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Prayer for my marriage

Discussion in 'Prayer Wall' started by FaithlessToFaithful, Sep 23, 2017.

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  1. FaithlessToFaithful

    FaithlessToFaithful I am finally getting it

    79
    +70
    United States
    Baptist
    Separated
    I am struggling in my marriage.

    If someone really needs details, I guess I can provide them. But I do not want to get into a blaming thing. I will say that my wife is dealing with a lot of problems, and has been for quite a while, and is quite often very mean, angry, and verbally abusive. She is a believer, and this is her sin issue, and I have my own, so I understand that well.

    She left me once, for a relatively short period, based upon advice she got from another woman in Bible Study (that woman is no longer associated with our Bible study). This was due to my wifes perceptions that our marriage (a very young marriage at that time) was not "right". This was NOT due to infidelity, alcohol, etc. More about financial issues. In that period, she was for the first time very angry and impossible to really talk with. Since that time, in various episodes, that has returned again.

    I do not want divorce, or to leave her, or her to leave me. I don't want another woman, or anything like that. We have a beautiful daughter (my step daughter) who is a budding Christian and truly a blessing. I sometimes feel, though, that she gets used as a pawn by my wife. As an ally, or a way to show separation from me, by attaching to her and ignoring me.

    Please pray. I am also doing so.

    Thank you.
     
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  2. Bluerose31

    Bluerose31 Christian Flower Supporter

    +6,568
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Praying for you and your wife. God bless you.
     
  3. servant of Merciful Love

    servant of Merciful Love Goodbye~God bless Supporter

    +8,733
    United States
    Catholic
    Private
    May God heal and bless your union in His Merciful Love :crossrc:
     
  4. FaithlessToFaithful

    FaithlessToFaithful I am finally getting it

    79
    +70
    United States
    Baptist
    Separated
    Thank you, to all.

    Thank you.
     
  5. Glowing

    Glowing Christian Life Coach

    15
    +19
    United States
    Baptist
    Married
    While this may seem odd, I would encourage you to watch the movie Fireproof.

    I applaud you for realizing that your marriage is in trouble and asking for prayer is a great start. But it's just that, it's a start. The Lord does work miracles in marriage and He alone can save them, but it is going to take a lot of hard work on your part.

    Somewhere, someplace the lines of communication have broken down. Anger filled responses are usually a sign of deep pain and hurt. Whether the pain is physical or emotional, she has been hurt somewhere. Maybe a disagreement, a misunderstood response, or a whopper of an argument you both might have had....I encourage you to go to her with an open and humble heart. Remember, An argument, disagreement, hurt feelings is never one sided but two sided.

    Do you know the verse in Matthew 7 about the beam (a huge log or tree) in your eye, and the mote (a small splinter) in your brother's eye? The same scripture applies to marriage. If there is strife in the marriage, then remember BOTH parties are guilty. I would encourage you to search your own heart and ask the Holy Spirit to do the same to make sure your heart is right with the Lord first before going to your wife. Yes, I see where you admitted that you've had trouble too...but is everything right before you and the Lord? That is always the place to start. Confession of sin, of pride, of anger. Then once that is done, if you have wronged your wife, then asking for forgiveness to her needs to be done as well. True confession before the Lord reminds us that who has been been forgiven much, then we too must forgive others much as well.

    Also, show her love, show her romance, give her your time, your full attention. Let her know that she matters MORE than your most favorite thing. It's football season here in US, and I have no idea if you're a football fan. But let's imagine for a second that you are. Your favorite team is playing today. You've got the jersey on, the pizza has been ordered, the Dr. Pepper is in the fridge and it's nice and cold, and the TV is reserved for you. If she were to walk in the room, would you be able to set all of that aside and just be with her. Hold her. Cuddle her. Let her talk without arguing back, let her cry without trying to fix it, and if she did open her heart for a few moments would you be man enough to ask for forgiveness of the things that you have done wrong.

    Maybe you aren't the person she is angry at, but you just happen to be the person who is getting the brunt of it. And I know that can be difficult. But she is needing someone to be her support. To be her help. To be that listening ear to unload her burdens. Maybe deep down she's petrified that there won't be enough money to take care of you and the daughter you have together. Maybe she's just scared of losing everything. Who knows. But you will never know until you both sit down and really start talking. **And yes, I said talking, holding, and cuddling. Not sex. Don't use sex as a bandaid for your feelings and irritations. There is a time and a place for beautiful sex within marriage, but never ever ever as a replacement for honest communication.
     
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  6. Levi85

    Levi85 New Member

    44
    +50
    India
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Father God we pray for FaithlessToFaithful and his wife, let you heal their marriage and bless, so thay they enjoy their life , love andv respect one another as a good husband and good wife. Lord let his wife's attitude be kind to him. Lord we agree with this prayer and ask you Lord please bless FaithlessToFaithful and his wife. In Jesus loving name, Amen!
     
  7. Winken

    Winken Heimat Supporter

    +3,453
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Others
    Glowing, I've been a mediator for most of my 82 years. This post reveals the very Spirit of our Most Holy God. In all your ways, be blessed beyond measure as you continue in His Amazing Grace.
     
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  8. Sarah G

    Sarah G Human bean. Supporter

    780
    +996
    Netherlands
    Christian
    Married
    Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, I raise @FaithlessToFaithful , his wife and step-daughter up to you asking that the Holy Spirit pour out upon them, Lord. May Your love and light shine upon this family that they may reflect that love towards one another. May they be filled with a spirit of forgiveness and compassion for one another as You have forgiven us and shown compassion toward us. We praise Your Holy Name, Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
     
  9. breathofdesire

    breathofdesire New Member

    13
    +13
    Australia
    Christian
    Single
     
  10. inquiring mind

    inquiring mind associate with those you can learn from Supporter Angels Team CF Ambassadors

    +2,611
    Baptist
    Married
    Praying for you and your family.
     
  11. FaithlessToFaithful

    FaithlessToFaithful I am finally getting it

    79
    +70
    United States
    Baptist
    Separated
    Thank you for those who are praying.

    Although the advice/suggestions above are well intended, the issues are a bit more complex. Fireproof and War Room, both of which we have seen, are sort of adultery centered as a prime issue, or at least sexual sin driven issues for a prime character.

    The current issue, for us, is not adultery based unless she is committing it, and I am completely unaware. I certainly am not.

    She has recently been diagnosed with Lupus, and has had thyroid issues over the last year or so, that have been diagnosed. I am fairly certain that these two issues, or maybe they are one, have driven a level of mood swings and anger in an already somewhat volatile woman. I fed into it myself the first few years, but have gradually (although not always completely) been able to stay somewhat detached from the arguing and the harsh words and insults. However, it always hurts me. And it makes me lonely. y only solution, from a marital point of view, is to try to remain in the "same place", so that when she comes around, so to speak, I am not off in some other emotional state about it all. I still try to do the same things. When she left me, once, I was very serious about keeping her pictures visible, her left items in view, and so forth. I did not want to grow familiar and content with her absence. It did help.

    In any case, I am far from a perfect man or husband. I am as broken as her, or as anyone, and can't place myself on any spiritual mountaintop looking down at the little people struggling along. But, at least in this case, I am carrying the load almost completely. Divorce, for me, is not really an option, although it is sometimes a brief temptation. Prayer is what is needed most, right now, I think.

    Thanks to all.
     
  12. Strong Wave

    Strong Wave Active Member

    332
    +296
    Christian
    Private
    I’m sorry to know that you’re facing a difficult time in your marriage. I’m praying for you and your wife, that our Heavenly Father may bring healing to your relationship. Remember that God cares about you, and He is gracious, merciful, and wise beyond all comprehension. He loves you more than we, as mere human beings, can even imagine. Be sure to stay close to Him through prayer because He is able to provide guidance as you turn to Him for help. Proverbs 3:5-6 gives this wonderful assurance: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.”
     
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  13. FaithlessToFaithful

    FaithlessToFaithful I am finally getting it

    79
    +70
    United States
    Baptist
    Separated
    Again, thank you to those who are praying. I have been working the last few days, and have been unable to respond.

    Things are now in some sort of a cold war. Very polite, and very correct. No real controversial or aggressive statements. The "face" put on it all is "I am very much in control, and therefore I am going to maintain the control, because control is power".

    She is sleeping on the couch the last few nights, but she attributes that to "falling asleep on the couch", rather than a deliberate choice.

    Of course, I have a lot of time to reflect on things. Occasionally I will go down the dark trail of blame and a desire to set the record straight, or think about how bad I have been in the last 50 years on various occasions, and how I deserve this because of that.

    But, I also spend time in reflection on what the Holy Spirit might be teaching or correcting in me, by these means. Some sort of random observations are:

    1. The pain I feel as a result of my emotional separation from my wife must somehow correspond, in a very human and limited way, the way God feels about our separation from him in our sin. I have never really considered that sort of thing before, and I am still chewing on it and trying to develop it as a coherent sort of "statement", but it seems to ring true. Obviously the entire structure of the relationships are different, and it is not a one-for-one exchange. But just His desire to possess us as His, and our sinful willfulness to say separated.....

    2. I am very conscious of, and very directly aware of, my temptations and weaknesses. I don't think there is some sort of works or penance based solution to this, where God will give me a good grade and make it all well.But, I am still very aware of, and uncomfortable with, areas of "casual sin" (my words, not a Scriptural definition) that I had allowed myself to slip into regularly, as well as my typical and personal areas of sin weakness.

    More later...

    Thank you, all.
     
  14. FaithlessToFaithful

    FaithlessToFaithful I am finally getting it

    79
    +70
    United States
    Baptist
    Separated
    I will fast tomorrow, food only, and try to spend some time in prayer, also.Not that I don't like to pray, or that I don't know how. It is just that my prayers, through this, have become quite disjointed and limited in ways. Hard to explain it, but it is almost that my prayer language (not tongues, just the words in my mind) has become oddly low in vocabulary. I am not sure if this is a blockage, or a necessity. Mostly my prayers are for forgiveness and that my marriage would change for the better in Him, and that my wife and daughter would be burdened to lean on God.

    I know I am forgiven for my sins, so the prayer for forgiveness isn't about a salvation issue, just that I know that I am still having to pull myself, via prayer, through the muck of me to Him.

    I am still, praise God, still talking to others about Him. My job, strangely enough, puts me into contact with a LOT of people in crisis situations that are seeking, have questions, or are genuinely ignorant but desiring knowledge of God. Yesterday I had a 10 minute conversation about Romans 8, and was able to pass along things that had been taught to me, and it brought comfort and understanding.
     
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  15. Bigork

    Bigork New Member

    24
    +18
    Nigeria
    Pentecostal
    Married
    Father, we thank You for FaithlessToFaithful and his family. Thank You Lord for that good thing You have started to do in this family, may Your name be praise forever. Our Lord and our Lord, we commit this lovely family into Your hands O Lord, keep them together, take away every problem facing them and above all blessed them financially, this we pray in Jesus mighty name, Amen.
     
  16. Greg Merrill

    Greg Merrill Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,324
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    Father, I pray for this marriage. I pray for the people that they will put You first, and in drawing closer to You will also draw closer to each other. I pray that they will learn to guard their hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and thus guard their marriage, that they will see themselves as partners, not as adversaries, and that they will seek the best for each other, not just themselves. Enlighten them both that their marriage is to represent Christ's love and loyalty to the church, and that the highest goal is not love and happiness between themselves, but Your glory. Amen
     
  17. FaithlessToFaithful

    FaithlessToFaithful I am finally getting it

    79
    +70
    United States
    Baptist
    Separated
    The daughter was at church youth this evening, so my wife and I sat down and had a meal together. We talked about her upcoming job change and general issues about that. pretty easy and non-confrontational subject, really. She did make an interesting statement, possibly I read too much into it, but maybe not.

    She was talking about a dress code and how she would handle it, and I said "Can I give you my opinion on something about that?", and she replied "Sure, everyone has an opinion", in a tone / manner that pretty much negated her husbands opinion to that of any Joe on the street.

    She had to leave to take care of some work business right after, and as she was getting her keys together and such, I asked her if I could have a kiss on the cheek. She walked over and gave me a peck on the cheek. I then asked could I have one on the lips (not implying a makeout session. Just a goodbye peck.) She looked at me as if I was asking something that she really didn't want to give. I said "no?", and she walked over and gave me a dry kiss and walked out.

    I am going to pray for repudiation of demonic spirits in this house and our marriage. Yes, Baptists do believe in that!
     
  18. FaithlessToFaithful

    FaithlessToFaithful I am finally getting it

    79
    +70
    United States
    Baptist
    Separated
    She told me tonight she wants to divorce.

    Usual fare of being unhappy, not the same people we were when we met, and so on.

    She also stated, sort of out of the blue, that she wasn't real sure if she believed what the Word, being preached out of our Church and Bible Study, was really true in terms of what God wanted for us.

    I told her she was my wife, took responsibility for my idiocy and shortcomings over the years (an honest, and not sarcastic reply, BTW), and informed her that I would not divorce my wife.

    I have no control over her actions, but I would not divorce her. If she insists on leaving, or forces a choice between God and her, I will let her go. But, I am sticking to my marital commitment and covenant.
     
  19. FaithlessToFaithful

    FaithlessToFaithful I am finally getting it

    79
    +70
    United States
    Baptist
    Separated
    This morning, I did something I had not done up until that point, and I did only today as a result of our conversations last night.

    According to phone records, she has spent over 15 hours in phone conversations (not including WiFi calls that do not register minutes) in the last 7 days to the same phone number. Not including text messages, either.

    I dug a little bit on the Internet, and found the rest of the pieces to that puzzle.

    She has been talking all day, late at night, and so forth to a recently divorced male. I know the guy, as a very casual acquaintance, and he has been to our home to pick up his son who was visiting with my daughter (not our step daughter). He has been a recent, occasional, client of my wife. In fact, she has an appointment with him today.

    I am just praying it through. No temptation to do anything crazy.

    This takes me fairly by surprise, as my awareness has changed a lot since the first posting in this thread.

    Please pray, also. Trying to set up a meeting with a pastor at our church for today.
     
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