Planning?

[HondaMan]

Is it ok to plan how many kids you wanna have? The Bible says children are a blessing, but doesn't talk against planning, as far as I know.

In the eyes of God, can we plan if we should have 3 or 4 kids instead of having "as many as God will give us"?

I come from a church where that is considered a sin. I do think it's better to plan and have, say 4 kids, and teach them properly how to live according to God's word, thaan have 10 and not be able to show God to them.

 

[KwanLove]

My husband and I are using planning in regards to procreation. We don't have children now (we use contraception) because we would like to wait until we are certain we can provide for them comfortably. When we do decide to have children, we will still plan ahead--we aren't going to have more children than we can provide for or take care of.

As human beings, God has given us the capacity and intelligence to reason and to plan. I do not think it is a sin to want to do your best in planning one's children.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I think theres nothing wrong with planning. As for "as many as God will give us" I'd say be careful because because that gets close to the quiver views of just having children forever and ever such as the Duggars. I think alot of those verses apply to back when the planet did not have alot of people. But thats just my view. Its ok if we disagree. I'd also add God would want us to enjoy the blessings of children, but also to remain smart about it. By that I mean if you can only afford 3, don't try going for another 3 more kids.

 

[Odetta]

I think planning is fine - and I'm assuming by planning you mean using birth control and determining for yourself the number of children you want - unless you feel specifically called to let that go (i.e. be quiverful). Although, I have to say, that you can plan all you want, but God has his own plans. Sometimes one's plans align with God's, and sometimes they don't. Surprises happen, such as infertility or surprise pregnancies. And there are a number of ways to have children - by birth, by adoption, by fostering. God has ultimate control, and if you seek his heart he will guide you as you seek to build your family.

Case in point, personally I wanted three children, but encountered secondary infertility after two. I now see God's wisdom in that, nine years later. We have not felt called to add to our number through adoption or fostering. So two it is. Having aligned my heart with God's on that issue, I am content. But it took a while to get there. I have friends that had primary infertility and had to choose between in vitro and adoption; they felt led to adopt. I have other friends that have chosen to be foster parents in addition to parenting the three biological children they chose to have. So I reiterate, pray and let God lead you.

 

[bluegreysky]

I don't know where I stand. I come from a family where I was the only child and my poor mom had anxiety issues and couldn't handle more kids.
My husband comes from a family with 6 kids- 3 older girls from his dad's last marriage and then himself, a little bro and a little sis. by the time the little bro came along, the older sisters had moved out.
We have thrown the idea of having kids around "someday" but we haven't settled on a number. I feel like it was lonely being the only one... but... I show some of the symptoms of the same problems my mom had when she was my age so maybe 1 will be all I can handle?
At the same time, I don't want him/her to be lonely and my hubby does want a bigger number than 1 so ... at least 2?
Then there's the chance God could give us more... he could give us a set of twins after already having one baby or he could give us an adopted baby or an unplanned pregnancy later on. we're getting older though. there's only about 10 more years left to figure it out.
not really enough time to have 6 though

 

[BayouAngel]

Many Christian denominations (such as Catholism) teach that use of any sort of contraception is wrong, but there is weak Biblical support for this position at best. I agree with those above that prayer and seeking God's guidance for your family are the most important things. My husband and I gave it serious consideration and prayer, and we have decided not to have children at all, so we use contraceptives. Children could be something God has in store for us in the future, but for now, we are a complete family with just us and the cat.

A few things to think about... Not everything that God calls a blessing is intended for everyone. People do receive different types of blessings. Not everyone's "quiver" is the same size, and making it too full will cause unnecessary strain on the quiver that will make it break. Is it interfering with God's plan to plant crops in an organized fashion instead of just throwing the seeds around and letting God provide, or does He expect us to use the intelligence He gave us to be better stewards of His creation than that?

 

[Ascended]

My wife and I have chosen to not have children. Neither of us feels the desire to be a parent, and we feel like that should be a prerequisite.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Planners tend to get things backwards. Man proposes, God disposes. The areas you plan in your life will be subject to your power. The areas you turn over to God will be subject to His power.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Many Christian denominations (such as Catholism) teach that use of any sort of contraception is wrong, but there is weak Biblical support for this position at best.

Exactly. Some people just have kid after kid because condoms they believe are a sin because they kill sperm (so to speak). Though a small portion believe its a sin because you are preventing blessings. THough that has no biblical evidence at all to it. Now... lets say a condom breaks while your having sex and lets assume she gets pregnant. Some would go get that pill so that the next day it would kill the pregnancy. That I do believe is a sin. Because at that point the sperm and egg have become one, they are a living thing now and forming a baby eventually.

 

[beaverpond]

My wife and I have always viewed this what will happen will happen in God's time. If He wants you to have 1 child that is what you will have, if it is 3 then that it is what it will be, if it is 5 and so on.

However, to know you only have a 1% chance of having kids because of medication because you are epileptic kind of puts everything totally in God's hands. Everything is totally in His hands. My wife got pregnant after 10 years of marriage. So no matter how many years of waiting, praying, and hoping...it all comes down to one thing...yes, no, or wait. The Lord really is in control no matter what we sometimes think.

Like they say about contraceptives...there is a certain margin of failure in all of them, some more than others. As my Dad once told me, before knowing the percentages...if you don't want to have kids right away, then don't plan on having sex right away...simple as that.

Now you have to understand, I was raised that you do not use any form of contraceptive once you are married because everything is in God's hands. So my father-in-law shows up with this paper bag that has 36 condoms in it. He then says to me that "don't even think of getting my daughter pregnant". I was so upset because I was raised not to use these things, this idiot gives these to me with that statement, and does this on our wedding day (which is another story all in itself). So my father takes them gives them to my brother and says go make water balloons out of them and don't use them for anything else. Mind you my brother was only 15 at the time.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well the only problem with saying everything is in Gods hands is its not totally true. What I mean is, we know God is in control. But God also wants us to use our brain to make the right decisions. For example if I was suicidal I wouldn't jump off a cliff and say "Well its in Gods hands if I live or not!". I'd also say I've met people who don't believe in contraception and have like 14 kids. They struggle to make ends meet and the kids are raised poorly. Which makes me say God would also want a couple to do what is right. Like if you can't handle 14 kids then don't have anymore, use contraception. Me, I couldn't be a good father if I had more then maybe 2 kids. I forgot to much, have health issues, have a tiny income. But thats just me. If someone wants 14 kids then its up to them of course, more power to you.

 

[HondaMan]

If someone wants 14 kids then its up to them of course, more power to you.

No, no. You got this wrong. If you have 14 kids, then foodstamps and other benefits from my tax money is garuanteed to you. No worries. The government will pay. (Sarcasm)

Now, I do believe that foodstamps are good for those who struggle. But if you're having 14 kids just to get money in forms of foodstamps and tax returns....

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

No, no. You got this wrong. If you have 14 kids, then foodstamps and other benefits from my tax money is garuanteed to you. No worries. The government will pay. (Sarcasm)

Now, I do believe that foodstamps are good for those who struggle. But if you're having 14 kids just to get money in forms of foodstamps and tax returns....

lol. As someone who gets foodstamps I can tell you I dislike when people just have tons of kids so they can get free government help. Its why the system gets so much hate. The many harm the future of the few who actually need help for now.

 

[Aino]

I don't know what God would think of my opinion, but I think planning is the only way to go if you want to be a responsible and good parent and that's just it. It's not just about money but also about other resources: how much space do you have in your home, how much time do you have for each child / yourself / your marriage, how about the mental capacity to run a household with an x amount of children? I know I'd simply go nuts if I had more then 4-5 kids. I just wouldn't have enough mental resources and love to give them, and no money either! I'd end up with mental problems soon. Also, if you need time for yourself or want to / need to go somewhere alone with your spouse only, who'se going to take care of like 5 or more children? I know there's people who are just good at running big households, like with 10 or more children and that's ok, but it's not fpr the most of us and I think we have to be wise enough to know our limits to avoid a disaster.

Here we have a really big sect that says planning is never ok and that basically christians should have as many children as possible and it's getting quite obvious that it's just a very sick doctrine. Recently a lot of books have been written about how those people (laestadians) have all kinds of problems, like mental health issues, financial problems, the women die of too many childbirths, the children are badly taken care of and the older siblings get too little attention and too much responsibility of their younger sisters and brothers, young couples are pressured into having more ... And the problem list goes on and on and on. And all of this just because they take it too seriously that children are a blessing. If you're forced into getting a blessing after blessing after blessing it becomes a curse instead.

 

[beaverpond]

I know a couple who had five wonderful children in eight years. Now I know not all children turn out as well as theirs have and theirs may be the exception to the rule, but they have some very strict rules and Mom and Dad don't miss a beat with this crowd. All the girls in one room and the boys in another. You ask who would be willing to watch this many kids at once...well this is where I step up and say I have no problem doing this and did on many occasions for them. They lived next door to us for over three years before moving and now they are missionaries in Guam. We still have regular contact with them and love them dearly and miss them more. To have so many kids so close in age you would think is nuts, but for this family it seems to be okay...I am sure it has its moments like any family, but they make it work. It is how Mom and Dad run the house that makes it count. For this family, we would do it all over again in heartbeat.

 

[Cordelia]

For us, it would be irresponsible not to plan. God has made us stewards of limited resources, in a world that it's turmoil. We've always used contraception but it's still in His hands. If He convicts me otherwise, I'll obey, prayerfully.

 

[revanneosl]

I think that Planned Parenthood is really the only responsible way to go.