please help. it feels like my life is falling apart.

[madera23]

In a way mandera23, even though the way you presented it was pretty cheap, you are right in a sense. Some of the suffering of a mental illness is in a persons control regardless of how much it affects them or allows it to. But mental health isn't just something that is non-contingent, mental illness is as real as cancer or a physical injury, it is a result of sin entering the world. Bipolar 2 is a serious disorder in which forgiving past hatreds doesn't just happen overnight, and prayer alone won't work. As a result he would need to find help (which we are doing of course, but we can only help so much on a forum site) to treat his condition. Fighting a mental illness on a daily basis is literally the feeling of fighting off a demon, that is bestowed in your mind, for years and years. OP definitely needs a loving community, I would love the same thing myself. In today's world, our immediate coping resources are limited now that everything mankind does is backwards, but with god all things are possible, and OP will find what he is looking for and will find the right people he needs in his life. But that alone as well won't help treat it. In the end, with support, prayer, and treatment, all these together should do the job.

Call what I said was the truth, call It cheap if you like, still the truth.

 

[madera23]

Thats funny, I only prescribed God.

 

[Pedrito]

The responses from looking4joy and KimT were reasoned and sound. At least one other gave responses much like I expect your former church did.

I would float a few thoughts.

God does not hate you. He is not punishing you.

Also, it may not be that God is saying no to your getting a job. I suggest you spread your net a bit wider and try to get a job that you would normally not consider. (Unless you have been trying that; if so just keep going.) Look on the web (if you have access) or in a library for hints on how to present yourself when job hunting.

I understand how strong the barrier to Bible reading and prayer can be when one has been treated atrociously by people who claim to be lovers and followers of the Great and Loving God, and by those claiming to represent Him. I have been there. It can be hard to disassociate those people from God, when they had appeared so closely bound together before. Bible reading and prayer symbolise the hypocritical environment you were forced to leave. The association can take a long time to fade. But it will happen. Although some of the hurt may always remain.

I would suggest you try to find one person who can and will take the time to be your friend and supporter. It only takes one. Just maybe there is such a person in your former church (possibly not recognised yet – can you think of anyone?). If not, drop in casually on a few churches to see if you click with someone. Maybe someone who looks like they don't belong in the established cliques. You never know.

I know from experience that God loves you, but that it can seem otherwise in circumstances such as yours, and it can seem that way for a long time.

I reiterate that it is not God that hurt you, but (normal?) hypocritical churchgoers who (unfortunately and consistently) turn on people who don't “fit in”.

If all else fails, you might try to find a non-church support group. If you do, please do not extinguish the tiny flickering flame of faith that I know is hiding deep within you – hiding because it fears being quenched if discovered at this point in time.

When the time is finally right, search for that tiniest of flames and nurture it back to health.

For now, your priority is survival. I managed to survive. With 20-20 hindsight I can say that it was God in the background that pulled me through. I wish you well.