- Jul 31, 2019
- 51
- 48
- 26
- Country
- Netherlands
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian Seeker
- Marital Status
- Single
Hello everyone, I’m coming here after a while of not having been here because it triggered my thoughts, I am here because I feel like I’m slipping into anxiety again. If you read my messages before you know I really struggle with the fear that I committed the unpardonable sin, and that I feel that I should stop contact or stop consuming media of people who say said something blasphemous against the Holy Spirit, because I feel that I am not respecting God if I stay involved in things that disrespect him and that if I stay involved with people who do that I would commit the unpardonable sin myself by choosing to stay with them or choosing to keep consuming that specific media. If its a show, musician, podcast, person etc, I block them and steer away from it.
Yesterday you see my dear younger sister (16yo), who is my best friend, who I spend most of my time with and me were talking and she was joking about making a vow for her supermarket job and I’m not completely sure and, I didn't see it well and I don’t think she did it right but I think she did the sign of the cross. I am pretty sure she doesn’t know what it means and she isn’t malicious against Christianity, she’s currently very conflicted about her beliefs. This has happened a few times now in other situations with other people, that I’ve seen the sign of the cross be used in that way that is disrespectful or that people use it as a joke and I fear doing that is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. But of course she is my dear sister, my closest friend, I don’t think that I can stop contact with her, we are planning our lives together, we want to live together after she finishes school, I wouldn’t even know how to begin such a thing, just thinking about it makes me want throw up. But I keep having these verses in my head that you are supposed to choose God over family. I have started therapy and exposure therapy for my ocd but I am scared to talk to my therapist about these things.
I know this doesn’t make much sense, I know that the unpardonable sin is something that cant be done on accident because I think my Sister really has no idea what the sign of the cross means, I think she just saw others doing it. I also have a faint memory of myself doing it many years ago and not knowing what it truly meant. But I cant shake the fearfulness and uncertainty, I’m so scared of doing the wrong with and making 1 wrong decision, for example not ending contact with someone I should’ve ended contact with and then being doomed forever.
Luna
Yesterday you see my dear younger sister (16yo), who is my best friend, who I spend most of my time with and me were talking and she was joking about making a vow for her supermarket job and I’m not completely sure and, I didn't see it well and I don’t think she did it right but I think she did the sign of the cross. I am pretty sure she doesn’t know what it means and she isn’t malicious against Christianity, she’s currently very conflicted about her beliefs. This has happened a few times now in other situations with other people, that I’ve seen the sign of the cross be used in that way that is disrespectful or that people use it as a joke and I fear doing that is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. But of course she is my dear sister, my closest friend, I don’t think that I can stop contact with her, we are planning our lives together, we want to live together after she finishes school, I wouldn’t even know how to begin such a thing, just thinking about it makes me want throw up. But I keep having these verses in my head that you are supposed to choose God over family. I have started therapy and exposure therapy for my ocd but I am scared to talk to my therapist about these things.
I know this doesn’t make much sense, I know that the unpardonable sin is something that cant be done on accident because I think my Sister really has no idea what the sign of the cross means, I think she just saw others doing it. I also have a faint memory of myself doing it many years ago and not knowing what it truly meant. But I cant shake the fearfulness and uncertainty, I’m so scared of doing the wrong with and making 1 wrong decision, for example not ending contact with someone I should’ve ended contact with and then being doomed forever.
Luna
