Personalities in Marraige

[LifeInYou]

A few questions...

When you were courting your husband or wife was it the similarities you shared that attracted you to her/him or the differences? A little of both?
Would you say that you and your spouse are *more* similar to one another or *more* different from each other?

Does having 'too much' in common with your spouse make it more difficult to keep things exciting between the two of you?

Does having 'too many' differences between you and your spouse make it more difficult to be comfortable with one another and understand one another?

What advice would you give (to those of us who are single and have marraige in mind) regarding personalities within marraige?


For those of you who have been married more than once, which marraige worked better? The one with more similarities or the one with more differences between the two of you?

 

[lucypevensie]

Both, but the similarities were more important than the differences. We're different enough to complement each other well, but similar enough to keep things harmonious. Our similarities are the big issues (religion, beliefs, values, world view).

I don't know much else to add

 

[karla]

I would say both also. We have similar interests and agree on all the big issues, if we didn't I doubt we would have ended up married. It's the little things that make us different. He is more of a procrastinator and almost always calm, cool, and collected - laid back. I on the other hand love having things done yesterday and get more worked up over things. I'm more of a "let's throw a party and invite our friends over" and he is more of a "let's rent a movie and have a glass of wine". The best advice is to recognize those difference, appreciate them, and learn to compromise. There are times when we party it up with friends and there are times when we spend a lazy weekend bumming around the house. If you truly love the person you are with, you have to accept their imperfections and quirks just as they have to accept yours.

 

[Oroppas]

Good points by everyone so far.

Yes, I belive it is both. As I have been a marriage counselor for quite a few years I would say the most successful marriages are ones where the couple have basic things in common such as (both want kids, love God, want to have a career, etc..) but beyond that what makes a marriage fun and exciting are the differences between the two.

From what I have experienced working with many couples is that most of the successful marriages, the couple have more differences than similarities. The question to ask yourself is, "Would I want to marry someone just like myself?"

I would guess not! It makes for quite a dull relationship. Variety is the spice of life and in marriage it keeps things going where other couples would stagnate. It is wise to seek someone who will challenge you and make the marriage exciting! Embrace the differences and use them to your advantage.

To answer your questions directly:

Yes, having TOO many things in common is not as fun or 'ideal' as one would expect it to be. Again, no one wants a mirror image of them self!

Will having too many differences make things harder? Depends on the situation but remember, differences make things much more rewarding in the long run. It will cause both of you to do things you other wise would never dare to do. It will cause you both to grow beyond what you currently are. If you and your spouse are too alike you both will tend to stay within your current comfort zone.

As for people who have been married more than once. Well, many of the couples I counseled have been through more then one marriage. I would say the second time around they are more prone to look for someone different than they would normally want. The bottom line is that every marriage is different than another. But what makes them successful is if both of them are not self seeking and want to focus on being a good match for the other person rather than spending time making the other person who they want them to be.

Well, I usually do not post much since this used to be my sons account (I have since changed the password ) but if you have any more questions shoot me a PM. I would love to help!

Remember, marriage is what you make of it! Don't try too hard to make the other person who you want. Try to be the person they need! love is not self-seeking and selfish. That is when marriages fall apart! Learn to give and love the other person more than yourself! Finding that perfect man or woman does not make your marriage more successful. It's how giving the two of you are and how loving you are that will determine how far you go!
God bless and good luck!

~Casey

 

[momof3blessings]

I would say both too. When my husband and I went to premarital counceling our coucelor tried to discourage us from getting married because we were so different. But like ORROPAS said, our basics were simalar. We loved God, wanted kids, ect... Now 17 years later we are more alike then not but not by much. Our priorities are the same but our differences are enough to keep things exciting.

 

[Mistyfogg]

My husband and I have a lot of similar things. We share the same views politically, religiously, financially, career wise, etc. We are very similar, but we are interesting in our own right and we never get bored with each other. We can spend days and hours together continuously and really have an enjoyable time with each other. If my hubby and I were too different, it would be difficult for us I think.