I don't actually think its unhealthy to trust God to restore something that's his will. You might not understand and you might think I am being 'unhealthy' however if i want to believe and ask God to heal my marriage then why not? it is in his word that marriage is a lifelong covenant. Right now Satan is not happy that we were talking and he still has a grip on my ex husband.
There's a difference between what God wants, what we think God wants, and what we want God to want because it's what we want. There's what we want for our lives, then there's thinking that if we're not getting it, it must be because of Satan. People talk about how God wants them to be married, how Satan wants them separated, but never actually explore if it was the marriage that was doomed, that the marriage was against God's plan, that being apart is actually what's best.
What you've admitted to is a guy who cheated before he was married, a guy who cheated while he was married, a guy who pursued relationships rather quickly before you were divorced, a man who's pursuing relationships post-divorce, a guy who's pursuing other relationships during reconciliation with you... Yet we're saying this is what God wants for you? A guy who wasn't committed before he was married or even really during the reconciliation? We're not exploring that, maybe, just maybe, God is saying "her husband is out there, waiting for her, if only she'd stop throwing herself at this guy who clearly doesn't deserve or want her?"
PS I don't think that 6months is along time to be divorced plus Gods timing and our timing are very different.
You've been apart for almost 3 years. That
is a long time. In the sense of time by activities that have transpired... You've divorced, he moved on, and he's been in other relationships. So it's a long time in that respect as well.
He does not live with other woman but she also will not let go of him. So he is confused and in a situation where he is struggling to clear his mind. I truly believe that if he can get into the right place with God and be totally sacrificial to Gods will for his life and me also that God has the ability to heal our marriage and restore it to Gods original plan.
She won't let go of him?
Really?
If they're not living together, and he was truly focused on reconciliation, it's a simple matter of saying "we're over" and then not talking to her. If she's persistent, change your number, block her on social media, and don't see her. If he's still seeing her, it's because he wants to. He needs to be accountable for what he's choosing, and the fact that he's playing victim on this, which is his own choice, is pretty low.
That said, I have no doubt that if she were really gone, he'd come running back to you, but it wouldn't be because he's trying to be in the right space with God. It's because he sounds like he's incapable of being alone. I also have no doubt that if she or somebody else came along, he'd go running to them. This guy has serious accountability issues.
I am leaving this to God in prayer and trusting him with my future.
Sounds like the messages to move on are all there, but you're following what you want. Make sure you don't confuse your will with God's.
Do you always admit your faults instantly? especially if they are shameful or hurtful to another? its not that easy to admit when you have messed up.
If I did something that caused my husband, whom I love deeply, to leave and I was seriously and actively pursuing reconciliation, yes, I'd admit everything... Without hesitation. Especially if he knew already, he just needed to hear it from me. Otherwise I'd be wasting his time and mine and still lying to him. I can't be begging for forgiveness, promising honesty and commitment, while still lying to his face daily. Accountability.
Again, he's the one who did the wrong but he's made himself out to be the victim... He was cheating, but poor him... It's so hard to admit it, so hard to hurt you (really? If it was so hard to hurt you, why was he cheating? It was certainly easy to hurt you then... So it sounds like it doesn't hurt him that it hurts you, it hurts him that now he's getting in trouble for it), so hard to be honest... The guy sounds like a piece of work.
He had to sit and watch me in pain whilst telling me things that had happened and I understand that wasn't easy for him and am pleased that he told me. We have talked alot of the past months and alot of questions and hurts have healed. Now it is down to God to work on him and I will trust and wait. No harm in that at all. Not like I am just going to rush off in a relationship anyway not without Gods leading.
There's no harm in waiting? There certainly is. While you pine away and try to resuscitate a dead marriage with a guy who's "working on things" with you while in another relationship occupying another woman's bed, you miss time you could be with the person you should be with. He's stealing the time that you could be spending happy and in a relationship, building a life and a family, with somebody else. Rush off into another relationship? It's been almost 3 years... By no standards anywhere is that "rushing."
PS I wouldnt' say he has had 'my bed' to fall into either. I don't appreciate the negative or judgemental replies. I thought these sites are meant to encourage others in Christ?!
You stated in a previous post you were interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with him, and you've justified it by saying he's still your husband. You've admitted to crossing physical lines with him. And you've stated he's in a relationship with somebody else. He's playing the field.
Part of posting on a forum and asking people their advice means that you'll hear from everybody, not just those who're going to validate your opinion and actions. Far too often people pull the "encourage me in Christ" card when they aren't so much looking for support in Christ as they are looking for somebody to just agree with them and that God gives them the perfect excuse to say they that anybody who disagrees with them is wrong. But if somebody were to post on this forum "I'm going to walk across the interstate today and God will keep me safe," I'm not going to post back "hey, good for you" even if I know disagreeing with you will illicit the "well where's the support for God here? I thought we were supposed to encourage each other in Christ?"
The simple fact is that he's cheated on you, before and during your marriage. You believe he wants reconciliation, yet he's stated he's not sure you have a future together. Even if he did think you did have a future together, during this "reconciliation period," he's still openly cheating on you. The Bible clearly absolves you from any sort of loyalty to your husband or your marriage due to his persistent, repeated, and unrepentant cheating. Trying to revive this marriage, in the light of his actions and his statements, is a decidedly bad idea, and your moving on is not only appropriate after ALL of this time, but it's supported Biblically.
If you want to stay and keep trying to resuscitate something where all the signs point to it being a disaster, that's your choice... Not God's command. You will most likely end up as you were again, with him gone and the marriage over in all ways. Going on statistics, remarriage or repeated to the same person you divorced are overwhelmingly likely to end again. There was a reason for the divorce, it always presents itself again. And in your case, it's still presenting itself now... His expression that he's not sure he sees a future with you and the fact that he's in a relationship with somebody else while pursuing one, no matter how halfheartedly, with you.
