Hi there.
So basically I'm pretty honest about the fact that certain doctors think I should be on medication. The medication makes me extremely weary (I can only focus on the most immediate thing most of the time) and I do not reason well at the best of times. Hence, I have been watching this forum from a distance. But the thought has occurred to me, that maybe Philosophy should be able to help...
...what does a philosopher do when he is drugged?
Now, I'm thinking that the utilitarian will say "the ends justifies the means, do whatever you can to enhance your focus on the moment" which I have done. I meditate when I feel up to it and write down proverbs, on a regular basis. I try not to look at the medication as a total downer, instead providing me with an opportunity to handle pressure and develop faster cognition. But unfortunately, this leaves me with little excuse for not being on the medication, as far as the utilitarian is concerned. After all, if I see the medication as a benefit, why not stay on it?
The next thing I think is that Kant or someone like that would say that it is important to develop equanimity and objectivity, so that regardless of whether the drugs have a negative or positive impact, I remain in the best position to either benefit or move on. This makes a lot of sense, and is harder, but the reality is that on medication what is directly in line with this is unchanging from week to week, providing little stimulation and what is not directly in line with this, simply gets forgotten. As such, I remain objective, about coming off the medication, all the time, but I function very poorly about doing "normal" things, while on it. And equanimity and objectivity don't seem to help that.
The next thing I think is that Descartes would say "Imagine its all in your mind" or "You think you are drugged, therefore you are (drugged)" this is comforting at first, but after a few moments, does nothing for me. After all, I am on the medication, it is in my mind, all of it. What is more, I don't like it. The part about stating my sanity is more comforting, in that assertions of sanity have something to do with getting doctors approval to get off the medication and embracing the reality of the medication can only ground such assertions all the more in reality. So just adopting the attitude of assertion helps, but sporadically.
Socrates and plato and all the greek philosophers had funny ideas, but I get these feeling that they revolve around little more than attitudes of the heart to vague metaphysical concepts, which is basically out of touch with my suffering altogether. There was one philosopher (I forget who, he was definitely Greek) who said you should start the day feeling as negative as possible, that way whatever happens, you will enjoy it as better than what you were feeling - sort of like intellectual fasting. I do something similar to this, in that when I am taking the medication, I try to imagine that I am as much as like God as I can possibly be (bearing in mind that God is not delusional but rather humble, meaning I try to emulate the humility) that way, whatever part of my personality survives the onslaught of fatigue and so forth, is at least close to God, which is what they say you are when you suffer anyway.
My days studying philosophy you would think would help me through all this, but in fact, the only other things I really know are about time travel - well I wish I could go back in time and convince myself not to get in trouble with people who rely on psychiatrists to determine what justice is, but I can't - and Indian philosophy, which is all about castes, as far as I can remember - not particularly helpful when you consider that it is a kind of caste discrimination that keeps the psychiatrists convinced their judgment is superior to mine in every instance but my meaningless nagging. I mean I really never got told that there would be a practical component to what I was learning and there was nothing in the way of an objective assessment of how finely tuned my discernment about life matters was. Certainly they never anticipated that I would be dealing with psychiatrists that had little to no regard for my suffering in the light of the greater good.
And then there is Christ, who if anything is little more than the philosopher's inspiration or at best an institution for which all the places are filled. But there is something in that, actually, in as much as being a madman or a philosopher is equally dispossessing and if you are to focus on anything, then inspiration is it, yes inspiration. So from day to day I look to Him to lead my proverb writing and to sharpen my wit through meditation, all the while hearing my prayers which are hardly philosophical but necessary nevertheless. Indeed, He is something of a comfort. To an extent. Certainly, I cannot boast of Christ and nothing else and expect the insanity ward to let me go - they have accused me of religiosity extensively. So it is like being given the key and being told "do anything with it, but open the door, there's a good lad". I mean, what I am I supposed to do? Cut myself to sanity with theology, hardly a philosophical approach.
And I do believe there is a rational response. I would much rather believe that I can be philosophical about my treatment and be treated like a short period of time and then let go than think that I am on some sort of healing treadmill for which no philosophical appeal will be heard - much like that chap that pushes the rock up the hill in Hell, what was he there for again? Probably assertiveness that would be right. But I digress. My mind is going blank. There are various arguments I could make. My girlfriend once said I should see a psychiatrist instead of her, if you want a laugh, I was annoying her trying to talk to her when she had decided she'd had enough of me. Perhaps that is a philosophers lot: first you contemplate Hell, then you justify a reason for being there.
In that sense Philosophy is a help, not because it alleviates suffering but because it reminds me, you, us all, that suffering is normal, that even the best of men, without pandering to God (as if that was something anyone could do, even in the greatest suffering, being born in ignorance, a sinner, like all the rest) cannot but suffer. I suppose that is a kind of fatalism. The danger of course there is that I start to think the medication is forever or go insane trying to resist that last surrender. What does a philosopher do? I can only imagine that I am close to the mark with my assertion that he suffers and suppose for myself that it is a matter of finding the kind of suffering that suits me best.
So we arrive at hedonism. The bottom of the barrel. And yet, there is a delicate sanity here, in that, drugged out of my brain, I can do little else but suppose that a little pleasure won't hurt. Indeed, it is like a balm, applied sparingly, that keeps my soul hoping that I won't perish under the ignorance of people who keep to their barbaric traditions in the hope that someone will rescue them, just as I hope to be rescued...
But what do you say? What philosophical approach should I be taking? Is there an answer in time travel after all? Will Hedonism kill me eventually, if my soul is not watchful? Could there be more to fatalism that I have not considered, a penultimate state of commitment perhaps? What do you say?
Practical, no?
So basically I'm pretty honest about the fact that certain doctors think I should be on medication. The medication makes me extremely weary (I can only focus on the most immediate thing most of the time) and I do not reason well at the best of times. Hence, I have been watching this forum from a distance. But the thought has occurred to me, that maybe Philosophy should be able to help...
...what does a philosopher do when he is drugged?
Now, I'm thinking that the utilitarian will say "the ends justifies the means, do whatever you can to enhance your focus on the moment" which I have done. I meditate when I feel up to it and write down proverbs, on a regular basis. I try not to look at the medication as a total downer, instead providing me with an opportunity to handle pressure and develop faster cognition. But unfortunately, this leaves me with little excuse for not being on the medication, as far as the utilitarian is concerned. After all, if I see the medication as a benefit, why not stay on it?
The next thing I think is that Kant or someone like that would say that it is important to develop equanimity and objectivity, so that regardless of whether the drugs have a negative or positive impact, I remain in the best position to either benefit or move on. This makes a lot of sense, and is harder, but the reality is that on medication what is directly in line with this is unchanging from week to week, providing little stimulation and what is not directly in line with this, simply gets forgotten. As such, I remain objective, about coming off the medication, all the time, but I function very poorly about doing "normal" things, while on it. And equanimity and objectivity don't seem to help that.
The next thing I think is that Descartes would say "Imagine its all in your mind" or "You think you are drugged, therefore you are (drugged)" this is comforting at first, but after a few moments, does nothing for me. After all, I am on the medication, it is in my mind, all of it. What is more, I don't like it. The part about stating my sanity is more comforting, in that assertions of sanity have something to do with getting doctors approval to get off the medication and embracing the reality of the medication can only ground such assertions all the more in reality. So just adopting the attitude of assertion helps, but sporadically.
Socrates and plato and all the greek philosophers had funny ideas, but I get these feeling that they revolve around little more than attitudes of the heart to vague metaphysical concepts, which is basically out of touch with my suffering altogether. There was one philosopher (I forget who, he was definitely Greek) who said you should start the day feeling as negative as possible, that way whatever happens, you will enjoy it as better than what you were feeling - sort of like intellectual fasting. I do something similar to this, in that when I am taking the medication, I try to imagine that I am as much as like God as I can possibly be (bearing in mind that God is not delusional but rather humble, meaning I try to emulate the humility) that way, whatever part of my personality survives the onslaught of fatigue and so forth, is at least close to God, which is what they say you are when you suffer anyway.
My days studying philosophy you would think would help me through all this, but in fact, the only other things I really know are about time travel - well I wish I could go back in time and convince myself not to get in trouble with people who rely on psychiatrists to determine what justice is, but I can't - and Indian philosophy, which is all about castes, as far as I can remember - not particularly helpful when you consider that it is a kind of caste discrimination that keeps the psychiatrists convinced their judgment is superior to mine in every instance but my meaningless nagging. I mean I really never got told that there would be a practical component to what I was learning and there was nothing in the way of an objective assessment of how finely tuned my discernment about life matters was. Certainly they never anticipated that I would be dealing with psychiatrists that had little to no regard for my suffering in the light of the greater good.
And then there is Christ, who if anything is little more than the philosopher's inspiration or at best an institution for which all the places are filled. But there is something in that, actually, in as much as being a madman or a philosopher is equally dispossessing and if you are to focus on anything, then inspiration is it, yes inspiration. So from day to day I look to Him to lead my proverb writing and to sharpen my wit through meditation, all the while hearing my prayers which are hardly philosophical but necessary nevertheless. Indeed, He is something of a comfort. To an extent. Certainly, I cannot boast of Christ and nothing else and expect the insanity ward to let me go - they have accused me of religiosity extensively. So it is like being given the key and being told "do anything with it, but open the door, there's a good lad". I mean, what I am I supposed to do? Cut myself to sanity with theology, hardly a philosophical approach.
And I do believe there is a rational response. I would much rather believe that I can be philosophical about my treatment and be treated like a short period of time and then let go than think that I am on some sort of healing treadmill for which no philosophical appeal will be heard - much like that chap that pushes the rock up the hill in Hell, what was he there for again? Probably assertiveness that would be right. But I digress. My mind is going blank. There are various arguments I could make. My girlfriend once said I should see a psychiatrist instead of her, if you want a laugh, I was annoying her trying to talk to her when she had decided she'd had enough of me. Perhaps that is a philosophers lot: first you contemplate Hell, then you justify a reason for being there.
In that sense Philosophy is a help, not because it alleviates suffering but because it reminds me, you, us all, that suffering is normal, that even the best of men, without pandering to God (as if that was something anyone could do, even in the greatest suffering, being born in ignorance, a sinner, like all the rest) cannot but suffer. I suppose that is a kind of fatalism. The danger of course there is that I start to think the medication is forever or go insane trying to resist that last surrender. What does a philosopher do? I can only imagine that I am close to the mark with my assertion that he suffers and suppose for myself that it is a matter of finding the kind of suffering that suits me best.
So we arrive at hedonism. The bottom of the barrel. And yet, there is a delicate sanity here, in that, drugged out of my brain, I can do little else but suppose that a little pleasure won't hurt. Indeed, it is like a balm, applied sparingly, that keeps my soul hoping that I won't perish under the ignorance of people who keep to their barbaric traditions in the hope that someone will rescue them, just as I hope to be rescued...
But what do you say? What philosophical approach should I be taking? Is there an answer in time travel after all? Will Hedonism kill me eventually, if my soul is not watchful? Could there be more to fatalism that I have not considered, a penultimate state of commitment perhaps? What do you say?
Practical, no?
