I attended private school until I was 11 years old. Faith was a huge part of my life. After entering public school I became very distracted. I was more focused on making myself more successful than anything else. Shortly after I joined public school, I had a dream that stuck out to me so much I can still vividly picture it today. In the dream everything was very soft and muted--as in the colors, sounds, feelings--I was completely free from anxiety, which was an astounding feeling considering even at that age I had begun to feel a great weight on my shoulders. I found myself on a stone bench in a beautiful garden underneath a metal arbor. A man who I knew (and very strongly believed was after waking up) was Jesus approached me and placed a white flower in my hand (either a lily or cyclamen). I was humbled and flattered; however, after what seemed like forever I finally tore my eyes from the gift so I click say "thank you", only to find Jesus was very far off in the distance. I tried to run towards him but experienced that feeling where you are paralyzed in a dream and must accept date to wake up.
I took that dream to heart and vowed to never lose sight of God. Unfortunately, after a few years of no exposure to scripture or teachings, I lost faith. For at least 5 years I drifted from God. It began with an obsession over my appearance, which led into me seeking approval from my peers, and only continued to get worse
I had always been very anxious, but when my parents divorced after my 12th birthday, I suddenly felt a new kind of dread. As I laid in a foreign bed in my father's new apartment I experienced feeling completely and utterly alone. Jesus never crossed my mind anymore.
After that I sought companionship in a boy because I had no idea what else to do. I cycled through many friends and emotions but could never find stability or happiness. This drove me to drugs and alcohol.
For years I completely lost touch with God. He was someone I paid attention to only if I was trying to fall asleep after a miserable night and was trying to talk myself out of suicide.
There have been at least two incidents where I genuinely believed I was going to die from a drug overdose. In both of these situations I prayed to God to save me. I told him I would change if only I could live. Both times I made a full recovery despite the odds.
I am now nearly 18 years old and am about to start college on a scholarship. Recently I lost a very good friend and began to think more about what love really is. I feel myself headed towards a low point and I know I have to stop myself before I get there. God has spared my life twice and that should not happen again.
After all I've experienced, in the last few days, I've decided that I absolutely have no doubt of God's existence. My question now is, where do I go from here? How do I take small steps to form a relationship with God again? What should I avoid, what should I be drawn to, and what do you make of all of this?
I took that dream to heart and vowed to never lose sight of God. Unfortunately, after a few years of no exposure to scripture or teachings, I lost faith. For at least 5 years I drifted from God. It began with an obsession over my appearance, which led into me seeking approval from my peers, and only continued to get worse
I had always been very anxious, but when my parents divorced after my 12th birthday, I suddenly felt a new kind of dread. As I laid in a foreign bed in my father's new apartment I experienced feeling completely and utterly alone. Jesus never crossed my mind anymore.
After that I sought companionship in a boy because I had no idea what else to do. I cycled through many friends and emotions but could never find stability or happiness. This drove me to drugs and alcohol.
For years I completely lost touch with God. He was someone I paid attention to only if I was trying to fall asleep after a miserable night and was trying to talk myself out of suicide.
There have been at least two incidents where I genuinely believed I was going to die from a drug overdose. In both of these situations I prayed to God to save me. I told him I would change if only I could live. Both times I made a full recovery despite the odds.
I am now nearly 18 years old and am about to start college on a scholarship. Recently I lost a very good friend and began to think more about what love really is. I feel myself headed towards a low point and I know I have to stop myself before I get there. God has spared my life twice and that should not happen again.
After all I've experienced, in the last few days, I've decided that I absolutely have no doubt of God's existence. My question now is, where do I go from here? How do I take small steps to form a relationship with God again? What should I avoid, what should I be drawn to, and what do you make of all of this?
