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hugechocoholic said:ooh what a great club! can i join?
Moriah,Moriah_Conquering_Wind said:I almost never feel God's presence. Most of the time I just feel alone, or feel the presence of Satan. I went away from the Lord for many years, so this is probably my fault. Even though I've come back, or am trying to come back, I still feel there's this wall there, like He has His back to me and just really is waiting for me to give up and go away and stop bothering Him because since I can't make myself not sin, I'm obviously not "sincere" about wanting to be His. I need Him to know that I can't control everything and I cannot control my thoughts or feelings either, and I need Him to heal me and save me from myself. But I feel like He's just standing there with His arms folded, waiting for ME to do what even scripture says it is impossible for us to do and that is change ourselves, make ourselves good. I am not good. A few times I've felt Him here with me and then none of this is a problem during those times, but then those times end and everything goes right back to this same dreary little cave of darkness.
I keep thinking I wish I'd never left Him and then it would not be this way but the truth is, the whole reason I left Him originally was because it had gotten this way already and I thought it was dishonest of me to "pretend" to be His. I thought I was so evil I should just worship Satan because then at least I won't be deceiving anyone or making them be lost by misrepresenting God. (That was all many years ago.) When I first knew Him I was 16 and He was right there with me every day, all the time. I had dreams and heard His voice and everything. I just want to be like that again. I see other people get to be like that. But not me. I am trying hard to hold onto what tiny scraps of faith I have that He has not rejected me, but deep in my heart I really feel He just can't be bothered.
I don't know why I think posting this here is going to make any difference. Nothing ever does.![]()
JESUS loves us
so much HE died for us.
then HE chose us to be HIS bride
and HE longs for union with us!!
HE wants us more than we want HIM.
HE is always with us.
HE longs to talk with us.
Practice HIS presence
(be aware of HIS constant presence)
Talk with HIM!!