please help me

[Kostilaks]

I have ocd and it tells me to do certain compulsions. it tells me I may have made a promise to God so this becomes a compulsion. another part of my ocd, suggests me to make counter promises in order to cancel the old compulsion. so thoughts without my will pop up in my head like ocd: you must make a promise to God not to do the compulsion. you will use it as an excuse and feel relieved for not doing the compulsion.

these thoughts are not valid cause they are without my will and it happened many times.

days ago, ocd was telling me to do a certain compulsion and I did not want to do it. suddenly, I got a thought like prediction that my ocd will suggest me to make a new fake promise to cancel the old fake promise in order to feel relieved. I do not remember exactly, but I instead of ignoring all the thoughts without my will it seems there is a chance that I may have accidentally allowed the thoughts without my will to happen for as econd just to relieve myself from the worries. I did not want to do it. they happened so fast. very deep inside me. they were probably thoughts without my will and deep inside me I knew that it just ocd but yet for a second I may have accidentally allowed the thoughts without my will to happen. I am not sure. I did not want to.and there is a chance that after these thoughts without my will happened, I may have accidentally for a second, pretented that they are affect me like

" oh no . thanks to the thoughts without my will I must not do the compulsion. I don't care! I did not want to do the compulsion in the first place. now I am free! yay!"

but deep inside me I knew these are just thoughts without my will and I have also informed God many times that I may somehow pay attention to them or let them affect me without my will just because they relieve me from the ocd worries. it is like maybe creating a theater scene in my mind for my ocd to leave me alone. it is like maybe trying to trick my ocd to leave me alone. I have informed God that I do not want these thoughts without my will. no matter how much I pay attention to them or affect me. is there any chance that these thoughts without my will are valid just because I act like that due to ocd?

 

[Mari17]

Kostilaks, I know that you feel terrible because of your OCD. I have OCD, and when I'm obsessing, I feel the same way. But I must tell you that the only way to start feeling better is to work on the OCD itself, not seek reassurance by asking question after question. In fact, those things only make OCD stronger. So, you can continue to ask questions if you want, but realize that you are actually playing into OCD's hand by doing so. If you want to get better, then your job is to get some help from a professional, or at the very least start working on your OCD yourself. If you want to know how to do that, I can give you some advice. I cannot give you reassurance about your specific questions, because that helps to make your OCD worse, and I don't want to do that. But I can answer any questions you have about how to work on your OCD.

 

[Of the Kingdom]

I have informed God that I do not want these thoughts without my will. no matter how much I pay attention to them or affect me. is there any chance that these thoughts without my will are valid just because I act like that due to ocd?

Know that your relationship with God is good, whether you do the compulsion or not. Whichever you do, it was something you thought of, but not something God expects you to do, and there is no real promise, only the symptoms of the ocd that you are overcoming.

I know little about actually dealing with ocd behavior, but I do know that God loves you and desires that you become free of ocd. I will keep you in my prayers.