Please help.

[tr0pica1rain]

My background is that I have been OCD since about the age of 5, started medication around 14, still on Prozac, but there was a time I was trying many different medications (that will play into the story).

So at the moment I am obsessing over if I am schizophrenic or if I will become such. I was flipping channels, and although I rarely watch MTV, I saw that true life was on and decided to watch it because it can be interesting. Well, I have already been afraid of being schizophrenic, so it wasn't a good idea that I started to watch it. When I was trying many different medications, the psychiatrist I was seeing seemed to be saying that I was "delusional" because I thought some girls in the locker room were making fun of me. So he tried several medications on me, (and I can't remember all of them there were so many), such as Lexapro, Zoloft, and then Klonopin, and then Risperdal (antipsychotic), and Abilify (also an antipsychotic and treatment for Schizophrenia and bipolar, but apparently also an add-on for major depressive disorder).

So, I ran out of medication recently and my dad made an appointment for me with some random psychiatrist about 15-20 minutes from my house. Fine. I didn't really want to go as I am planning to start seeing a Christian counselor soon, and I told him I would like to eventually get off of medication, but whatever. I went. And she was asking me questions, like what my obsessions were about, I told her they had to do with not wanting to be involved with.. the enemy. So maybe the way I said it made her think that it is not a NORMAL obsession or something, but more "fear based" she told my dad. Then when my dad left the room we talked a little more and then at the end she told me she was prescribing Abilify for me. WHAT? I told her I already took it, and she said that: well it's only a small dose and it should help with the thoughts, which sound like "something else". Something else? She wouldn't tell me and I didn't really think about it TOO much, and pretty much forgot about it until tonight when that stupid show came on. And now I'm thinking well did she give me the Abilify because she sees possible schizophrenia in the future?

So now I'm scared I am schizophrenic because a symptom is not being able to express yourself well in words (thought disorder), and I have trouble with that when I am talking to people, sometimes I'll forget what I am saying or change subjects. And also, I don't think I hear voices, but what if I do and I never realized it? What if that regular self-talk that I always thought it was isn't that at all? Like the "you're stupid," "why did you do that," etc. And then the pre-symptoms are supposedly like depression, loss of interest in stuff, SLEEPING TOO MUCH or too little, etc. I sleep about 14 hours if it is up to me and I have nothing to do. I know it's a symptom of depression but how do I know it's not a pre-symptom of schizophrenia??!

This is seriously ridiculous that I'm going through this fear again, I hate OCD so much I can't stand it.
Can someone just tell me I'm not schizophrenic and mean it? Even though the reassurance will only last for like a few minutes?
Please please pray for me. That God will show me the truth and comfort me.

 

[Everlasting33]

My background is that I have been OCD since about the age of 5, started medication around 14, still on Prozac, but there was a time I was trying many different medications (that will play into the story).

So at the moment I am obsessing over if I am schizophrenic or if I will become such. I was flipping channels, and although I rarely watch MTV, I saw that true life was on and decided to watch it because it can be interesting. Well, I have already been afraid of being schizophrenic, so it wasn't a good idea that I started to watch it. When I was trying many different medications, the psychiatrist I was seeing seemed to be saying that I was "delusional" because I thought some girls in the locker room were making fun of me. So he tried several medications on me, (and I can't remember all of them there were so many), such as Lexapro, Zoloft, and then Klonopin, and then Risperdal (antipsychotic), and Abilify (also an antipsychotic and treatment for Schizophrenia and bipolar, but apparently also an add-on for major depressive disorder).

So, I ran out of medication recently and my dad made an appointment for me with some random psychiatrist about 15-20 minutes from my house. Fine. I didn't really want to go as I am planning to start seeing a Christian counselor soon, and I told him I would like to eventually get off of medication, but whatever. I went. And she was asking me questions, like what my obsessions were about, I told her they had to do with not wanting to be involved with.. the enemy. So maybe the way I said it made her think that it is not a NORMAL obsession or something, but more "fear based" she told my dad. Then when my dad left the room we talked a little more and then at the end she told me she was prescribing Abilify for me. WHAT? I told her I already took it, and she said that: well it's only a small dose and it should help with the thoughts, which sound like "something else". Something else? She wouldn't tell me and I didn't really think about it TOO much, and pretty much forgot about it until tonight when that stupid show came on. And now I'm thinking well did she give me the Abilify because she sees possible schizophrenia in the future?

So now I'm scared I am schizophrenic because a symptom is not being able to express yourself well in words (thought disorder), and I have trouble with that when I am talking to people, sometimes I'll forget what I am saying or change subjects. And also, I don't think I hear voices, but what if I do and I never realized it? What if that regular self-talk that I always thought it was isn't that at all? Like the "you're stupid," "why did you do that," etc. And then the pre-symptoms are supposedly like depression, loss of interest in stuff, SLEEPING TOO MUCH or too little, etc. I sleep about 14 hours if it is up to me and I have nothing to do. I know it's a symptom of depression but how do I know it's not a pre-symptom of schizophrenia??!

This is seriously ridiculous that I'm going through this fear again, I hate OCD so much I can't stand it.
Can someone just tell me I'm not schizophrenic and mean it? Even though the reassurance will only last for like a few minutes?
Please please pray for me. That God will show me the truth and comfort me.

It sounds like you are understandably very confused, scared and just frustrated. Although I do not have OCD, I have some tendencies and I know that they can be frustrating.

Question:

Have you actually been diagnosed with schizophrenia?

 

[tr0pica1rain]

No I have not been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I have only been diagnosed with OCD, depression, and anxiety. Even when I was scared last time, my psychologist and psychiatrist both told me I had nothing to worry about, that I wasn't schizophrenic nor did I seem like I would be in the future. But for some reason I can't believe that right now.. like maybe they were wrong, or maybe I just started getting it or something.

 

[Everlasting33]

No I have not been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I have only been diagnosed with OCD, depression, and anxiety. Even when I was scared last time, my psychologist and psychiatrist both told me I had nothing to worry about, that I wasn't schizophrenic nor did I seem like I would be in the future. But for some reason I can't believe that right now.. like maybe they were wrong, or maybe I just started getting it or something.

Is it because of your OCD that you just cannot let this idea that your schziophrenic go?

I understand. I know that you are scared and not certain right now about a lot of things. It seems like that although these doctors haven't come out and said it, you get this vibe from them that maybe you may be experiencing some symptoms that could lead into schizophrenia? For example, when your doctor said it was "delusional" because you thought some girls were making fun of you. To be quite honest, I would associate that with low self-esteem. I have struggled with depression and anxiety all my life. I was placed in a mental hospital 7 years ago and I had this doctor tell me that I was schizophrenic. The reason? Because when he was on the phone with my mother, I began to chuckle. I was chuckling because I heard my mom's voice, which is very deep, and I have always joked about my mom's voice. I was floored by his comment and pretty much told him he was stupid!

Sometimes, psychologists simply look into things too much. Obviously, I do not know the whole story and all of that, but sometimes they are just wrong. I know that we are to trust their judgment and we remain somewhat vulnerable in this position but it is always wise to make sure you analyze what the doctor is saying to you. So far, your doctors have not diagnosed you with this.

It is important that you try not to over think this. I know it can be difficult but as of right now, you have not been diagnosed with schizophrenia and I know the anxiety is eating away at you. I struggle with anxiety so I know how hard it can be but just look at the facts (no diagnosis for schizophrenia) and focus on the issues that you have right now.

Have you had beneficial treatment for your depression and OCD?

 

[tr0pica1rain]

It seems like that although these doctors haven't come out and said it, you get this vibe from them that maybe you may be experiencing some symptoms that could lead into schizophrenia?

Yes it is exactly that!

And my OCD is probably what is holding onto this thought..

I'm glad you told the doctor he was stupid . That does show me that they do read into things so easily and quickly.

Have you had beneficial treatment for your depression and OCD?

I have gotten much better than I was originally.. I used to stay in my room all day and never hang out with my friends or leave the house, but I still suffer from a lot of the other symptoms (obviously), especially when I am stressed out. A lot of things like social anxiety and fear of throwing up (long story) have pretty much gone away, but the spiritual things have not, which is why I would like to see a Christian counselor/psychologist.

 

[Everlasting33]

Yes it is exactly that!

And my OCD is probably what is holding onto this thought..

I'm glad you told the doctor he was stupid . That does show me that they do read into things so easily and quickly.


I have gotten much better than I was originally.. I used to stay in my room all day and never hang out with my friends or leave the house, but I still suffer from a lot of the other symptoms (obviously), especially when I am stressed out. A lot of things like social anxiety and fear of throwing up (long story) have pretty much gone away, but the spiritual things have not, which is why I would like to see a Christian counselor/psychologist.

I am glad to hear that you are doing better. I know it can be very, very, very tough to cope with the issues that you are facing. You have a lot on your plate and it can become overwhelming. It sounds like you are getting the help that is needed and you are working hard on your struggles. Just don't stop trying and persisting...it will always be worth it.

 

[gracealone]

Hi Tropical,
Just wanted to let you know that when I was in my early twenties I went through a pretty long phase of having my OCD center on the question or doubt that I might be schizophrenic. I didn't know it was OCD so I had no idea how to get over the obsession, but I did.
It only takes just one slight suggestion or doubt to set off an OCD theme. We can hear 100 positive evidences/reassurances but if we hear even one tiny negative/doubtful statement our OCD will latch onto it tenaciously. This is because our overactive fight or flight machine needs something to chew on.
The only way to get over the obsession is to just let it be. Ignore it, attribute it to your OCD, refocus on something - anything else and above all don't keep trying to figure out if you have schizophrenia or you'll be feeding the OCD. Don't look up the symptoms online etc. You probably already know that - but sometimes we need reminding.
Praying for you,
Mitzi

My background is that I have been OCD since about the age of 5, started medication around 14, still on Prozac, but there was a time I was trying many different medications (that will play into the story).

So at the moment I am obsessing over if I am schizophrenic or if I will become such. I was flipping channels, and although I rarely watch MTV, I saw that true life was on and decided to watch it because it can be interesting. Well, I have already been afraid of being schizophrenic, so it wasn't a good idea that I started to watch it. When I was trying many different medications, the psychiatrist I was seeing seemed to be saying that I was "delusional" because I thought some girls in the locker room were making fun of me. So he tried several medications on me, (and I can't remember all of them there were so many), such as Lexapro, Zoloft, and then Klonopin, and then Risperdal (antipsychotic), and Abilify (also an antipsychotic and treatment for Schizophrenia and bipolar, but apparently also an add-on for major depressive disorder).

So, I ran out of medication recently and my dad made an appointment for me with some random psychiatrist about 15-20 minutes from my house. Fine. I didn't really want to go as I am planning to start seeing a Christian counselor soon, and I told him I would like to eventually get off of medication, but whatever. I went. And she was asking me questions, like what my obsessions were about, I told her they had to do with not wanting to be involved with.. the enemy. So maybe the way I said it made her think that it is not a NORMAL obsession or something, but more "fear based" she told my dad. Then when my dad left the room we talked a little more and then at the end she told me she was prescribing Abilify for me. WHAT? I told her I already took it, and she said that: well it's only a small dose and it should help with the thoughts, which sound like "something else". Something else? She wouldn't tell me and I didn't really think about it TOO much, and pretty much forgot about it until tonight when that stupid show came on. And now I'm thinking well did she give me the Abilify because she sees possible schizophrenia in the future?

So now I'm scared I am schizophrenic because a symptom is not being able to express yourself well in words (thought disorder), and I have trouble with that when I am talking to people, sometimes I'll forget what I am saying or change subjects. And also, I don't think I hear voices, but what if I do and I never realized it? What if that regular self-talk that I always thought it was isn't that at all? Like the "you're stupid," "why did you do that," etc. And then the pre-symptoms are supposedly like depression, loss of interest in stuff, SLEEPING TOO MUCH or too little, etc. I sleep about 14 hours if it is up to me and I have nothing to do. I know it's a symptom of depression but how do I know it's not a pre-symptom of schizophrenia??!

This is seriously ridiculous that I'm going through this fear again, I hate OCD so much I can't stand it.
Can someone just tell me I'm not schizophrenic and mean it? Even though the reassurance will only last for like a few minutes?
Please please pray for me. That God will show me the truth and comfort me.

 

[tr0pica1rain]

Hi Tropical,
Just wanted to let you know that when I was in my early twenties I went through a pretty long phase of having my OCD center on the question or doubt that I might be schizophrenic. I didn't know it was OCD so I had no idea how to get over the obsession, but I did.
It only takes just one slight suggestion or doubt to set off an OCD theme. We can hear 100 positive evidences/reassurances but if we hear even one tiny negative/doubtful statement our OCD will latch onto it tenaciously. This is because our overactive fight or flight machine needs something to chew on.
The only way to get over the obsession is to just let it be. Ignore it, attribute it to your OCD, refocus on something - anything else and above all don't keep trying to figure out if you have schizophrenia or you'll be feeding the OCD. Don't look up the symptoms online etc. You probably already know that - but sometimes we need reminding.
Praying for you,
Mitzi

Ah yes I do know that but that is exactly what I did last night, for a few hours, lol. Thanks for the reminder. It's so hard not to try to reassure yourself. I'm also just plain concerned as to why I was prescribed Abilify.
Thank you for your wisdom, both of you!