Please read this, I need advice...

[xJesus.Freakx]

So, i'm sure you can guess that i'm having a little dilemma here. Does anyone have any advice? Maybe you've gone through the same thing...Here's the story:

My boyfriend of 15 months is acting very strange lately. We've talked about getting married, and I'm almost 110% sure it'll happen. We're absolutely perfect for each other, we each have a strong love for the Lord, and he's everything I've always looked for in a husband.

We always said we'd wait to get married until we were emotionally mature, financially ready and of course to do that each of us would have to have a good job. As of right now, he's got a really good job, but I am unemployed. The company I worked for went out of business and now i'm looking for a new job. But he keeps pressuring me to keep looking hard for a new job.

Within the past month i don't even know how many applications I've turned in! How many interviews I went to and still...no job! I really think that God is showing me that maybe right now isn't a good time for me to get a job. I have college to worry about and this week has been crazy preparing for finals. I don't have time to go out and look for a job. When I talk to him about this stuff he says, "I'm not pressuring you babe...its just you know that if you want to get married, you need a job." That makes me soo angry!! Its not just about a job either, he pressures me to do everything that i know I need to do, and will do. Its like he doesn't trust that i'll do it, or like he thinks because he's doing this that he's in control. Ahh! It's driving me crazy!!

Anyway...if you read all of this thank you so much. Does anyone have any good advice!?

 

[EazyMack]

Well there are a few folks out there these days who are having trouble finding a job. You're part of a growing crowd.

If those are the stipulations set, then what more can you do? At age 18, being in college, I would say focus more on that than getting a job right now. Those 4 years of school will be a great investment. And believe me, you will be 22 faster than you think. I still can't believe I'm 25 now, I feel exactly the same as I did at 18!

So basically, if it's so important for him that you get a job, but you can't seem to find one, then all you can do is sit back, focus on what's in front of you (current relationship as it is, school, etc.), and trust in God that the pieces will fall into place as they need to.

 

[DarkGreenMind]

So, i'm sure you can guess that i'm having a little dilemma here. Does anyone have any advice? Maybe you've gone through the same thing...Here's the story:

My boyfriend of 15 months is acting very strange lately. We've talked about getting married, and I'm almost 110% sure it'll happen. We're absolutely perfect for each other, we each have a strong love for the Lord, and he's everything I've always looked for in a husband.

We always said we'd wait to get married until we were emotionally mature, financially ready and of course to do that each of us would have to have a good job. As of right now, he's got a really good job, but I am unemployed. The company I worked for went out of business and now i'm looking for a new job. But he keeps pressuring me to keep looking hard for a new job.

Within the past month i don't even know how many applications I've turned in! How many interviews I went to and still...no job! I really think that God is showing me that maybe right now isn't a good time for me to get a job. I have college to worry about and this week has been crazy preparing for finals. I don't have time to go out and look for a job. When I talk to him about this stuff he says, "I'm not pressuring you babe...its just you know that if you want to get married, you need a job." That makes me soo angry!! Its not just about a job either, he pressures me to do everything that i know I need to do, and will do. Its like he doesn't trust that i'll do it, or like he thinks because he's doing this that he's in control. Ahh! It's driving me crazy!!

Anyway...if you read all of this thank you so much. Does anyone have any good advice!?

He doesn't really love you. Marriage does not require both of you to have a job. Love does not require this at all.

 

[MysticAngel]

He doesn't really love you. Marriage does not require both of you to have a job. Love does not require this at all.

I have to disagree. Love is not all you need to make a marriage survive. It's hard these days living together on only one income alone, or at least living comfortably. If a husband makes a decent income and the wife plans on being a stay at home mom, that's great if it works for them. It sounds like you're right that God is showing you now may not be the best time. You're still pretty young, and if you feel you are perfect for each other then there's no rush. You can focus on your college and career and plan your marriage in the future when you are both financially stable. You feel that he is pressuring you about everything, so you should have a talk with him about that. Also, premarital counseling is important.

 

[DarkGreenMind]

I have to disagree. Love is not all you need to make a marriage survive. It's hard these days living together on only one income alone, or at least living comfortably. If a husband makes a decent income and the wife plans on being a stay at home mom, that's great if it works for them. It sounds like you're right that God is showing you now may not be the best time. You're still pretty young, and if you feel you are perfect for each other then there's no rush. You can focus on your college and career and plan your marriage in the future when you are both financially stable. You feel that he is pressuring you about everything, so you should have a talk with him about that. Also, premarital counseling is important.

This is ridiculous.
Love is all that matters.

 

[MysticAngel]

This is ridiculous.
Love is all that matters.

Love doesn't pay the bills.
As I mentioned before, if a married couple can afford to have only one spouse working, then that's great for them.

 

[peanutbutter12]

This is ridiculous.
Love is all that matters.

Spoken by someone who is obviously never had to deal with the issues of marriage. This is reality, not a movie. Love isn't the answer to every problem.

xJesus.Freakx, sounds to me like he's trying to look out for your best interest in the sake of the relationship and where it's headed. How soon had you guys been planning on waiting before you get engaged/married? He's right in the fact that he's concerned about the financial stability of the relationship if you're going to be getting married. If you aren't financially prepared, it can lead to many problems in the not so distant future.

 

[DarkGreenMind]

Spoken by someone who is obviously never had to deal with the issues of marriage.

Don't try to categorize me !

 

[DarkGreenMind]

Spoken by someone who is obviously never had to deal with the issues of marriage. This is reality, not a movie. Love isn't the answer to every problem.

xJesus.Freakx, sounds to me like he's trying to look out for your best interest in the sake of the relationship and where it's headed. How soon had you guys been planning on waiting before you get engaged/married? He's right in the fact that he's concerned about the financial stability of the relationship if you're going to be getting married. If you aren't financially prepared, it can lead to many problems in the not so distant future.

The reality is that lack of love ruins everything in life.

A man that requires "financial stability" of his wife, lacks love, and spirituality as a whole.

Your thinking is too materialistic.

 

[Shannie]

Hi,

I get the impression that the issue is more his nagging in general as opposed to just the job-before-marriage topic? If you have both agreed that you want good jobs before you get married that's fair, but I don't personally think it should be used as a motivational tool. However, my b/f says something similar about saving, cuz we need to save money before we get married. So he'll remind me of this from time to time. What I've done is explained to him that I know what I need to do but he's just adding more pressure and making me feel bad. He really just wants to help and I know that, so I try not to take it personally. Ideally I think I tell him how he can help, so he can feel like he's doing something without nagging me. I know for myself when I see him going through something tough I just want to fix it for him because I love him, but I can't. I think when he's in that situation it just comes out as nagging, when really he's just frustrated he can't magically make things better for me.

Anyways the point of that long rambling is that if something bothers you about how you guys are communicating you should talk to him about it. He probably means well but it may not be helpful to you.

 

[New_Found_Faith]

So, i'm sure you can guess that i'm having a little dilemma here. Does anyone have any advice? Maybe you've gone through the same thing...Here's the story:

My boyfriend of 15 months is acting very strange lately. We've talked about getting married, and I'm almost 110% sure it'll happen. We're absolutely perfect for each other, we each have a strong love for the Lord, and he's everything I've always looked for in a husband.

We always said we'd wait to get married until we were emotionally mature, financially ready and of course to do that each of us would have to have a good job. As of right now, he's got a really good job, but I am unemployed. The company I worked for went out of business and now i'm looking for a new job. But he keeps pressuring me to keep looking hard for a new job.

Within the past month i don't even know how many applications I've turned in! How many interviews I went to and still...no job! I really think that God is showing me that maybe right now isn't a good time for me to get a job. I have college to worry about and this week has been crazy preparing for finals. I don't have time to go out and look for a job. When I talk to him about this stuff he says, "I'm not pressuring you babe...its just you know that if you want to get married, you need a job." That makes me soo angry!! Its not just about a job either, he pressures me to do everything that i know I need to do, and will do. Its like he doesn't trust that i'll do it, or like he thinks because he's doing this that he's in control. Ahh! It's driving me crazy!!

Anyway...if you read all of this thank you so much. Does anyone have any good advice!?

Well he's probably confused about your intentions. I mean, just reading your post, I'm confused about your intentions. In one sentence you say you think God is showing you it's not time for you to have a job and in the next you say "Its like he doesn't trust that i'll do it [get a job]".

My advice is keep looking for a job, if you can't find one you can't find one. But if you need a job you can't just give up looking for one.

 

[New_Found_Faith]

He doesn't really love you. Marriage does not require both of you to have a job. Love does not require this at all.

That's not accurate at all. The guy didn't even say anything to indicate that he didn't love her, he just wants them to be financially stable before they get married.

He's doing what he thinks is in their best interest, not being unloving.

 

[DarkGreenMind]

That's not accurate at all. The guy didn't even say anything to indicate that he didn't love her, he just wants them to be financially stable before they get married.

He's doing what he thinks is in their best interest, not being unloving.

Finding a job as a requirement for marriage to the one you love - this makes no sense.

 

[Shannie]

I don't think it's a requirement per se, more that they've both agreed that it is one of the factors that they will consider when determining the timing of getting married.

My b/f and I have been together for four years. We knew we didn't want to get married during school and now that we're out we want to have some money saved up so we can pay for our wedding before we get married. Timing right now isnt good, I don't have time to plan a wedding anyways. We love each other, we want to be together, but there are practical factors that affect the timing of when it all happens. Some couples will disagree with our approach and that is fine, but for our relationship and what we want it makes sense. It certainly doesn't mean we don't love each other.

 

[xJesus.Freakx]

I totally agree with everyone who said that you need to be financially stable before you get married!
Darkgreenmind: It's not that he doesn't love me, I'm quite sure he does if he wants to marry me but he loves me enough to push me to try and do things that are beneficial to me-and him.
But i guess i was just looking at it the wrong way. I talked with him last night and he told me that he's sorry if it sounded like he was nagging me, he just didn't want to see me in a position to have to rely on everyone else for money. And i don't want that for myself either, so I agree with him. But i asked him to stop making it the topic of everyone of our conversations and so he asked me to pay him back for paying my phone bill. lol. It serves me right. I need to be more responsible.

But thanks guys for all of your comments and stuff! You have been a big help!

 

[Godzila]

Yippee...haven't been on CF in months.

Well, I remember you speak alot about right timing, and I know we had a little chat about what true love is a long time ago.

I would like you to ask yourself and your bf this.
What are your intentions in getting married?

Marriage is a good thing, but I would also like to remind you, you're not lacking anything either if you're single.
Marriage represents the relationships Christ have with the Church. This is shown through marriage between man and wife.
I believe more important than finance is the wisdom to know how to carry out a Godly marriage. Have you and your bf discuss both your views on different issues, and topics that go along with marriage? Do you guys have certain disagreements on certain things? The time to answer these questions is now if you are going to marry.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Methinks that DarkGreenMind is a troll.

 

[New_Found_Faith]

Finding a job as a requirement for marriage to the one you love - this makes no sense.

It makes marriage feasible, in a lot of cases. Helps to ensure that things go smoothly, that you don't fight over money, etc.

It comes off as a bit judgemental to say that the guy doesn't love her just because he wants them to be financially secure before they get married.

 

[New_Found_Faith]

Jesus.Freak, I love your profile picture by the way. It's really cool.

 

[peanutbutter12]

The reality is that lack of love ruins everything in life.

A man that requires "financial stability" of his wife, lacks love, and spirituality as a whole.

Your thinking is too materialistic.

You're either a troll or someone with no common sense what-so-ever.

How will you take care of your wife? Live in a cave? You do realize that financial issues are the leading cause for divorce in all relationships of every religion, right?