Potty training

[chava]

My husband and I think it might be time to potty train our 19 month old. He tells us when he has "poo poo" and he squats when he goes. There are just two things that are holding us back. He can't pull his pants down on his own and he's afraid of the potty. We're not sure if a smaller potty would work better. But the other thing is that we're expecting #2 in April and we don't want to start in the midst of that. Would it hurt him to wait until a month or so after the new baby is born?

 

[Hadassah]

That (him unable to do it all himself) really shouldn't stop you. I'm EC'ing our son and he's 8 months. He can't even take off his own diaper.

He lets me know at least half the time when he does have to go though.

Here's some info if you need some:

What is Elimination communication?
Tribal Baby <-- I love this one
Free to EC blog
Yahoo Groups: Elimination Communication

Some folks on the Y Group are new to the whole idea, and with all different ranges of kids.

 

[Neenie1]

TBH, I would wait, but it's up to you.

Both of my kids were "late" trainers. I am a great believer in going slowly on this, and letting them work it out themselves.

The fact that he can't pull his pants on and off, doesn't help.

I guess if he is telling you he needs to go you can always help him.

Do you think he wants to use the toilet instead of the potty? Would he be better with a special seat for the toilet and a step stool?

If you really think he's ready and he can't pull his pants on and off, you can just help him out with them, until he can do it. (which if he wants to learn it won't take long for him to work this out, especially if you avoid buttons etc. and just use elastic waist pants.

My other trick is to wait until Summer when they really can get away with just wearing underpants and nothing else.

Also often the arrival of a new sibling can delay toilet training.

As for if it will matter if you wait until baby arrives - no I don't think it will matter at all.

In fact for what it's worth I wouldn't even think of training just yet unless he is really really interested in it.

 

[RedTulipMom]

Most kids are ready to potty train between 12-18 mos (its a sensitive period, and if ya miss it it is harder to potty train). If he is showing signs, i would do it now! get a small potty chair..the large toilet is too overwhelming at his size.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

^^ I agree. It's only within the last few decades that children potty train later than in life. As your grandmother and I bet she'll tell you most babies at that time were potty trained by 18 months. It's only since the invention of super absorbant diapers for big kids were invented that we stopped potty training early. Did you know they have diapers for up to like 50lbs now?

 

[jgonz]

On the other end of the spectrum is my kids~ none of them were able/ready to train until they were nearly 3. <shrug>

 

[GolfingMom]

^^ I agree. It's only within the last few decades that children potty train later than in life. As your grandmother and I bet she'll tell you most babies at that time were potty trained by 18 months. It's only since the invention of super absorbant diapers for big kids were invented that we stopped potty training early. Did you know they have diapers for up to like 50lbs now?

I agree with most of this. But I had a HUGE kid so we were on Huggies #6 by the time he was a few months old He weighed 50 at 4

 

[bliz]

Buy a potty chair and see how it goes now. No pressure, but if he's ready, he might go for the little chair. If he's not ready, you'll know.

 

[lucypevensie]

If you aren't ready then I think you should wait a bit. Expect to do lots of laundry. Expect to stay home for a few days while you get things established. Expect to run and help at the drop of a hat. Expect to be a bit flexible. He might not like the potty chair that you buy him but the toilet might be just the right thing. Can you be calm and cheerful about it or do you think you will be anxious? Is he generally compliant to parental guidance?

Have some rewards ready for victories. Have plenty towels ready for accidents. Have him help clean up the accidents.

It's important for kids to be ready, but I think it's even more important for mom/dad to be ready.

 

[KristyAnne]

I let my children guide me as to when to start potty training. In my mind, I had the vague idea of between the ages of 2-3 to start daytime potty training, and 3-4 to start nighttime potty training, but it wasn't set in stone.

Isabel probably started around 22-months, when she became interested in the toilet, and asked questions about it. It did take her until nearly three to stop having daytime "accidents", though. Lily started earlier, around eighteen-months, and took to it almost immediately. I think she wanted to copy big sister. She let me know she was ready by taking off her nappy and weeing in her Dora house all the time (not fun to clean up, but I got the hint ).

I didn't really stress about it, and they did fine, so if you feel you'd rather put off his potty training, I don't think it will hurt him.

Kristy

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

I agree with most of this. But I had a HUGE kid so we were on Huggies #6 by the time he was a few months old He weighed 50 at 4

Oh man. I bet he had the best chunky thigh rolls

 

[seamonster]

Most kids are ready to potty train between 12-18 mos (its a sensitive period, and if ya miss it it is harder to potty train). If he is showing signs, i would do it now! get a small potty chair..the large toilet is too overwhelming at his size.

True, most kids are physically ready, but not all kids are verbally or emotionally ready. To me, "potty trained" means my son can get up and take himself to the bathroom when he needs to go or say "mommy, I have to go potty." It's not me rushing him to the toilet before he has an accident. I know at 18 months, my son didn't have the verbal capability to tell me when he had to go. He also wasn't able to physically take off his pants by himself, which is a big thing . Each kid is so different!

 

[Neenie1]

^^ I agree. It's only within the last few decades that children potty train later than in life. As your grandmother and I bet she'll tell you most babies at that time were potty trained by 18 months. It's only since the invention of super absorbant diapers for big kids were invented that we stopped potty training early. Did you know they have diapers for up to like 50lbs now?

Not necessarily true - I used cloth nappies during the day for both my kids. Ds wasn't trained until 3, dd is 3 1/2 and still has regular accidents (4 - 5 weekly, not including no 2 accidents)

 

[CrystalBrooke]

Mom had all 3 of us potty trained by the time we were 18 months and is horrified that Emily will be 3 next month and is just now going to the potty every time she needs to pee...she keeps telling me that she doesn't know how to poop on the potty..I'm puzzled as to what to do with that. I think each kid is ready for potty training at different times and there's really no need to push them if they're not ready. Having your son wait another month or so isn't going to hurt IMO.

 

[Hadassah]

I dunno, I just watch the baby (8 months) and he signs when he has to go. The only thing, he gets the sign for milk and potty mixed right now because they are similar. But, soon as you set him on the potty when he has signed, he goes!

If I am not paying close enough attention I miss the "Potty-tunity" and he uses the diaper as a last resort.

Last night he was dry from 9pm until 6am... and as soon as he got squirmy when he woke up I knew what it was... he had to go! and he waited until the diaper was open and he was on his potty.

While he can't take his own clothes off (and I'd be kind of horrified right now if he could...), he does know when he has to go and he's pretty attuned to it. Many babies are, even as early as birth. It's just that we train to use diapers, and they have to unlearn all that.

 

[AvaImposter]

I dunno, I just watch the baby (8 months) and he signs when he has to go. The only thing, he gets the sign for milk and potty mixed right now because they are similar. But, soon as you set him on the potty when he has signed, he goes!

If I am not paying close enough attention I miss the "Potty-tunity" and he uses the diaper as a last resort.

Last night he was dry from 9pm until 6am... and as soon as he got squirmy when he woke up I knew what it was... he had to go! and he waited until the diaper was open and he was on his potty.

While he can't take his own clothes off (and I'd be kind of horrified right now if he could...), he does know when he has to go and he's pretty attuned to it. Many babies are, even as early as birth. It's just that we train to use diapers, and they have to unlearn all that.

My grandma had 6 kids and they were all potty trained around 1 yr, some earlier. Grandma also potty trained me at 9 mos old. That was normal back then. Your right, kids arent potty trained to 3 or so now because it takes them a while to unlearn going in the diaper. We teach them to go in a diaper. Back in the hunter gatherer days they didnt use diapers they just held them out and they peed on the ground and were naked all the time.

 

[Hadassah]

^^ pretty much! Not to mention that in many countries that EC is the norm, and moms will wear their babies almost all the time until they hit a certain age, and their kids never wet or dirty them. The moms just figure out the cues and take them off to eliminate.

I think with our next one we will start really early if I have the energy. This last time labor was so hard and I was just so wiped out for the first month it was next to impossible even for me to change him or dress him.

 

[Stan53]

Would it hurt him to wait until a month or so after the new baby is born?

No, it wont hurt at all. I agree with some of the posters in that these days children are potty trained much later. Once upon a time training was started at 12 months mostly. The children were able to communicate their needs even if they couldn't talk. Unfortunately, these days we don't "listen "to our children..
However, your post would suggest to me that your boy is ready now.
Also consider potty timing. This way you are not relying on the child. It is similar potty training. Except that you work out how often the child needs to go and then you take the child. If you google it, you will find loads of info. With this method you take all the stress and strain out of potty training. We did it with DD1 and DD2. With DD1 we didn't know it was called potty timing.
I do however, agree strongly that if you are in that window where your boy is ready, then don't miss the opportunity. The longer you leave it, the harder it is and the more painful for the child.

 

[jgonz]

Grandma also potty trained me at 9 mos old. That was normal back then.

My grama is 96 and told me that training at 9 months was not normal when she was raising kids.

I do however, agree strongly that if you are in that window where your boy is ready, then don't miss the opportunity. The longer you leave it, the harder it is and the more painful for the child.

I disagree with this, because it wasn't hard or painful for my kids to potty train closer to 3... they trained in 2 days because they were fully aware of what they were doing and were completely ready.

 

[Leanna]

I agree with jgonz. The stories I hear from my MIL and other older people are about how much pressure it was and how not worth it it was. I don't know how many times my MIL told me about how she pushed my husband in potty training because he was getting a sister and how that backfired on her long term. He was "potty trained" but with accidents a long time. Who cares if the kid is potty trained at 12 months or 2.5? Is this really about the kid's best interest or is it a badge of pride for the parent? What matters is that they are potty trained at some point and respected as persons.

The OP's little guy is getting a sibling in a couple months. I'd wait until after the baby is here and he has adjusted-- unless he asks to use the potty. I'd listen to the tiny tot. Its HIS body, not the mama's badge of pride. Besides what good does it do to have a "potty trained" child that can't even take off his own pants?