There is someone in my church that tends to have a very dominating personality; always acts like they are in charge, talks down to people etc.. I'm beginning to lose my patience with this person and not sure how to deal with it. This person is my brother in Christ, but is admittedly difficult to be around at times. Any biblical advice? I don't think confronting would work very well.
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can you give any examples of how he is or what he's said?
if he's making decisions and acting on them without the consent of others' opinions, try and find support and then ensure that he understands where you're all coming from. repeat your concerns are necessary. don't lose sight of your point as you may need to re-frame your position until he gets what you're saying. bossy people are usually stuck in thier own ways.
Matthew 18:16
Good luck, God bless!
if he's making decisions and acting on them without the consent of others' opinions, try and find support and then ensure that he understands where you're all coming from. repeat your concerns are necessary. don't lose sight of your point as you may need to re-frame your position until he gets what you're saying. bossy people are usually stuck in thier own ways.
Matthew 18:16
Good luck, God bless!
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I don't want to be to specific in case the other person ever reads this forum (though I doubt that would happen), but dominates group discussions, gives advice that is not always exactly biblical, is a showboat in always mentioning their achievements, verbally corrects children in front of their parents before the parent even has a chance to do the correction themselves. This is not a bad person, and I don't think that this is intentional behavior. It's just really frustrating.
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- Jul 10, 2016
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Pray for him in earnest.
Find a relevant bible quote and find a subtle way to bring it into a group conversation without even looking at him. Leave the Holy Spirit to do the work to convict him.
Pray for even more patience, peace and practice loving him extra until you can overlook his faults. He isn't responsible for how u feel over the way he is.
Hope these are useful.
God bless.
Find a relevant bible quote and find a subtle way to bring it into a group conversation without even looking at him. Leave the Holy Spirit to do the work to convict him.
Pray for even more patience, peace and practice loving him extra until you can overlook his faults. He isn't responsible for how u feel over the way he is.
Hope these are useful.
God bless.
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Thank you Sam91. I am admittedly uncomfortable with confrontation unless I'm prepared to get angry and argumentative, and this is certainly not one of those situations. Creating a narrative in their presence where the Holy Spirit can work is a good idea.
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You're welcome. I do hope you find a way through.
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Traveling teacher
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Pray for him.......
Also if he is a group leader he has somewhat of a leadership position and has to be respected as a teacher!!!
Sometimes these guys that are a little authoritarian are some of the most committed christians and you can learn a lot from them as they are serious about the word and the work of God.....
Remeber we are all in a lifelong journey....
Grace and peaces on this
Also if he is a group leader he has somewhat of a leadership position and has to be respected as a teacher!!!
Sometimes these guys that are a little authoritarian are some of the most committed christians and you can learn a lot from them as they are serious about the word and the work of God.....
Remeber we are all in a lifelong journey....
Grace and peaces on this
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Not a teacher or group leader but aspires to be, and acts as the self appointed group leader.
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There's a chance they don't realize they're coming off that way, if he's the kind that always comes up with what "we" should do, say to him "your idea, you do it" .. Talk to the preacher, if he agrees with you, ask the preacher next time to tell him " OK, you're in charge to do you're idea " .. Biblically if you have something against him you should tell him if it's important to you . Matthew 18:15-16
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I understand the biblical confrontation method but I just don't think that this person will be receptive to criticism. Many others feel the same way as I do though perhaps the Matthew 18 approach is going to have to be implemented, appreciate the advice.
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Then don't confront him directly.
Not sure if this happens, but the next time he gets out of hand to another in your presence, take up for them with something not so obvious that he is sure you are throwing his asininedness back in his face, but just be nicer, more helpful than him..
Or cuss him out anonymously.
Not sure if this happens, but the next time he gets out of hand to another in your presence, take up for them with something not so obvious that he is sure you are throwing his asininedness back in his face, but just be nicer, more helpful than him..
Or cuss him out anonymously.
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ValleyGal
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This sounds more like a personality conflict than a sin that needs to be brought to his (or the pastor's) attention. Instead of seeking ways to make him change, you might want to change how you respond to him. If he gives advice that is not biblical, you could ask him if he knows of any scripture to support his advice. And if he is dominating group discussions, you could facilitate the discussion by validating that he has a lot of good input, but you would love to hear what others have to say as well, and since you are on a time constraint, you do not have time to hear everything from everyone.
If he is aspiring to be a group leader, this could be a problem. A group leader is not a teacher. They typically have no more knowledge or education than those in the group; therefore, a group leader is a facilitator and a servant - not a person in a position of power. Since he aspires to be a group leader, you might want to have a chat with your pastor who is in charge of small groups, and let them know your thoughts. They may assure you that group leaders are trained in facilitation. If not, you might want to suggest it.
If he is aspiring to be a group leader, this could be a problem. A group leader is not a teacher. They typically have no more knowledge or education than those in the group; therefore, a group leader is a facilitator and a servant - not a person in a position of power. Since he aspires to be a group leader, you might want to have a chat with your pastor who is in charge of small groups, and let them know your thoughts. They may assure you that group leaders are trained in facilitation. If not, you might want to suggest it.
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Sketcher
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If he's giving unbiblical advice, acknowledge any good in it but challenge it with a 100% airtight Biblical case, respectfully and preferably, casually. Always be more relaxed than he is. Be sure of proper boundaries when you do speak up. If he's being pushy to everybody, be the rock that he can't move. Let your reputation for loving people, staying close to the truth, and good deeds be your defense if he tries to sabotage you. Don't give him or the real enemy anything to work with.
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Kit Sigmon
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Where we go to church, we're to gather evidence/witnesses and discuss the
matter privately with preacher or his associate...then they handle the matter.
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Traveling teacher
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Agreed
You can't confront personality
Just study the word and ask him with love to biblically clarify his position
You can't confront personality
Just study the word and ask him with love to biblically clarify his position
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ArmenianJohn
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First look to yourself to see what part of this is on you and not on him. Address that honestly with yourself. You may not like his driving personality but is it always wrong? Is it even ever wrong?
Look at the positives of his driver-type personality. Often these are the people who get things done. They frequently get people to do things, coordinate activities, prevent procrastination, and generally get things moving and done. There are positives to such people. I'm not one of them, but I can appreciate the positives they bring to the table.
After you've taken care of your end of it and addressed your own issues and also learned to appreciate the value this person brings, then address what's left - the bad part. Think of the best way that you can approach and handle those bad behaviors. Confrontation isn't the issue, per se - you can confront such people but it's all in how you confront them. Aggressive confrontation where you are not just addressing the issue but also threatening their need/desire for control/power is going to trigger a defensive reaction. You can confront these people in such a way that you allow them to have (or to believe they have) their control, their power, but that there is an issue which needs to be resolved. In fact, you can do it in a way that leverages their own control/power against themselves. If you can confront them in a way that's well-intentioned and not simply a cover for attacking their dominant personality you can gain their buy-in on the problem and then enable them to use their dominating behavior to reverse or fix the situation.
Several here have mentioned that this is probably a personality conflict more so than sinful behavior on his part, and they have also mentioned that you look to yourself. I agree with them. A lot of the problem isn't on his end but on your end and how you are receiving and handling his behavior. I'm not saying that to beat you up and I don't mean you're wrong or bad, but a lot of times the problem we have is exactly that - OUR problem, not the other person's. The hard part is to step back from the emotions involved and be rational and reasonable about it. You don't have to LIKE the person's domineering personality, you may never come around to like it. That's OK. But you owe to each person to be kind and loving, and part of that is to learn how to deal with them in a way that doesn't hurt them. You can identify and confront problems in ways that don't trigger another person to be defensive.
Above all, pray for help with each step you take - God will steer you right in these endeavors!
Hope that helps!
Look at the positives of his driver-type personality. Often these are the people who get things done. They frequently get people to do things, coordinate activities, prevent procrastination, and generally get things moving and done. There are positives to such people. I'm not one of them, but I can appreciate the positives they bring to the table.
After you've taken care of your end of it and addressed your own issues and also learned to appreciate the value this person brings, then address what's left - the bad part. Think of the best way that you can approach and handle those bad behaviors. Confrontation isn't the issue, per se - you can confront such people but it's all in how you confront them. Aggressive confrontation where you are not just addressing the issue but also threatening their need/desire for control/power is going to trigger a defensive reaction. You can confront these people in such a way that you allow them to have (or to believe they have) their control, their power, but that there is an issue which needs to be resolved. In fact, you can do it in a way that leverages their own control/power against themselves. If you can confront them in a way that's well-intentioned and not simply a cover for attacking their dominant personality you can gain their buy-in on the problem and then enable them to use their dominating behavior to reverse or fix the situation.
Several here have mentioned that this is probably a personality conflict more so than sinful behavior on his part, and they have also mentioned that you look to yourself. I agree with them. A lot of the problem isn't on his end but on your end and how you are receiving and handling his behavior. I'm not saying that to beat you up and I don't mean you're wrong or bad, but a lot of times the problem we have is exactly that - OUR problem, not the other person's. The hard part is to step back from the emotions involved and be rational and reasonable about it. You don't have to LIKE the person's domineering personality, you may never come around to like it. That's OK. But you owe to each person to be kind and loving, and part of that is to learn how to deal with them in a way that doesn't hurt them. You can identify and confront problems in ways that don't trigger another person to be defensive.
Above all, pray for help with each step you take - God will steer you right in these endeavors!
Hope that helps!
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