Poor and Engaged!

[Kimmip]

My fiancee and I want to be married this March. He has almost 10,000 in savings and we both work but don't make much as he's still in college. Our parents want us to wait, want us to have med insurance and this and that and I understand it but the waiting is very hard on us, especially with the sexual temptation to express our love. We don't even kiss anymore on the lips so we don't get more tempted. It bites.
We have many people telling us to wait until he is fiancailly stable and such, and then we have the younger people who are married and very young and tell us to go forth and we'll be provided for. They've seen it and experienced it. My fiancee wants to stick with our date, I'm worried and wondering if I don't have enough trust in God for provision or if we get married and it's a foolish thing to do?

 

[RobinRedbreast]

We're lucky to have $10 in savings let alone $100 or $1000 or... well I've never even SEEN $10,000 in my entire lifetime.

I grew up poor. We scrape by paycheck to paycheck. And yet, I'm so happy. *shrugs*

But if financial security will make you happy, or rather financial INsecurity will make you UNhappy, that's something you will have to consider for your own life.

There is no one set answer for everyone. If you can't handle not being financially stable, then wait. But to be honest, this is sort of liek "when is the right time to have children" -- if you keep waiting for the perfectly-stable moment, you'll probably be 40 before you have your first kid Somethings in life are worth taking a little risk on, rather than waiting around for everything to fall into place.

Typically the people I see asking the question you are asking are VERY young, 17 for instance, and I'd tell them to wait. But you're 23. You're an adult, and you can make the choice for yourself based on what is best for your own life.

 

[Kimmip]

I grew up in a household that didn't live by Christian standards. This faith thing is totally new to me. I've been a walking Christian for almost 2 years and I feel I've learnd a lot. I am fine with being frugal and having little money. That is how I live now. He is fine too, I just don't want to do something foolish. I'm not sure if God will provide or want us to make sure we can provide and then if cirses comes he'llstep in...I am very confused on this. I put no trust in money, I can't care less about it and I hate it. I just dunno if God cares more than I do. If I'm being silly.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

No one can predict a crisis unfortunately. It could happen whether you wait and prepare, or it could happen tomorrow. For me, a person with an anxiety disorder, I have to choose on a daily basis not to worry so much about the possibility of tragedy because it would over-run my thoughts.

I put a lot of faith in God but I also know that God puts a lot of faith in me What I mean by that, is simply that He gave me the free will to make my own choices in life, and I can choose to waste our money, or to be careful with it. If tragedy happens, will He step in and sweep us to safety in one swift movement? I hate to say it, but no I don't believe He will, not in that sense. But I'm sure He will guide us the resources and utilities and people we need in this world in order to get back on our feet.

And I think that will happen whether you are "fully prepared" or not

My best advice for you, is to live your life carefully, but not in fear. Don't fear the unknown or the future. You will be able to handle whatever comes your way with a strong healthy relationship with your husband and a strong healthy relationship with God.

And if you are confused on what He wants for your life now, to marry or to not... ask Him

Try not to fear though or consider yourself foolish. It sounds like you are both focusing on good things and the ways to be prepared. No matter how well you prepare, you cannot prepare for everything, none of us are fortune-tellers and the world is ever-changing. Prepare as best you can but, know the point in time where you have to say "We've prepraed well, and now? We live our lives and see what happens"

 

[DanC922]

Anything could happen to wipe anyone out financially at any time. There's a reason God doesn't want us to put our faith in money, but in Him. If you want to get married, do it. You're not marrying family and friends. You're marrying him. Don't blow a ton of money on an expensive wedding and other extravagant stuff, and just enjoy being married together.

 

[lilphotographer88]

It sounds to me like you need to rely on the promises of God right now.

Malachi 3:10 NIV
Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.

Basically what it says is just tithe as God has instructed you to do and He will poor out blessings that you can't even contain them all. So tithe 10% of your income and thats all you have to do. Unless God presses on your spirit to give extra to some cause or a certain ministry. Just obey Him.

2 Chorinthians 9:8 NLT
And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.

Here God is talking about giving not to be confused with tithing. Basically it is saying just give whether you can give generously or only sparatically God will honor that and be your provider! And you will always have an abundance of what you need!

Proverbs 3:5&6 NIV
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Just trust God!! You may not always understand and you certainly do not always agree but just trust God and He will always lead you in the right direction.

Mattew 6:25&26 NLT
"So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing?Look at the birds. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than they are.

Again just trust in the Lord and let Him handle everything... just take everything to God and He will provide.

1 Peter 5:6&7 NLT
So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honor you. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you.

All I can say is trust in God and humble yourself before Him. Just let Him be God and He will bless you in ways you can't imagine!!

Last but certainly not least....

Philippians 4:6&7 NLT
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Pray pray pray pray!! And Believe!! That what you pray about He has already taken care of and tell Him thank you! You will experience peace like never before! I ecourage you and your fiance to do this together! Pray about it constantly and always believe God has already provided and your joy and peace will be so great!!
God Bless and I hope that this helped! Trust Pray and Believe!!

 

[The Nihilist]

Being horny is a terrible reason to get married

 

[lovesbrightpink]

you know we were this way, we were together for 4 years before getting married.

i wish we would have just done it, but its all in gods time.

And you know something, we have never not been ok....thats something, we have been stressed lived on nothing sometimes but we have always been able to eat and pay our rent....

its hard sometimes??? yea...we have alot in savings for a house down payment and an emergency fund, and you know what, its alot better now but if you love eachother, money shouldnt be the reason to hold off getting married!

 

[Kimmip]

Thank you for your encouragement...From most of you. For recovering philosopher, I will forgive you as you ignorantly judged my intentions. I know you ladies understand how we feel. Love is a choice and takes hard work. We understand this and work hard at it. We want to live godly and be married and raise a godly family one day. The closer we get to God and eachother, the harder the physical temptations are.

At thise point our money can cover what we need except health insurance. I would hate to wait for marriage just because of this horribly expensive insurance. What do you all think?

 

[RobinRedbreast]

At thise point our money can cover what we need except health insurance. I would hate to wait for marriage just because of this horribly expensive insurance. What do you all think?

I think that marriage is not going to put your health at risk any more than being single What I mean is, if you can't afford it now, and you can't afford it as a married couple, why does it make a difference really? When you can afford it, you will afford it, single or married, alone or together.

I wouldn't let that stop me, but that's just my opinion.

 

[pegatha]

In all honesty, I think you should wait till you've got health insurance. Once you get married & become sexually active, there's a good chance that a little one will come along, maybe sooner than you'd planned. No form of birth control is 100% effective. You'll thank yourselves if you at least have health coverage.

Please understand that I'm not saying you need to be wealthy to get married. But you should at least be able to afford the things you really need. Financial insecurity puts a huge stress on a marriage, even when you really love each other. Money fights are the #1 cause of divorce in the US.

Maybe you could sit down together with your fiance & your parents (or some other older person whose financial wisdom you trust) and work out a budget. You may be able to cut out some expenses here and there that would enable you to afford insurance. If you can find a session of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University near you, I highly recommend that you & your fiance sign up, It's well worth the $100 or so it will cost you to attend.

If you think that planning, waiting, and budgeting are signs of not trusting the Lord, then I urge you to read through the book of Proverbs. We can't know the future, but as believers we can and should make wise financial decisions and not rush into a situation before we're ready.

Hope it all works out for you.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

I really have to discount the "incase of baby" idea. It's a bit like saying "Don't get married if you can't afford to have children". But the idea behind marriage isn't simply "to have children" from my perspective, so that doesn't factor in when I think about a situation like this. It's relatively easy and inexpensive to avoid pregnancy while sexually active. And not all married people have children (my husband and I won't be having any), or have them right away even if they plan on it.

Also, taking from what someone else might say in this position, I'm sure God would not give them a child they couldn't care for. (I don't actually believe this, just so you know -- I believe we are responsible to refrain from procreating if we are in poor circumstances, not that God will prevent it -- but my point is that the people saying "rely on God" can't then turn around and say God won't be there if they have a baby and didn't have health insurance)

Overall, the idea of pay-for health insurance is beyond me though. I live in Canada. Feel free to move here

Overall, I say worry not about what has not yet come to pass. In more modern terms: Burn those bridges when you come to them.

 

[California Dreamin']

We don't have ANY money in savings and we're getting married May 2nd.
I don't work due to permanent disability, and Jeremy dislocated his hip and shattered his pelvis on June 7 and hasn't worked since.

 

[Kimmip]

Here is the problem, I see both your sides and agree with both, except I do believe marriage should hold babies. I stand in the middle wanting God to direct my paths...I would love to see further info, and wisdom from both sides and from other people. I thank you both for your loving answers and can see how both of you can to such decisions. I do have to say, Proverbs states a lot about money that I cannot contend with, but I don't believe people should abstain from sex in a marriage for financial reasons, I believe it is sinful unless for fasting or prayer to withhold, so if you cannot afford it, then what? God won't be there to provide? Only the rich can get married? I am so confused!

 

[Kimmip]

California, Girl, I will most definately pray for you. God be with you both! Im so sorry to hear of such injuries!

 

[RobinRedbreast]

Here is the problem, I see both your sides and agree with both, except I do believe marriage should hold babies. I stand in the middle wanting God to direct my paths...I would love to see further info, and wisdom from both sides and from other people. I thank you both for your loving answers and can see how both of you can to such decisions. I do have to say, Proverbs states a lot about money that I cannot contend with, but I don't believe people should abstain from sex in a marriage for financial reasons, I believe it is sinful unless for fasting or prayer to withhold, so if you cannot afford it, then what? God won't be there to provide? Only the rich can get married? I am so confused!

I understand your viewpoint, even if I don't agree with it, know that first.

We don't abstain from sex of course, we just use birth control, and probably will for the rest of our lives because chldren are really not in the cards for us for a lot of reasons.

Second, again you are way over-analyzing everything Which I can also understand, I do the same thing. But... My very honest opinion, is that people need to kinda... take a step outside the Bible a bit more often It's not that I'm saying don't follow scripture, but I just wanna re-enforce the idea that we live in a dynamic and changing world, and God didn't just leave us a stagnant book by which to live life by. He left us HIM. He's here, He's real, He has a relationship with you in the here and now, not just 2,000 years ago.

That being said, this may be a point in time to sorta close the Bible and hit your knees and really talk to God on this, before you drive yourself insane trying to figure it out on your own

And last but not least... relax, sweetie Getting married, that's something joyous to celebrate. You deserve to be able to enjoy everything about the process as well, rather than be so stressed about it.


I really think you are just looking far too much into everything, trying to be the perfect woman, the perfect Godly person. No one is perfect. Life is not perfect. And sometimes, we just have to take a few chances in life and follow what we think is best. And whatever happens in the end, God will be there to help us out whether it WAS for the best or not.

That? Is what you need to concentrate on. No matter what you do, God's gonna be with you through it (in some fashion), even if you made a bad choice, or a good one.

 

[Kimmip]

I think we've actually made the decision to wait. Most likey until he is out of school with a job or if he has an opportunity to start working sooner. I feel we have the responsibility to provide, be good stewards and be responsible. If we can't make it financially now, not provide adequate care for a child that could happen, the I am sure God will not be pleased. I understand some people are poor and we should help them, but I doubt anyone chose to be poor. Mike is a good man and wants to provide for his family knowing the Lord gave us all provisions and opportunities. We are not looking to be rich, just responsible. I've read a lot in proverbs against sluggards, for diligence and hard work to put food in our mouths. I've prayed a lot on this and I feel we need to obey. This will be hard, painful and even hurtful or pull us apart, so please pray for us. In the end we can spare ourselves troubles like fighting about finances, stress, over work just to make it...I know they will come but probably not best to jump right into them! Love and God bless and thank you all!

 

[RobinRedbreast]

Good luck!