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Please Define Pedophile

platzapS

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A pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. Child molesters are people who sexually abuse children. Many pedophiles are law-abiding, and many molesters are just screwed-up people who exploit the trust and weakness of young children, and are not necessarily pedophiles.

I feel sorry for law-abiding pedophiles. They're attracted to a group that they can never legally or morally have sex with.
 
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Lisa0315

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A pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. Child molesters are people who sexually abuse children. Many pedophiles are law-abiding, and many molesters are just screwed-up people who exploit the trust and weakness of young children, and are not necessarily pedophiles.

I feel sorry for law-abiding pedophiles. They're attracted to a group that they can never legally or morally have sex with.

You feel sorry for them? Oh, boy. :doh:Why?

Lisa
 
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FaithLikeARock

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I feel sorry for them too. When they abide by the law, it can still be hard especially if word gets out that they do feel that attraction. Since people naturally associate pedophilia with child molestation, may pedophiles who don't seek out to actually have sex and know full well they can't, are still shunned by society, often parents may complain and so they're constantly under pressure with the law. Pedophilia is something developed and it can take serious counseling to find what caused it.
 
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Lisa0315

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I feel sorry for them too. When they abide by the law, it can still be hard especially if word gets out that they do feel that attraction. Since people naturally associate pedophilia with child molestation, may pedophiles who don't seek out to actually have sex and know full well they can't, are still shunned by society, often parents may complain and so they're constantly under pressure with the law. Pedophilia is something developed and it can take serious counseling to find what caused it.

How exactly does word get out if they do not tell anyone? I am sorry, but as a parent, yeah, I would have a problem with someone telling me, "He is a harmless pedophile. He is attracted to your child, but he won't actually molest them. Can he babysit sometime?" Err...NO!

Lisa
 
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platzapS

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You feel sorry for them? Oh, boy. :doh:Why?

Lisa
I explained why. I'm not talking about child molesters, those people are...um...jerks to say the least. I'm talking about people who are sexually attracted to children, and try as they might cannot be attracted to anyone else. Yet they have the moral sense and decency not to engage in sex with children, because they know it's wrong and exploitative. They'll just never find sexual contentment with a suitable partner.
 
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Polycarp_fan

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I explained why. I'm not talking about child molesters, those people are...um...jerks to say the least. I'm talking about people who are sexually attracted to children, and try as they might cannot be attracted to anyone else. Yet they have the moral sense and decency not to engage in sex with children, because they know it's wrong and exploitative. They'll just never find sexual contentment with a suitable partner.

Pedophiles have a sexual orientation. Plain and simple.
 
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Maxwell511

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I was going to post my definition but apparently Seánnie did it for me. Here's my definition:

My definition of pedophilia is a person who is sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. Child molestation does not necessarily mean pedophilia as the root cause of the molestation can sometimes be something other than sexual attraction to kids (i.e. wanting to cause a child pain). Pedophilia is more of a real sexual and emotional attraction to the child.

I do not use pedophilia to describe a person who is sexually attracted to post-pubescent children, simply because post-pubescent kids, while they may be emotionally immature, are sexually mature and physically broadcast that fact. Teen's bodies basically scream "I'm young, healthy and fertile" so it should not come as a surprise that people are sexually attracted to them.
 
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Maxwell511

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Yeah, it does vary state to state. Very true. Here in North Carolina, the boy's life would be ruined and he would have to register on the sex offender's list.

Lisa

We had much crazier laws until recently. A few years ago the age of consent for women was 17 while for men it was 16. So a 16 year old guy could have be arrested and put on the sex offenders register for having sex with his 16 year old girlfriend.

Technically a guys life could have been ruined because he "statutorily raped" an older woman.
 
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quatona

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How exactly does word get out if they do not tell anyone? I am sorry, but as a parent, yeah, I would have a problem with someone telling me, "He is a harmless pedophile. He is attracted to your child, but he won't actually molest them. Can he babysit sometime?" Err...NO!
Well, we are relying on the fact that people do not act upon their desires all the time. I´m not going to discuss where to draw the line beyond which that´s unreasonable.

However, if I had those fears you have, I still could summon up the compassion that allows me to feel sorry for them and regrets concerning the fact that I can´t help but act upon my negative prejudices.
 
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cantata

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I too feel very sorry for law-abiding paedophiles.

It must be incredibly difficult and painful to be only sexually attracted to people with whom you cannot possibly have a romantic relationship with.

But anyway, yeah, a paedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. By and large, these people deserve our sympathy.
 
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Lisa0315

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Pedophiles have a sexual orientation. Plain and simple.

I knew that someday pedophiles would be looked upon with sympathy.

So, you feel sorry for NAMBLA members, do you? Will you find it acceptable when society decides that as long as it is not violent and the child is consenting, then, it is a perfectly legitimate lifestyle choice.

Honest to God, sympathy for pedophiles makes me sick. Pedophila is not a sexual orientation, but a deviancy.

Lord have mercy on us all.
 
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cantata

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I knew that someday pedophiles would be looked upon with sympathy.

So, you feel sorry for NAMBLA members, do you? Will you find it acceptable when society decides that as long as it is not violent and the child is consenting, then, it is a perfectly legitimate lifestyle choice.

Honest to God, sympathy for pedophiles makes me sick. Pedophila is not a sexual orientation, but a deviancy.

Lord have mercy on us all.

Sympathising with a paedophile because they have a difficult and painful emotional life does not mean you have to condone sex with children. I would hazard a guess that most paedophiles never have sex with children. They are fully aware of what the consequences would be if they acted on their attraction, both for themselves and for the children, and for those reasons, they don't do it. But imagine how it must feel, never to be allowed to have relationships with the people you are sexually attracted to, never to be able to talk about your feelings, and to constantly see people like you being demonised and hated.

Imagine if you found yourself undeniably attracted to children, and not to adults in the slightest. Think what a lonely life you would have to lead in order to avoid harming anyone. Don't you think people who suffer that, and never harm any children, deserve our sympathy?

Sex with children is considered to be unacceptable because in most cases there will be coercion involved. But being attracted to children, and having sex with them, are two different things. People who are attracted to children but don't act on it deserve our sympathy, no doubt about it. It must be something that is extremely distressing to live with.
 
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Lisa0315

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Sympathising with a paedophile because they have a difficult and painful emotional life does not mean you have to condone sex with children. I would hazard a guess that most paedophiles never have sex with children. They are fully aware of what the consequences would be if they acted on their attraction, both for themselves and for the children, and for those reasons, they don't do it. But imagine how it must feel, never to be allowed to have relationships with the people you are sexually attracted to, never to be able to talk about your feelings, and to constantly see people like you being demonised and hated.

Imagine if you found yourself undeniably attracted to children, and not to adults in the slightest. Think what a lonely life you would have to lead in order to avoid harming anyone. Don't you think people who suffer that, and never harm any children, deserve our sympathy?

I think they need help. I don't think they deserve to have their deviancy re-classified as an orientation. That is a slippery slope to acceptance.

Let me say this...It might help you understand where I am coming from. My niece was molested when she was six years old. The boy was 19, and somewhat "slow", meaning he had a very low IQ. He was given a slap on the wrist and tons of sympathy. No one cared that he had the mental capacity to threaten my niece and the other little girls he molested.

I would like to see a case of a pedophile who has never acted upon the deviancy. If they say that they haven't they are lying. They may not ever touch a real live child, but it is likely they are using child porn to feed their deviancy. Someone, somewhere took advantage of a child.

I just do not believe that there are pedophiles who do not act upon their deviancy and I refuse to call it an orientation.

Lisa
 
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cantata

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I think they need help. I don't think they deserve to have their deviancy re-classified as an orientation. That is a slippery slope to acceptance.

But we're not talking about this here. We're talking precisely about the "needing help" part. Yes, they need help - and in order to provide the help they need, we need to treat them as human beings and remember that it must be incredibly difficult to cope with a problem like that.

Let me say this...It might help you understand where I am coming from. My niece was molested when she was six years old. The boy was 19, and somewhat "slow", meaning he had a very low IQ. He was given a slap on the wrist and tons of sympathy. No one cared that he had the mental capacity to threaten my niece and the other little girls he molested.

Yes, but that's someone who has actually acted on their desires. I can't comment on the appropriateness or otherwise of the way that he was treated. I am sorry that your niece suffered that. But I don't see what bearing that has on paedophiles who have never harmed a child.

I would like to see a case of a pedophile who has never acted upon the deviancy. If they say that they haven't they are lying. They may not ever touch a real live child, but it is likely they are using child porn to feed their deviancy. Someone, somewhere took advantage of a child.

I just do not believe that there are pedophiles who do not act upon their deviancy and I refuse to call it an orientation.

Well, I will ask you this: how do you know when someone's a paedophile? By what they do. Someone downloads child pornography - they're a paedophile. Someone molests a child - they might also be a paedophile. You only know of paedophiles who have done something wrong. Paedophiles who never act on their desires in any abusive way will probably never be discovered. I mean, it's not like they're going to talk about it, is it?

What makes you think that there aren't paedophiles who never act on their deviancy? How do you know? Do you ask everyone you meet if they're sexually attracted to children? Do you think they would tell you if they were? The fact is that the disgust that most people express not only (quite legitimately) at the sexual abuse of children and the production and use of child pornography, but also (less legitimately) at unconsummated sexual attraction to children, causes people to be unsurprisingly worried about talking about it or seeking help.

Everyone has sexual desires they don't act on. I have fantasies that I would never want played out in reality, often for ethical reasons. That's the way of the world, and the way of sexuality. A paedophile is no different from anyone else who has sexual fantasies which are ethically beyond their reach to consummate.

Imagine someone who, for one reason or another, is unable to attract a sexual partner. (Perhaps they have really awful B.O., or some sort of facial disfigurement, or whatever - something that puts people off.) Do you think that the fact that they are sexually attracted to unobtainable people means that they'll rape if they have to in order to get what they want? Or do you think at least some people in that situation are perfectly capable of curbing their sexual desires because of their higher ideals? I don't see why someone sexually attracted to children couldn't do exactly the same thing. Frankly, I think your assertion that all paedophiles can't help but abuse children is born of prejudice and nothing else.
 
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Lisa0315

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But we're not talking about this here. We're talking precisely about the "needing help" part. Yes, they need help - and in order to provide the help they need, we need to treat them as human beings and remember that it must be incredibly difficult to cope with a problem like that.



Yes, but that's someone who has actually acted on their desires. I can't comment on the appropriateness or otherwise of the way that he was treated. I am sorry that your niece suffered that. But I don't see what bearing that has on paedophiles who have never harmed a child.



Well, I will ask you this: how do you know when someone's a paedophile? By what they do. Someone downloads child pornography - they're a paedophile. Someone molests a child - they might also be a paedophile. You only know of paedophiles who have done something wrong. Paedophiles who never act on their desires in any abusive way will probably never be discovered. I mean, it's not like they're going to talk about it, is it?

What makes you think that there aren't paedophiles who never act on their deviancy? How do you know? Do you ask everyone you meet if they're sexually attracted to children? Do you think they would tell you if they were? The fact is that the disgust that most people express not only (quite legitimately) at the sexual abuse of children and the production and use of child pornography, but also (less legitimately) at unconsummated sexual attraction to children, causes people to be unsurprisingly worried about talking about it or seeking help.

Everyone has sexual desires they don't act on. I have fantasies that I would never want played out in reality, often for ethical reasons. That's the way of the world, and the way of sexuality. A paedophile is no different from anyone else who has sexual fantasies which are ethically beyond their reach to consummate.

Imagine someone who, for one reason or another, is unable to attract a sexual partner. (Perhaps they have really awful B.O., or some sort of facial disfigurement, or whatever - something that puts people off.) Do you think that the fact that they are sexually attracted to unobtainable people means that they'll rape if they have to in order to get what they want? Or do you think at least some people in that situation are perfectly capable of curbing their sexual desires because of their higher ideals? I don't see why someone sexually attracted to children couldn't do exactly the same thing. Frankly, I think your assertion that all paedophiles can't help but abuse children is born of prejudice and nothing else.

Yeah, I have a prejudice against pedophiles. I am right to have that bias. You are wrong to offer sympathy.

As I said, this sympathy is a path to acceptance. There are some things that are simply not acceptable even in thought much less deed. It is not acceptable for anyone to think on my child that way. It is not okay for anyone to lust after my child even if they never do anything about it. It is simply NOT OKAY.

Lisa
 
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lawtonfogle

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I think they need help. I don't think they deserve to have their deviancy re-classified as an orientation. That is a slippery slope to acceptance.

Let me say this...It might help you understand where I am coming from. My niece was molested when she was six years old. The boy was 19, and somewhat "slow", meaning he had a very low IQ. He was given a slap on the wrist and tons of sympathy. No one cared that he had the mental capacity to threaten my niece and the other little girls he molested.

I would like to see a case of a pedophile who has never acted upon the deviancy. If they say that they haven't they are lying. They may not ever touch a real live child, but it is likely they are using child porn to feed their deviancy. Someone, somewhere took advantage of a child.

I just do not believe that there are pedophiles who do not act upon their deviancy and I refuse to call it an orientation.

Lisa


Remember, not all who molest children are pedophiles. Considering that he was mentally retarded, he probably wasn't. The since he only got a slap on the wrist for which the majority think is a crime near to, if not worse than, killing someone, I would venture to think that his retardation is pretty bad.

Also, you are assuming that any pedophile who appears to be law abiding will still be braking the law by using other means, such as child pornography. But what about those who don't, the ones who are, as mentioned before, law abiding, not those who only appear to be so?
 
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cantata

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Yeah, I have a prejudice against pedophiles. I am right to have that bias. You are wrong to offer sympathy.

As I said, this sympathy is a path to acceptance. There are some things that are simply not acceptable even in thought much less deed. It is not acceptable for anyone to think on my child that way. It is not okay for anyone to lust after my child even if they never do anything about it. It is simply NOT OKAY.

Lisa

Well, that's very weird. I have sympathy for anyone who has urges which are considered to be unacceptable to act upon. It must be extremely painful to have those urges. What harm does it do, if they never act upon them?

I think this attitude demonstrates a serious failure in empathy.
 
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lawtonfogle

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Yeah, I have a prejudice against pedophiles. I am right to have that bias. You are wrong to offer sympathy.

As I said, this sympathy is a path to acceptance. There are some things that are simply not acceptable even in thought much less deed. It is not acceptable for anyone to think on my child that way. It is not okay for anyone to lust after my child even if they never do anything about it. It is simply NOT OKAY.

Lisa

Poor future boy/girlfriend of you child...
 
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Lisa0315

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Remember, not all who molest children are pedophiles. Considering that he was mentally retarded, he probably wasn't. The since he only got a slap on the wrist for which the majority think is a crime near to, if not worse than, killing someone, I would venture to think that his retardation is pretty bad.

Also, you are assuming that any pedophile who appears to be law abiding will still be braking the law by using other means, such as child pornography. But what about those who don't, the ones who are, as mentioned before, law abiding, not those who only appear to be so?

I am saying that the mentality that pedophilia is an orientation will result in it being relabled as a non-deviancy just as homosexuality was. I am saying that the boy who molested my niece knew enough to threaten a six year old and that makes him cupable regardless of his low IQ. He was NOT retarded. His lawyer simply used the low IQ to convince a judge that the boy did not "mean to". He did mean to if he threatened my niece and the other little girls. It had been going on for several years and it was my brave niece who exposed him. The police called her a hero.

I am saying that there is no such thing as a non-practicing pedophile. Either they molest, or touch to the idea of molesting a child. I am saying that it is NOT OKAY for someone to look upon any child in that way. Their very thoughts condemn them and do not deserve sympathy.

I am saying that there is already a group called NAMBLA who would LOVE to be labeled as an orientation rather than a deviancy.

C'mon people! Does ANTHING go these days? A line has to be drawn at some point.

Lisa
 
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