Possible Trigger- rape

[caeli89]

On Friday August 9th my life changed and not for the better. I was raped by a man I had just met. I was outside listening to someone sing and before I knew it people were offering me beer. A few hours passed and I had ingested 6 beers, not sure how but I did. Before I knew it he was walking back to my apartment. I was stupid because he came in with me, the biggest mistake in my life. He came into my bedroom, his clothes started to come off and the lights went out. I tried to fight keeping my clothes on but I lost eventually. I was raped in my own bedroom. I know it was my fault b/c I had been drinking. sadly enough I was not attacked, held at gun point, or beat. Why couldn't I scream or yell for help? It was like I was paralyzed, I laid there lifeless.I lost my virginity that night and it's all my fault. I feel so guilty, ashamed, dirty, and disgusting. I didn't fight hard enough and plus I was drinking. The only thing from stopping me from getting away was he was on top of me. I have nightmares and flashbacks. I can't sleep in the dark. I'm afraid to be alone with any male. I'm very anxious and scared all the time. My life has forever changed. It kills me knowing that it is my fault!

 

[Darkhorse]

Even though you made yourself vulnerable by becoming drunk, this rape is NOT your fault! It's a criminal act perpetrated by a criminal. You need to report it, get checked for STDs and pregnancy, and get into therapy.

Following through on these things will help you recover and possibly build a case against this person. He has probably raped others, and will probably continue until he is stopped. Silence only helps him.

Sorry this happened to you! Most guys would never consider doing such a thing.

 

[motherprayer]

Please don't blame yourself! I'm praying for you, and I hope you get through this!

 

[caeli89]

Thanks guys for you support it really means alot to me!!!

 

[Johnnz]

He is the problem, not you. You will feel terrible and dirty for a while and scared too I guess. You may need someone to talk through some of that. But Father has not written you off. Allow Him to rebuild your life as He is so willing to do.

John
NZ

 

[Nextstep]

Pls report him to the police ASAP for the evil and criminal act he did to you. And don't ever blame yourself for the CRIME *HE* DID!

 

[caeli89]

I did report him and hopefully something comes of it!

 

[Nextstep]

I hope so too. May you be given justice.

 

[motherprayer]

Justice will be served. Remember, we all receive our own due reward, and for what he's done, I'm sure God has plenty to say!

 

[caeli89]

I don't know if I can handle it if something comes of it.

 

[Jahleel]

There`s not much i can say, but i hope and pray god gives you the strength and serenity to move forward.
Maybe decorating your bedroom could help?

May God bless you.

 

[Catherineanne]

On Friday August 9th my life changed and not for the better. I was raped by a man I had just met. I was outside listening to someone sing and before I knew it people were offering me beer. A few hours passed and I had ingested 6 beers, not sure how but I did. Before I knew it he was walking back to my apartment. I was stupid because he came in with me, the biggest mistake in my life. He came into my bedroom, his clothes started to come off and the lights went out. I tried to fight keeping my clothes on but I lost eventually. I was raped in my own bedroom. I know it was my fault b/c I had been drinking. sadly enough I was not attacked, held at gun point, or beat. Why couldn't I scream or yell for help? It was like I was paralyzed, I laid there lifeless.I lost my virginity that night and it's all my fault. I feel so guilty, ashamed, dirty, and disgusting. I didn't fight hard enough and plus I was drinking. The only thing from stopping me from getting away was he was on top of me. I have nightmares and flashbacks. I can't sleep in the dark. I'm afraid to be alone with any male. I'm very anxious and scared all the time. My life has forever changed. It kills me knowing that it is my fault!

It is not your fault. The freeze response is one of the normal human responses to being attacked, and very often is the one that women will use without choosing to do so; it will just happen.

The reason you could not fight or scream or do anything is that you were traumatised by what was happening, and the effect of that caused your body to go into a freeze response. It was not your fault; this is involitional.

A woman who has a few drinks does not deserve to be raped as a result. The blame is not yours. It lies with the person who did this to you; it is his fault entirely. And it is not impossible that the drinks were spiked.

I recommend you to contact a woman's group and arrange to see a counsellor. She will be able to help you far more than I can from a distance, but please bear in mind that it is not your fault in any way at all. Everyone does silly things at times; we do not deserve to be raped as a result.

God be with you.

 

[rowantree]

If it helps, I can tell you that I, too, froze. I understand completely. It is a natural reaction to extreme trauma. Please don't blame yourself. It will take time to get over it - but you will, in time. Praying for you.,

 

[caeli89]

Thank you all. I'm trying my best to forget what happened. I'm trying to erase it from my memory.

 

[Johnnz]

Thank you all. I'm trying my best to forget what happened. I'm trying to erase it from my memory.

That's not the most helpful way to deal with what happened. you may just bury things deeper, but they will still be working away. You do need to process some things. I hope you can find a suitable person who can help you with that, and that you discover where Jesus can make a difference to your becoming less pained from what happened.

John
NZ

 

[Catherineanne]

John is right; trying to blank it out will not help. You need to find someone to talk to about this, in order to process the memory properly. If you do not then it may well recurr in flashbacks for years, with no loss of intensity; in effect you will relive it over and over again.

Counselling is essential in order to mitigate the effects from now on.

 

[ACWaller]

What happened to you was a demonic attack. The enemy's strategy is to try to make you feel that it was your fault and that you somehow 'brought it on yourself'. That way, he tries stop you from getting help. Remember, the biggest danger is that he tries to pull apart your relationship with your heavenly Father, by making you afraid to go to him for help.