Please help me!

[tr0pica1rain]

I just need some reassurance or something! You know how us OCD folk are.
A little background info.. I am 19 years old and have had OCD since I was five. That’s fourteen years of this stupid disease.

So I have been very stressed out lately, since about thanksgiving, because I had an argument-type thing with my roommate, who said some things to me that hurt really badly. Since then, my OCD has been driving me nuts.

It is mostly blasphemous thoughts that I constantly have to cancel out in my head ,and I mean constantly. The only time I ever get a break is when I’m sleeping. (Also, if I’m around people, it’s not as bad, because I have more distractions.)

So my first reason for posting is: after awhile, my compulsions make me forget what I’m talking about, so that makes me more nervous. For instance, I may have to repeat my compulsions more because I feel like “Jesus Christ the Messiah is the only one I worship” doesn’t make sense to me enough anymore (because it’s repeated so much that it seems to have lost its meaning) to cancel out the original thought. Of course, that can’t happen to the original thought, right? Does this happen to anyone else? Are there any suggestions.

Then, some old OCD stuff happens. Okay. One time when I was in about 8th grade? I had already started seeing a psychologist (and this was when I first became a Christian). I had a lot of bad habits that I wanted to stop, like picking at my pimples. Therefore, I made a “promise” to God that if I were to pick at my pimples ever again, no matter what, it would mean something really bad. I can barely get myself to write what it was because I don’t want it to be true. The really bad thing was that I wouldn’t be Christ’s anymore, but that I would basically go to hell because that act would be telling God that I wanted to give my soul to someone besides Him.

(I have to just cancel that out, even in this post, that I want only JESUS CHRIST the Messiah to own my soul for FOREVER. Jesus Christ is the ONLY ONE to whom I give my soul to for forever, no matter what!! I worship only Jesus Christ the Messiah for forever.)

So this has presented a problem. Even though I have been seeing a psychologist and taking meds for about 5 years now, the problem still remains. About an hour ago maybe I scratched my pimples and it wasn’t good. I don’t know what to do!!

Also, my psychologist is the same I have seen since the beginning. And she is not a Christian but she is Jewish. I have been reading that psychology is so humanistic for Christians and that even Christian psychology is not good, but I don’t know what to do!!! I know this is a medical problem, but I don’t know how God wants me to handle it.

ANY insight on my post will be greatly appreciated.

God bless you all!!

 

[Ruukasu]

Alright,

This is what you should do. Confess your sin about breaking your promise to God. He will forgive you.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Second, trust God in His love for you. Do you think God would let you go because you popped a pimple? I don't think so. Jesus is so loving.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Third, live by faith. The Bible talks a lot about faith. Read this passage:

Romans 1:16-17

16For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. 17For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.

shall live by faith.

 

[Ruukasu]

God made a promise with you...do you think God would break His promise?

1 John 2:25

Titus 1:2

 

[gracealone]

I just need some reassurance or something! You know how us OCD folk are.
A little background info.. I am 19 years old and have had OCD since I was five. That’s fourteen years of this stupid disease.

So I have been very stressed out lately, since about thanksgiving, because I had an argument-type thing with my roommate, who said some things to me that hurt really badly. Since then, my OCD has been driving me nuts.

It is mostly blasphemous thoughts that I constantly have to cancel out in my head ,and I mean constantly. The only time I ever get a break is when I’m sleeping. (Also, if I’m around people, it’s not as bad, because I have more distractions.)

So my first reason for posting is: after awhile, my compulsions make me forget what I’m talking about, so that makes me more nervous. For instance, I may have to repeat my compulsions more because I feel like “Jesus Christ the Messiah is the only one I worship” doesn’t make sense to me enough anymore (because it’s repeated so much that it seems to have lost its meaning) to cancel out the original thought. Of course, that can’t happen to the original thought, right? Does this happen to anyone else? Are there any suggestions.

Then, some old OCD stuff happens. Okay. One time when I was in about 8th grade? I had already started seeing a psychologist (and this was when I first became a Christian). I had a lot of bad habits that I wanted to stop, like picking at my pimples. Therefore, I made a “promise” to God that if I were to pick at my pimples ever again, no matter what, it would mean something really bad. I can barely get myself to write what it was because I don’t want it to be true. The really bad thing was that I wouldn’t be Christ’s anymore, but that I would basically go to hell because that act would be telling God that I wanted to give my soul to someone besides Him.

(I have to just cancel that out, even in this post, that I want only JESUS CHRIST the Messiah to own my soul for FOREVER. Jesus Christ is the ONLY ONE to whom I give my soul to for forever, no matter what!! I worship only Jesus Christ the Messiah for forever.)

So this has presented a problem. Even though I have been seeing a psychologist and taking meds for about 5 years now, the problem still remains. About an hour ago maybe I scratched my pimples and it wasn’t good. I don’t know what to do!!

Also, my psychologist is the same I have seen since the beginning. And she is not a Christian but she is Jewish. I have been reading that psychology is so humanistic for Christians and that even Christian psychology is not good, but I don’t know what to do!!! I know this is a medical problem, but I don’t know how God wants me to handle it.

ANY insight on my post will be greatly appreciated.

God bless you all!!

Hey Tropic,
I would first like to comment on the idea that you shouldn't see a psych. who isn't a Christian. The way I look at this is that you should see whichever Dr. has the most experience with treating OCD - and in particular, religious OCD of the pure "O" kind - christian or non-christian. If you had a serious heart condition and needed heart surgery and you had the choice of using a Christian Dr. who had done just a couple of these operations and a non-Christian Dr. who had done hundreds of them which would you choose?
God uses non-Christian Doctor's to help heal His children all the time.
Secondly, what type of therapy is your Dr. training you to do? Is is traditional Cognitive Behavior therapy - or exposure/response therapy? If it's exposure/response then you're problem lies in the fact that you aren't applying it at the moment. You are into a typical OCD cycle and the compulsions are the thought cancelings/stoppings and the continual rumination and problem solving efforts that are going on in your head. If your Dr. doesn't use exposure/response therapy than you might want to consider finding one who does since it is the most effective way to combat OCD of any kind.
I know how painful these thoughts are as I've had them myself. There are so many great folk on this forum who can encourage you. So I hope you'll stick around and keep us informed as to how you are doing.
God Bless,
Mitzi

 

[seajoy]

Hey Tropic,
I would first like to comment on the idea that you shouldn't see a psych. who isn't a Christian. The way I look at this is that you should see whichever Dr. has the most experience with treating OCD - and in particular, religious OCD of the pure "O" kind - christian or non-christian. If you had a serious heart condition and needed heart surgery and you had the choice of using a Christian Dr. who had done just a couple of these operations and a non-Christian Dr. who had done hundreds of them which would you choose?
God uses non-Christian Doctor's to help heal His children all the time.
Secondly, what type of therapy is your Dr. training you to do? Is is traditional Cognitive Behavior therapy - or exposure/response therapy? If it's exposure/response then you're problem lies in the fact that you aren't applying it at the moment. You are into a typical OCD cycle and the compulsions are the thought cancelings/stoppings and the continual rumination and problem solving efforts that are going on in your head. If your Dr. doesn't use exposure/response therapy than you might want to consider finding one who does since it is the most effective way to combat OCD of any kind.
I know how painful these thoughts are as I've had them myself. There are so many great folk on this forum who can encourage you. So I hope you'll stick around and keep us informed as to how you are doing.
God Bless,
Mitzi

Listen to Mitzi....she is one smart cookie!

 

[tr0pica1rain]

Okay. so first, I have been struggling with the thought that shouldn't Jesus be enough for my healing? Isn't His grace sufficient for me and made perfect in my weakness? This is what i have been researching lately.

To answer your question, gracealone, the psychologist I see is a cognitive behavioral. I think I remember her saying that she doesn’t practice exposure response because she didn’t think it was right to expose someone to something they are so afraid of.
Also, I am hesitant to take that therapy even though it’s very helpful because, doesn’t it tell you to accept your thoughts? I don’t think I can do that! Thank you for replying, especially having been in my situation before!

Also, thank you ruukasu for the verses!

 

[marcb]

Okay. so first, I have been struggling with the thought that shouldn't Jesus be enough for my healing? Isn't His grace sufficient for me and made perfect in my weakness? This is what i have been researching lately.

To answer your question, gracealone, the psychologist I see is a cognitive behavioral. I think I remember her saying that she doesn’t practice exposure response because she didn’t think it was right to expose someone to something they are so afraid of.
Also, I am hesitant to take that therapy even though it’s very helpful because, doesn’t it tell you to accept your thoughts? I don’t think I can do that! Thank you for replying, especially having been in my situation before!

Also, thank you ruukasu for the verses!

I don't think exposure therapy is about accepting the thoughts. What you are doing is confronting them, exposing them, and disempowering them.

 

[tr0pica1rain]

My concern is that during the exposure, without doing the compulsions, my mind would run away, and I'd think I'd be going to hell or something.. and I wouldn't know for sure until I died.

What exactly is the experience like?

 

[marcb]

My concern is that during the exposure, without doing the compulsions, my mind would run away, and I'd think I'd be going to hell or something.. and I wouldn't know for sure until I died.

What exactly is the experience like?

I would like to preface this response by asking somebody in this group who has been guided through exposure therapy by an expert to share what they are comfortable sharing about this experience.

I had the exact same fears that my mind would run away, never come back, agree with the thoughts and so on. I think this fear (of becoming one's thoughts) is really what this therapy addresses. You turn around, run into the dark cloud that chases you and eventually, relying totally on God's sovereignty (the distinctive advantage of Christian psychology in my opinion - even though I agree with those who have said non-Christian psychologists can be effective if they are experts in ocd) face your fears.

I know we share the "thought-action fusion" mindset. Where your thoughts are just as important as your actions. Many of us likely came to this based on what Jesus said rightly about lust, that lust is adultery of the heart. The difference in this case, in my opinion, is that phobias are not desire. Lust, greed, and many other sins of desire are different (in my opinion) because they entice. Phobias are the anti-desire: we desire to avoid them so much that they begin to define the boundaries by which we live. With the power to dictate the response of the fear centers in our brains, the phobias have all the attention packed with an "adrenalized" punch.

Exposure therapy breaks that cycle by showing you that there is a "fear of fear" situation, that has been built up. It eventually takes the anxiety out of your thoughts, so that you can evaluate them and appropriately file them in the cerebral garbage container.

Now, I'm sort of a hack, so I just took it on (when I backed off my meds I had little choice, the thoughts were nearly incessant). It was difficult, but God has seen me through. A couple of intense exposure "sessions" made a huge difference. God showed me incredible mercy even when I thought I went too far.

The important things that helped me were the realization that God is for us, God is merciful, fear is not a fruit of the Spirit. Fear is the enemy. I've heard stories about armies winning battles only after they learned to fight like the enemy. God gave me incredible courage one morning to fight with guerrilla tactics. It was a surreal experience, literally scaring my fears away.

I by know means have mastered this, but I take peace as God gives it, and do what I can....fight the good fight and wait upon the Lord. God bless you, give you courage, and peace.

Merry Christmas!

 

[Boxers1]

Marcb...You are spot on with your description of exposure response prevention therapy. After hitting rock bottom with my OCD, I forced myself to engage in this. I followed the instructions recommended by my dr from 3 different books. A book called the OCD workbook, a book called The Doubting Disease and a book called Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts by Purdon. The information in these books was so convincing to me that I knew intellectually this was the only way to free myself from my horrible obsessions, especially about the unpardonable sin. You learn to confront the thoughts until your brain changes its reponse to them. In time, they don't freak you out anymore bc you know what it is. The exposure teaches you that it is only just a thought that you CAN tolerate. You CAN live with it. It doesn't mean you believe it. It doesn't mean you've lost God. It doesn't mean you don't believe the truth. It just means its a thought that you CAN tolerate without having a panic attack and believing you are going to hell b/c of it. I only picked one obsession at a time to confront during each "practice session." Although excruciating at first, over time, you do change. You begin to understand how they are just thoughts without meaning and you CAN tolerate it. It is only then that you stop noticing your thoughts so much. I am still in this process of working through this therapy. It did seem for me that once I would deal with one obsession through exposure, a new obsession would soon surface and then I would have to tackle that one through exposure. The positive thing, is that over time, even if a new obsession arises, since you have practiced the therapy so much with the other obsessions, it is so much easier to recognize the new obsessions as "just another one of those obsessions." Over time, you really just train your brain to stop listening to and reacting to your bizarre, OCD induced obsessions and you are free to just "Be." I'm still practicing, but I am better than before. I still battle daily confronting my illness and my thoughts and fears of salvation, but I don't know where I'd be without the help of exposure b/c the thoughts just don't stop and they don't go away. For me, I had to learn to live with them and this was the only way.
Boxers1

I would like to preface this response by asking somebody in this group who has been guided through exposure therapy by an expert to share what they are comfortable sharing about this experience.

I had the exact same fears that my mind would run away, never come back, agree with the thoughts and so on. I think this fear (of becoming one's thoughts) is really what this therapy addresses. You turn around, run into the dark cloud that chases you and eventually, relying totally on God's sovereignty (the distinctive advantage of Christian psychology in my opinion - even though I agree with those who have said non-Christian psychologists can be effective if they are experts in ocd) face your fears.

I know we share the "thought-action fusion" mindset. Where your thoughts are just as important as your actions. Many of us likely came to this based on what Jesus said rightly about lust, that lust is adultery of the heart. The difference in this case, in my opinion, is that phobias are not desire. Lust, greed, and many other sins of desire are different (in my opinion) because they entice. Phobias are the anti-desire: we desire to avoid them so much that they begin to define the boundaries by which we live. With the power to dictate the response of the fear centers in our brains, the phobias have all the attention packed with an "adrenalized" punch.

Exposure therapy breaks that cycle by showing you that there is a "fear of fear" situation, that has been built up. It eventually takes the anxiety out of your thoughts, so that you can evaluate them and appropriately file them in the cerebral garbage container.

Now, I'm sort of a hack, so I just took it on (when I backed off my meds I had little choice, the thoughts were nearly incessant). It was difficult, but God has seen me through. A couple of intense exposure "sessions" made a huge difference. God showed me incredible mercy even when I thought I went too far.

The important things that helped me were the realization that God is for us, God is merciful, fear is not a fruit of the Spirit. Fear is the enemy. I've heard stories about armies winning battles only after they learned to fight like the enemy. God gave me incredible courage one morning to fight with guerrilla tactics. It was a surreal experience, literally scaring my fears away.

I by know means have mastered this, but I take peace as God gives it, and do what I can....fight the good fight and wait upon the Lord. God bless you, give you courage, and peace.

Merry Christmas!

 

[marcb]

For me, I had to learn to live with them and this was the only way.
Boxers1

Thanks you, Boxers1. I've realized this too. We have to learn to live with this. Just like any other illness, there are ways to manage it. It ranges from exciting (almost manic) discovery, to painful regret. You know what though? It's my problem. Thankfully, there are others here in this forum for support.

It does get better with the therapy. Part of the healing process for me has resulted in a higher view of God. I am by and large powerless over whether the thoughts will be there. The only thing I can control at this point is the duration of the response. For me, this is when it reaches the spiritual component: handing it to God as our all-knowing, all-powerful judge. My goal and prayer is that we can hand the keys to God sooner each time. I cannont "undo," I can simply surrender to the Lord's mercy. What an upgrade!!!!

 

[seajoy]

Thanks you, Boxers1. I've realized this too. We have to learn to live with this. Just like any other illness, there are ways to manage it. It ranges from exciting (almost manic) discovery, to painful regret. You know what though? It's my problem. Thankfully, there are others here in this forum for support.

It does get better with the therapy. Part of the healing process for me has resulted in a higher view of God. I am by and large powerless over whether the thoughts will be there. The only thing I can control at this point is the duration of the response. For me, this is when it reaches the spiritual component: handing it to God as our all-knowing, all-powerful judge. My goal and prayer is that we can hand the keys to God sooner each time. I cannont "undo," I can simply surrender to the Lord's mercy. What an upgrade!!!!

beautiful post

 

[Boxers1]

Absolutely marcb...its not about making the thoughts go away b/c they won't, its about how you respond to them until they don't scare you anymore. The best thing to do every single time is "so what" b/c its not what you believe. I'm still practicing and I won't stop.

Have a blessed Christmas.
Boxers1

Thanks you, Boxers1. I've realized this too. We have to learn to live with this. Just like any other illness, there are ways to manage it. It ranges from exciting (almost manic) discovery, to painful regret. You know what though? It's my problem. Thankfully, there are others here in this forum for support.

It does get better with the therapy. Part of the healing process for me has resulted in a higher view of God. I am by and large powerless over whether the thoughts will be there. The only thing I can control at this point is the duration of the response. For me, this is when it reaches the spiritual component: handing it to God as our all-knowing, all-powerful judge. My goal and prayer is that we can hand the keys to God sooner each time. I cannont "undo," I can simply surrender to the Lord's mercy. What an upgrade!!!!

 

[QUannie]

Boxers1 said; "Absolutely marcb...its not about making the thoughts go away b/c they won't, its about how you respond to them until they don't scare you anymore. The best thing to do every single time is "so what" b/c its not what you believe. I'm still practicing and I won't stop."

Oh, please pray that I will do and be like this and remember this when the OCD thought comes!!

Q

p.s. i did not know how to quote Boxers1 so I coppied and pasted it....

 

[IfHEis4me]

Hugs! I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really can relate. But you know what? I don't think God would hold a young girl with OCD responsible. I really think God loves you and His promises are in His word and thats what you need to stand on. Don't worry about OCD thoughts. I've done the same thing. When I was around 16 I promised myself I would never do "such and such" again and prayed for God to help me. I wasn't able to keep those things. But God is bigger than that. He loves you no matter what. He knows its your ocd that is tormenting you.

 

[gracealone]

Okay. so first, I have been struggling with the thought that shouldn't Jesus be enough for my healing? Isn't His grace sufficient for me and made perfect in my weakness? This is what i have been researching lately.

To answer your question, gracealone, the psychologist I see is a cognitive behavioral. I think I remember her saying that she doesn’t practice exposure response because she didn’t think it was right to expose someone to something they are so afraid of.
Also, I am hesitant to take that therapy even though it’s very helpful because, doesn’t it tell you to accept your thoughts? I don’t think I can do that! Thank you for replying, especially having been in my situation before!

Also, thank you ruukasu for the verses!

HI Tropic,
Just a little added info. about exposure/repsonse. It has helped me to realize that this type of therapy is the most effective for all types of anxiety disorders. For social anxiety one must learn to expose themselves to social situations and let their brain get used to it. With Panic Attacks one must allow the attack to just be there (exposure) without fighting it - to just let it come and go without freaking out (response). With Agoraphobia, one must begin to gradually expose themselves to the outside world in order to habituate the brain to it and allow the feelings of anxiety to just be there (response). With specific phobia's like, fear of flying or driving, one must begin to do these things gradually,(exposure), in order to, once again, habituate the brain to them. Same thing with OCD, we allow the thoughts to be there, or we bring them on or encourage them, (exposure) without doing the mental/ compulsive solving activities.(response) WE do this gradually over time in order to desensitize the brain to them. This can be compared to what a Dr. would do to to help you with an allergy. They introduce the allergen, little by little increasing the amount of exposure over time until the body get's used to it and stops kicking up an autoimmune response. In OCD the "autoimmune" response is the inappropriate response to the thought in our fight or flight center and the only way to get our brain used to the thoughts is to just let them be there without giving them attention. It's not easy - but for me this has been extremely helpful. I have over 30 years of thought habituation - so I really am rather used to a lot of my OCD thoughts. But if I'm under a lot of stress I can have a relapse of flare - but at least now I know what to do.
Maybe you and your Dr. could explore this type of therapy together since so far it seems that traditional cognitive behavior therapy hasn't been helping you.
Great advice given by MarcB on exposure/response too.
He's helped me a lot with his thoughful and wise counsel. He genuinely cares.
Praying for you,
Mitzi