Prayer and Support Needed Please

[livin4christ9203]

Well, it's nearly 3 am and I'm awake, sad lonely. It's been 6 months since I filed for divorce. It was final on February 25th. I did so well, was so strong. I got myself a great job, I am surrounded with friends and family. I have an awesome church family. I am busy almost nonstop.. purposely. If I have an evening free, I'm usually at the Y working out now. I've done so much to better myself. Yet, here I am.. finding myself so lonely. I've dated a couple of people. and I know people say to take your time... don't rush into anything like that.

I guess this comes from the fact that I found out just days after our divorce was final. that my ex was already engaged to someone else a month before it was final.. was with her since early December. Funny thing is he was begging me to come back in early December.. and I told him no, after finding out he went and saw his first affair. He had several in the last year of our marriage. I know nothing good can come of this relationship he is in... but at the same time... I can't believe he is with someone else.. engaged and everything before we were even officially divorced.. and I'm here alone. I mean I'm 25.... almost 26.. I don't have any children yet. I just want so badly to meet that right person... and have the family I have dreamed of. I'm just worried it's not going to happen for me. Why is it happening for him, but not for me? I just can't get it.

I'm so quiet at first that it's hard for me to meet new people. There's only a couple of available guys in my church.. outside of that i'm not around many.. besides at the Y.. but I want to meet someone who has strong faith and is a strong Christian. It's just so hard.

I guess I just really need some advice, encouragement, prayers.. anything would be awesome. I'm just struggling big time with this now. I dn't regret my decision. I know I did the right thing. I just hate all this pain and everything I am having to deal with Especially after making it so long without it.

 

[Autumnleaf]

There are many good Christian men around. They may not drive fast cars or dress the best but you will know them by their actions. Looking at church is a good start. Just be open to what God sends your way.

 

[nowhereville]

What your ex has is like a porsche, but no motor. It looks good on the outside but has no power nor get up and go. You are looking at your pinto (which runs by the way) and thinking, well this isn't fair.

He has NOTHING. He has not dealt with himself and will bring the same issues into the next marriage he brought to you.

Better to remain single then be married five or six times.

Don't be in a rush to be married again. Thank God every day that he has someone for you and that when the time is right that person will come into your life.

This can be a huge pitfall for women and I would know because I've fallen for it many times. Better to be alone then with someone God did not send me.

 

[FaithfulWife]

Dear younger sis in Christ,

When my ex husband first left me, he was living with his "other woman" and they had a house, kids, and he had the job that paid the big bucks! I had our kids, a mortgage that was 2 months behind because he blew our money on her, and no job--and the experience I had was self-employment!

At the time I was SO MAD because there I was, the one who had been FAITHFUL and done the right thing and I had nothing. I was alone in our bed at night, lonely, scared and had all the responsibility while he was scott-free and had someone to love him and had all the money he wanted.

NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, after wallowing in the unfairness of it all for a while, I came to the conclusion that whether it was "fair" or not, it didn't give me a reason for not choosing to do the right thing and continue to walk rightly with God. So I decided that no matter what seemed to be happening in my ex's life, that I would just keep doing a good job and doing what I knew was right and let the pieces fall as they may.

The first major "shift" was that at court he was told by the judge that he DIDN"T get to keep all the money, and he was ordered to pay child support, pay me back for 1/2 of the amounts in our joint bank accounts that he had cleared out, and buy me out of the business and house. This was a BIG shock to him.

At about this same time, I got a nice accounting job working in the GAO for the federal govt.--nice, steady, dependable employment for a single mom! By myself I didn't make a lot but I made enough to buy my own townhouse where the kids each had their own LARGE bedroom, a swimming pool, and a yard like a garden! We had our pets and financially I began paying off all the debts he had built up.
***
The next major "shift" was things were not all "peaches and cream" in affairsville because now they didn't have as much money, and the business was run into the ground so he had to actually work and couldn't spend every minute with "her". And gradually he got sick of her 4 children all of whom were younger than our children!

About this same timeframe I decided that I was not going to date at all but rather decided that I would work on myself and my own issues. Much to my surprise, I discovered some self-esteem thanks to about group therapy and I became a respected leader in our group--to the point that the county DA asked me to go speak with men who had committed domestic violence so they could hear how it affects their partner. It took a while but my life was getting better and better, and *I* was becoming moreso the woman that God wanted me to be.
***
The next MAJOR blow was that he caught the other woman being unfaithful. Can you imagine? Who could have seen that coming? She was his "soulmate" and "she understood him"

During this time I began to think that maybe/possibly I was ready to consider dating. But long before I actually SAW anyone I spent some time writing down the kind of personality I have (INFP) and the kind of personality that would be a good match for me considering what I have been through. Then I began to toy with the thought that I might be ready.

The men in my church were either 20, married, or 70--so SLIM PICKINS! The men I met through eHarmony and expressodating...well to say it politely they left something to be desired and I just would NOT compromise on one thing. Nope--rather be alone than "just with anyone"...so I waited and prayed and COULD NOT figure out how God was going to bring a man into my life! All my life I had heard, "You can't just sit at home and expect a man to show up at your door" but that is exactly what happened to me. I met my dear hubby on the internet on a forum and the rest is history!

livin4christ, it MAY look from the outside like he has everything and you have nothing--or it MAY feel like he got away with it...but consider just this one thing. He can not look himself in the eye ever again, knowing that he knew what he was doing was wrong -AND- harming those he had made a commitment to protect. You on the other hand still have your dignity and your sense of honor; you can look yourself in the eye any day because in the face of GREAT EVIL you still chose to obey God and do the right thing.

Anything he has is an illusion only and I guarantee you as surely as I'm typing to you today, that illusion will crash around him one day.



~Faithful

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Those "experts" say you need time to heal. I posted an article in the remarriage section, "Are you ready to date again" or something like that. You might want to check that out. I never went to a divorce recovery group. I never knew there was such a thing until much later and then I was already recovered since my whole separation and divorce lasted more than 4 years. I am seriously considering looking into some kind of class because most of the people I've dated are also divorced.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time.

Just a couple of thoughts:

1. Check out the Christian concerts and other events coming to your area, get some girlfriends together and go. You'll have fun, whether you meet somebody or not.

2. Get involved in service in your community: Food kitchens, shelters, Habitat for Humanity, etc. You can help people, share your faith, and possibly meet someone like-minded.

Don't be in too big a rush to get involved again. I know it's lonely and hard, but we have a tendency to compromise on our standards when we are feeling lonely and uncertain of the future. You want the right man, not just A man.

In the meantime, just enjoy your life and develop your own walk with Christ.

 

[jwp]

A beautiful woman like you will have no trouble finding a good Christian man.

Good luck and just remember bars are not the best place to find your spouse.