Physical limits before marriage

[Mela Monkey]

What sort of physical limits did you set (and honor) before you were married?

no kissing? no holding hands? no cuddling? no limits? something else?

 

[Autumnleaf]

Push it to the limit! But no kissing in church. By testing limits you see what kind of person they are. Being too physical before marriage is a bad idea so don't actually do anything forbidden, but I think a guy should try to see where his potential wife's modesty lies.

 

[iambren]

We were very liberal and made intercourse the limit.....and we failed. This is an old question and I don't think one limit fits all. I would choose a limit that is comfortable to stop and not go further. For some that maybe simply being alone and kissing.

Outside of that, my personal favorite textbook limit would be thus: Your level of physical involvement can be proportional to your stated PUBLIC commitment. I'm insulted, non-amused with people that push different agendas as a badge of righteousness like--no kissing till wed night, no hugging, etc etc. Who cares. I believe if there is no definite struggle with sex prior to the wedding day they probably shouldn't be getting married.

 

[Paul.]

I have heard it said that you should only do what you would be comfortable doing in front of her dad. Following that advice would certainly put limits on what you would be doing together.

 

[Luther073082]

We were very liberal and made intercourse the limit.....and we failed. This is an old question and I don't think one limit fits all. I would choose a limit that is comfortable to stop and not go further. For some that maybe simply being alone and kissing.

Outside of that, my personal favorite textbook limit would be thus: Your level of physical involvement can be proportional to your stated PUBLIC commitment. I'm insulted, non-amused with people that push different agendas as a badge of righteousness like--no kissing till wed night, no hugging, etc etc. Who cares. I believe if there is no definite struggle with sex prior to the wedding day they probably shouldn't be getting married.

I agree with the bolded. . .

No sex (of any type) before marriage. Do whatever you need to accomplish that. Other then that, its adiaphora.

 

[Svt4Him]

Do whatever you wouldn't mind doing to someone that, if you were to break up before the wedding, her future husband wouldn't mind.

 

[Jim the Puritan]

Do whatever you wouldn't mind doing to someone that, if you were to break up before the wedding, her future husband wouldn't mind.

I think this is right, and to that I would add also, that your own future wife wouldn't mind.

And, of course, that God wouldn't mind.

 

[WeCryOut]

My husband and I set the limit of nothing but kissing, hand holding and upright cuddling til we were married.

There was no aim for a "righteousness" badge or anything, it's just that with me being married previously, I knew what I was missing when it came to intercourse. I knew very well that were we to explore beyond that....it would surely lead to us having premarital sex.

If it weren't for that we probably wouldn't have needed to set such strict boundaries. But the situation was what it was, and I knew better than to push it much further than kissing. I am a very sexual person and I knew the temptation would be too much for me if we went past kissing.

But it's really just a personal decision and i'm not sure there is any "right" stopping point prior to sex. It varies from person to person.

To be fair, my husband is a REALLY good kisser. Good enough that I wouldn't have bothered kissing anybody else had I of known. Maybe those who don't kiss until their wedding day are on to something? : P

 

[GloryBe!]

Our boundary (mostly set by me) was no intercourse. He is a very physical man and I get a LOT out of cuddling. We would hold hands, sit next to each other and cuddle daily, as well as make out sometimes. Waiting to have sex til the wedding night was the best decision of my life.

Glory be!

 

[iambren]

Do whatever you wouldn't mind doing to someone that, if you were to break up before the wedding, her future husband wouldn't mind.

That's EXACTLY the advice my Christian mother gave me when I was a teenager.

 

[OGM]

Do whatever you wouldn't mind doing to someone that, if you were to break up before the wedding, her future husband wouldn't mind.

Her future husband probably would not anyone else to;kiss, hug, flirt or even...date his future wife.

 

[Luther073082]

Her future husband probably would not anyone else to;kiss, hug, flirt or even...date his future wife.

Exactly...

And there is something that I really hate about that advice. . . it sounds like the tired old "damaged goods arguement"

Why don't you just say "Its not polite to leave her future husband damaged goods."

 

[GloryBe!]

Exactly...

And there is something that I really hate about that advice. . . it sounds like the tired old "damaged goods arguement"

Why don't you just say "Its not polite to leave her future husband damaged goods."

It takes two to tango. I wouldn't blame my husband's former lovers for leaving him as "damaged goods "....for, he was just as much to blame. As long as one's spouse/future spouse takes responsibility for their actions and not blaming the acts on anything but sinful choices, I don't see why the former lover would even be an issue. If we are "damaged ",we are damaged due to sin. Only if one is a victim, can you place blame on another person.

Glory be!

 

[dayhiker]

Personally, I didn't and don't care how much a woman does before we marry. If she was a virgin, I'd probably not date her.

 

[GloryBe!]

Personally, I didn't and don't care how much a woman does before we marry. If she was a virgin, I'd probably not date her.

I'm insulted by this. Some of us women have gone thru serious trials just to keep our virginity in tact. We do it for ourselves as well as our future spouse. Why would you not appreciate our effort? Why would you not see it as a gift? Why would a man not admire a woman for keeping herself pure?
I can tell you that any man I went out with who would dare to belittle my effort, would be not so nicely booted to the curb.

Glory be!

 

[Jim the Puritan]

Personally, I didn't and don't care how much a woman does before we marry. If she was a virgin, I'd probably not date her.

Wow.

I'm not going to be a hypocrite. I and my college girlfriend lived together for a year. And then we ended up breaking up at graduation. I got very messed up emotionally as a result, and I know I still have issues inside of me, even though I ended up meeting and marrying someone else later and have had a happy marriage for many years.

If you've opened your heart to someone, I don't see how you can be physically intimate without significant emotional and spiritual bonding occur as a result. I don't know if I buy the whole "soul tie" thing, but my feeling is you can either have recreational sex and deaden your soul, or you will develop strong feelings for the person you are sleeping with and if it then falls apart, you are going to carry scars of that for the rest of your life.

My wife (a Christian) was married and divorced before she met me, so virginity was not an issue for either of us when we married. But I know she carries scars about her past marriage as well although it's something she never talks about.

So my only point is that being intimate with someone is something major that has lifelong impacts, and that is why God wants us to keep it inside the bounds of a lifelong marriage.

 

[Svt4Him]

Her future husband probably would not anyone else to;kiss, hug, flirt or even...date his future wife.

Then her future husband needs to grow a set. In my wife's culture, you kiss when you greet, and even my 12 year old son hugs girls all the time. I am not so insecure that I worry if my wife ever hugged someone, or even, ready for it, kissed someone. Take her out on a date when she was treated with respect? You can do that now if you like.

 

[mattyb1982]

I'm insulted by this. Some of us women have gone thru serious trials just to keep our virginity in tact. We do it for ourselves as well as our future spouse. Why would you not appreciate our effort? Why would you not see it as a gift? Why would a man not admire a woman for keeping herself pure?
I can tell you that any man I went out with who would dare to belittle my effort, would be not so nicely booted to the curb.

Glory be!

He is 59 yrs old. If he dated a woman his age who is still a virgin, there are some tough conversations that need to be had.

 

[UK Fred]

?

 

[Mela Monkey]

Oh, Come on! What are you asking here? It sounds very much like "How much can I sin before it is counted as sin?"

naw, i was just wondering what choices others have made

i already know my limits



ty everyone for the responses