Picking up the pieces

[byhisstripes]

Im standing here shocked and confused
I feel so alone I feel so used
You were my friend or so I thought
My trust I gave my love you sought

I once stood alone hidden in the dark
To pick up the pieces of a broken heart
No one around no one to care
Then here you came you were there

You held the pieces and applied the glue
You said you loved me it seemed so true
I took down the walls and gave you my life
In hopes one day I would become your wife

Now here I am wiht a shattered heart
The peices so small I don't know where to start
All thats left is a gaping wound
Never to be mended never to be soothed

The final words you said to me
All you wanted was my verginity
Love and trust I no longer need
Leave me alone ~ let my heart bleed

The pieces are to small to sharp
To piece back together a dying heart
So this time Ill leave them where they lay
Jesus will fix it again some day

 

[white dove]

It would be difficult to judge something so intensely personal as your work here. Though I can say that I think you have done a good job conveying your thoughts and feelings about the topic. If this is your first work, it is a very good start. You are very open and very aware of what you want to say, yet at the end it appears as though you did not entirely formulate it in your head prior to typing it out -- this is a wonderful thing! Contrived pieces rarely get recognized, nor do they allow the reader "in." They are not nearly as effective as the pieces that simply flow naturally.


I've found that the most difficult thing about writing is not the act of finding your own voice, but to bring it across as something "fresh." Surely, it has "all been said before," but to find a new way of bringing it out, personalizing it a bit more, is something every writer must attempt at. Otherwise, it can wind up leaving a residual staleness within the reader well after she looks away.

You have done a good job here. I would love to read more.

 

[byhisstripes]

Thank you
sorry it took so long to respond. I usually give it a week then never come back because they always go unnoticed thanks for your kind words and advice.