Personals ads

[Xen_Antares]

OK here is one for the ladies. My brother and I were talking about this the other night. Why do girls not respond to personals ads? I go on services like Yahoo, or Match.com and look. I read what they have written and if I feel there could be some substance to these things I send a greeting, introducing myself. However days pass, then weeks and they dont respond. I know they seen my letter, the services usually have a note telling you how long ago since their last visit. My brother seems to have the same problem.

Occaisonally the girl will respond, then after I respond to her response there is nothing. Its like Im dead to her. This is starting to really tick me off too, but I am the gentleman and let it go. What does a guy have to do to get a response? Do I have to post a picture of Brad Pitt and claim it is me? Lie and say I make $150,000 a year and travel to Europe often? Even the girls who say in their profile that they would want friendship do this, and I for one think its rude to just ignore somebody. Can anybody give an explanation to this rudeness among women on personals sites?

 

[BallRmDChamp]

They're all cruel, spiteful wenches who don't give a fudge about our feelings, and are gold-diggers to boot! It also might have something to do with the particular 'services' you're using i.e. Yahoo & Match.com. Have you ever tried singlec.com?

 

[Xen_Antares]

*LOL* Ive tried them all. I either have the problem of them not responding or not many local girls are on that website. Im one of those guys if it wasnt for bad luck I wouldnt have any luck.

 

[looksgood]

Actualy, it may be that they have to pay to talk to you? Or that they are looking for something more than "HEY LETS TALK" lol. I don't know man.

But I had one of those things and had countless replies. Maybe it is your dilivery. They even sent ME the first contact.

 

[Stanfi]

But I had one of those things and had countless replies. Maybe it is your dilivery. They even sent ME the first contact.

Ok, I'll say it. I'm impressed. As long as they weren't gold diggin' broom riders.

 

[JoJoButterfly]

well I can't speak for other girls but I tend to not respond on some of those things because
1) I'm a moron and can't figure out how to if I want to
2) Don't want to pay the $$ to do so
3) you will rarely find me sending something out first cause I'm a bit old fashioned and think the guy should be the first.. well ok I'm shy and afraid of rejection
4) I'm really bad at keeping converstations going online

Since no other girls responded I thought one had better.. hope that helps.. although I'm not sure what to tell you to do to change it.

JoJo

 

[Xen_Antares]

Most of them dont charge you to respond, just to make initial contact, which I usually do. The two girls I have met havent worked out, their weight issues aside they both seemed to be in too big a hurry to marry without even knowing me.

 

[looksgood]

Ok, I'll say it. I'm impressed. As long as they weren't gold diggin' broom riders.

LOL, I got no gold and the broom doesn't fly for me. True a few of them had big issues with not being content and they just wanted a huge house with 12 kids. But there was some that were actualy nice. I considered seeing a few of them. But God just wouldnt let me. At least not with them. But my gf emailed me first just looking for a friend on one of the sites. I was friends only, with her at first and wasn't looking for more. And she was the same way. But it became clear we were like twins! So we both went to God instead of just jumping into anything. We asked for Him to let us know and He did. Now I have been seeing her for 3 months and God has been blessing like crazy!

I think it is really a matter of God protecting us as to why some people are single even while looking really hard. I didn't expect to meet my gf like that. But I am sooo glad I did! Ok end rant .

Back to the subject, Not all were like that. I really do think it is ALSO a matter of presentation. Need advice on how to present yourself? Ask me for some help. I would be glad to help you.

 

[Tuffguy]

I've never used any personal services at all,,but if i was gonna i would just be 100% honest instead of drumming myself up like i'm sure alot of people do. I bet theres a tons of chest thumping losers on there with big insecurities. Just be honest and semi-aggressive and you should be all set.

 

[wvmtnkid]

OK here is one for the ladies. My brother and I were talking about this the other night. Why do girls not respond to personals ads? I go on services like Yahoo, or Match.com and look. I read what they have written and if I feel there could be some substance to these things I send a greeting, introducing myself. However days pass, then weeks and they dont respond. I know they seen my letter, the services usually have a note telling you how long ago since their last visit. My brother seems to have the same problem.

Occaisonally the girl will respond, then after I respond to her response there is nothing. Its like Im dead to her. This is starting to really tick me off too, but I am the gentleman and let it go. What does a guy have to do to get a response? Do I have to post a picture of Brad Pitt and claim it is me? Lie and say I make $150,000 a year and travel to Europe often? Even the girls who say in their profile that they would want friendship do this, and I for one think its rude to just ignore somebody. Can anybody give an explanation to this rudeness among women on personals sites?

I don't think this is just a girl issue because I could take your post and substitute "male" for "girl" and you would be describing my experience with some of the personal sites. I think it has more to do with just the manners of some people. Some people are just rude, yes even on the Christian personal sites. They aren't interested so instead of being able to tell you that, they think it's better to just not answer your response. I don't understand this logic, but it seems to be the thing to do. It just goes to show, you can't believe everything you read. Just because their profile makes them sound like a nice person, it doesn't mean that they are. Chalk it up to a lesson learned, the hard way.

 

[BallRmDChamp]

*LOL* Ive tried them all. I either have the problem of them not responding or not many local girls are on that website. Im one of those guys if it wasnt for bad luck I wouldnt have any luck.

I think wvmtnkid is right. My advice is to just continue to be who you are and live life normally. I wouldn’t worry too much about the kinds of responses (or lack thereof) you get from one of those sites. They may work for a few people, but I don’t think they will for most. To me, they’re kind of artificial and unromantic anyway. If I don’t ever happen to meet someone at church or being introduced by a friend or relative, I think I might rather be single for the rest of my life. But if nothing else, remember God’s got a plan, and He’s in control. Que sera, sera

 

[Out of the Flames]

I don't know why this hasn't been said yet, so I'll come out with it.

I'm sure that what I'm about to say is going to rub a few people the wrong way. Deal with it. Call it an observation, if you will. It is by no means truth, just an opinion. Take it or leave it.

/Disclaimer Done.

A lot of the people who tend to take out personal ads in papers, magazines, and websites are already lacking in very basic social skills that, if they possessed to begin with, would allow them to form those interpersonal relationships in a public social setting. Instead, they hide behind the safety of text which is great for hiding physical flaws, but not ettiquette flaws. Basically, a person can try to hide behind the anonymity of an ad to mask their lack of self confidence or manners, but they end up exposing those very flaws by not applying basic rules of social engagement like replying to messages or invitations or failing to converse with the very people they set out to meet.

It's definitely an issue of manners as someone else so aptly stated, but also of quality. There simply aren't enough quality people to be found behind personal ads.

 

[hockeysistah12]

I'm a female and I used these services and I had different experiences than you. I was lied to by men, people had other relationships on the side and they were using me as some guinia pig, especially when you are a different shade. people tend to use you and judge you if you do not have the perfect figure or the perfect income or do not have some of the nesscities.

One person told me straight out, "I don't date black people".

 

[tan247]

Xen_Antares: You answered your own question. Some people are just rude. I have subcribed to several online dating sites and if I was not interested in someone, I would respond and say so (for those that did not suggest just being friends or e-mail buddies). There is one incident that I can think of where I did not respond. This particular person did not come close to the type of man I am interested in. In his case, he should have read my profile including the type of person that I would be interested in. Even if you're looking for friendship, you want to have at least a little something in common with that person.

 

[klewlis]

Don't take it personally, and don't assume that they are rude.

I hang out at lavalife occasionally and have exchanged a few emails with a few guys as a result (only one date resulting... he was a good guy but we didn't "click").

However, there are times when I do not respond at all to guys, and it is always because they are quite simply not what I am looking for. For example, even though I state emphatically in my profile that I am a Christian and looking for a Christian, I get contacted by buddhists, atheists, etc. And my first thought is, "didn't you even READ my profile??" and I do not respond. Of course, these are mainly "smiles" and not real messages, so I'm not obligated to respond. I believe I have responded to all personal messages.

In your case it's probably not so extreme since I'm assuming you're contacting the girls who do fit you more closely. But they still may not see it. It may be in how you are presenting yourself... what does your profile say? (I'm not asking you to post it here, but to think about it and maybe get a friend to check it out and give you feedback.)

 

[Iggster]

It's your delivery............

I tried this before just for fun and filled out a profile. I got like 7 women trying to contact me within 12 month period. Then my s/o came along and I had to take it down for good.

 

[jcright]

Can't help but to throw in my $.02 worth.


Could be your delivery (hard to tell since I haven't read what you've written to them).

The other thing to point out is that women get swamped with letters! I have plenty of women friends that have told me that. At this point, it's definitely a matter of delivery. You're probably one out of hundreds and you have to make yourself stand out!

There are probably many other factors to take into consideration. My advice would be not to worry nor be offended. Pray to God first and let him control the rest.