I'm really in-love with my girlfriend, and she recently said that since I don't practice a religion (i do believe in god) , we shouldn't be together because we would be unequally yolked.... I will be honest, i do not know much about christianity, I was never much of a religious person...We were in-love very much before the subject of religion was brought up. My girl is a very strict-christian girl, and I RESPECT everything she believes in, and I'm trying to learn more about it because I really can't lose this girl, she means everything to me.... She says "It will displease God and her parents." Her parents do not allow her to date or marry a non-christian... I'm really in a bad situation right now, and I need some advice on what to do... Will God really be displeased with her if she dated and married me... I would think that God would want her to be happy, and if she is with me I guarantee happiness for the both of us.... HELP
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Please Help Me
- Thread starter reasonabldoubt22
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TheArtOfBreaking
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reasonabldoubt22 said:
Aww well hey there! Ya no kidding you are going thru a tough time with your girlfriend. I've never been inlove before so I dont know if anything I say would be helpful to you, but sure I can try. Maybe you should go to church with her sometimes and find out more about Christianity, maybe even do some studies on it. She may feel this way about you now, but if you try and put some interest in her religon, maybe she'll consider about you guys staying together. And if you dont mind me asking...what brought up religon in the first place...why is it suddenly affecting her now? Bc has she always been feeling this way? Or just now...And no no, its not displeasing God. What displeases him is if you turn away from him, but its okay to not have a certain religon. If it bothers her so much you might consider something...it just depends on your attitude towards this whole thing. You can either step up, or sit back. And I know, God wants you to be happy. Its just tough trying to do everything that pleases people. But dont let that get to you, if you truely LOVE her then you'll start looking more into Christianity, if not then lifes just gonna pass you and who knows what happens next. I wish the best for you my friend, you'll be in my prayers. Feel free to PM me if you need anything. Hope I was some help to you. Take care!
Much love,
Del
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Hi, Try not to take it personally. A Christian is not supposed to marry a non Christian. But like the other poster suggested why don't you go to church with her? That would be a great idea. Have you heard the gospel; that we are all sinners, and that Jesus died for our sins and was resurrected and that those who believe in him are saved?reasonabldoubt22 said:
I just didn't know if you've heard that before from her or not.
The saying is every date is a potential mate, which explains why her parents wouldn't let you date.
God is the one who tells us not to be unequally yoked - so it's in the bible and it's very important.
I wish I could help you more, cause I see how much you are struggling here. I think going to church would be a great idea, or going to a bible study with her, or even alone to see what Christianity is all about.
God bless you in your walk, Tapero
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AllTalkNoAction
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Actually, she hasn't practiced christianity because "yoked" isn't just the formal marriage certificate, it is the relationship bond which she has made, now realising that she should *first* made sure you were in the faith !reasonabldoubt22 said:
I can't tell you what she believes in, you will have to ask her, but if u PM me I'll happily tell you I used to believe in God like you, but still didn't have the Life of God dwelling in me, as I do now !
This situation could be the catalyst to make you sek God, and find !
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Is it impossible for you to believe her faith? Maybe if you study it and decide for yourself if it is good or not, you could both be Christians be be happy together 
But! I warn you, dont force Christianity on yourself. Dont go forth to it just because you want to have a relationship with her. Religion should never be used for any purposes other than to live by morals and believe in. It would just end with sadness for everyone v.v
But if you see what her religion is about and find that you cannot accept it as the truth, you guys will all need to talk about it i guess... Talking helps alot with understanding each other. And i bet if you showed her parents and her that you really try to understand and learn about thier religion, they will be grateful for it ^.^
But! I warn you, dont force Christianity on yourself. Dont go forth to it just because you want to have a relationship with her. Religion should never be used for any purposes other than to live by morals and believe in. It would just end with sadness for everyone v.v
But if you see what her religion is about and find that you cannot accept it as the truth, you guys will all need to talk about it i guess... Talking helps alot with understanding each other. And i bet if you showed her parents and her that you really try to understand and learn about thier religion, they will be grateful for it ^.^
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First of all i'd like to say i'm sorry some people have lied to you, but im not going to get into that. Please read the following scripture and bring it to your girlfriend's attention too. Your situation is no reason for 2 people not to be together. God does not want to interfere with true love, he promotes it. Tell your girlfriend that it's possible God may be using her to set the Christian example for her.
1 Corinthians
7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
7:17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.
1 Corinthians
7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
7:17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.
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GodHelpUs said:
I think in many of those cases, the relationship was formed before their conversion to Christianity.
The main issue with having a significant relationship with someone who believes differently, is that you have different priorities and goals which can often cause a problem. Ie, say you got married and had kids, on the weekend, do you take them to football practice or does she take them to church. Its trying to preserce happiness and unity within the relationship.
By all means, investigate her beliefs and take an interest in her faith, but ultimately the decision has to be yours, and it needs to be a faith based on more than keeping her. Don't believe, just because she does.
Good luck, I'll be praying for you!
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AllTalkNoAction
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This is written of people that are *already married* when one becomes a christian.GodHelpUs said:
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Does anyone else have any verses from the bible that could help me outAllTalkNoAction said:
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Tweetjaws1
Senior Member
there is this verse that says somethin about a time and place for everything. I'm to lazy to find it now tough. hey God already has's u'r situation worked out all you have to do is leave it at rest in god's hand. I 'm not sayign that the devil is not going to try to get at u cause he treis but can never succed unless u let him.
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A marriage between a believer and an unbeliever brings heartache into the believer's life. You're not standing on the same foundation. She would be a FOOL to marry an unbeliever.
However there is no reason why you can't become a believer. Have someone tell you the Gospel. They make little booklets that walk you through the basic information.
If you decide you don't want to become a Christian, if you really love her... if you really have her best interests at heart, you won't marry her.
However there is no reason why you can't become a believer. Have someone tell you the Gospel. They make little booklets that walk you through the basic information.
If you decide you don't want to become a Christian, if you really love her... if you really have her best interests at heart, you won't marry her.
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AllTalkNoAction
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kayd1966
Don't just listen to the Word...Do what it says.
I was a Christian before I got married to a non-christian. Whatever term you want to use...unequally yoked or what ever...it doesn't matter. The fact is: I disobeyed God. I was wrong to step out and take things into my own hands. God has my best interests in mind and I thought I knew better.
Is very clear that we are not to be unequally yoked, however it does not say the word "married, marriage, wife, husband," etc. My personal belief is that marriage in included in this passage, as are business partnerships, etc.
I notice that 1st Corinthians 7 has been quoted, however, it would be wise to read the whole chapter. These verses were written to married couple, where one spouse accepted Jesus. If you read to the end of the chapter, Paul speaks to widows verses 39 and 40. There, he is clear that if a believing widow wants to get married, she is free to marry whoever she wants to, AS LONG AS HE BELONGS TO THE LORD. Why would this commandment be given to widows?...because they are free of the marriage to an unbeliever, so they are being instructed on what facts need to be taken into consideration for their next marriage.
As believers, we are commanded to separate ourselves from these types of relationships. I don't believe that Paul thought we were dumb, we all know that one of the closest relationships in our lives on this earth, is the marriage relationship...why would we even consider marrying an unbeliever?
You girlfriend is being convicted by the Holy Spirit right now, she is trying to listen and obey God. I will be praying for her as she goes through this struggle.
I will pray for you too. You say that you respect her beliefs...respect includes allowing her to obey what she believes. If she was a vegeterian and you respected her beliefs, would you tempt her with a steak? Would you beg her to eat that steak? or would you show your respect by taking the steak away from her. If she were about to take a bite and you knew she would regret it later...would you encourage her to take the bite anyways or would you show your love and support for her by removing it and reminding her that she will regret it later, so she can count on your strength right now.
You sound like an honorable man, I hope this has been a bit of help.
Lastly, reasonabldoubt22, I will be praying that this time searching the Bible out of repect for your girlfriend, will be a profitable time for you. I will be praying that the Holy Spirit will move mightly in both of your lives...specifically in revealing God'd incredible plan of salvation to you. A life lived for Christ is the most incredible life. There is absolutely nothing else like it here on earth.
PM me if you need more information, I have to run right now and start supper but will check later.
Take care & God Bless
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 NIV said:
Is very clear that we are not to be unequally yoked, however it does not say the word "married, marriage, wife, husband," etc. My personal belief is that marriage in included in this passage, as are business partnerships, etc.
1 Corinthians 7:39-40NIV said:
I notice that 1st Corinthians 7 has been quoted, however, it would be wise to read the whole chapter. These verses were written to married couple, where one spouse accepted Jesus. If you read to the end of the chapter, Paul speaks to widows verses 39 and 40. There, he is clear that if a believing widow wants to get married, she is free to marry whoever she wants to, AS LONG AS HE BELONGS TO THE LORD. Why would this commandment be given to widows?...because they are free of the marriage to an unbeliever, so they are being instructed on what facts need to be taken into consideration for their next marriage.
As believers, we are commanded to separate ourselves from these types of relationships. I don't believe that Paul thought we were dumb, we all know that one of the closest relationships in our lives on this earth, is the marriage relationship...why would we even consider marrying an unbeliever?
You girlfriend is being convicted by the Holy Spirit right now, she is trying to listen and obey God. I will be praying for her as she goes through this struggle.
I will pray for you too. You say that you respect her beliefs...respect includes allowing her to obey what she believes. If she was a vegeterian and you respected her beliefs, would you tempt her with a steak? Would you beg her to eat that steak? or would you show your respect by taking the steak away from her. If she were about to take a bite and you knew she would regret it later...would you encourage her to take the bite anyways or would you show your love and support for her by removing it and reminding her that she will regret it later, so she can count on your strength right now.
You sound like an honorable man, I hope this has been a bit of help.
Lastly, reasonabldoubt22, I will be praying that this time searching the Bible out of repect for your girlfriend, will be a profitable time for you. I will be praying that the Holy Spirit will move mightly in both of your lives...specifically in revealing God'd incredible plan of salvation to you. A life lived for Christ is the most incredible life. There is absolutely nothing else like it here on earth.
PM me if you need more information, I have to run right now and start supper but will check later.
Take care & God Bless
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W
WashedClean
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I really can't add much more to what Kay said, but she is right on target!
I have to disagree with GodHelpUs, those passages were definitely written for couples already married. God is trying to protect his children from heartache and he knows that if your girlfriend marries you, she can be drawn away from Him and her relationship with Him will suffer. It's also very painful because you can't share your deepest relationship (with Christ) with the person you love most on earth.
I will pray that your girlfriend will be strong in the Lord, but also that you will want to seek your own relationship with God. You shouldn't do it for your girlfriend, but because you want a relationship with God through Christ.
God bless you,
Jill/WashedClean
I have to disagree with GodHelpUs, those passages were definitely written for couples already married. God is trying to protect his children from heartache and he knows that if your girlfriend marries you, she can be drawn away from Him and her relationship with Him will suffer. It's also very painful because you can't share your deepest relationship (with Christ) with the person you love most on earth.
I will pray that your girlfriend will be strong in the Lord, but also that you will want to seek your own relationship with God. You shouldn't do it for your girlfriend, but because you want a relationship with God through Christ.
God bless you,
Jill/WashedClean
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AbidingInHim
Senior Veteran
GodHelpUs said:
Yes the Bible says that about those who are already married, it is very pertinent to me because I was saved after marriage, likewise if sombody was wayward and entered into a covennt of marraige with a non-believer they are bond by this to stay in the marriage, however this is not a marriage they are dating and he has desires for marraige but ntil they make that covenant this is not scripture that is applicable
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AbidingInHim
Senior Veteran
HI, sorry for repeating what everybody else already clarified.
If you truely love her and respect her beliefs.....then research what she believes. You say you believe in God. What are the differences in what you believe and what she believes. I can give you scripture about being unequally yoked but I think you need to figure out why you don't believe the same and search out what you believe is truth for yourself.....you might find a relationship with God that is better then any relationship you can have with loved ones. I would like to caution you not to make any false confessions of faith. We are called to be discerning and even though only God knows your heart we are told we will know each other (other In Christ) by thier fruit. We become a new creature in Christ and there are almost immediate evidences of that new Creation. Especially the peace. I would like to direct you to a couple of websites.....
drdino.com
and answersingenesis.org
I would read some of these websites and discern for yourself what is truth and what you've learned from the worlds beliefs that is preventing you from believing as she does.....
If you truely love her and respect her beliefs.....then research what she believes. You say you believe in God. What are the differences in what you believe and what she believes. I can give you scripture about being unequally yoked but I think you need to figure out why you don't believe the same and search out what you believe is truth for yourself.....you might find a relationship with God that is better then any relationship you can have with loved ones. I would like to caution you not to make any false confessions of faith. We are called to be discerning and even though only God knows your heart we are told we will know each other (other In Christ) by thier fruit. We become a new creature in Christ and there are almost immediate evidences of that new Creation. Especially the peace. I would like to direct you to a couple of websites.....
drdino.com
and answersingenesis.org
I would read some of these websites and discern for yourself what is truth and what you've learned from the worlds beliefs that is preventing you from believing as she does.....
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free4all
Senior Veteran
Hi Reasonabldoubt22,
You've received some very good advice here, and you've received some very bad advice.
Have you thought about checking out Christianity for yourself? What do you have to lose? If you choose not to accept it after a thorough search, you will at least better understand your g/f and any other Christians you may meet.
Have you thought about going to church? Keep in mind that if you don't like the first church you attend, there are many more. Churches differ greatly, so don't reject all churches if you find a few that don't appeal to you.
Have you read the Bible, from front to back? I'm not trying to embarrass you. My point is this: would you take a vacation based on someone else's interpretation of the travel brochure, not having read it yourself? Then why would you entrust your spiritual destiny to someone else's interpretation of the Bible, when you haven't read it yourself? You can find many easy-to-read versions. If you don't have one, why not pick one up somewhere?
I'm glad you are looking into this issue. If you marry someone who follows Christ but you don't, you will disagree on many, many things. It will not be as pleasant as you think. There is an entire forum on CF for those who find themselves married to unbelievers. This can bring about great suffering for the believer, and intense disagreement for both. It does not appear that way to you now, but things will change. I do not mean to be harsh, but you are unable to guarantee her happiness. As much as you desire to, it doesn't work that way.
An unbeliever and a believer will have different priorities and goals, as was stated. What are you going to think when she wants to give money to the church? Will that be okay with you? For the rest of your life? How will you feel when she wants to raise your children to believe as she does? Will you mind if they go to church every Sunday? What if she wants to go every Wednesday, and to special events, and take the children to Vacation Bible School every year? She may want to pray before every meal. Will you be okay with that? She will also want you to go to church with her. Are you willing? For the rest of your life? Do you really have her best interests at heart? She will want a husband who prays with her, attends church with the family, leads the family in devotions. You will have untold disagreements over issues you cannot imagine now.
On the other hand, if you accept Christianity only to be with someone, you haven't really accepted Christianity.
John 3:16
John 10:10
Romans 3:23
Romans 5:8
Romans 6:23
Romans 10:9-10
Ephesians 2:8-9
The result of those who "accept Christ" in order to please someone else, or to get married to them:
Matthew 7:21-23 (Note that these people worked in Christian ministry, yet did not KNOW Christ. We need to know Him on a personal level.)
Revelation 3:15-16
Those who choose not to accept Christ:
Matthew 25:31-46
Revelation 20:11-15
The condition of your soul is more important than who you marry, although that is important also. More than anything else, I pray you find a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Only then will you begin to find true answers in life.
You've received some very good advice here, and you've received some very bad advice.
Have you thought about checking out Christianity for yourself? What do you have to lose? If you choose not to accept it after a thorough search, you will at least better understand your g/f and any other Christians you may meet.
Have you thought about going to church? Keep in mind that if you don't like the first church you attend, there are many more. Churches differ greatly, so don't reject all churches if you find a few that don't appeal to you.
Have you read the Bible, from front to back? I'm not trying to embarrass you. My point is this: would you take a vacation based on someone else's interpretation of the travel brochure, not having read it yourself? Then why would you entrust your spiritual destiny to someone else's interpretation of the Bible, when you haven't read it yourself? You can find many easy-to-read versions. If you don't have one, why not pick one up somewhere?
I'm glad you are looking into this issue. If you marry someone who follows Christ but you don't, you will disagree on many, many things. It will not be as pleasant as you think. There is an entire forum on CF for those who find themselves married to unbelievers. This can bring about great suffering for the believer, and intense disagreement for both. It does not appear that way to you now, but things will change. I do not mean to be harsh, but you are unable to guarantee her happiness. As much as you desire to, it doesn't work that way.
An unbeliever and a believer will have different priorities and goals, as was stated. What are you going to think when she wants to give money to the church? Will that be okay with you? For the rest of your life? How will you feel when she wants to raise your children to believe as she does? Will you mind if they go to church every Sunday? What if she wants to go every Wednesday, and to special events, and take the children to Vacation Bible School every year? She may want to pray before every meal. Will you be okay with that? She will also want you to go to church with her. Are you willing? For the rest of your life? Do you really have her best interests at heart? She will want a husband who prays with her, attends church with the family, leads the family in devotions. You will have untold disagreements over issues you cannot imagine now.
On the other hand, if you accept Christianity only to be with someone, you haven't really accepted Christianity.
God's love for you and His plan of salvation:reasonabldoubt22 said:
John 3:16
John 10:10
Romans 3:23
Romans 5:8
Romans 6:23
Romans 10:9-10
Ephesians 2:8-9
The result of those who "accept Christ" in order to please someone else, or to get married to them:
Matthew 7:21-23 (Note that these people worked in Christian ministry, yet did not KNOW Christ. We need to know Him on a personal level.)
Revelation 3:15-16
Those who choose not to accept Christ:
Matthew 25:31-46
Revelation 20:11-15
The condition of your soul is more important than who you marry, although that is important also. More than anything else, I pray you find a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Only then will you begin to find true answers in life.
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Your original post made me think of something. Is she willing to walk you through the steps of adopting her faith? If not, she might be saying no for other reasons than the "unequally yoked" situation.
On the other hand, she might be seeing that it won't work out years down the road. I don't remember anyone actually explaining what unequally yoked means(if someone did, sorry for repeating), so I will do that. When two animal were put to one task together, they were unified with a yoke. If one was strong(analogy to faith) and the other weak, the weak one would more than likely cause the other to stray from the right course, possibly causing irreparable harm in the process. Is it possible that those two could work together for the right purpose? Yes, but likelihood is not with them. I see that as being for all interdependent relationships, not just marriage. Human beings have a hard time working together. People who do not share the same essence have an even harder time. If this was what she had in mind, your girlfriend is just trying to look out for the both of you five...ten....twenty years down the line.
On the other hand, she might be seeing that it won't work out years down the road. I don't remember anyone actually explaining what unequally yoked means(if someone did, sorry for repeating), so I will do that. When two animal were put to one task together, they were unified with a yoke. If one was strong(analogy to faith) and the other weak, the weak one would more than likely cause the other to stray from the right course, possibly causing irreparable harm in the process. Is it possible that those two could work together for the right purpose? Yes, but likelihood is not with them. I see that as being for all interdependent relationships, not just marriage. Human beings have a hard time working together. People who do not share the same essence have an even harder time. If this was what she had in mind, your girlfriend is just trying to look out for the both of you five...ten....twenty years down the line.
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sbbqb7n16
Veteran - Blue Bible Dude
reasonabldoubt22 said:
More verses: yes
"Honor you father and your mother that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you."
Ex 20:12
"The foremost is, "Hear O Israel! The Lord our God is on Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength."
Mark 12:30
that can help you out: no.
Think long-term: the best things happen for you guys and you get married. Where is the ceremony held? What if her dad won't pay for the wedding? How do structure family prayer if you don't believe in the same God? How will deal with the issue of tithing? What will you do as a family on Sundays? What do you teach your children about God? How will your (plural) parents view the relationship? Will you enjoy seeing your inlaws that much, since she is close to her parents?
Sorry bud... it's just not in your (plural) best interest to be in a relationship with someone that does not share your beliefs.
Don't place all your hopes on this one girl. There are lots of women in the world. Several of them share your view point on life and religion. This one doesn't and appears to be firm in her conviction about it. Find someone else.
Or seriously evaluate becoming a Christian.
But do it for yourself and not for some girl.
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