Polyamory vs Monogamy

[David Brider]

I have read from pro polyamory people that those who are monogamous are generally more insecure and not able to love like those in polygamous relationships. Do you agree?

You seem to be using the words polyamory and polygamy interchangeably, but they're not the same thing. Polygamy refers to having more than one spouse; from wiki:

Historically, polygamy has been practiced as polygyny (one man having more than one wife), or as polyandry (one woman having more than one husband), or, less commonly as group marriage (husbands having many wives and those wives having many husbands). (See "Forms of Polygamy" below.) In contrast, monogamy is the practice of each person having only one spouse.

I'd add to the Wiki description that, in my experience of the word's usage, it tends to refer to situations in which the multiple spouses are unaware that their husband/wife has other spouses. It's this issue of knowledge which, AIUI, is the key factor distinguishing polygamy from polyamory. which:

...is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

David.

 

[jpcedotal]

wow....better have one serious pre-nup....one can only divide his stuff in half so many times before there is nothing left.

 

[david_x]

[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]tyness versus Monogamy for those of you who are uninitiated.

As for me, I guess it depends on how concerned you are about vernerial diseases.

That's not true, you are talking about marrying someone who had relations before marriage vs. someone who didn't. It can happen in monogamy or polygamy.

 

[DaisyDay]

Polyamory = Loving more than one person. The key phrase there is loving. Love is a wonderful and freeing thing. Fear is the opposite of Love. Being afraid means you are not capable of loving fully. Jealousy - a form of fear - is the opposite of love.

Fear is not the opposite of love; indifference is. Fear and love can and do often co-exist.

Jealousy is not the opposite of love, either. It's a mistake to take it lightly as it is a very powerful emotion.

Free love is fine ethically as long as everyone involved agrees and continues to agree as the relationships evolve.

It's not for me, though.

 

[Poly Friend]

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "

~1 John 4:18~

Yea, it is most definitely not for everyone.

 

[chingchang]

I don't believe in the concept of romantic love either. I also believe that jealousy is learned, as is the concept that we ever own another person. I also believe that we're capable of far more generosity and kindness and self-control than someone like you gives humankind credit for.

I've come to this conclusion as well. Cheers!

That's why I'm polyamorous - the notion that I only love one person is outrageous to me. The equation of "polyamory" with "multiple sexual partners" seems a little bizarre. If celibate monogamous relationships are possible, then celibate polyamorous relationships are as well. I'm sexually monogamous - that doesn't mean that my intimacy and my love are also confined to a single person.

Interesting concept.

That people are willing to reduce human relationships to sex so readily is, I believe, a big issue. A good conversation or a simple hug when needed can be far more intimate and bonding than sex.

You had me until that last sentence...maybe that is the testosterone getting the best of me?

CC

 

[sidhe]

You had me until that last sentence...maybe that is the testosterone getting the best of me?

I don't think so. I think it's a matter of perception concerning sex...for me, it's not a huge deal - it's sex; sometimes it means more, often it means less. However, someone who talks to you all night and really listens...that's a rarity. The person who can make you feel better about everything with a hug? Rare. Sex isn't lasting, intellectual and emotional connections are.

ETA: Which isn't to say that sex isn't ridiculously fun.

 

[Steezie]

[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]tyness versus Monogamy for those of you who are uninitiated.

As for me, I guess it depends on how concerned you are about vernerial diseases.

I'd thank you not to be such a massive jerk, hmm?

Saying stuff like that demonstrates only that you dont understand a single thing about what being polyamorous actually is.


I dont think either is "better", but most people are better suited for one than the other. Which that is depends on the person involved.

I personally feel much happier and much more complete as a polyamorous person and far less confined than I did when I tried to be monogamous. My relationship is currently monogamous (my fiancée is not poly) but even just acknowledging my being poly lifts very large weight from my shoulders and I feel more like ME and less like I'm trying to pretend to be someone I'm not.

 

[Caitlin.ann]

Which is better or ideal?

Does it just depend on the person or is one morally wrong?

I don't think either are wrong, however I think people are better suited to one or the other.

 

[David Brider]

I'd thank you not to be such a massive jerk, hmm?

Saying stuff like that demonstrates only that you dont understand a single thing about what being polyamorous actually is.

Quite. I've a few poly friends, and Autumnleaf's notion that polyamory = "[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]tyness"...well, it says more about Autumnleaf than it does about them...

David.

 

[quatona]

Which is better or ideal?

Depends on your paradigms, expectations and worldview.

Personally, I have never understood why sexuality is broadly considered the field that determines commitment, love and faith.