Prayer needed again...

[Serving4Christ]

Most of you have followed my emails, and now I am need of continuous prayer.

I seem to be in a pit that is very hard to get out of. I now have my children for this weekend, which is good. But for the past week and a half, my wife has refused to let me be with the children. No just cause for the denial except hatred towards me.

She came to drop the children off and ripped my Father's day gift off the wall in front of my children and said I didn't deserve it, and threw it in the street before taking it to her car and leaving. Before leaving she proceeded to tell me everyone is laughing at me because of this divorce...she said all my friends are laughing, family, and even my lawyers. I know it isn't true, but the hurt is still there. I have no pride left, and whatever I did have was shattered by the many outbursts in front of my children.

I have continued to do what's in the best interest of my children. I refuse to argue with her. I calmly ask her to leave my place, several times before she eventually goes, but not before belittling me in front of the children. I hired a Guardian Ad Lidem for the children. It's the only way I know they'll get the best outcome. I figure if the children have their own attorney, all the hateful words and actions she's doing in front of the children and by keeping the children from me, will be noticed by the courts, and most importantly, hopefully stop any more undue trauma for the children.

I do need prayer. My sleep is very poor, my health is deteriorating, and spiritually I'm being depleted. I feel like a boiling pot, waiting to overflow. I continue to take and take abuse from her, and I'm holding it all in. I need to find some type of outlet to get rid of it. Prayer is appreciated.

 

[LadyDJ]

 

[Jenna]

I am just so sorry. *hugs*


*praying*

 

[Serving4Christ]

Thank you for the kind responses, and thank you for the prayers.

 

[GirlieGirl]

I can't imagine. I'm praying.

 

[rainyday]

.....you sound like a friend of mine. His ex is just as 'dramatic' with displays of hatred. I can't imagine this kind of personality as I've never been exposed to it. Taking your Father's Day gift was uncalled for.

Can I take this moment though to COMMEND you in remaining civil during those moments? It takes a truly strong man to endure those confrontations without allowing Satan to over run his heart with reactionary measures. I learned a long time ago, that the one who maintains their cool in an erruption of fury and angered confrontation will ultimately be the more believable of the two. You're children, no matter how you hate their wittnessing this, see that you're being civil, she is not. Keep praying to maintain your composure and ask the Holy Spirit to keep guiding you there. I think it's smart that you've hired as you have. When these moments occur, this will be noted. Those who have to act up, shout the loudest, jump up and down the most tend to be trying to get attention for their cause. What in fact this does is make MANY see them for who and what they are, especially how you're reacting to it.

I wish I knew what to say. This is exactly what my dearest friend is dealing with and I'm at a loss for him as well. Just keep praying and know your children will need you to get a good nights sleep to maintain your health. Try handing over your worries to God before you rest your head, He's up all night anyway. Keep praying that God will change her heart. It's happening to my friend right now. He's got his 12yr old daughter full time now (ex threw her out), and his 2 younger boys more days during the week. He attributes this simply to pray turning her heart and realizing she doesn't 'want' them as much as he does. Keep the faith and persevere my friend.

 

[Serving4Christ]

.....you sound like a friend of mine. His ex is just as 'dramatic' with displays of hatred. I can't imagine this kind of personality as I've never been exposed to it. Taking your Father's Day gift was uncalled for.

Can I take this moment though to COMMEND you in remaining civil during those moments? It takes a truly strong man to endure those confrontations without allowing Satan to over run his heart with reactionary measures. I learned a long time ago, that the one who maintains their cool in an erruption of fury and angered confrontation will ultimately be the more believable of the two. You're children, no matter how you hate their wittnessing this, see that you're being civil, she is not. Keep praying to maintain your composure and ask the Holy Spirit to keep guiding you there. I think it's smart that you've hired as you have. When these moments occur, this will be noted. Those who have to act up, shout the loudest, jump up and down the most tend to be trying to get attention for their cause. What in fact this does is make MANY see them for who and what they are, especially how you're reacting to it.

I wish I knew what to say. This is exactly what my dearest friend is dealing with and I'm at a loss for him as well. Just keep praying and know your children will need you to get a good nights sleep to maintain your health. Try handing over your worries to God before you rest your head, He's up all night anyway. Keep praying that God will change her heart. It's happening to my friend right now. He's got his 12yr old daughter full time now (ex threw her out), and his 2 younger boys more days during the week. He attributes this simply to pray turning her heart and realizing she doesn't 'want' them as much as he does. Keep the faith and persevere my friend.

Rainyday,

Thank you very much for the soft-hearted comments. I keep trying very hard not to retaliate with words of hatred or anger. It does get very hard at times. She doesn't make it too hard though because generally speaking, the children are there all the times when she acts up. I think it's why she does it, because she knows I won't do anything in front of them. It's just to bad she doesn't see what she's doing to them emotionally.

I love my kids to death, and now that I'm free from...well, past hurts...I can see now where my thoughts were completly wrong for wanting to hurt myself. I am enjoying my kids now more than ever! I see where they are dependent on every action I do or don't do. And I can see the relationship growing between us, as the conflict and arguing with mom is not there anymore.

Please understand, I may not be the perfect husband, and there's two sides to every story. She may see the relationship in a completly different way then I do, I understand that. But, I was hoping counseling would have helped us both see where we could improve, however, she was only willing for me to fix my problems. And when those were fixed, she found more. When the counselor said she would have to fix some problems, she called the counselor a (bleep) and never returned. I truly don't believe she'll be happy until she experiences life and sees for herself just hard it is and how easy she had it. Perhaps another relationship is what she needs to open her eyes. I wish her the best with no disrespect directed at her. I just want her to have the happiness she never found with me.

As for me, I'll continue to protect and serve my children, and try to get them through this as unscathed as possible. I'll also continue therapy with my pastor and friends; and pray!!!!

Thank you,

Dan

 

[rainyday]

Dan, it's always heartbreaking to read stories such as yours.

Lord God, please touch Dan's wife's heart and soul. Teach her to forgive and love again and nurture her children in loving You and loving their parents separate and apart from their failed marriage for the individuals they are now. I pray You heal my friend Dan and bless his children into growing and prospering in their newly established relationships with both parents. I pray you give Dan peace of mind, peace of heart and a rested night's sleep removed from life's trials and petty worries. I ask this in Your son Jesus Christ's precious name, Amen.

 

[Serving4Christ]

Amen. Thank you Rainyday.

 

[cjba]

Cast all your burden on the Lord and He shall sustain you. He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22

The best thing you can do for your children is exactly what you did. To keep your cool while she is in attack mode. Unfortunetly for the children they are witnessing this. It is important for you to reassure the children that thier mommy and daddy still love them even though they may sometimes see the ugly side. It is unfortunate that she does not realize that she is only making herself look bad in front of the children.

I commend you for doing the right thing and setting the example. Only you and your wife know what caused the both of you to be in this position. There is always 2 sides to every breakup. Don't worry about the things that your wife claims people are saying. You will only be a better person for not speaking ill of her in the long run.

God Bless

 

[Serving4Christ]

Thank you CJBA, your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Dan

 

[desi]

Most of you have followed my emails, and now I am need of continuous prayer.

I seem to be in a pit that is very hard to get out of. I now have my children for this weekend, which is good. But for the past week and a half, my wife has refused to let me be with the children. No just cause for the denial except hatred towards me.

She came to drop the children off and ripped my Father's day gift off the wall in front of my children and said I didn't deserve it, and threw it in the street before taking it to her car and leaving. Before leaving she proceeded to tell me everyone is laughing at me because of this divorce...she said all my friends are laughing, family, and even my lawyers. I know it isn't true, but the hurt is still there. I have no pride left, and whatever I did have was shattered by the many outbursts in front of my children.

Did you scold her for acting that way in front of the children. You can't just sit quietly when she does this in front of the kids. You have to stand up for yourself and the children.

I have continued to do what's in the best interest of my children. I refuse to argue with her. I calmly ask her to leave my place, several times before she eventually goes, but not before belittling me in front of the children.

Where do you get the idea it is bad to argue in front of the children when your ex is being mean? By tolerating her behavior what are you teaching your children? Speak up but use tact and do so in such a way as to teach your children what mom is doing isn't right or they may grow to follow her example and look at you with contempt from perceived impotence. You have to be strong.

I hired a Guardian Ad Lidem for the children. It's the only way I know they'll get the best outcome. I figure if the children have their own attorney, all the hateful words and actions she's doing in front of the children and by keeping the children from me, will be noticed by the courts, and most importantly, hopefully stop any more undue trauma for the children.

Do your homework on the lawyers you hire. Some are competent, others are not.

I do need prayer. My sleep is very poor, my health is deteriorating, and spiritually I'm being depleted. I feel like a boiling pot, waiting to overflow. I continue to take and take abuse from her, and I'm holding it all in. I need to find some type of outlet to get rid of it. Prayer is appreciated.

Stop letting her walk over you and stand up for yourself, especially in front of the children. Children know fairness, if you are reasonable when arguing with your wife the children will respect it and you will feel better.

 

[Miss Molly]

Dear Friend in Jesus:

My prayers are most certainly with you. This is so much like my dear christian brother whose wife has been going through something similar to this. SO CLOSE that I wondered if you were my brother here. I will most assuredly remember you in prayer in fact you have already been prayed for.

May God continue to grant you wisdom and you seek to do what is right for you and your children. I have no advice to offer you or my brother other than keep letting God have it all and I will pray.

Love to you in Jesus,
His Servant and your prayer warrior,

Miss Molly

 

[Serving4Christ]

Did you scold her for acting that way in front of the children. You can't just sit quietly when she does this in front of the kids. You have to stand up for yourself and the children.



Where do you get the idea it is bad to argue in front of the children when your ex is being mean? By tolerating her behavior what are you teaching your children? Speak up but use tact and do so in such a way as to teach your children what mom is doing isn't right or they may grow to follow her example and look at you with contempt from perceived impotence. You have to be strong.



Do your homework on the lawyers you hire. Some are competent, others are not.


Stop letting her walk over you and stand up for yourself, especially in front of the children. Children know fairness, if you are reasonable when arguing with your wife the children will respect it and you will feel better.

I have asked nicely for her not to argue in front of the children, but in fact, I did not scold her. I'm afraid that would just blow up another argument and give her something else to demonstrate in front of the kiddo's.

Desi, I hate conflict more than any one person you probably know. I grew up in the environment of arguing and bickering, and physical abuse. I said and promised myself a long time ago I would never end up in that situation. I swore that the cycle would break, starting with me.

I know some conflict is healthy and normal, I'm not saying all conflict is bad. However, there's unhealthy conflict, and it can do some serious damage physically and emotionally. That is what I'm ridding myself of.

A 31 year old looking at open heart surgery in his future decade should not have to be taunted with words of hatred and anger like...,"oh oh, are you going to die on me? Are you going to have a heart attack?" I could go on Desi, but it would honestly be pointless.

I do stand up for myself; I just refuse to let the children be a part of her angry cycle. Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it.

 

[pooh25]

Hello,
I just become part of this christian forum this week.I have read a couple of your postings and I do hope it works out for you.I have just seperated from my husband for the ----I don't even know how many times.It's hard and everyone says it gets better but when?It sounds like you are not acting the way your wife wants you to or is use to and that makes her mad.So in a way she is trying to provoke you.In past seperation from my husband I would not let my husband speak to the children and realized I was being selfish and only hurting the children.I am so happy that I was a bigger woman than that.I belief I did act all those ways out of being hurt.Most importantly it is harder to let go.Sooooo hard.I feel that the Bible does say not to divorce but sometimes situations and marriages come to that.And truly in my heart I believe God is going to forgive you if you talk to him and are really sincere that he will understand.Do not get me wrong,I do not agree with divorcing for alot of things that people divorce for.But I belief if a situation is unhealthy and even life threatening that the Lord would not say stay no matter what is going on.We are responsible for our kids souls.I believe my marriage could have already determined alot for my young kids.Because they have seen alot of things they should not have.Keep on praying and I do believe that it will work out.I do belief you are a great dad and they children will see that.

Pray for me that I will let God show me the way through this.And that I will be willing to accept the anwser.

 

[Serving4Christ]

I will. Thank you for sharing your heart. My prayers are with you as well.

Dan

 

[desi]

I have asked nicely for her not to argue in front of the children, but in fact, I did not scold her. I'm afraid that would just blow up another argument and give her something else to demonstrate in front of the kiddo's.

Desi, I hate conflict more than any one person you probably know. I grew up in the environment of arguing and bickering, and physical abuse. I said and promised myself a long time ago I would never end up in that situation. I swore that the cycle would break, starting with me.

I know some conflict is healthy and normal, I'm not saying all conflict is bad. However, there's unhealthy conflict, and it can do some serious damage physically and emotionally. That is what I'm ridding myself of.

A 31 year old looking at open heart surgery in his future decade should not have to be taunted with words of hatred and anger like...,"oh oh, are you going to die on me? Are you going to have a heart attack?" I could go on Desi, but it would honestly be pointless.

I do stand up for myself; I just refuse to let the children be a part of her angry cycle. Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it.

You're welcome. Jesus himself got angry and scolded people when they were wrong. It is healthy for children to see and learn how to do this correctly. If you can manage to stand up for yourself without going too far it may help your children and yourself alot. It may also give your ex/wife pause. Women tend to respect aggressive men more than pushovers. Whatever you decide to do I pray for you just the same.