Please help

[~Willow~]

One day I was looking in our internet history and found out that my husband has been watching youtube videos of (mostly) women getting full body massages. One was topless with short shorts on (laying on her stomach) one was completely naked lying on her back (but with a partial cover one), etc. He says he just listens and it helps him to relax to go to bed. I don't buy this at all. It seems highly inappropriate to me.

We do not sleep in the same room. Many years ago, I complained about his snoring because I was pregnant and couldn't sleep. He started sleeping on the couch back then. He blamed me to our pastor for it, so I asked him to sleep in our bed again and I would just get used to the snoring. He would for a few days and then he would go back to sleeping on the couch. This has been going on for a very long time and now I found these videos. He sends me off to bed and then stays up late, apparently watching these odd hours of the morning. What should I do?

I'm not sure if it is allowed or even okay to post one as an example.

 

[jacks]

Ask him to give you a massage. Really.

 

[~Willow~]

I have. He doesn't like to.

 

[~Willow~]

Is this the best place to post this? I saw the married section and ethics and debate after posting it here.

 

[jacks]

Yes, the best place might be in Married forum, I've gotten great advice there. I know it's easier said than done, but communication is going to be the key. You guys need to find out each others needs and expectations. That of course is an ongoing process, I certainly don't communicate perfectly with my wife, but when things get unbearable we "have to talk". Hard to do, but feel better afterwards. Praying for you too.

 

[~Willow~]

He just told me who cares what he does, so we are obviously in huge trouble.

 

[Abcdefg017]

It seems like you guys are having trouble in your relationship. The most important thing in a relationship is communication. You and your husband seem to be losing trust in each other, and without a clear line of communication it cannot get any better. What you and your husband needs is couples counseling. You both need to be in a place and position where both of you can openly and honestly communicate to one another in the presence of a third party. Going directly to a pastor is not always the best of solutions because a pastor is not necessarily trained in couples counseling. Beyond this recommendation I cannot help any further. But I wish both you and your husband the best of luck in solving this problem.