Please pray....

[aflower4God]

Hi all,
I don't need advice or anything just prayers PLEASE. I am strongly thinking about not taking this job. Let me explain.
You remember that news caster I said I thought was attractive for sometime now, well I have OCD and when things bother me I have a tendancy to repeat things either in written (blog or facebook) or verbally. Well because of this (my OCD comments about the news caster) I have been banned from watching the news online.
I have had a major panic attack that my guardian angel has helped calmed me down a bit (He has been praying to God for me) I was feeling like I was dying. I love my guardian angel so much I wish I could marry him.
How I know I was banned from watching the news online is that everyone in this home (my only friend and the internet guy) were able to see the updated news video's but me. Both my only friend and I have the same laptop computer same year and everything. We did everything we could to our computers technically (cleared cookies, cleared history, checked for same updated flash player, etc.....)
This is humilating to me so much that I want to leave this city, I am so depressed about this that I don't think I can even work, it is the truth that is how badly this entire thing has affected me, panic attacks and all. ANOTHER REJECTION. I feel that this issue is bigger than the world, silly as it may sound. Here is why, I have (way in the past) said some pretty nasty things about that actor that my only friend obsesses over and I was banned from posting comments yes but I was still allowed to see any new pics, other comments, news and/or videos of this actor on that site. I KNOW that I didn't say anything that bad about the news caster. For an example I only called this news caster "That guy....." YES I humbly admit that I repeated myself on facebook about that news caster YES I am so embarrassed about it, I even deleted almost all of the comments I made about him, but oh my gosh to banned me from seeing the news videos online has really upset me, I can't even put into words how upset I am over this. I am not jumping to conclusions either cause all of this happened hours ago and I even asked the internet guy he says that it is VERY VERY ODD. This is a big news station here in this city.....
Anyway, you can't imagine the level of embarassment, anxiety and depression that I am feeling, I just want to bury my head in the sand.
I can't work cause this has affected me that badly, my IP address is all over this news station and I bet that this news caster thinks that I am crazy for having OCD. I HATE ME, (Someone with OCD, Depression, anxiety, panic disorder and a VERY low self esteem = ME)!!!!!
Anyway, PLEASE PRAY cause I can't take anymore God see's a different "flower" that I do NOT see in the mirror meaning I can't take all of this, I just cant. ..... well you fill in the blanks.
THANK YOU in advance for the prayers.

 

[SplendidTree]

Nothing you said sounds silly. Your feelings are very important and although I don't have the words to say, I am praying for you now sister.

 

[aflower4God]

((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))) thank you sweet sister, that means a lot.

 

[SplendidTree]

 

[SteveNZ]

I am praying for you.
Remember you are loved heaps ....... and heaps, and heaps, and heaps.

May you find the peace you seek and laugh so much with joy that folk really do begin to ask if you are silly ......

Nothing you ever share is silly. For you share truth from a heart. And that is pretty precious. Not many folk can do that.

 

[aflower4God]

(((((((((((((Steve)))))))))))))
((((((((((((James84))))))))))))))
Thank you both so much for your kind loving words. I had a really hard night, crying for hours until 4am I couldn't sleep so I drugged myself up heavily to crash. I just woke up again still feeling increadably sad.
Thank you for your kind words and prayers. LOTS of love to you both.

 

[Angeldove97]

I want to share two things:
-- Send a tech error comment to the webmaster of the news site. It really could be an issue with your java or some other coding that it just stopped working. (I teach in a 1:1 school so I'm constantly having to come up with quick solutions when my students' laptops don't work for some reason) You could also try FileHippo update checker (this is safe to use) to see if something is out of date that could be affecting your viewing ability. Even a newer update can sometimes mess with the "old" coding a web-site has.

-- Talk to your job coach about how you're feeling before deciding if you can/can not work. There have been days in the past (thankfully they're no more ) where my depression has been horrific and getting out of bed is the last thing I wanted to do. I have to work though-- I have school loans to pay off, my hubby and I are saving for his college education, etc. I always found a way to get to my job and usually realized it would distract me from my pain and misery. Perhaps having a job would bring you blessings that you can't even imagine right now. But really talking to your job coach about how you're feeling would be beneficial.

I'll be praying for you Sister

 

[Victorium]

Saying a prayer for you flower. I pray also that you love yourself as God loves you.

 

[Chococat]

You are always in my prayers dear sister. I have the same problems so I can totally relate.

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you my dear sister. Your prayers and kind words have helped me to be able to eat. just thought you should know.

 

[aflower4God]

I want to share two things:
-- Send a tech error comment to the webmaster of the news site. It really could be an issue with your java or some other coding that it just stopped working. (I teach in a 1:1 school so I'm constantly having to come up with quick solutions when my students' laptops don't work for some reason) You could also try FileHippo update checker (this is safe to use) to see if something is out of date that could be affecting your viewing ability. Even a newer update can sometimes mess with the "old" coding a web-site has.

-- Talk to your job coach about how you're feeling before deciding if you can/can not work. There have been days in the past (thankfully they're no more ) where my depression has been horrific and getting out of bed is the last thing I wanted to do. I have to work though-- I have school loans to pay off, my hubby and I are saving for his college education, etc. I always found a way to get to my job and usually realized it would distract me from my pain and misery. Perhaps having a job would bring you blessings that you can't even imagine right now. But really talking to your job coach about how you're feeling would be beneficial.

I'll be praying for you Sister

I have to say that your words has brought so much more hope to me. After I get off of CF I am giong to send my job coach a long letter about how depressed that I am, truth always sets one free THANK YOU SO MUCH for your advicce my dear sweet loving sister. THIS MEANS SO MUCH to me as well.

Saying a prayer for you flower. I pray also that you love yourself as God loves you.

MY dear sweet loving big brother, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your encouraging words as well. I am blessed to have a dear brother like you

You are always in my prayers dear sister. I have the same problems so I can totally relate.

You and I are like soul sisters my dear sweet loving sister. I AM SO GLAD that we are friend. We can help one another

Praying for you my dear sister. Your prayers and kind words have helped me to be able to eat. just thought you should know.

(((((((((((((((((((((James84)))))))))))))))))) Sweet sister this has brought tears to my eyes. I am SO VERY HAPPY to hear that you are eating. PLEASE CONTINUE to do so, your health is so important and you being on CF is VERY IMPORTANT! God bless you and LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU
-----------------
Well I finally dragged myself out of bed at 3pm this is how badly it has affected me. I still feel sadness but not as great cause of your prayers. I can't thank you all enough for your loving words and kind support. I AM SO BLESSED to have each and everyone of you as a dear friend and brothers and sisters in CHrist.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

 

[Angeldove97]

I have to say that your words has brought so much more hope to me. After I get off of CF I am giong to send my job coach a long letter about how depressed that I am, truth always sets one free THANK YOU SO MUCH for your advicce my dear sweet loving sister. THIS MEANS SO MUCH to me as well.

Well I finally dragged myself out of bed at 3pm this is how badly it has affected me. I still feel sadness but not as great cause of your prayers. I can't thank you all enough for your loving words and kind support. I AM SO BLESSED to have each and everyone of you as a dear friend and brothers and sisters in CHrist.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

I'm over joyed that you found hope in my thoughts. That put a huge smile on my face and warmed my heart. Thank you Sister!

Btw, if you ever want to a have a moment of prayer together~ I'm usually online most of the day on the weekends and in the evening on weekdays. Feel free to send me a pm or visitor message at my profile and I'd be happy to chat with you and pray too. Don't know if you use instant messengers but I have AIM, MSN, and Skype too. Just offering...

 

[aflower4God]

I'm over joyed that you found hope in my thoughts. That put a huge smile on my face and warmed my heart. Thank you Sister!

Btw, if you ever want to a have a moment of prayer together~ I'm usually online most of the day on the weekends and in the evening on weekdays. Feel free to send me a pm or visitor message at my profile and I'd be happy to chat with you and pray too. Don't know if you use instant messengers but I have AIM, MSN, and Skype too. Just offering...

WOW thank you so much my dear sweet loving sister. ((((((((BIG HUGS))))))) I just may take you up on that offer. BTW I took your advice, I wrote to my job coach here is what I said:
Another thing which I desperately need your advice. Something happened yesterday that has put me in a very depressed state, so badly I did not get out of bed today until 3pm (the thing that upset me had nothing to do with this job). I don't want my depression hinder any chances of me getting hired (FT) or my work performance. So any advice that you have would be great.
Oh and between you and I the therapist that the state was paying for ended up not being a good match for me because when she found out that the state was not going to pay for "indefinite" sessions I felt (in my opinion) that she became a lot colder towards me so I stopped going to her. Finding a good therapist is like finding a needle and a haystack.
Thank you and I hope everything is well with you.
Take care and God bless
I now must wait to see what she says, I will def let you know.
God bless you sweet sister LOTS of love to you ((((((MANY BIG HUGS)))))))

 

[SteveNZ]

(((((((((((((Steve)))))))))))))
((((((((((((James84))))))))))))))
Thank you both so much for your kind loving words. I had a really hard night, crying for hours until 4am I couldn't sleep so I drugged myself up heavily to crash. I just woke up again still feeling increadably sad.
Thank you for your kind words and prayers. LOTS of love to you both.

How are you flower?

If your mirror isn't smiling at you get a new one!?
Seriously though I hope all is going well. At times it can be hard, to even open eyes after a nights sleep, let alone getting out of bed!

Now do try to 'out cry' what you think God can put up with. We all know you will lose but still worth being stubborn over.

He wants to hold you in the hollow of his hand. He likes you. And is already showing off that he is your friend to all and sundry so I hope you like being liked (some folk don't) but please it is not my fault he loves you like that.

I can hear your hurt.
You are in my prayers.


Hmmmmmm .... what you need is a cute kittle puppy. One of those abandoned one that no-one cares about or loves. It is so, so hard to be down with a puppy licking your nose and being so appreciative that some one cares. Haha ... and it does 'doggy doo's' where not allowed...and ..... better stop.

If you were anywhere near here I would make sure the church got you a flat, a part time job (sorry full times ones are hard to get but heaps of part time ones) and a puppy.

We need someone who can play a guitar and/or sing in our church. You sound like you can sing. Only has a few members though but such a loving lot. The last young lass to turn up to the village ended up being the star of our latest village show!!
Hahaha...... . Do not worry about me, we speak out like that here near the edge of the map.

You can hear my heart though can't you. I am a dad whose daughter has not spoken to him since Nov 2009... so I feel for you.... you are someones so, so precious daughter.

Bless you so much.

 

[miss-a]

Flower, the enemy is at you again. You must stand up to him. Refuse his lies. Your life is coming together. This job is a step toward that. And this current satanic attack can stand as proof. Don't let it fool you. I posted this for another sister earlier and I want you to listen to it too, please just click this link now, lie back and listen to what God has to say to you: Sermon Center | Gateway Church

Now, I hope you don't take offense at this, because you seem to really like this newscaster, but I doubt he cares who likes him and who says what about him. I used to work in the media and rub shoulders with on-air folks. And if this guy is like most of them, or any non-Christian person in any business, he cares only about people who can get him a promotion. He cares what his boss thinks and says and probably notices few other people or things or comments. But the enemy has blown it all out of proportion, vomited lies all over it to derail you. DON'T LET HIM!!! He is playing on you fears and wounds. But the Bible, your FAther who loves you, says, "you have not been given the spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind." God has given you the ability and support through folks like those supporting you hear on this thread, that you need to recover from this before you start work, to go to work, and do a good job, mistakes and all, because we all make them and God gives us the grace to learn through them, and He will make you into a good worker. And you know what, I noticed this just last night while reading the Bible. I thought it was just for me, but maybe God had me notice it just so I could share it with you this morning. That verse I posted above about not being given fear but rather power, love and a sound mind, it comes after, directly after a verse about doing the work God has given us to do! "Therefore, stir up the gift of God which is within you....for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind." He's talking to Timithy, telling him to not allow other people and the enemy's attacks to keep him from what God has entrusted to him.

Flower, don't let the devil steal your opportunity. Don't let him keep his foot on your throat! Everyone here is locking arms with you in this battle through prayer, including me. You can do this.

Blessings and prayers. Feel free to pm if you need to talk.
Love,
a

 

[Criada]

I agree with A, sweetie - it's really unlikely that this newscaster would be able to block you from news videos.. it's much more likely to be a computer issue that the enemy is using to upset you and try to disrupt the progress you're making.
I know it's hard, sweetie - but hold on to the truth.
Praying for you very much

 

[aflower4God]

(((((((((((((Steve)))))))))))))))
(((((((((((MissA))))))))))))))
((((((((((((Craida)))))))))))))
WOW Dear sweet sister MissA that audio that you linked me to was AMAZING that has been etched in my brain, I can't stop getting the imagine of what the pastor said about how the Devil uses "Picture Imagery" (still frame) to use us to stay still and not move forward into the blessing of what the Lord has instore for all of us. This is exactly what has happened to me. And this is what happened to me many times in the past (sadly). I was so amazed by his (the pastors) words about what he said how the devil does this. Being that I am a person who has a "photo graphic memory" and very sensitive it is easy to affect me, NOW I can clearly see how the devil does this and now I can think about it before I think it is no hope for me, this will take lots of practice and praying.
About my job coach after I sent her that email and left her a message (she called yesterday my roommate told me cause she had the phone) I haven't heard back from her. I hope my email that I sent to her does not hinder the chance of the job.
Anyway, THANK YOU ALL!!!
I highly recommend that you all listen to the audio it is right on! Thank you miss a again for that link.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
(((((((((((((((MANY BIG HUGS TO ALL))))))))))))))))

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

thats great sweet sister

you are a precious and dearly loved child of the King!!!

 

[aflower4God]

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[HOPE]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] A big thank you SO MUCH for your kind loving words. GOD BLESS YOU. 's

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you, sister. Guess what? Your prayers worked, I even ate ice cream today! lol

You are awesome.