Hello,
I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. I was right where you are in 2003. I wanted a wife more than anything. As I explored the scriptures, I came across Psalm 5:3 "In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly." What He told me was to stop looking for a wife and start focusing on Him. It took four years, but the more I focused on Him, the less I looked for a wife. I spent time in His Word, praying, fasting, serving, and worshiping. When you do these things, you will attract the right kind of woman...a Proverbs 31 kind of woman! However, we have to be a Job 31 men.
Then, all of a sudden there she was! Our rehearsal dinner was exactly four years to the day that He called me back. We have been married for 12 years and have four children! She IS a Proverbs 31 woman!
I will pray for you!
God Bless you!
Kevin