Prayer request for me ....please

[searchingforpeace]

I am asking for prayers...I am really struggling...I posted earlier on the non-christian board...there I did not ask for prayers, but feel I must. I know there is power in prayer. Below is the post from the other board here, so you will have an idea of what to pray for. Thank you so much for the prayers.

"I am not really sure as to why I am posting here...I guess reaching out even thought I feel that is pointless. I have reached out many times to Christians, to God, to Jesus and I always end up back where I started....lost, feeling hopeless, feeling like no matter what I do God can not be in my life. I have thought in the past I have been saved, but I see that was not so because I guess if I was ever saved I wouldn't fall back into the sins in my life, I would be able to put aside the things that keep me separated from God. I know he does not push me away, it has always been me pushing him away. I push him away with my sins and with my unwillingness to give up the things that have been a part of my life for so long. I'm 33, married. I thought I became a Christian a few years back. I loved the Lord, loved the Word, loved being at church, loved being surrounded by Christians and filling my life with things I felt drew me closer to God. I fell away. I was hurt by the church I attended, hurt that I was told I was not saved because I took medication for bipolar disorder. I walked...no, I ran away from it. I ran so far that I turned to Buddhism. All that did was fill a void but did not fill my heart. I came back to the Lord and found that it seems to cause strife between my husband and I. He has no interest in knowing the Lord. He had no interest in attending church with me, no interest in any of it. He would comment how I was obsessed. Was I? Yes at times I think so. (but having OCD tendencies, that happens with just about everything in my life here and there). It was effecting my marriage, putting a wall between us...in and out of the bedroom. I somehow have always ended up in churches that try to change every single thing about me, from what I wear( I think it is ok for women to wear to pants, how did I always end up in churches that said no...women should always be in a dress...women should cover their heads?). I know that being saved, being a Christian, loving the Lord with all ones heart, does change them. And that change can be the most positive thing ever. But for me it was never positive, it always ended up being negative, making me feel very bad about who I was, feeling bad about my life, making me feel that I would never be good enough, never be accepted, and never truly be a Christian. I know that praying, reading God's word is so important but I was always made to feel that if I was not doing that 24/7, that if I was doing anything other than reading the Bible or praying that I was not good enough. I don't know, I don't know why I am here...Well, I guess I do...I miss the Lord in my life....I miss him in my heart...I miss him in my days and in my nights. But I am scared beyond words. I don't want to feel like no matter what I do that I am not good enough, that I don't measure up, that I don't belong. I get scared that obsession will take hold and it will once again become a problem in my marriage. I get scared of trying to see if there is a balance. I know I am just rambling and I apologize for that. I have been holding in so much for so long and I guess it just can't stay in anymore. I see my Bibles on the bookshelf but can't get myself to open them because I am afraid of losing me, afraid of God not wanting, afraid the feeling of hopelessness will only increase. I sat here today listening to some of my favorite Christians songs, the songs that always lifted me closer to the Lord , I sat here and cried. Cried because I do feel so lost, because I do feel if I get close to God again, it will once again all slip away. I just needed to reach out, I just needed to clear my head. I don't know if it helped me any, I don't really know what the point of it all was. Once again sorry for rambling and forgive me if I shouldn't have posted any of this. "


D.

 

[Secundulus]

I have added you to my prayer list.

You said you are afraid that you don't measure up to God, that you are not good enough. You are right, you are not good enough. I am not good enough either, and neither is anybody else. That why Christ offers the free gift of forgiveness; because he knows we are not good enough on our own. Trust him. Confess your sins and worship him as Lord and he will accept you unconditionally.

This does not mean that all of your temptations to sin will disappear. Even the Apostle Paul was tempted. Sometimes you will fail to live up to his standard. We all fail. That's what makes his gift of forgiveness so wonderful.

His gift of forgiveness is free, but you have to accept it, you have to confess him as Lord, and you have to be baptized.

I don't know what Church you went to before, but you are right that it doesn't matter whether you are wearing a dress or pants, as long as you are there. If that Church is making you feel unwelcome then go to another one. I would personally recommend a Roman Catholic Church or an Anglican Church if one is in your area. These hold most faithfully to the teachings of the Church from the earliest times. If you don't want to go there then my next recommendation would be a Southern Baptist Church.

Get rid of your doubts. If you accept Christ then he will accept you. Read the Bible. pray, and go to Church. Over time, God, through the Holy Spirit and the Church, will teach you what you need to know.

 

[GreenMunchkin]

Hello, sweetie. I will pray for you, but I wanted to say something, also, if that's ok. That you miss Him shows you *do* have a connection with Him. You need to understand that, first and foremost.

Gosh, it sounds like you feel becoming a Christian makes us into perfect people. If only! Christians are as flawed as non-Christians. We - and I'm including you in that "we" - make as many mistakes as anyone else. The difference is we have accepted Jesus as Lord of our lives. He doesn't ask us to be perfect. Only He is perfect.

Many, many people fall away because of the way they're treated at church, and the thing we have to remember is our faith doesn't come from other people. You have your own, completely individual, utterly personal relationship with Jesus, if you want it. No-one has any right to make any judgement on that relationship.

The devil does not want you to return to Christ, and he will ue *anything* to stop that from happening. But God says to us that if we belong to Him, He will make believers of those in our household, too. It took my mum 7 years of prayer before I finally came to Jesus. You just have to stand in faith, and trust that God wants everyone to be saved.

My love, we will never, *ever* be good enough to receive salvation. But that's not what is asked of us. There is this beautiful free gift that is ours for the taking. Staying near Jesus is what will start to change you from the inside out. But you'll still never be perfect. If any of us were perfect, Jesus would never need to've been sacrificed on our behalf.

He adores you, just as you are. When He looks at you, He sings with joy, and when you return to Him, His angels will throw a massive party in Heaven, and will be just itching to meet you.

Feeling you're not good enough is a lie from the devil. It's a lie. Not because you're perfect, but because that's not even the issue. It's utterly irrelevant!

Wearing trousers... you know there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Nothing. And, let's say there was. Let's assume for a second that it was dreadful behaviour... would it be any "worse" than being a prostitute? And yet Jesus loved Mary Magdalene without question or udgement.

I struggle with issues of self-esteem very, very much, and that's when God always tells me "Do you feel you know better than me?" And He's right. He created us all, and He knows us inside out. God wants you saved - who are we to say any different?

Read your bible, soak every drop of love and compassion out of it and start speaking to Jesus again. Start rebuilding the relationship, and He'll meet you halfway. More than halfway, even. If you keep taking small steps towards Him, He will absolutely do the rest.

From what you wrote, it's so obvious you love Him. What you need to know is He loves you back. He is crazy in love with you, and is with you right now, just waiting for you to tke that first step towards Him again.

Make yourself keep your eyes on Him. Trust His will to be done in your life, and in your marriage. He wants the very best for you, and will *provide* the very best for you.

God bless you, sister. In Christ, you are loved. xxx

 

[searchingforpeace]

I have added you to my prayer list.

You said you are afraid that you don't measure up to God, that you are not good enough. You are right, you are not good enough. I am not good enough either, and neither is anybody else. That why Christ offers the free gift of forgiveness; because he knows we are not good enough on our own. Trust him. Confess your sins and worship him as Lord and he will accept you unconditionally.

This does not mean that all of your temptations to sin will disappear. Even the Apostle Paul was tempted. Sometimes you will fail to live up to his standard. We all fail. That's what makes his gift of forgiveness so wonderful.

His gift of forgiveness is free, but you have to accept it, you have to confess him as Lord, and you have to be baptized.

I don't know what Church you went to before, but you are right that it doesn't matter whether you are wearing a dress or pants, as long as you are there. If that Church is making you feel unwelcome then go to another one. I would personally recommend a Roman Catholic Church or an Anglican Church if one is in your area. These hold most faithfully to the teachings of the Church from the earliest times. If you don't want to go there then my next recommendation would be a Southern Baptist Church.

Get rid of your doubts. If you accept Christ then he will accept you. Read the Bible. pray, and go to Church. Over time, God, through the Holy Spirit and the Church, will teach you what you need to know.

Thank you for adding me to your prayer list. It is very much appreciated. I am trying hard, with the Lords help to change what I accept of myself and what I think a Christian should be. I know I will never be perfect, as there isn't one person who is and God doesn't expect me to be, he wants my love, my devotion and for me to do the best I can for me.

 

[searchingforpeace]

Hello, sweetie. I will pray for you, but I wanted to say something, also, if that's ok. That you miss Him shows you *do* have a connection with Him. You need to understand that, first and foremost.

Gosh, it sounds like you feel becoming a Christian makes us into perfect people. If only! Christians are as flawed as non-Christians. We - and I'm including you in that "we" - make as many mistakes as anyone else. The difference is we have accepted Jesus as Lord of our lives. He doesn't ask us to be perfect. Only He is perfect.

Many, many people fall away because of the way they're treated at church, and the thing we have to remember is our faith doesn't come from other people. You have your own, completely individual, utterly personal relationship with Jesus, if you want it. No-one has any right to make any judgement on that relationship.

The devil does not want you to return to Christ, and he will ue *anything* to stop that from happening. But God says to us that if we belong to Him, He will make believers of those in our household, too. It took my mum 7 years of prayer before I finally came to Jesus. You just have to stand in faith, and trust that God wants everyone to be saved.

My love, we will never, *ever* be good enough to receive salvation. But that's not what is asked of us. There is this beautiful free gift that is ours for the taking. Staying near Jesus is what will start to change you from the inside out. But you'll still never be perfect. If any of us were perfect, Jesus would never need to've been sacrificed on our behalf.

He adores you, just as you are. When He looks at you, He sings with joy, and when you return to Him, His angels will throw a massive party in Heaven, and will be just itching to meet you.

Feeling you're not good enough is a lie from the devil. It's a lie. Not because you're perfect, but because that's not even the issue. It's utterly irrelevant!

Wearing trousers... you know there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Nothing. And, let's say there was. Let's assume for a second that it was dreadful behaviour... would it be any "worse" than being a prostitute? And yet Jesus loved Mary Magdalene without question or udgement.

I struggle with issues of self-esteem very, very much, and that's when God always tells me "Do you feel you know better than me?" And He's right. He created us all, and He knows us inside out. God wants you saved - who are we to say any different?

Read your bible, soak every drop of love and compassion out of it and start speaking to Jesus again. Start rebuilding the relationship, and He'll meet you halfway. More than halfway, even. If you keep taking small steps towards Him, He will absolutely do the rest.

From what you wrote, it's so obvious you love Him. What you need to know is He loves you back. He is crazy in love with you, and is with you right now, just waiting for you to tke that first step towards Him again.

Make yourself keep your eyes on Him. Trust His will to be done in your life, and in your marriage. He wants the very best for you, and will *provide* the very best for you.

God bless you, sister. In Christ, you are loved. xxx

Thank you for the prayers Yes, you are right. Me missing him and having a desire to draw close to him does show there is still that connection. I am not feeling as hopeless now..not feeling as disconnected. Prayer is such a powerful too.

 

[GreenMunchkin]

How are you feeling today, over all?

 

[searchingforpeace]

How are you feeling today, over all?

Today I am feeling a lot better. I am feeling hopeful and loved. Two wonderful feelings. God loves me for who I am, for who he created. I do not need to let others tell me what I should and shouldn't do, I need to go by what God says. I am working on putting guilt behind me and working on moving forward

 

[littleredkiss484]

Today I am feeling a lot better. I am feeling hopeful and loved. Two wonderful feelings. God loves me for who I am, for who he created. I do not need to let others tell me what I should and shouldn't do, I need to go by what God says. I am working on putting guilt behind me and working on moving forward

Amen sister! Good for you!
God does loves you and accepts for who you are!

I'm adding and your husband to my prayer list!

 

[GreenMunchkin]

Today I am feeling a lot better. I am feeling hopeful and loved. Two wonderful feelings. God loves me for who I am, for who he created. I do not need to let others tell me what I should and shouldn't do, I need to go by what God says. I am working on putting guilt behind me and working on moving forward

Yay! What a beautiful post! And the very best thing is, you don't have to do those things alone, because He will be there holding you and loving you. His angels are beginning to make lots of yummy cakes for the massive party they're going to have in your honour

You know, also, if you need fellowship, and support, there are so many wonderful bits of CF, full of people who will encourage you, and love you and remind you to keep your eyes on Jesus. You never have to pretend here, because most of us have had the same struggles, and know how heart-breaking it is.

 

[searchingforpeace]

Amen sister! Good for you!
God does loves you and accepts for who you are!

I'm adding and your husband to my prayer list!

Thank you for adding us to your prayers Yes God does love me and it is his love I need to keep my eye on.

 

[searchingforpeace]

Yay! What a beautiful post! And the very best thing is, you don't have to do those things alone, because He will be there holding you and loving you. His angels are beginning to make lots of yummy cakes for the massive party they're going to have in your honour

You know, also, if you need fellowship, and support, there are so many wonderful bits of CF, full of people who will encourage you, and love you and remind you to keep your eyes on Jesus. You never have to pretend here, because most of us have had the same struggles, and know how heart-breaking it is.

It is very comforting knowing I am not alone. Even if I think I am, he is ALWAYS there. I have been look around here at the boards just trying to figure where I fit in.

 

[GreenMunchkin]

The Friendship forum is lovely for fellowship and stuff. Also, if you change your icon to a Christian one, that opens up a huge other part where you'll be able to find anything you're looking for, in terms of discussion, and fellowship. Let me know if you need any help, or anything, ok?

God bless you! Welcome back!

 

[searchingforpeace]

The Friendship forum is lovely for fellowship and stuff. Also, if you change your icon to a Christian one, that opens up a huge other part where you'll be able to find anything you're looking for, in terms of discussion, and fellowship. Let me know if you need any help, or anything, ok?

God bless you! Welcome back!

I did send a request earlier this morning to have my icon changed. No matter how I struggle, I am still a Christian. Something I should have realized before, but that is ok. Great, will check out the Friendship forum. Thanks

 

[foreveramanda]

I didn't read everything that was said to you and to be honest I did not read the whole post....but I wanted to tell you this...

Not to long ago I felt that same drive to come back to the Father. I had this black hole this void in my chest. I felt alone, I felt that God was trying to pull me back into His arms and give me that peace that I so desperately wanted. My husband is a Christian he just kind of feel away from God while he was deployed in Iraq so I have been doing this alone for the most part - the coming back part that is. I have been back with God for about a month or so and I can tell you this all the sadness is gone, that black hole is a bright light shinning for God, I suffer from depression I have not had a 'spell' in over a month. God is good!

Heavenly Father I left this woman up to you. I left her and her hurts and her sadness to you and I ask that you surround her in your light. Give her the strength to be an example. Father fill her heart with your love and your joy. Show her lord that she can give all over to you and that you will share her burden. Lord show her that because you made her she is wonderful and everything you could ever want in a child because she is yours and always has been and always will be. Father I know that all who come to you in a humble searching spirit will be welcomed into your embrace and given all the love that you carry for us. Our lives will be blessed ten fold and we will shine with your glory give this woman that Father. I pray all of this in your loving and glorious name..
Amanda

 

[Divinah]

I didn't read everything that was said to you and to be honest I did not read the whole post....but I wanted to tell you this...

Not to long ago I felt that same drive to come back to the Father. I had this black hole this void in my chest. I felt alone, I felt that God was trying to pull me back into His arms and give me that peace that I so desperately wanted. My husband is a Christian he just kind of feel away from God while he was deployed in Iraq so I have been doing this alone for the most part - the coming back part that is. I have been back with God for about a month or so and I can tell you this all the sadness is gone, that black hole is a bright light shinning for God, I suffer from depression I have not had a 'spell' in over a month. God is good!

Heavenly Father I left this woman up to you. I left her and her hurts and her sadness to you and I ask that you surround her in your light. Give her the strength to be an example. Father fill her heart with your love and your joy. Show her lord that she can give all over to you and that you will share her burden. Lord show her that because you made her she is wonderful and everything you could ever want in a child because she is yours and always has been and always will be. Father I know that all who come to you in a humble searching spirit will be welcomed into your embrace and given all the love that you carry for us. Our lives will be blessed ten fold and we will shine with your glory give this woman that Father. I pray all of this in your loving and glorious name..
Amanda

AMEN!

 

[littleredkiss484]

Thank you for adding us to your prayers Yes God does love me and it is his love I need to keep my eye on.

Yes, it is very important to keep your eyes on Jesus. It's often when we take our eyes off of Him that we start to get in trouble!

 

[searchingforpeace]

I didn't read everything that was said to you and to be honest I did not read the whole post....but I wanted to tell you this...

Not to long ago I felt that same drive to come back to the Father. I had this black hole this void in my chest. I felt alone, I felt that God was trying to pull me back into His arms and give me that peace that I so desperately wanted. My husband is a Christian he just kind of feel away from God while he was deployed in Iraq so I have been doing this alone for the most part - the coming back part that is. I have been back with God for about a month or so and I can tell you this all the sadness is gone, that black hole is a bright light shinning for God, I suffer from depression I have not had a 'spell' in over a month. God is good!

Heavenly Father I left this woman up to you. I left her and her hurts and her sadness to you and I ask that you surround her in your light. Give her the strength to be an example. Father fill her heart with your love and your joy. Show her lord that she can give all over to you and that you will share her burden. Lord show her that because you made her she is wonderful and everything you could ever want in a child because she is yours and always has been and always will be. Father I know that all who come to you in a humble searching spirit will be welcomed into your embrace and given all the love that you carry for us. Our lives will be blessed ten fold and we will shine with your glory give this woman that Father. I pray all of this in your loving and glorious name..
Amanda

Seems we have some things in common. I have dealt with my husband being in Iraq, I also deal with depression(I'm bipolar). I am so glad to hear you are getting back on track with the Lord and your sadness is gone. God is good...he is great Thank you for praying.

 

[searchingforpeace]

Yes, it is very important to keep your eyes on Jesus. It's often when we take our eyes off of Him that we start to get in trouble!

I agree %100 with that statement. Something to always remember.

 

[foreveramanda]

Seems we have some things in common. I have dealt with my husband being in Iraq, I also deal with depression(I'm bipolar). I am so glad to hear you are getting back on track with the Lord and your sadness is gone. God is good...he is great Thank you for praying.

The deployment was hard and the trigger for my depression-at least that is what the doctors said-but I have PCOS and one of the things that can go with that is depression.

Depression is hard sometimes - the sadness sneaks up on you-tonight after posting this I had to fight off an 'attack' but with God's help I overcame

 

[searchingforpeace]

The deployment was hard and the trigger for my depression-at least that is what the doctors said-but I have PCOS and one of the things that can go with that is depression.

Depression is hard sometimes - the sadness sneaks up on you-tonight after posting this I had to fight off an 'attack' but with God's help I overcame

Yes dealing with deployments can be a huge trigger. I think that is one of the factors in me stabling out so much is my husband being of the Corps.

I am so glad you overcame it. Praise the Lord! If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a message.