possible abuse?

[praisehim79]

deleted

 

[gadzookz]

I'm not yet an experienced parent, but I can offer my own opinion, for what it's worth. The other caveat is I don't know these people and have not experienced what you have experienced, so I can only respond to what you have portrayed.

The spankings may or may not reflect some level of physical abuse. While I agree with the use of spanking, I would not use it all the time for every "infraction" my child committed. Dropping the pants seems a little excessive, though, and that mixed with the showering thing may indicate some sort of sexual abuse issues.

How many 12 year olds shower every day? It's possible the step-dad is SO tight about money that he has gone beyond the point of reason to save a few dimes. But I think you are right to be concerned that it is more than that.

Pray for an answer as to how you should approach/monitor the issue.

 

[praisehim79]

deleted

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Red flags- big red flags!

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

Silly and ridiculous about folks quick to fly off th handle! Certainly IMO not red flags.... but perhaps a more watchful eye. My goodness, there is of course th possiblility that thins are goin on but be careful not to jump to hastily into a situation you've only observed on one visit. Talk wit your cousin privately an make sure you don't accuse or imply anythin, that could stick you in a bad position.

My wife an I are both firm believers in spankin an we understand others aren't an think any type of physical punishment is simply abuse, I find that ridiculous. I honestly could not count th number of times I was told to drop my drawers an got whipped. My G'ma's favorite sayin was "Do you want me to drop your drawers right here in front of God an everbody?!?"

As for showerin, I'm such a tight wad for awhile we all piled into th tub an showered so's we could all get thins done in one whack. I admit havin em shower evertime th pa does might be th cause for concern an maybe folks might ask th boy a couple of questions. But for th love of God do NOT involve any stupid "authorities", some of them thins are so dern stupid. They destroy far more then they save IMO. Do some pokin around on your own before bringin some "authority" into thins, cause thins could be perfectly normal in that house an bein an outsider lookin in, ya might open one heck of a can of worms if'n your not careful.

 

[bliz]

I disagree with the previous post - the flags are big and red and flapping in the breeze!!

The showering together must stop!! This has nothing to do with saving water. A low flow shower head and a kitchen timer can do that. Spanking a 12 year old on an unclothed bottom is way out of line and adds a whole sexual element to the punishment. This guy is sick. This is not a matter of different styles of parenting.

Your cousin needs to stand up to this man to protect her son from serious emotional damage. The worst damage of all is that her son is going to know that his mother abandoned him to this man and did nothing to protect him. Talk about total rejection!

If you cousin will not take action, you needd to. The things you have mentioned here are the things you know about... it's quite possible that more is going on.

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

The showering together must stop!! This has nothing to do with saving water. A low flow shower head and a kitchen timer can do that..

Why? Is there some reason this "should" stop? I ask because not one of us nor th OP knows exactly what's goin on an it's insanely dangerous to simply start assumin. I agree it's odd an a careful eye should be given or what's more, th mother might ought to ask th boy a few innocent questions.

Spanking a 12 year old on an unclothed bottom is way out of line and adds a whole sexual element to the punishment. This guy is sick. This is not a matter of different styles of parenting.

Who are you to say that this is a merely sexual act by th father an who are you to say this person whom none of us knows is sick? This form of punishment doesn't need to be sexual as it's more likly a deterent. No one wants to bare their bottom let alone get it whacked. I'd be very heisitant to start accusin this feller of doin it because it's sexual.

Your cousin needs to stand up to this man to protect her son from serious emotional damage. The worst damage of all is that her son is going to know that his mother abandoned him to this man and did nothing to protect him. Talk about total rejection!

Before th OP goes an makes er cousin feel very bad bout bein a mother or 'not protectin' er young an what not it would be far wiser to find out what's goin on before makin accusations. I do agree if there were some abuse goin on an th maw was ignorin it then folks have ever right to tell er she's not doin er job. However; folks must know what's goin on first, then take thins from there.

If you cousin will not take action, you needd to. The things you have mentioned here are the things you know about... it's quite possible that more is going on.

This is what bothers me so much, you can not say th cousin of this gal isn't doin anythin then advise someone from th outside to jump in based off of only these observations. I flat out dispise injustice an far to often folks brin in "authorities" way to early an they not only destroy their own relationship wit th faimly they throw th faimly into shear turmoil when there 'could' be nothin goin on at all.

All authorities are required to launch an investigation by law anytime a concern is raised, I heard on these fourms not to long ago that a faimly was now forced to sleep in their livin room givin their 8 yr old daughter their room while her sister occupied th other because "she needed her privacy"! Those are th type of stupid thins that arise when authorities are brought in prematurely. First find out what you can before simply unleashin th worthless gov't agencies on a faimly. Talk to your cousin, discuss your concerns wit er, tell er you are concerned bout this. From you talkin wit er you'll be able to determine wether she suspects thins an is jes not 'strong' enough to take them on erself, at which point you bet! Involve outsiders, but if a pastor or church is available go that route first. A couple of years ago round here, a small town that still is full of corruption had like 20 cases a week in th news paper of abuse. It wasn't until a federal investigation came in that they found it was a bunch of faimlies mad at each other etc callin CPS sayin there was all kinds of abuse goin on. They can literally hang you on jes about anythin, a pile of dirty clothes that one didn't feel like doin today, or heaven forbid las nights dishes that haven't been washed.

When dealin with authorities like cps etc, you are at their mercy an what they think you should do an what not. Don't misunderstand what I am sayin, these agencies serve a purpose, it's jes sad that so often, jes like ever other agency started wit good intentions, they've fallen victim to condem ever one.

I agree that thins seem to be of a concern simply find out what you can before bringin anyone else into th mix, in this day an age where th gov't is strivin for more an more control, we as Christians must be th ones to say this is right an this is wrong. We've gone to long silent an look at where it's gotten us.

 

[bliz]

Addicted2~Jesus] -

Do you seriously believe that the daily showers together between a 12 year old boy and his adult step-father are healthy and normal? Do you really think this is happening to save water? We're not talking about a toddler who wants to do everything Dad does - we are talking about a young boy who is way too old to be in a shower or bathtub with anyone else.

What innocent questions shoud the mother ask her son to determine exactly what is going on? Please, word-for-word, just what should she ask that will be innocent and get you truthful answers? And if the boys gives an answer she does not like, do you think she will prevail against her husband to stop the showering? He wouldn't stop when she protested it before. Why on earth would a loving step-father continue to do something with your step-son that you know is making your wife uncomfortable when it is clearly not comething that needs to be done?

If you do not see that something is very, very wrong in this situation, there is no point is discussing any of your other points with you.

 

[andiesmama]

I don't think A2J is saying to ignore what's going on at all....he's taking the smart approach, IMO.

Before running to the authorities & throwing accusations around I believe there needs to be some more (for lack of a better word) evidence.

Granted, a 12 year old taking a shower with his parent (or step-parent) sounds kind of strange, but I'm sure it's not unheard-of...and I'm sure that there are instances where there is NO "bad stuff" going on....it's simply a shower used to get clean.

As for the spankings on the bare bottom....again, rare but not unheard-of. Some people just differ in their discipline tactics. Just because we don't agree with them doesn't mean we need to go off accusing them of being abusive or even sexual about it.

In my opinion there's just not enough evidence to warrant a call to the authorities. Maybe the OP could make up some kind of excuse to be able to spend a few days & nights at her cousins house to get a better feel of things...or just "happen" to drop in at various times in the next few weeks to see what's going on.

My feelings are that we are too quick to bring in authorities and cause undue problems when there was nothing going on in the first place. A2J gave a great example in his post...

A couple of years ago round here, a small town that still is full of corruption had like 20 cases a week in th news paper of abuse. It wasn't until a federal investigation came in that they found it was a bunch of faimlies mad at each other etc callin CPS sayin there was all kinds of abuse goin on. They can literally hang you on jes about anythin, a pile of dirty clothes that one didn't feel like doin today, or heaven forbid las nights dishes that haven't been washed.

 

[bliz]

And what about the 12 year old boy while "evidence" is gathered?

What "evidence" would be sufficent to take to the authorities?

Perhaps if it were just the spankings... but not both things, not when the mother has protested the shower situation (which means she does not think it's right) and with the continual and constant spanking of the daughter. I am not saying that this is sexual abuse or physical abuse, but something is wrong, and Mom is not going to do anything.

 

[Athanasian Creed]

I would definitely echo the "red flags" call. The mom needs to sit down with the boy alone and ask if anything resembling abuse, either physical or sexual is going on. She needs to find out his feelings about this. If she doesn't, things will only get worse, maybe MUCH worse.

A 12 year old boy should never, on a regular basis, be forced to shower with a parent/step-parent EVER. There may be an occasional time it might be necessary, there's nothing wrong with that. As for the bare-bottom spankings, spaning someone over 10 IMO is wrong. Furthermore, they should be done in private not in front of other people. The purpose of spanking should be correction NOT embarrassment.

Keep praying for your cousin, her husband and their son. Maybe God will use you to help rectify things !


Ray

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

Silly and ridiculous about folks quick to fly off th handle! Certainly IMO not red flags.... but perhaps a more watchful eye. My goodness, there is of course th possiblility that thins are goin on but be careful not to jump to hastily into a situation you've only observed on one visit. Talk wit your cousin privately an make sure you don't accuse or imply anythin, that could stick you in a bad position.

My wife an I are both firm believers in spankin an we understand others aren't an think any type of physical punishment is simply abuse, I find that ridiculous. I honestly could not count th number of times I was told to drop my drawers an got whipped. My G'ma's favorite sayin was "Do you want me to drop your drawers right here in front of God an everbody?!?"

As for showerin, I'm such a tight wad for awhile we all piled into th tub an showered so's we could all get thins done in one whack. I admit havin em shower evertime th pa does might be th cause for concern an maybe folks might ask th boy a couple of questions. But for th love of God do NOT involve any stupid "authorities", some of them thins are so dern stupid. They destroy far more then they save IMO. Do some pokin around on your own before bringin some "authority" into thins, cause thins could be perfectly normal in that house an bein an outsider lookin in, ya might open one heck of a can of worms if'n your not careful.

The shower stuff is a little wierd, and you might want to ask the boy something about it.
The spanking stuff sounded like lots of folks and did not mean much to me. I tend to agree with addicted to Jesus.

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

My dear bliz, I grow weary of arguin pointless points wit you, you have your opinions an I have mine an guess what?!?! There's nuthin wrong wit either of us havin those opinions. What I do get concerned bout is when you take a stance of you know what is best an then advise a person to do sumthin that IMO is simply to hasty.

Further, I will not tolerate you attemptin to belittle me or coax me into some silly debate, I will not give you a word for word question that th OP's cousin should ask her son. I simply think you are bein quite silly wit this.

I also believe you should refrain from callin someone you do not know some sort of sexual predator or abusive parent, I also believe accusin th mother of some sort of wrong doin is simply pointless, I need not remind you who our accuser is.

As I have stated twice before an now a third, a watchful eye should be posted, questions should be asked, th family is responsibile for their family, after that th church, I'm not sayin anythin that God didn't set up. I have stated also that there are times for authorities an as th OP said, she observed questionable thins and is concerned, so what do you do? Which is what she asked? Are you sayin bliz that she should run straight to some sort of authority an begin an investigation? If this is what you are sayin then it is simply wrong! Th family should begin their own investigation, failin that, involve th church, if there is abuse then yes of course it needs to be stopped but how an who stops it is a large ordeal.

Let me ask this another way.... if you went to th authorities an they came in an did thier investigation an found some abuse.... what do they do? They take th children. From whom? Both parents! So is that really what one should do? Should not th faimly or church send this man off so th woman can contiune to raise er children?

If you do not see that something is very, very wrong in this situation, there is no point is discussing any of your other points with you.

At no point in time did I ever say nuthin was wrong, but once agin, before folks go flyin off th handle, you'd bes rein thins in before irreparable damage occurs.

and with the continual and constant spanking of the daughter. I am not saying that this is sexual abuse or physical abuse, but something is wrong, and Mom is not going to do anything.

Well what is wrong? An why do you say th mother isn't doin anythin bout it? Because from what we know th mother voiced er concern once an it was shot down an that's th end of it, so that means th mother is neglectin er duties? I spank Kat for all kinds of thins, even th thins that normal babies do, it's a deterant so she doesn't do that baby thin again. Some folks are against spankin, some aren't, so it's left to interpretation as to whether one is perceived to be continously spankin someone er if it's jes normal. I know folks think we are too strict wit our daughter.... but when we get compliments in public on how well behaved she is an th laughs from folks when she tells other kids off for misbehavin means it cain't be all bad.

On a side note, yes I find it odd that they shower.... but when I was a kid, my 18 yr old brother, me at 14 an my dad showered to save water! It was not uncommon seeins how we had a well an in order to avoid th water pump runnin all th time we all piled into th shower. Was sumthin wrong wit that? Was my dad abusin us? Of course not... but what if CPS caught wind of it? If they think it's wrong... guess whose opinion sticks?

 

[bliz]

My dear bliz, I grow weary of arguin pointless points wit you, you have your opinions an I have mine an guess what?!?! There's nuthin wrong wit either of us havin those opinions. What I do get concerned bout is when you take a stance of you know what is best an then advise a person to do sumthin that IMO is simply to hasty.

If you are weary of it, why do you address a post to me?

Further, I will not tolerate you attemptin to belittle me or coax me into some silly debate, I will not give you a word for word question that th OP's cousin should ask her son. I simply think you are bein quite silly wit this.

The debate is "silly"? Then why do you continue to post?

How have I belittled you?

I also believe you should refrain from callin someone you do not know some sort of sexual predator or abusive parent, I also believe accusin th mother of some sort of wrong doin is simply pointless, I need not remind you who our accuser is.

I never said anyone was a sexual predator.

In my book, a mother who does not take action to protect her child from her husband who is being sexually inappropriate with her child is doing something wrong. He may not even be touching the boy, but it is still abuse and it is still wrong, and her letting it continue is wrong. I am not unsympathetic towards this Mom - she is in an awful spot, almost having to choose betweeen her husband and her son. But this is not a matter of deciding which TV show should be watched - her husband's or her son's - this boy's life is at risk. (I'm not saying I think the step-father would kill him. The life long toll on young people who have been sexually abused is major and very serious.)

As I have stated twice before an now a third, a watchful eye should be posted, questions should be asked, th family is responsibile for their family, after that th church, I'm not sayin anythin that God didn't set up. I have stated also that there are times for authorities an as th OP said, she observed questionable thins and is concerned, so what do you do? Which is what she asked? Are you sayin bliz that she should run straight to some sort of authority an begin an investigation? If this is what you are sayin then it is simply wrong! Th family should begin their own investigation, failin that, involve th church, if there is abuse then yes of course it needs to be stopped but how an who stops it is a large ordeal.

Who in the family is going to conduct this investigation? What questions will they ask? Of whom? Does the family investigator know much about the sexual abuse of children and what common signs are? Does he/she know about the early warning signals of activity prior to sex acts?

Were I the OP, I would tell my cousin that if she does not put a stop to the showering and bare bottomed spanking, that I will go to the authorities. I will help her figure out how best to approach her husband, or get help from others or help her pack his stuff and throw him out or whatever she wants to do, but my young cousin would not be left in this situation.

Let me ask this another way.... if you went to th authorities an they came in an did thier investigation an found some abuse.... what do they do? They take th children. From whom? Both parents! So is that really what one should do? Should not th faimly or church send this man off so th woman can contiune to raise er children?

This is why it is crucial for the Mother to take action. It is not my first choice to bring in authorities. But if the mother will not act to protect her own child, then someone has to, and who else has the authority necessary to do that? Based on my own experinces and what we see expressed in this thread, I can predict how the church would want to handle it - wait and see, keep a watchful eye... Churches really hate to deal with sexual abuse in the church, let alone in the showers of their congregants. If she is in a rare church that will help her get this man out, then by all means, call on them for help!

At no point in time did I ever say nuthin was wrong,

Silly and ridiculous about folks quick to fly off th handle! Certainly IMO not red flags....

but once agin, before folks go flyin off th handle, you'd bes rein thins in before irreparable damage occurs.

And what about the irreparable damage being done to the boy?

Well what is wrong? An why do you say th mother isn't doin anythin bout it? Because from what we know th mother voiced er concern once an it was shot down an that's th end of it, so that means th mother is neglectin er duties?

The showers have not stopped and the father still lives in the house. That's how we know nothing is being done by the Mother.

On a side note, yes I find it odd that they shower.... but when I was a kid, my 18 yr old brother, me at 14 an my dad showered to save water! It was not uncommon seeins how we had a well an in order to avoid th water pump runnin all th time we all piled into th shower. Was sumthin wrong wit that? Was my dad abusin us? Of course not... but what if CPS caught wind of it? If they think it's wrong... guess whose opinion sticks?

It's April, and it has been a very wet winter over most of the US. I don't really think this family is facing the risk of a well running dry just now, do you?

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

In my book, a mother who does not take action to protect her child from her husband who is being sexually inappropriate with her child is doing something wrong.

Umm.... did someone say that he was bein sexually inappropriate wit this boy??? Did I miss this somewhere? Stop assumin, it makes a butt out of u an me.

He may not even be touching the boy, but it is still abuse and it is still wrong, and her letting it continue is wrong.

So you are now th authority on what is right an wrong? In your opinion this is abuse? I mean I have an awful hard time followin you, I've asked before who are you to decide if this is abuse an you didn't respond.

- her husband's or her son's - this boy's life is at risk. (I'm not saying I think the step-father would kill him. The life long toll on young people who have been sexually abused is major and very serious.)

Your supposin this.... NO ONE even knows if there is abuse goin on!

Who in the family is going to conduct this investigation? What questions will they ask? Of whom? Does the family investigator know much about the sexual abuse of children and what common signs are? Does he/she know about the early warning signals of activity prior to sex acts?

This I find silly, are you honestly tryin to say that if th roles were reversed an you were in th middle of this you would be incapable of findin out what's goin on in your own family?? You couldn't ask questions?? You couldn't tell whether your child was exhibitin adnormal signs?? Or signs that some sort of abuse is goin on?? An once again!!! What sex acts?? There's no evidence of this havin taken place.

Were I the OP, I would tell my cousin that if she does not put a stop to the showering and bare bottomed spanking, that I will go to the authorities. I will help her figure out how best to approach her husband, or get help from others or help her pack his stuff and throw him out or whatever she wants to do, but my young cousin would not be left in this situation.

See I think we differ majorly here.... I wouldn't say bare bottom smacks an showers are definite signs of abuse.... an I would absouletly NOT involve outside authorites who WILL destroy th very fabric of th faimly on th CHANCE that there MIGHT be some abuse..... Who said he needed to be thrown out?? Who said he was doin anythin wrong?? It's busy bodies like your referrin to that destroy faimlies that are perfectly normal but outsiders lookin in perceive abuse, alert th "authorities" an all hell breaks loose!

This is why it is crucial for the Mother to take action. It is not my first choice to bring in authorities. But if the mother will not act to protect her own child, then someone has to, and who else has the authority necessary to do that?

I'm confused... you jes said you would call th authorities if th mother didn't do sumthin... now it's not your first choice yet you've stated all through this thread to run off to em. Who ever said th mother was not protectin er children??? An I don't give a rats rear end if churches don't want to get involved they are REQUIRED to by God, if your in a church that won't get involved haul your backside out of it jes as quickly as it'll move!

And what about the irreparable damage being done to the boy?

Again... your assumin th boy is sufferin some sort of abuse, that is far from th whole picture, we've only been given a small glimpse to what's goin on.

The showers have not stopped and the father still lives in the house. That's how we know nothing is being done by the Mother.

This is why I am confused... is there some reason th mother should throw th father out?? Has there been some sort of abuse?? Why would th mother arbitrarily decide to throw th dad out?? Simply not agreein wit th father doesn't mean she suspects shower abuse.

It's April, and it has been a very wet winter over most of the US. I don't really think this family is facing the risk of a well running dry just now, do you?

Please let me spell this one out for you...... seeins how you obviously missed th point...

On a side note, yes I find it odd that they shower.... but when I was a kid, my 18 yr old brother, me at 14 an my dad showered to save water! It was not uncommon seeins how we had a well an in order to avoid th water pump runnin all th time we all piled into th shower. Was sumthin wrong wit that? Was my dad abusin us? Of course not... but what if CPS caught wind of it? If they think it's wrong... guess whose opinion sticks?

I was NOT referrin to water shortage but th pump runnin continously... however; since you brought it up, given th chance to conserve well water we do... unless it's turned into a river we conserve. Th other point you seemed to miss was, jes because their showerin togeather is not proof that there is a problem! As has been said over an over again... it is odd an worth a closer look. Not proof that it is abuse.

To Praisehim79, my advice remains th same, an tread lightly, thins of this nature can get very very ugly unbelievably quickly, talk to your cousin privatly, tell her your concern, listen to what she says, you WILL know wether she suspects thins even if she denies anythin an everthin, you will know if sumthins up, jes listen. Take your nephew out for lunch an casually talk to em, there is a wealth of knowledge on th net an I'm sure to satisfy Bliz's request, there is bound to be sites that have resources on how to approach this. I'll look for some as soon as I get a chance, my isp had a glitch so I'm off-line at th moment. I support bringin in authorities when th case warrents it, this IMO does not warrent a response from any authority as of yet. Take this for what it's worth though I have seen how families have been destroyed by a visit from a CPS entity when there was absoultely nuthin wrong an it branded that family for a very long time. You yoursef said your cousin was timid an that's fine an she may need your hep or others hep as well but you must first know IF there is anythin goin on.

 

[bliz]

An adult male sharing a shower with a 12 year old child on a daily basis is abuse of the child. I don't need to know anything else going on, and neither you.

 

[shazabella]

Big warning signs flashing ... I am not a parent but I have lived thru yrs of abuse and if I saw this I would be very worried

a 12 yr old boy showering with his father is NOT normal and the excuse to save on the water bill ... nah soz but I'm not buying it for a minute

the spankings are a grey area - as in what is discipline and abuse.

Wouldn't it be better for it to be found out later it was a mistake then to subject the boy to yrs of abuse ?

I guess you've just got to way up the pros and cons but that showering thing IS not normal. if it was from 1-5 yrs old yeah I'd understand that but at 12 it should have stopped a long time ago and why hasn't it stopped by now would be the question most ppl are wanting to know.

and think about it a2J if the husband is abusing both the children isn't there a possibility that the wife is very submissive to her husband's requests because she's living in fear of him ... being a christian woman divorce is not something that she wants and for her to admit she has a problem with her marriage would snap her out of her safety bubble.

And I really don't care if i start a debate with you or not ... the main issue is the OP and her cousin and if u want to take offense by what is said - go ahead. Child abuse is still a very taboo topic and not many ppl know the warning signs until the damage is done.

Bliz you are "preaching to the choir"


- Shaz

 

[Vilnius]

When one considers everything you (the origonal poster) describes, I feel there is a seriuos problem. Now the tough part, what to do about it?

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

Define normal. Define abuse.

One can not impose what they believe to be abuse or adnormal to anothers family an expect it to line up wit their beliefs. There are those who believe any form of physical discipline is abusive, I for one believe parents who refuse their children nothin an never smack em when they screw up is abusive. To sit an do nothin IMO is more abusive then smackin their backside.

Would it be better to find out one was mistaken later on? After th family has been marked? After th family has suffered through one of th authorities investigations? After th cousins relationship is either strained or destroyed?

Tell me what is so hard about havin your facts straight before flyin off th handle an runnin off wit a 'piece' of information?

I have no interest in debatin anyone here as this is hardly th place to do so, an I don't offend easily so I'm not bothered by your position, that's what makes you you an me me.

I'll grant you, th OP's cousin may be to submissive an unable or even unwillin to rock th boat.... does this stop th OP from learnin all she can? Does this stop involvin other family members? I don't think you have to be a rocket scientist to figure out sumthin IS up. Based on what we've heard here, from what th OP observed, this simply is NOT enough to go to th powers that be an start anythin. It's simple common sense, you wouldn't call th cops on someone who supposedly kicked your dog for example, you'd find out IF your dog was kicked before callin em. Th OP is in th same boat, she could end up callin an startin an investigation an find out what she considers abuse th family finds perfectly normal.

I think both Bliz and Shazabella take th stance of what they consider to be adnormal or abusive an then apply it to anothers family. To an extent I think that's fine, however; we simply don't have enough information to make a judgement call of this nature, an to jump in to quickly could be disasterous. No one here has said to turn a blind eye to what might be goin on, in fact th only two positions I can see are that of, fly off th handle jump in wit both feet and bein cautious, watch more carefully, ask questions, voice ones concerns. My position for example has been since th beginin if you can avoid dragin "authorities" into this then by all means do so. I simply believe folks are to willin to call in someone else an jes sit back an watch where th pieces fall.
There are tons an tons of horror stories of cps screw ups an ever one but cps suffers, th parents, th children an if you want to scar a child for life, accuse th parents of abuse an then find out none ever exsited. Th threat of losin your children or losin ones parents must simply be unbearable. An if there is abuse then sure th family should be .... well for lack of a better word... broken up. One must simply know whether there is actually a valid cause for concern.

 

[Talie]

correct me if i'm wrong, but all the time on american tv i see males showing together in the gym etc - (always did seem rather freaky to me and i'm glad I'm not a guy that i'd have to do that) - so why in this case is it automatically assumed there is abuse going on? to me , there's no indication of that whatsoever.

It kind of reminds me of a situation I hear of frequently - a lady doing her grocery shopping getting nasty looks from strangers and even approached by them saying they should leave their abusive husband - all because they have bruises on their body - now, it turns out these women have a blood disorder that makes them bruise spontaneously - and the same happens to parents of children with this same disorder - but people insist on jumping to conclusions all to quickly and harm gets done to innocent people in the process.

And then there's case I know of of young children who've been taken away from their parents because of the fact that they've had numerous surgeries - now the fact that these children are being treated for a brain disorder by the best speicalists in the US has nothing to do with it, people see something and without knowing the full story or any background informatoin automatically assume there's abuse going on. Children get ripped away from their innocent parents who are only doign what is best for the child because people jump to conclusions.

I'm all for a little further investigation within the family - but to bring in the authorities at this stage is not a good idea IMHO.

AND you have to remember that different cultures have different ideas on things - I dare say in some cultures it's ok for parents to shower with their children - UNLESS we know the FACTS - we are not wise to jump to conclusions