1. Please pray for my psychiatrist app't on Wed. More than 75mg of Lamictal causes problems and less isn't enough. 75mg helps with a couple of things but makes dreams worse. Overall I finally have stopped getting worse. So he/we will have to decide if this is as good as it gets for now and will he want to add something or try something else? I don't think it will be an easy decision. After two years of med merry-go-round I don't think I can go through the torture of going off and trying yet another drug.
2. I use my wife's computer for music and MP3 player. I never ever read her emails or journals. But there was an email message right there open on the screen. She is suffering because of my illness and related issues more than I thought. She hasn't been telling me.
I go to a friend's house once a week which was a big step for me. She sees it as me only having one friend. I go to Bible study which is difficult for me and she says I don't go out and do anything. And she thinks I'm not trying (ouch). On the other hand, I haven't told her how difficult it is just to stay alive and what it's like in my head, not wanting to scare her.
This is the first time in years and years I've ever complained about her to anyone. I always think and speak positively of her. I've grown to love her more and more even as I have gotten worse. I do little things to show her I love her (in her "love language" not mine) but they don't seem to be appreciated. It hurts to know she is talking to others like this and makes me feel ashamed.
She has become more supportive of me over the last year but it may not be as much as I thought.
Please pray that I can keep loving her sacrificially (if that's a word), endure what I don't get in return, that we would communicate what we need to, that I would trust God with her, and that I would do what I can to improve on my end. I know it goes both ways.
I'm so thankful for her and we both really do love each other but this has really shaken me.
2. I use my wife's computer for music and MP3 player. I never ever read her emails or journals. But there was an email message right there open on the screen. She is suffering because of my illness and related issues more than I thought. She hasn't been telling me.
I go to a friend's house once a week which was a big step for me. She sees it as me only having one friend. I go to Bible study which is difficult for me and she says I don't go out and do anything. And she thinks I'm not trying (ouch). On the other hand, I haven't told her how difficult it is just to stay alive and what it's like in my head, not wanting to scare her.
This is the first time in years and years I've ever complained about her to anyone. I always think and speak positively of her. I've grown to love her more and more even as I have gotten worse. I do little things to show her I love her (in her "love language" not mine) but they don't seem to be appreciated. It hurts to know she is talking to others like this and makes me feel ashamed.
She has become more supportive of me over the last year but it may not be as much as I thought.
Please pray that I can keep loving her sacrificially (if that's a word), endure what I don't get in return, that we would communicate what we need to, that I would trust God with her, and that I would do what I can to improve on my end. I know it goes both ways.
I'm so thankful for her and we both really do love each other but this has really shaken me.
