Please need help

[sssssavior4everRr]

Hello,
I'm a christian who really love jesus and want to go to heaven.
But I discovered that I have homosexual feelings and that I'm attracted to nice bodies of men not women, I think because I'm 20 years old but look like a small boy and I don't have confident of my self of being a man.
I really wish I can change this I always pray for god to heal me, but I DIDN'T choose to be like this I want to be a straight person

I once read that it's not a sin to be attracted to same sex and having these feelings but it's a sin if I act on it, I've never act on it but when I practice Masturbation I fantasize..

I'm an OCD sufferer also ( I have worries and doubts in everything 24 hours :S )
so I always think that having these feelings is a sin although I didn't choose that and god will never forgive me so I get discouraged to pray more or to listen to hymns or go to church. I read many articles on the net that it's not a sin but my OCD never leaves me believe that.

I really want a 100% answer that it's not a sin so that I can struggle against these thoughts, (from the bible please )
sometimes I say it's a good thing to have these feelings and struggle against them because God will reward me for that.


Another thing, when I got to university, for 2 years I forgot that I have these feelings ( kept them in mind and accepted them but never practice them) and I had many friends and it didn't affect me in my life, I forgot everything and live a very nice life and I gathered with my friends and focus on studying and everything but before few days a thought came to my mind ..
I said to myself if I tell my friends about these feelings they will leave me and will never talk to me again and I will be lonely my whole life
I sometimes think of telling them but then I changed my mind, because I really never accept these feelings and don't think they will understand me !!

So I need advice and answers please for these :

1- Will god forgive me for having these feelings ? can I be a christian who go to church and pray for Jesus to heal me and help me to overcome these thoughts? is having these thoughts is a sin ?!

2- Should I tell my friends and loose them ? or should I keep it as a secret between me and my family and god? is it okay to have male friends if I don't get sexual attracted to them?

3- How can I live a life without depression that I will not marry and be alone forever ?

4- Is it a cross I should hold it my life and if I keep struggling all my life, god will be happy of me ?


**sorry for talking too much, please use simple english words so I can understand**

I hope you help me to be a happy person thank you

 

[Phosophoros]

There is nothing wrong with being androgynous in nature (having both male and female qualities). And there is no sin in love, only lust. If you have feelings of lust towards people then it is best to try and combat that, and the same can be said for males who lust after women.
But it is something we all struggle with for the most part, but yes the father the most High will forgive all sin. but this also means that one has to persevere to remain pure and holy, as a containing vessel of the holy spirit of the most High. If you feed your negative thoughts then they will grow stronger, try and focus on bring the light of the most High within, and you can overcome all sin.

 

[Justaman0000]

1- yes
2-Its up to you to tell your friend. They may understand your struggle, but the chances are that they won't and that they may judge you and think of you differently.
3-It is not best for everyone to marry. If you are in Christ you will never be alone.
4-Yes, don't give in. Be relentless in fighting temptation and sin. God is relentless in forgiving you. Its written "Blessed is he who endures temptation for when he is tried he will recieve the crown of life that God gives to those who love Him". Jesus taught that if a man looks lustfully at woman that he has committed adultery in his heart. So if you are entertaining you thoughts of homosexuality then you are still doing what is wrong. The fact that it causes you this much trouble and worry in your life should be evident enough that it is wrong.

 

[Criada]

God loves you very, very much, and he sees your struggle and is proud of you.
Thoughts are not sin, they are temptation, and even Jesus was tempted, so it's ok for you to be!
Hold on to God and he will get you through
Praying for you brother