you,, yet you are still here

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

They will tell you that you are a lost cause, they have been telling you this for many years, that you have come to a point where you believe it as well. Its not helped by other people who instead of giving you space to be, they insist that you must conform to their picture before they will help you

Jesus met people exactly where they were at. Jesus didnt say to the demoniac of the Geserenes "Hey look, I'm sorry, but you are going to have to get a haircut, and for goodness sakes, go home and put on some clothes, then come back and I will see what I can do for you

There is none who are beyond redemption, and any Christian who tells you this is not speaking Gods, word, but they are speaking their own.

AMEN and quoted for truth.
see?
i can still RECOGNIZE truth.
...............
...............
...............
............... ... ... ... ... it
is
TRUTH,
isn't
it?

I was a mad self injurying, basket case, I wanted out of life so much, that I had at least 4 visits to the intensive care unit, because when I was found, I was almost gone. One instance when I almost managed to do it, but instead I slept for over a day. Not only did that happen, when I went to sleep, I lay down on the couch, when I woke over a day later, I was lying in bed, covered by all my blankets. With what I had taken there is no way I would have been able to get myself never mind all my blankets from the couch to my bedroom. Even when I hated God, He was still actively working behind the scenes to ensure that I would survive... After the last time, my doctor almost fell off his chair, he told me that there was no medical reason why I survived

You know why I haven't been to the ICU 4 times like you? Because I'm terrified He WONT do that for me. Know what I mean?
(that's about as freaking bonecutting honest as it gets........)

Like many people that have been in an abusive relationship, they get to the point of feeling like they have no choice in the matter, that they cant leave. Shaitan has told you many times, that He will see you dead before he lets you go to Christ, I know he has also been good to you, however thats how abusive people entities function. He played on your experiences with the church and used those experiences to manipulate you. With one hand he caresses you and tells you that he loves you, with the other hand, he backhands you across the room

Only when I deserve it. Only when I am a fool and endangering myself.
What I HATE most is the use of other people to do that dirty job.
I end up hating them and blaming them, maybe if Shaitan really is "evil" like they say, they are victims just like me? Used and controlled and manipulated??? Is that how normal humans think? I don't know how to imitate that, the words sound so foreign and meaningless ... when I read this i was as stone inside, had to slam my fists into my skull several times to remember i can FEEL

I realise that as much as you hate and detest the situation you are in, the thought of changing that situation terrifies you beyond belief. Oh boy do i know what thats like, a situation can suck immeasurably, however change involves embarking out into the unknown, which can be even more terrifying than the current situation

it's not just this. it's beyond terror of the "unknown" and into terror of the KNOWN -- of the tried-before, of the beentheredonethat which didn't work, of full awareness of the grinding futility and emptiness and WASTED FREAKING TIME ABOVE ALL and the total FRUSTRATION of it, waiting for your life to begin interminably, that comes with trying to change this.

Moriah, praying for you does not, and will never damage my faith, or relationship with Christ. And while there is breath in my body, you will always be in my prayers.....

Love you loads and still praying

Kia Kaha (Kee a kaahaa, be strong) You arestronger than you know. You have been through many things that by all means should have killed you,, yet you are still here

thank you Frei. by speaking YOUR words you freed me for a moment to speak mine, from deeper inside than i've been able to for a long while. pray they are heard, pray God makes of them what is meant to be made, someone please please HEAR ME

 

[Tenebrae]

AMEN and quoted for truth.
see?
i can still RECOGNIZE truth.
...............
...............
...............
............... ... ... ... ... it
is
TRUTH,
isn't
it?

It is darling, God loves you unbelievably , more than you or I can grasp. He is a gentleman, and will never force Himself on you, He waits for your invitation

You know why I haven't been to the ICU 4 times like you? Because I'm terrified He WONT do that for me. Know what I mean?
(that's about as freaking bonecutting honest as it gets........)

At the time, I was totally hacked off. I wanted to die, and was unbelievably %@! ^!#&^@

Only when I deserve it. Only when I am a fool and endangering myself.

The thing is though hun, through their actions, you believe that you deserved it. They will set theemselves up into a position where they blame you for getting them angry. No one deserves to be treated like this, and I don't care how foolish you think you have been, NO ONE, deserves to be hurt like that.

Its a good thing God doesnt give up on us when we are foolish, people do, however God rises above His terrible public relation teams.

What I HATE most is the use of other people to do that dirty job.
I end up hating them and blaming them, maybe if Shaitan really is "evil" like they say, they are victims just like me? Used and controlled and manipulated???

I think there is a difference between your situation and when people use the excuse the devil make me do it. You've lived like this for so long, I dont see deliberate deceit in you. I think why many claim to have issues with you is that you approach and embrace life, the good things, but also the things that people dont want to think about, or examine. You portray your experience exactly how it happens, which includes emotion, and the raw visceral thinking

Is that how normal humans think?

This is going to sound trite for which I apologise, however what the heck does normal mean? I could ask 20 different people for the meaning of normal, and its highly likely I would get 20 different answers. for a long time my normal involved tying men up and beating them for money. which would be totally un normal for a great number of people

I don't know how to imitate that, the words sound so foreign and meaningless ... when I read this i was as stone inside, had to slam my fists into my skull several times to remember i can FEEL

That was one of the reasons why I self harmed for so long, all i wanted was to feel something. Used to tell people that if my emotions were plotted on a graph, I'd be pronounced clinically dead because they were a flatline. I bear the scars still from that.....

it's not just this. it's beyond terror of the "unknown" and into terror of the KNOWN -- of the tried-before, of the beentheredonethat which didn't work, of full awareness of the grinding futility and emptiness and WASTED FREAKING TIME ABOVE ALL and the total FRUSTRATION of it, waiting for your life to begin interminably, that comes with trying to change this.

Boy can i identify with this. This was one of the reasons why I stayed out of the church for over a year, was because I did not want to get involved again and put myself in a position where the $@$!&@#!!^&* could do it to me again....


Currently attending a small congregation in town, and they are a lovely bunch of people, even with all that, I still have that reflex of wanting to up and run at the slightest sign of misuse of spiritual authority.

Unfortunately we have two choices, we can live without church, because of what we experienced, and a perfectly normal desire to not to want to go through that abuse again. I cant tell you that if you go back to a church it wont happen again, no one can.

For me after a while I knew that if I didnt get back into going to a church on some sort of a regular basis, then I never would. The congregation where I am are an awesome bunch of people.

Or we can step back into a church and run the risk that it may happen again. God_Is_My_Refuge aka Jeff is very well connected I believe, and Tracey and dede, father Rick may know of good safe churches that you could try out.

thank you Frei. by speaking YOUR words you freed me for a moment to speak mine, from deeper inside than i've been able to for a long while. pray they are heard, pray God makes of them what is meant to be made, someone please please HEAR ME

Hun, there are those of us who hear you. And know that while we have breath, we will continue to hold you in our prayers

 

[Tink]

AMEN and quoted for truth.
see?
i can still RECOGNIZE truth.
...............
...............
...............
............... ... ... ... ... it
is
TRUTH,
isn't
it?



You know why I haven't been to the ICU 4 times like you? Because I'm terrified He WONT do that for me. Know what I mean?
(that's about as freaking bonecutting honest as it gets........)


Only when I deserve it. Only when I am a fool and endangering myself.
What I HATE most is the use of other people to do that dirty job.
I end up hating them and blaming them, maybe if Shaitan really is "evil" like they say, they are victims just like me? Used and controlled and manipulated??? Is that how normal humans think? I don't know how to imitate that, the words sound so foreign and meaningless ... when I read this i was as stone inside, had to slam my fists into my skull several times to remember i can FEEL



it's not just this. it's beyond terror of the "unknown" and into terror of the KNOWN -- of the tried-before, of the beentheredonethat which didn't work, of full awareness of the grinding futility and emptiness and WASTED FREAKING TIME ABOVE ALL and the total FRUSTRATION of it, waiting for your life to begin interminably, that comes with trying to change this.



thank you Frei. by speaking YOUR words you freed me for a moment to speak mine, from deeper inside than i've been able to for a long while. pray they are heard, pray God makes of them what is meant to be made, someone please please HEAR ME

It is darling, God loves you unbelievably , more than you or I can grasp. He is a gentleman, and will never force Himself on you, He waits for your invitation


At the time, I was totally hacked off. I wanted to die, and was unbelievably %@! ^!#&^@


The thing is though hun, through their actions, you believe that you deserved it. They will set theemselves up into a position where they blame you for getting them angry. No one deserves to be treated like this, and I don't care how foolish you think you have been, NO ONE, deserves to be hurt like that.

Its a good thing God doesnt give up on us when we are foolish, people do, however God rises above His terrible public relation teams.



I think there is a difference between your situation and when people use the excuse the devil make me do it. You've lived like this for so long, I dont see deliberate deceit in you. I think why many claim to have issues with you is that you approach and embrace life, the good things, but also the things that people dont want to think about, or examine. You portray your experience exactly how it happens, which includes emotion, and the raw visceral thinking

This is going to sound trite for which I apologise, however what the heck does normal mean? I could ask 20 different people for the meaning of normal, and its highly likely I would get 20 different answers. for a long time my normal involved tying men up and beating them for money. which would be totally un normal for a great number of people


That was one of the reasons why I self harmed for so long, all i wanted was to feel something. Used to tell people that if my emotions were plotted on a graph, I'd be pronounced clinically dead because they were a flatline. I bear the scars still from that.....



Boy can i identify with this. This was one of the reasons why I stayed out of the church for over a year, was because I did not want to get involved again and put myself in a position where the $@$!&@#!!^&* could do it to me again....


Currently attending a small congregation in town, and they are a lovely bunch of people, even with all that, I still have that reflex of wanting to up and run at the slightest sign of misuse of spiritual authority.

Unfortunately we have two choices, we can live without church, because of what we experienced, and a perfectly normal desire to not to want to go through that abuse again. I cant tell you that if you go back to a church it wont happen again, no one can.

For me after a while I knew that if I didnt get back into going to a church on some sort of a regular basis, then I never would. The congregation where I am are an awesome bunch of people.

Or we can step back into a church and run the risk that it may happen again. God_Is_My_Refuge aka Jeff is very well connected I believe, and Tracey and dede, father Rick may know of good safe churches that you could try out.




Hun, there are those of us who hear you. And know that while we have breath, we will continue to hold you in our prayers

 

[Tenebrae]

Sorry, didn't mean to make you cry

 

[Tink]

Sorry, didn't mean to make you cry

It was a good cry! That was just so...honest and beautiful.

I want so much for her to be free! You've been there, so you know better how to address it.

I just love you guys!

From the weird, overly emotional -
Tinkerbell!

 

[Tenebrae]

It was a good cry! That was just so...honest and beautiful.

I want so much for her to be free! You've been there, so you know better how to address it.

I just love you guys!

From the weird, overly emotional -
Tinkerbell!

Tink

Emotions are good, it proves we are human and have some semblance of well being

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Unfortunately we have two choices, we can live without church, because of what we experienced, and a perfectly normal desire to not to want to go through that abuse again. I cant tell you that if you go back to a church it wont happen again, no one can.

For me after a while I knew that if I didnt get back into going to a church on some sort of a regular basis, then I never would. The congregation where I am are an awesome bunch of people.

Or we can step back into a church and run the risk that it may happen again. God_Is_My_Refuge aka Jeff is very well connected I believe, and Tracey and dede, father Rick may know of good safe churches that you could try out.

if one of them vetted a place beforehand, and told them a daimonizomai might come among them and talked to them first to make sure they were equipped and ready to deal properly -- NOT WITH FORCE -- with compassion like you people here? i might try it. i might.

i need help. sometimes i know that. sometimes i dont

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

It was a good cry! That was just so...honest and beautiful.

I want so much for her to be free! You've been there, so you know better how to address it.

I just love you guys!

From the weird, overly emotional -
Tinkerbell!

you are precious for your love and feeling.
God values feeling. some of His people dont. some of them denigrate it but i believe He values it.

 

[JPPT1974]

Emotions are good as that
Is what makes the person IMO!

 

[AdJesumPerMariam]

Freitag.... 's 's

And I agree, as long as I can think, feel, and live...I will pray

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

i can't pray
because
i am not a person
did you know that?
i am not a person

you see this? this is how the humans treat
those they decide are
"not a person"

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

He who cannot be named to others
comes to me and says
later tonight
He will show me
just how much I am
not a person

 

[Tink]

i can't pray
because
i am not a person
did you know that?
i am not a person



you see this? this is how the humans treat
those they decide are
"not a person"

Moriah, YOU ARE A PERSON!

HE LIES.

You are MY SISTER.

You are a child of God.

You are precious and loved.

Just because some people here CANNOT and WILL NOT see you as God sees you DOES NOT MAKE YOU LESS OF A PERSON.

YOU are MY SISTER. YOU ARE OUR SISTER. YOU ARE HIS DAUGHTER.

YOU ARE A PERSON. One in pain. One mistreated. One hurting. You remain, A PERSON.

I love you. DO NOT BELIEVE THE LIES, my dear.

You are loved. You are NOT FORGOTTEN. HE who is ABOVE ALL has NOT FORSAKEN YOU. He awaits your return, Moriah!