Post partum depression

[Alexis OCA]

Any of y'all ever suffer from this? Or any of your wives? Did you go on medication or do other things to alleviate your struggles? Husbands- what did you do to help your wives? What do you wish you'd have done differently?

Back in January of 1989 my wife was 5 months pregnant when the baby died in the womb. That took a while for the two of us to get over and in fact we still recall her 'day' - Jan 8th. It was a girl and my wife always wanted a girl. We are grateful to God that he chose to give us three healthy girls after that. I guess I am just trying to reflect on this as a husband...my wife had a touch of post-partum after each birth but nothing severe. I was fortunate in that I could be home for a week after our loss and the births. Being around, helping out and having someone to talk to was just what she needed.

Warm regards and prayers,
Doug

 

[Victrixa]

I'm sorry Shannon... Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Dream]

Back in January of 1989 my wife was 5 months pregnant when the baby died in the womb. That took a while for the two of us to get over and in fact we still recall her 'day' - Jan 8th. It was a girl and my wife always wanted a girl. We are grateful to God that he chose to give us three healthy girls after that. I guess I am just trying to reflect on this as a husband...my wife had a touch of post-partum after each birth but nothing severe. I was fortunate in that I could be home for a week after our loss and the births. Being around, helping out and having someone to talk to was just what she needed.

That must have been very tough. I have no idea how badly that would have felt.

I was conceived because my mother had a miscariage. If my older sibling had not died several months before my conception, I wouldn't be here today.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Sadly, a lot of mothers struggle through alone because they are ashamed of their symptoms. Many women suffer through for a lot longer than necessary because of the stigma attached to meds, or because they feel guilty for not being happy and they believe the depression indicates that they aren't good mothers.

That's so me- but my deal with medication has to do with breastfeeding and side effect concerns.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me- I am hoping my husband and I can make the time to really talk about what I need right now and things will improve.

Is the baby okay? Does she eat well and sleep well? Is she having colic? I know that can make things all the more worse. Remember the crying stage begins around 2 weeks and goes away around 6 weeks.

Things will NOT stay this way; this will not last forever. Keep telling yourself that. The baby will begin to sleep all nite and things will get better.

Oddly- Bernadette is awesome- she is so mellow- and almost never cries. Jane had full blown -crying inconsolably- for three hours an evening colic. Tim had really bad reflux and has always been a high need child. Lucy had a more mild colic, but woke every 45 minutes for a year and a half. Bernadette sleeps one longish stretch and then two hour intervals-- which is actually pretty good for my wee ones. I absolutely need more sleep, but things are actually the best that tthey've been in regards to the baby's temperament- that's part of my concern.
__________________

Back in January of 1989 my wife was 5 months pregnant when the baby died in the womb. That took a while for the two of us to get over and in fact we still recall her 'day' - Jan 8th. It was a girl and my wife always wanted a girl. We are grateful to God that he chose to give us three healthy girls after that. I guess I am just trying to reflect on this as a husband...my wife had a touch of post-partum after each birth but nothing severe. I was fortunate in that I could be home for a week after our loss and the births. Being around, helping out and having someone to talk to was just what she needed.

Doug- I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter- my heart goes out to you and your wife. My husband is home for the week now - so things might get better. I am going to try to talk him into staying home for two weeks- I reason it is far cheaper to use paid vacation time than for me to have to go to the doctor repeatedly and get on medication.

 

[Benedicta00]

I absolutely need more sleep, but things are actually the best that tthey've been in regards to the baby's temperament- that's part of my concern.
__________________

You are concerned because she is a “good” (I hate to use that term) baby? I wouldn’t worry, I’m sure she is fine.

 

[Alexis OCA]

Doug- I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter- my heart goes out to you and your wife. My husband is home for the week now - so things might get better. I am going to try to talk him into staying home for two weeks- I reason it is far cheaper to use paid vacation time than for me to have to go to the doctor repeatedly and get on medication.

Thank you so much. I pray things will get better for you. I am confident they will.

 

[MariaRegina]

Thank you so much. I pray things will get better for you. I am confident they will.

Dear Greg:

I went through an early miscarriage and for years I cried everytime I heard about abortions because I so wanted that child.

Finally, one day, when I was reading a story about another woman who miscarried, I realized that I had never named the child I lost. My husband and I decided on a name for our unborn daughter. It's been so much easier since then, and I hope to meet her in heaven one day.

I told my son that she died so that he could be born. (He was conceived 6 months after the miscarriage.) So he has been a good Christian young man as he hopes to see her in heaven also.

My prayer for you and your wife.

Lovingly in Christ,
Elizabeth

 

[Epiphanygirl]

I know it might sound silly,Are you continuing to take vitamins shannon? I know that some women forget, or think that they don't need to after the baby is born, it's not a cure, but it can help while your hormone levels are trying to get back to their natural levels before the baby.
I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

You are concerned because she is a “good” (I hate to use that term) baby? I wouldn’t worry, I’m sure she is fine.

No- not that- but rather that she is such a mellow baby- and I am still falling apart...

 

[3toraiseup]

Shannon,
I had mild pp depression with my last. I classify it as 'mild' because I did not seek treatment and it eventually resolved. I never had thoughts of hurting myself or my children, therefore I just tried to deal with it on my own. Like you, I was concerned about taking medications that would affect breastfeeding. PM me for personal details or symptoms I struggled with, I'd be happy to share, though not with everyone

Aside from fluctuating hormones, the one thing that really affected my mental state was lack of sleep. I struggled with memory loss, panic attacks, anxiety and depression that all resolved as my uninterruped sleep increased! It was worse with baby #2 and #3 because there is no time to 'nap when baby naps'.

Some things that helped me cope:

Exercise - private time to myself to destress. Doesn't have to be strenuous, do what your body is able, but take time for yourself.
Prayer
Waiting it out - Give yourself a examination of mental state regularly. If you are not in danger of harming yourself or others, consider just allowing yourself time to work through this suffering. "allow yourself" to feel bad. It's not who you are, it's just something your body is going through. It will pass.

You also mentioned that you have not yet stopped bleeding. Many women will continue bleeding for up to six weeks. If it lasts longer than that, seek medical attention. Continue taking prenatal vitamins, drinking lots of water for nursing and eat as best you can.

If, at any time, you fear you are in serious trouble, seek medical attention. Phone calls to your ob/gyn are free.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Thank you so much Kati!!

 

[Benedicta00]

No- not that- but rather that she is such a mellow baby- and I am still falling apart...

That’s because you have little ones to care for. She can be as mellow as she will; you still are adding on more work, not less. Yes, it is a labor of love but it is labor none the less. I think you are experiencing what it is to have to care for so many little ones at once. It can be very hard when you have a newborn and you are post partum because you do need the rest more than you ever did before and you get literally none.

I know my Doctor was upset with me when she learned I left the hospital after 2 days because she said- it was the only time I was going to have to rest and she was right but I had to get home to my 2 year old and to Alex and the other kids as well.

I know when I had the first, I thought the world was coming to end by having another. My oldest was 2 and I had a newborn. I swore (before I was converted) I wasn’t having anymore and I didn’t for almost 4 years. The oldest was in school and my second was so well behaved and at that age where you don’t need to run after him 24 hours a day, my third was pretty easy. But when #4 came- look out. My third child was 1 1/2 and it was Summertime. Yes, the other two kids were home from school, I though I was living a nightmare, I even went back to work when he was so many weeks old, I tell you, I do not know how, looking back on those day, how I didn’t lose my mind, but I didn’t. I really do not know how I did it, Shannon, but I did it. It was so hard and the reason I didn't have another one for another 6 years.

When Alex was 6, Haven was born and it was like having my first all over. The boys were old enough to care for themselves and Alex is high functioning, he can do for himself rather well so she was a breeze. Now that Zach is here, it isn’t as easy because Haven is a handful of a 2-year-old. The baby is very good but he magnifies my responsibly.

You are not out of the ordinary IMO. You have 3 kids to care for and a newborn, it is just taking it’s toll on you but as you know, nothing is given to us that we can not endure. You will come out of this fine, I think you are just experiencing many kids under one roof.

Now you know why Sandy’s name is ZooMom. LOL. She has 5, I have 6, you have 4 now- welcome Shannon, it's great to have you on board.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Thanks Michelle- and thanks for the warm welcome! LOL! My husband actually answers our phone "North Georgia Asylum"

Well I talked with my husband last night- asked him to take an extra week off (which he agreed to). I tried to be really straight forward and unemotional- and really very clearly acknowledge his hardwork, but also try to tell him how needy I am in areas where he is not as good at providing. It is so stupid that doing that is so hard!

So I am going to try to really, really rest for the rest of this week- and try to go slow next week. I am very concerned with my physical recovery- as it will make such a difference in the kind of mom I am a few weeks from now.

Gosh- I wish we all lived really close and could just have one big zoo!

 

[Benedicta00]

You know what’s funny is that people think Christian women are these quiet, little serene subdued women with a household of angelic children and everything is just so blessed and peaceful, that we never yell or get angry, we just praise the Lord all day long and that’s just not the case at all.

We're humans, we’re not angles and we have the children we do because we live a life of self giving in obedience to God’s will. That in no way means we are going to act perfect and be perfect. Our nerves are shot but Christian life is all about the sacrifice, not the comforts. We break down every now and then, it does't mean something is worng with us. Even Jesus fell beneath His cross. .

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Even Jesus fell beneath His cross. .

I need a picture of that to serve as a reminder!


You have ust given me an incredible gift, thank you. I had never thought of it like that!

 

[3toraiseup]

I don't remember if I said this already, but my third baby took a significanly longer amount of time for physical recovery. Good for you for asking for help from your husband!!!

Women have had large families since time began, however in times past, there were grandparents, aunts and older siblings to help.

Isaiah 40:31
"But they that wait upon the LORD
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint"



Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks? The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come.
When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages, below the eagle is soaring above it. The eagle does not escape the storm, it simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

When the storms of life come upon us ... and all of us will experience them ... we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief toward God.

The storms do not have to overcome us, we can allow God's power to lift us above them. God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure, and disappointment into our lives. We can soar above the storm.

Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them.


~ Author Unknown ~

 

[geocajun]

Any of y'all ever suffer from this?

Shannon, yes I do, and I hope that sharing my story will help you feel better.

Now, do I suffer? Oh boy do I... I suffer greatly! We have that day of joy when the baby is born, and right after that, for about 6 weeks, when we can't... well you know *ahem*
I wait it out.. cold shower after cold shower.... but thats a long time!! 6 weeks? who can do this?
I'd like to tell you that after a while it gets easier, but that would be a lie! there is still an empty gap in my life which must be filled. What helps me is to pretend i'm one of the desert fathers, and I am alone in a cave, and then I pray about it nonstop, attacking my temptations to go up to my wife AND... AND... well heh.. you know
The good news is that it does end... it may seem like for-ever while you suffer, but it does eventually.
Just know you aren't alone sister!



btw, my wife is delivering in 3 weeks, so my suffering will begin then.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Shannon, yes I do, and I hope that sharing my story will help you feel better.

Now, do I suffer? Oh boy do I... I suffer greatly! We have that day of joy when the baby is born, and right after that, for about 6 weeks, when we can't... well you know *ahem*
I wait it out.. cold shower after cold shower.... but thats a long time!! 6 weeks? who can do this?
I'd like to tell you that after a while it gets easier, but that would be a lie! there is still an empty gap in my life which must be filled. What helps me is to pretend i'm one of the desert fathers, and I am alone in a cave, and then I pray about it nonstop, attacking my temptations to go up to my wife AND... AND... well heh.. you know
The good news is that it does end... it may seem like for-ever while you suffer, but it does eventually.
Just know you aren't alone sister!



btw, my wife is delivering in 3 weeks, so my suffering will begin then.

LOL!! That is so obnoxious! Some of us have only had relations four times with our spouses .... annd well ... let's see we're on baby # 4, is it?

I got one thing to say to you...OFFER IT UP!

 

[geocajun]

I got one thing to say to you...OFFER IT UP!

That is great advice Shannon, thank you! see we can help eachother!

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

see we can help eachother!

Okay- that's a little too 70's swinger for me....