Physical Affection

[Caedmon]

Does prolonged kissing belong in a dating relationship?

I personally believe that physical affection in a dating relationship shouldn't exceed a simple kiss here and there. Other people tell me that prolonged kissing is ok. I'm so confused. Am I right in my belief about dating relationship affection?

 

[Defender of the Faith 777]

Depends on "prolonged" IMHO.

If it lasts more than 5 seconds then it's time to say "Good night. I'll call you tomorrow." LOL!

I think that ANYTHING beyond kissing is after marriage.

But I'm sure there's an equation for this:

something like

ALLOWED=time until marriage/ length of kiss + time you have known each other X the location you are in.

Man I analyzed this stuff way too much. I think it varies for each time, but the absolute standard is nothing AT ALL beyond kissing. TTYL Jesus loves you!

 

[seebs]

I'm going to plead the 5th and not discuss this.

 

[Caedmon]

I mean no disrespect to anyone, but I'm really looking for a Catholic perspective on this one. Thanks

 

[chelcb]

Joe,

Maybe this can help you out. Remember Christ came to restore us to purity.

2350. "Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity. "

So I guess your answer lye’s somewhere between that and what the next line in the CCC is…


2351. "Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes. "

Only you can discern what is not lust. Keep in mind that certain kinds or pleasure are reserved for marriage only.

 

[Caedmon]

It is my personal conviction that any premarital activity that initiates sexual arousal is wrong. I would include prolonged kissing in this category. I believe that the purpose of prolonged kissing is not only to establish, but to perpetuate, a state of sexual arousal. This does not (or hopefully does not) lead to intercourse, which subtracts the element of procreation, which is the denial of life and natural law.

Someone please tell me if this is what the Church teaches.

 

[Hoonbaba]

Personally, I don't ever plan to kiss a woman until my wedding day comes, simply because kissing can lead to sexual arousal.  But maybe I'm just more 'strict' than everyone else. lol =)

-Jason

 

[VOW]

Let's get real.

Young people can become sexually aroused by BREATHING.

Kissing is FINE. It's what you do with your HANDS while kissing that will get you in trouble.

If you don't kiss enough to get the juices running, how will you even KNOW if the person is attractive to you? Suppose he kisses like a little old lady ALL the time? What if she drools? Kissing is part of affection, and every relationship thrives on affection. Not all contact is meant to lead to sex. The holding, touching, and kissing is an end unto itself.

Take a peek at Natural Family Planning, folks. What are couples supposed to do during the fertile times of the month? Sleep in separate bedrooms? Shake hands?


Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[Loki]

*flashes VOW thumbs up*

 

[kimmee]

Yup im soooo with VOW on this. really i see nothing wrong with it.

Today at 12:27 PM VOW said this in Post #8 (http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?postid=700947#post700947)

Take a peek at Natural Family Planning, folks. What are couples supposed to do during the fertile times of the month? Sleep in separate bedrooms? Shake hands?

LOL!!!great point VOW!

 

[ZooMom]

Joe, my rule is, you probably shouldn't be doing anything you wouldn't do in front of your mother. If it's the right person, the juices will stir just from a look, nevermind a kiss. I've been with my hubby for almost 16 years, 14 of those married, and I still get 'that little tingle' just talking to him on the phone. Which, if you think about it, is probably why we have five kids.

Peace!

 

[jukesk9]

Today at 11:27 AM VOW said this in Post #8


Young people can become sexually aroused by BREATHING.

Ahem.  Age has nothing to do with that when it comes to men.

 

[chelcb]

Today at 08:18 AM humblejoe said this in Post #6

It is my personal conviction that any premarital activity that initiates sexual arousal is wrong. I would include prolonged kissing in this category. I believe that the purpose of prolonged kissing is not only to establish, but to perpetuate, a state of sexual arousal. This does not (or hopefully does not) lead to intercourse, which subtracts the element of procreation, which is the denial of life and natural law.

Someone please tell me if this is what the Church teaches.

Joe,

The Church teaches Judgement. You are striving for a pure heart. Only you know what's in your heart when you kiss someone.

If you are kising them trying to get some kind of arousal or pleasure that should only be sought in marriage then that is wrong because purity is not in your heart and you are trying to be transformed into Christ's pure image.

But if you kiss someone because you love them and not because their some piece of meat that is different.

 

[Caedmon]

Today at 11:27 AM VOW said this in Post #8 (http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?postid=700947#post700947)

Let's get real.

Young people can become sexually aroused by BREATHING.

Kissing is FINE. It's what you do with your HANDS while kissing that will get you in trouble.

If you don't kiss enough to get the juices running, how will you even KNOW if the person is attractive to you? Suppose he kisses like a little old lady ALL the time? What if she drools? Kissing is part of affection, and every relationship thrives on affection. Not all contact is meant to lead to sex. The holding, touching, and kissing is an end unto itself.

Take a peek at Natural Family Planning, folks. What are couples supposed to do during the fertile times of the month? Sleep in separate bedrooms? Shake hands?


Peace be with you,
~VOW

So you feel it is perfectly acceptable and sinless for a male in a premarital relationship to purposefully achieve and maintain arousal by engaging in prolonged kissing?

And FWIW, I have heard the "What if we're not "compatible"?" argument used time and time again to justify premarital sex.

 

[chelcb]

Wow Joe...just come out and say what you really mean!

Seriously, if that is what is happening and it can lead you into sin in other ways, then reframing would be wise.

 

[Caedmon]

Yesterday at 11:50 PM chelcb said this in Post #15 (http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?postid=702154#post702154)

Wow Joe...just come out and say what you really mean!

Seriously, if that is what is happening and it can lead you into sin in other ways, then reframing would be wise.

LOL! I'm sorry! I didn't know any other way to ask it. :o

Please be patient with me. I need to ask difficult questions. I want to stay pure.

 

[chelcb]

I wasn't offened, I was shocked at the directness.

They have some books on this, Life Giving Love by Kimberly Hahn is one. Prehaps reading what some Catholic experts has to say can help direct you.

 

[AngelAmidala]

Hey Joe...I know you want Catholic answers...but I did want to take this time to thank you for this topic.

One of the things the youth group at my church is discussing is purity...they started the discussion at our recent retreat and wish to continue in other meetings.

I never really had to deal with any of these issues while I was in high school and most of college because I was never really popular and didn't have a boyfriend to have to think about these issues. So it's hard for me to discuss with the youth stuff that I never really had to deal with.

So I hope no one here minds if I borrow the advice given here. If you do, let me know. I won't be offended.

Thank you again Joe!

 

[Caedmon]

No problem Angel.

I think this topic is very important, and I believe the best way to go about it is with totally openness and honesty, with a true desire for purity. And yes, there will be some difficult ideas discussed, but I think that these things need to be said.

 

[JillLars]

It is possible to kiss for prolonged periods of time w/out getting aroused. Depends on what the purpose of the kiss is. My boyfriend and I live together, and kiss each other all the time. It is a way of saying I love you, not I want you, although it can be both. Like some others have said, its what's in your heart that matters. If you're kissing a girl for a long time hoping it will progress to something else, then I'd say that's not good...if you're kissing for a long time, just to kiss, then that's fine. Good luck!