Praise Report!!!!

[ysa]

I have GOOD NEWS SISTERS!

Some of you may remember me several years ago posting about dreams i had about my boyfriends (now fiance') long lost father returning. I had often wondered and even thought that he was dead. We had very little information to go on, as his mother kept his identity hidden. However little information was revealed through family members.

Well on thanksgiving last year (after years of praying and asking God to reveal it all to me) i asked God again to give me sight and to "show" me who my fiance's father is. EXACTLY THE NEXT DAY! i found out. I had been searching online for years (but never came up with anything-God had hidden it from us)...well i found him (alot of info about him is online), he is ALIVE, and living in his home country, he was imprisioned for nearly 20 years, he is married, he has 4 daughters (all colleged educated and established), AND THEY ARE ALLLL ON FACEBOOK even my Fiance's father...MY FIANCE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE HIS FATHERS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! he has prominent family members (they are well respected") my fiance also inherited the musical gift that his father's sister has-as she is a prominent musician in their country)!!!!!!!!!!

GLORY BE TO GOD...

However, i have not told my fiance that his father is alive and on facebook (he is still in the dark)...IT IS AMAZING...I am wondering if i should tell him? the dreams that God gave me never suggested that my fiance would be the one tracking down and contacting his father, the dreams always showed my fiance's father making contact with him. GLORY TO GOD...i do not feel guided by the Holy Spirit to say anything yet to my fiance...i am going to wait in faith and prayer and let God reveal this how he wants to! Because i do not know the reason why his father left (it could be because an affair because he is married)...God i;m sure will reveal it in due course...but i do not believe he will allow me to know a "secret" such as this for so long without bringing closure to my fiance in short order.

I AM SOOOOO HAPPY THANK YOU ALL WHO READ MY POSTS OVER THE YEARS AND ENCOURAGED ME WHEN I DOUBTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.christianforums.com/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=53985519

 

[GaryP]

I would find out why he was in prison. Your plan may backfire on you as your fiance may get mad that you found him and the Father may get mad that you searched. Remember you are not married yet. Think hard and long about this. You seem more interested in the Father than the son was. I would talk to a professional, like a pastor
to see how you would approach this. There might be a lot of hurt and anger underneath. Also his wife and daughters may not know. You may have opened up a can of worms. How would he feel, if he reached out and was rejected yet again by
his Father. Or maybe everything will work out.
PS: you did not say what country or culture the man was from, be very sensitive about this.

 

[ysa]

I agree with u Gary. I am not telling him anything, i know my place because still i do not know what went down between his father n mother. I AM PRAYING IT THROUGH!...by the way i know what he was imprisoned for as his case report is available online, there is ALOT of info about him online. Its not my place to tell my fiance..it is only AFTER he finds out that i will let him know that i knew, i think everyone would appreciate that i did not try to play "God" by trying to make things work out! I refused to name the country where his father is from, but it is in the Western Hemisphere.

 

[ChildOfGod97]

I agree with u Gary. I am not telling him anything, i know my place because still i do not know what went down between his father n mother. I AM PRAYING IT THROUGH!...by the way i know what he was imprisoned for as his case report is available online, there is ALOT of info about him online. Its not my place to tell my fiance..it is only AFTER he finds out that i will let him know that i knew, i think everyone would appreciate that i did not try to play "God" by trying to make things work out! I refused to name the country where his father is from, but it is in the Western Hemisphere.

Openness and honesty is the best policy in relationships, imo. Not deceit and really unnecessary secrets.

Showing him findings wouldn't be "playing God". It would just be showing him findings.

Sounds to me like you are "playing God" by deciding what information he can and can not handle. That is a tricky game. It means you are making a lot of judgment calls on him.

If you think such secrets would not be reflected to him, they would be. And what happens when he finds out you knew?

 

[Firewater]

I think it's good to recognise that your desires for reconcilliation/reconnection between your fiance & his dad are godly & a reflection of God's heart. God is in the business of reconcilliation (Rom 5:10,11; Eph 2:16) & wants to turn the hearts of fathers to their children & children to their fathers (Mal 4:6; Luke 1:17).

There is also a secret place of intercession where the Lord sometimes calls us to intercede on behalf of others. (Matt 6:6).

This being said, I think there are some differences when what we are researching & interceding about is private information about a fiance/spouse. I would encourage you to be prepared for a range of responses when you tell your fiance/husband or he finds out about this. I would feel uncomfortable if my wife had done an investigation like this without speaking to me about it first. I would be even more uncomfortable if I found she had posted information about it, although anonomously, to strangers on a website.

For me it would be a little like her opening my personal mail (not just bills, something of personal significance) & reading it before I did and then removing the name/address details & posting it online. Some people may not have a problem with this, but I would. What is precious in a relationship is when I would open a personal letter & then give it to her to read. Sometimes she may have to wait a while before I do this, but that's the stuff of marrriages. Something I am sensing is that this waiting for your fiance/husband is something that the Lord will use to fashion your character in your relationship - lean on the Holy Spirit for patience.

This being said I don't see a problem praying for the reconcilliation/reconnection. I would just encourage you to check your motivation though. Sometimes our desires for good things for people can be so strong that they can move us from asking God to intervene to trying to manipulate the person through prayer. That's why it's sometimes good to put down issues like this for a few weeks & not pray about it & then pick it up again. Or just set say 1 day / week or something like that to make it a point of prayer.

Going forward, before taking any action on important issues like this, I would recommend discussing them with your fiance/husband first and then only moving forward with his agreement.

In terms of what I would suggest now, I think it would be a good idea to tell him you have done some research & have found something & if he is interested in following it up, he can ask for more details. This way you remove the secret information & let him into that part of your relationship. There may be an initial negative response, but I believe as you work through it, your relationship will be stronger because of it.

Hope this helps.

God bless

 

[heron]

I remember this! How exciting for you.

I would feel uncomfortable if my wife had done an investigation like this without speaking to me about it first.

I would feel that way too, especially since it's his father. You could present it in a way like, "Hey, what do you think about this?" and let him be involved in the quest.

It sounds like you are in a culture where you find it important to submit to him. Check your thoughts to see if your hesitation relates to fear of his overreaction, or fear of losing him.

If so, then his overreaction would be stronger, the more time passes and the more you find out.

Since the father was imprisoned, there could be political enemies that you are being protected from. Your husband might even know, and not be allowed to tell people. Time can be useful in protecting children from opponents or enemies.

 

[ysa]

I remember this! How exciting for you.

I would feel that way too, especially since it's his father. You could present it in a way like, "Hey, what do you think about this?" and let him be involved in the quest.

It sounds like you are in a culture where you find it important to submit to him. Check your thoughts to see if your hesitation relates to fear of his overreaction, or fear of losing him.

If so, then his overreaction would be stronger, the more time passes and the more you find out.

Since the father was imprisoned, there could be political enemies that you are being protected from. Your husband might even know, and not be allowed to tell people. Time can be useful in protecting children from opponents or enemies.

Yeah Heron, thanks

Actually, i did not spend any money "investigating" all my searches were done on the internet thru google and news archives and articles, i think as an induvidual i can use my computer and internet to do whatever investigation i want to. The principle is in the revealing of what i have found...i am going to wait on God to speak to my heart. I feel however that God is going to tell my fiance in one way or the other, by having his father contact him personally (as i saw in my dreams)...when the dust has settled then i would let him know that i knew and i will tell him of my reasons why i did not tell him anything. Already i know from experience that he puts on a bold front like he does not care...but please! u and i know better.

This is good news...the fact that God answer my prayer means alot...he doesnt answer prayers for "answering" sake...he answers them in accordance with His Will not ours and FOR HIS PURPOSE. i was pretty stressed out about not knowing, but now I am at peace about the man that i'm marrying!

 

[heron]

Do you think there is a risk in telling your fiance?

 

[ysa]

I told him already. He said is not interested in making any contact (even though i did not asked him if he wanted to). He didnt elaborate or even asked me any questions, its a silent wound that lurks.

...will see how this unfolds by God (those dreams were not given for nothing)

 

[ChildOfGod97]

I told him already. He said is not interested in making any contact (even though i did not asked him if he wanted to). He didnt elaborate or even asked me any questions, its a silent wound that lurks.

...will see how this unfolds by God (those dreams were not given for nothing)

We tend to have strong feelings on relationships (family/friends, etc)... good and bad. That often says "I care enough to have strong feelings here". Even if it seems to be a negative reaction.

Time tends to allow people to "state" just how important that is to them, and they tend to get more relaxed about it, having shown to everyone how deep it means to them.

Hard to judge reactions with close relationships -- children can get very upset with parents, but because they really care and want their approval, for instance.

Natural processes.


Even if it is a cold, non-reaction, however that might be good. Ultimately, we should look to God for family, God and fellow Christians. Family is wherever one looks, if one approaches people with open hearts.

 

[heron]

I told him already. He said is not interested in making any contact

Oh, good. He might ask little bits over time.

Even though it is his issue, it has become your issue. You value family connections, and are interested in knowing what you're getting into.

You have a right to know if you will eventually be impacted by his father's choices. It might seem like it is not your business, but you do not need to enter marriage uninformed about the agreement. Some couples spend their money bailing out family members, keeping relatives in their homes, paying court costs, and even facing threatening opponents. In unrelated situations, arrest for drug possession or harboring a fugitive.

The marriage contract puts you in legal association with the extended family. So if he's grumpy that's understandable, but if he ever demeans or attacks you for looking into his past, then stand firm for your rights.

As you say, the information is out there on the Web.

I almost wonder if he was told things that he hasn't felt free to tell you... if he knew more than he was letting on, or if a relative's opinions were very strong against the father.

Hard to judge reactions with close relationships -- children can get very upset with parents, but because they really care and want their approval, for instance.

Like that. A mother who was angry at the father, and continually talked about how he let down his family. An aunt who said he shamed them, and uncle who said "he is dead to me." That sort of thing. Maybe your dreams will bring out good things that people forgot.

Anyway, glad to hear that you had tried to be open with him.